National Lampoon’s Pledge This!

PLOT:

When a dorm toilet explodes on the first day back to school, a group of misfit girlfriends are forced to leave their housing and search for a new home. They ultimately decide on pledging a sorority. However, not many sororities are normal at South Beach University. The girls decide to pledge the most popular and exclusive sorority at the university, Gamma Gamma, which is led by president Victoria English (Hilton).

While pledging the sorority, Victoria sends the girls to do a task: collect used condoms, while searching the park, the leader of the group Gloria bumps into Victoria’s boyfriend Derek (‘baby dick’ called by Victoria) and they become close. The only reason Victoria plans to let the freshmen pledge is to display diversity, which is a requirement for the “FHM Hottest Sorority In The Country” contest. From then on, Victoria declares war on the girls during “Hell Week” but ultimately lets them join, only to kick them out once they have won the contest. This angers the leader of the misfit freshmen, Gloria. Gloria decides to quite the sorority as do her friends. Derek and Gloria realize their feelings towards each other and seal it with a kiss.

Gloria’s ex-best friend, Kristen desperate for wanting to get into Gamma Gamma convinces Gloria to come back. Gloria and her friends come back but only to declare war on Victoria by sneaking into the Gamma Gamma house and stealing embarrassing photos and video footage of Victoria to show to everyone at the Gamma Gamma victory party. She also reveals to Victoria that she and Derek love each other and before kissing him says, “Pledge This!”. Victoria becomes embarrassed and eventually makes a public apology to the freshmen. The movie ends with a giant food fight at the Gamma Gamma party, and Victoria saying that she loved her cover of “FHM” so much she bought the magazine. Gloria becomes the president of Gamma Gamma the following year. And everyone is at peace.

REVIEW:

Look, there’s no reason to even waste the time reviewing this. You see Paris Hilton is the star (and producer) of this thing…that should be a red flag.

Hilton does nothing more than parade around the entire picture making all the men in the cast act as if she’s the hottest thing on the face of the earth, which is far from the case. In most of the scenes, she’s not even the hottest woman on-screen.

The plot of this this is not a bad one, but rather is brought down by bad directing and acting. It is as simple as that. For me, it was a bit formulaic. It was quite obvious that it was the mean girl sorority against the rejects.

The filmmakers are suing Paris for not promoting this mess. I wouldn’t be proud of this crap either, but apparently, they added nude scenes to the unrated DVD release (it was never released in theaters, as originally planned), and she didn’t care for them. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m a red-blooded, straight male, but I belive the nudity kept this thing at least slightly interesting.

OK, it comes down to this. National Lampoon has steadily gone down in their movies since the days of Chevy Chase’s Vacation franchise. Van Wilder has been the only redeeming flick that has been released (that comes to mind) since then. Pledge This! is an insult to one’s intelligence. I can’t belive I sat through this entire thing. Having said that, it wasn’t as bad as Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, but its close. With every fiber of my being, I have to implore you to stay away from this flick. Unless you’re a fan of Paris Hilton, there really is no reason to waste 90 minutes of your life that you’ll never get back!

1 out of 5 stars

Planet 51

PLOT:

Outside the theater is the town of Glipforg on Planet 51, a world populated by little green aliens who live in a society reminiscent of 1950s USA. Lem (Justin Long) is a teenaged alien who has just gotten a job at the local planetarium museum, and his family and friends are excited about it. His best friend Skiff (Seann William Scott), a geeky alien teen who works at the local comic book store, is a huge fan of the “Humaniacs” films.

When Lem gets home, he asks his next door neighbor and friend, Eckle (Freddie Benedict) about Neera (Jessica Biel), who is Lem’s long-time crush. Lem’s family is holding a barbecue with the neighbors. Neera is at the barbecue, but when Lem attempts to ask her out, he keeps being interrupted by Neera’s hippie friend, Glar.

Meanwhile, a mysterious spacecraft pulls into orbit around Planet 51, sending out a blinking red signal. Down on the planet, under a hidden army base called “Base 9″, the aliens’ version of Area 51, there is a basement filled with artifacts from Earth. One artifact “wakes up” from the signal; it is a wheeled probe with artificial intelligence, named “Rover.” Rover breaks out of the basement and escapes to perform its primary mission: to find the astronaut. Its secondary mission is to collect rocks. The army becomes suspicious of Rover’s escape and begins to look into its activity.

Meanwhile, just as the barbecue starts, a spacecraft similar to the lunar module touches down right in Lem’s backyard. A NASA Astronaut (Dwayne Johnson), Charles ‘Chuck’ Baker, emerges. As Chuck plants the U.S. flag, he’s startled to step on an alien “rubber ducky” someone left on the ground. Everyone stares, and Chuck attempts to get back into his module – but Eckle is in his way, eager for an autograph. Chuck ends up running about, shocked at the revelation that he’s on an inhabited planet. Chuck goes into hiding, while the army arrives on the scene.

General Grawl (Gary Oldman) is at the head of the investigation, and consults Professor Kipple (John Cleese) on intelligence about the “alien invader.” The army then quarantines the area and has citizens start a local “civil defense” force to protect the citizens from becoming “zombies.”

Lem discovers Chuck hiding at the planetarium, and both are surprised to learn they speak the same language. Lem realizes this “alien” is no threat, and decides to help Chuck, though it costs him his job and a near arrest at the hands of the army. It becomes apparent that Chuck can’t go anywhere near his module, so Lem hides Chuck in his room for the night.

In the meantime, Rover locates Chuck. Chuck is very happy to see the robot when they reunite, though he tells Rover the probe was not helpful barely escape with Chuck before the general and his men search Lem’s room. The group somehow manages to sneak Chuck into the planetarium, and while there, Chuck admits to Lem that he never had “the right stuff.” He says that Lem was the one who had “the right stuff” all along, making risks and sacrifices just for a stranger. Chuck also shows Lem the star that Earth orbits, and how the universe is so much bigger than Lem had thought.

The next morning, the army brings in vehicles to take Chuck’s module to a secret location. Even the media isn’t allowed to tell where the spacecraft is going.

Lem and Skiff are at a loss for getting Chuck reunited with his craft, but they get an idea from the comic book store. The next night is the première of a new “Humaniacs” movie, and a costume contest will be held. Lem, Skiff, and Chuck disguise themselves as costumed fans, though Chuck gets pulled into the contest. Chuck then introduces some new music as part of the contest and teaches Lem on the spot how to dance. Things go well until Rover comes on the scene, and the aliens at the contest freak at the sight of him. Chaos ensues, and army soldiers start unmasking costumed fans, since they believe the “alien” is among them. General Grawl and Professor Kipple are there, and when the general points out that the alien is wearing a “uniform,” compared to the other costumed fans, Chuck’s United States Flag insignia is a dead giveaway.

Chuck is captured and unmasked for all to see. When Lem tries to defend Chuck and keep him from being taken away, General Grawl labels Lem a zombie, and Professor Kipple announces he will dissect both their brains. Chuck is not willing to drag Lem into this, so he pretends to “release” Lem from his control, and the crowd believes it. Both Chuck and Rover are locked into armored vehicles and taken away, and Lem is proclaimed a hero.

At Base 9, General Grawl attempts to get some answers out of Chuck, warning that if he tries taking over the minds of the soldiers in the room, a chain reaction will set off and everyone will shoot at each other and possibly be electrocuted. An acidental gunshot starts said chain reaction, but Chuck is not affected by it. General Grawl survives the electrocution and mistakes the fight as Chuck resisting his demands through his ‘zombies’, and allows Professor Kipple to have a go at dissecting Chuck’s brain.

Lem gets his job back at the planetarium and gets to speak on tv, but he cannot truly accept the honor. He feels terrible about Chuck and decides to do the right thing. He hotwires a car, and while he’s in the process, Neera comes to talk to him, admiring what he’s doing. Neera, Skiff, and Eckle join Lem as they go off to rescue Chuck. However, not only do they not know where the army took him, but they feel they can’t find the astronaut without Rover, who had also been taken by the army. But luck is on their side when the little robot shows up on the edge of town, revealing that he unscrewed all the bolts holding the armored vehicle in which he was imprisoned.

The teens have Rover act as a bloodhound, sniffing out Chuck’s trail, leading them to an abandoned gas station in the middle of the desert. They explore, and Skiff sees a “Coca-Cola” bottle in an old fridge, though when he tries to take it, it’s actually a hidden trigger that opens up the entrance to Base 9. Lem has Glar distract the soldiers guarding the base with his protest group while the rest of them sneak into the base.

In a laboratory, Chuck is strapped to a table while Professor Kipple gets ready to take his brain out. Lem and his friends break in through the ceiling, using Rover to scare away the scientists, technicians and guards. They release Chuck and immediately set off alarms by doing so.

Rover helps the group find Chuck’s ‘lunar’ module, which had been placed in a hangar, but General Grawl stops them. He warns that if the “alien” attempts to leave, the entire hangar will blow up, and reveals the place is rigged with bombs. Lem tries reasoning with Grawl, which in fact is a distraction to set off the bombs and use the confusion to help Chuck escape. Most of the soldiers flee the firestorm, and the General is knocked out amidst the falling debris. Lem, Neera, Eckle, Skiff, and Rover all get into the module, but Chuck decides he can’t leave the General to die, and rescues him from the fire.

To escape the growing firestorm, Chuck pilots the ship into orbit around the planet, allowing the alien kids to experience outer space. Kiff, Eckle, and Rover enjoy the weightlessness, General Grawl realizes that Chuck is friendly and hasn’t turned him into a zombie, and Lem finally gets to ask Neera out on a date.

Chuck pilots the module back to the planet’s surface, and although the army is ready to shoot as everyone walks out, the General stops them from shooting and says that Chuck is with him. Finally the aliens of Planet 51 get to see that Chuck is harmless and never intended to hurt anyone. Chuck lets Rover stay and become Skiff’s pet, and Chuck says goodbye to everyone on Planet 51.

After the credits Professor Kipple survived the explosion faced the two soldiers who previously encountered Chuck and Rover bring him down. Chuck leaves Planet 51 peacefully but the alien dog got on board his ship and became Chuck’s pet.

REVIEW:

So, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that this what the world would be like if things were still like they were in the 50s. Not to shabby. Take a notice at how clean everything is. Not to mention not a single mention of crime anywhere. Hmm…maybe there is something to this.

Planet 51 derives its title from the “secret” alien site, Area 51. Its kind of funny that its called planet 51, coupled with Base 9 (their equivalent of Area 51), it is really like some sort of reversed version of our world.

There are plenty of gags in this film to keep the whole family interested, though some may be a bit over younger viewer’s heads, such as the dogs which resemble the alien from the Alien movies.

There aren’t many people who can pull off playing a cocky, egotistical, astronaut, but Dwayne Johnson does just that. Remembering the kind of character he played in the WWE ring as THe Rock, I’m not really surprised, and neither should anyone else. He can pull this off with ease without blinking.

This planet has a lot of similarities with Earth, but the biggest one has to be that the military is shoot first, ask questions later. I swear…these militaries are going to do this one day and end up getting the planet blown up!

The story here, though, is the one thing that I found a little on the weak side. There wasn’t anything wrong with the tale of an aastronaut crashing ona foreign planet and has to get back to his ship…blah, blah, blah. However,aside for the fact that this was a very predictable story, it just didn’t click for some reason. I’m not really sure why, either.

Critics have bashed this film. Whatever they say and didn’t like, I didn’t see. I almost loved this film. It had some issues here and there, but it is far from being a bad picture. Of course, I may be a little biased due to the 50s setting and all. It is quite possible that this film is just underrated and underappreciated. Critics are just looking for something to bash, and they made Planet 51 their scapegoat. It’s quite sad, actually. Having said all that, this is a good family film that is far from being a waste of time. AS with any film, some are going to like and some are going to hate it, but that’s the way of the world. We all have our opinions. For me however, I really liked this flick and recommend it to and everyone.

4 out of 5 stars

The Animal

PLOT:

Marvin Mange (Rob Schneider) is a meek, uncoordinated man who dreams of being a police officer like his dad was. Instead, Marvin just works as a trainee in the evidence room of a small town police station. He tries a few times to pass the physical test to become a full-fledged police officer, but he just can’t seem to finish the obstacle course.

One day, while left alone at the station, he receives a robbery call. With all of the real policemen out at a softball game, Marvin rushes to the scene himself. Along the way, he swerves to avoid a seal in the road and crashes over a cliff. He is critically injured, but is rescued by Dr. Wilder (Michael Caton), a mad scientist who puts Marvin back together using animal parts.

Days later, Marvin is returned to his normal life with no memory of what he has just been through. Suddenly, he’s full of life. He can out-run horses, mean dogs are now scared of him, and he doesn’t need his asthma medicine anymore. He thinks it’s due to his late-night TV purchase of “Badger Milk”, which is guaranteed in the ads to make him stronger.

One day at the park, Marvin meets Rianna (Colleen Haskell) while she’s out walking dogs from her animal shelter. His animal-like tendencies are slowly taking him over. When a frisbee is thrown in his direction, he can’t control himself, and he jumps to catch it in his mouth.

He goes to the airport to talk to his friend, Miles the security guard (Guy Torry), about his problem. While there, Marvin sniffs out a man trying to hide heroin in his rectum. For uncovering a drug smuggler, Marvin is declared a hero and is made a full-fledged police officer.

As days go by, Marvin’s animal instincts are becoming stronger and stronger. He often wakes up in strange places, and subsequently, hears about animal attacks that occurred in the middle of the night. Because of these attacks, Dr. Wilder believes that Marvin is out of control. The mad scientist confronts him, takes him to his barnyard laboratory, and explains about the grafts and transplants that saved and changed Marvin’s life, and gave him remarkable animal powers with certain problematic side effects.

Later at a party thrown by the Mayor (Scott Wilson), Marvin chases after a cat and destroys everything around him in the pursuit. Marvin is fired on the spot. During his reprimand, he hears something, jumps into the nearby lake and rescues the mayor’s son using powers derived from a sea lion and a dolphin. He is swiftly reinstated.

Chief Wilson (Edward Asner) questions Marvin about the late-night attacks on farm animals, because one of witnesses made a police sketch—and it is identical to Marvin.

Rianna goes to Marvin’s house, where he has barricaded himself inside. They spend the night together, but Marvin wants to be tied up so he can’t hurt anyone anymore. In the morning, he finds himself untied, because Rianna thought he looked uncomfortable. Suddenly, the police show up outside. Another attack had happened that night, and the police have come for Marvin. Rianna convinces him to run.

Marvin escapes to the woods, where a huge chase ensues. The police have organized an angry mob into a search party to catch Marvin. While running through the woods, Marvin finds Dr. Wilder. The scientist tells him that there was another “patient” of his that is out of control, and he is in the woods looking for it.

Sgt. Sisk (John C. McGinley) confronts Marvin, and is about to shoot him. Suddenly, the other “animal” jumps from a tree and knocks Sisk down. It’s Rianna. Now, the crowd finds them both together. One man (Adam Sandler) even exclaims, “You can do it. Cut his freaking balls off!” Miles is there also, and he takes the blame for everything. He has been claiming that there is reverse discrimination with him since he’s black, and that no one wants to hold him accountable for anything. Sure enough, once the mob thinks a black man was the responsible party, they don’t care anymore, and leave, one man (Norm Macdonald) saying “I’m never gonna be part of a mob to kill a black guy, I’ll tell ya’ that.”

Marvin and Rianna get married, and have a litter of children that each look like Marvin. While watching the television, they see Dr. Wilder win the Nobel Peace Prize. He says he owes it all to his fiancee, who happens to be the same woman from the Badger Milk commercial. When she turns around to kiss him, there is a large scar shown on her back, implying that Wilder performed the experiment on her as well.

REVIEW:

I think I’m one of the few people around who actually like Rob Schenider’s movies. They aren’t the best, most thought-out, deep movies, but they are funny, and everyone needs a good laugh every now and then, right?

The Animal is a great outing for Schneider. With the exception of the Deuce Bigalow films, I think this is his best work.

The story about a hapless wannabe cop who works in the evidence room and inadvertently gets in an accident and is put back together with animal parts is awesome. Of course, with Schneider, you can count on lots of physical comedy, and that’s exactly what you’re going to get with this.

John C. McGinley was a bit over the top for my taste as Sgt. Sisk, but considering how he is in most of his roles, I really shouldn’t be surprised about this.

Colleen Haskell makes for a good female lead, especially when you consider she is not an actress, but rather a Survivor  cast off.

I didn’t particularly care for the two friends. I realize they didn’t really have any purpose other than to offer support for Marvin, but this film would have worked just as well without them, especially Guy Torry’s character who seemed to be obsessed with trying to debunk racial conspiracies. I know some people find this funny, but for me it didn’t work.

The comedy in this picture revolves almost exclusively around Schenider’s performance as an animal. He does an excellent job making the audience believe he was actually put together with animal parts, but I would have like to have seen more, but that’s just me.

I’ve read a ton of reviews about this flick, bashing the heck out of it, but at the same time saying it is still funny. You can’t deny this is a funny flick, but it is not worth bashing. Sure, it isn’t a great picture in comparison to other fine pictures, but do you actually except that from Rob Schenider? Seriously? When you see one of his films, you know what to expect, so if you’re interested, check it out.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Mannequin 2: On the Move

PLOT:

Flamboyant window dresser Hollywood Montrose (Taylor) has now been promoted to the head of Prince & Company’s visual display department. He takes on a new assistant, Jason Williamson (Ragsdale), who in times past was Prince William, the dauphin of the kingdom of Hauptmann-Koenig. One thousand years ago, he lost his beloved Jessie (Swanson) when an evil sorcerer (Kiser) turned her into a wooden icon, now known as the Enchanted Peasant Girl. As a tribute to Hauptmann-Koenig, the Enchanted Peasant Girl is being sent to Prince & Company for a window display. Jason awakens Jessie and the two get reacquainted, having a millennium of things to catch up on. But the evil sorcerer, now reincarnated as Count Gunther Spretzle, arrives on the scene to take Jessie (and a prize necklace) and hop a flight for Bermuda, with Jason as the only one who can stop him.

REVIEW:

With the way Mannequin ended, one would think if they had to do a sequel, it would pick up the story where they left off, not come up with a new story altogether, but that what they did with Mannequin 2: On the Move.

The first thing I have to say about this flick is that the story is better than the original, but the acting is so terrible that it takes away from it.

Usually in films there is maybe one or two people who catch your attention with their performance. That is not the case here. While Meshach Taylor does light up the screen with his flamboyant Hollywood and Kristy Swanson makes you fall in love with her pure innocence, neither does enough to leave you wanting more.

When they first turn her into a mannequin, she is plastic. If I’m not mistaken, they didn’t have plastic in the middle ages. What’s worse is they were claiming this was wood. There was nothing that looked anything like wood about her.

The 3 security guys that were supposed to be protecting the peasant girl just seemed to be trying too hard to be funny. They have their moments, but just come off as second-rate hybrids of Hanz and Franz and the Keystone Cops.

The Count/Sorcerer doesn’t seem to have a place in this film as anything more than a bumbling villain. Not quite sure what was up with the mile with the giant hair coming out of it, though. It was kind of gross, if you ask me.

Above all this, is the love story between a guy and his mannequin. Unlike the first one, there aren’t gags of him taking her all over the place where to everyone but him she appears as a mannequin. She is fully real when she doesn’t have the necklace on.

When it comes down to it, this film isn’t that far below its predecessor. That being said, the issues in this film can’t be overcome by this viewer, and I’m sure many of you will feel the same way. I wanted to like this flick, I really did, but it just didn’t happen. I’ve seen plenty of worse films, but this thing had no business being this average.

3 out of 5 stars

Brigadoon

PLOT:

Americans Tommy Albright (Gene Kelly) and Jeff Douglas (Van Johnson) are on a hunting trip in Scotland and become lost in the woodlands. They happen upon Brigadoon, a miraculously blessed village that rises out of the mists every hundred years for only a day. (This was done so that the village would never be changed or destroyed by the outside world.) Tommy falls in love with village lass Fiona Campbell (Cyd CharisseWhen he learns his love for Fiona will make it possible for him to remain in Brigadoon forever, he initially is willing to commit himself but backs down as the day ends and Brigadoon disappears. Back in New York City, he can think only of Fiona. He returns to Scotland. There, his great love causes Brigadoon to materialize before its appointed time. He crosses the bridge to the village and is united with Fiona forever.

REVIEW:

I’m not entirely keen on the whole Scottish heritage thing. Not that I have anything against kilts and haggis and stuff, just not my cup of tea, so the fact that I willingly chose to watch  film that is knee-deep in the lore of the land, Brigadoon, is quite intriguing, to say the least.

Fact of the matter is, this musical includes one of my favorite musical songs, “Almost Like Being in Love”. Unfortunately, the rest of the songs in this flick are rather forgettable. The one song that does sort of stick in your head, “I’ll Go Home with Bonnie Jean”, is more of a dance number with some words. Don’t get me wrong, the music is quite well written, it just doesn’t stick with you long after the songs are over.

If you take out the music, you have quite an interesting story here. A mysterious town that only appears every 100 years, two hapless chaps who happen to stumble on it and one of them falls in love with a girl in town, the townspeople can’t leave without breaking the promise that allows them and the town to live on forever. All sorts of little ins and outs like that which make this story more in-depth than you would imagine, especially for the early 50s.

I’m sure you’ve all seen flicks from yesteryear and noticed that the backgrounds are nothing more than giant paintings. Well, other than the old Batman TV show, I’ve never seen such fake backdrops as in this flick. I don’t want to make it sound as if that’s a bad thing, it adds to the charm of the picture, but at the same time, you’d think they would have found a better way to make them look a bit more un-painting-like.

If you have a film with Gene Kelly, you can rest assured you’ll get some elaborate dance numbers. This flick is no exception. While not his best work, probably because he was also the choreographer, it still shows off his mastery of the dancefloor. Couple him with Van Johnson Cyd Charisse and this could have been a true dance masterpiece if they would have let it go that way.

So, what else can I say about this film. It’s not the best musical out there, but it doesn’t suck. As a matter of fact, its well above average. There is no lull in the middle, but the final 15 minutes or so seem a bit tacked on, but that could just be me. I would recommend this to anyone who loves musicals and those who don’t. There is singing, dancing, romance, comedy, intrigue…everything anyone could want.

4 out of 5 stars

Jennifer’s Body

PLOT:

Insecure Anita “Needy” Lesnicki (Amanda Seyfried) and popular flag girl Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) have been best friends since childhood, despite having little in common. One night, Jennifer takes Needy to a local dive bar to attend a concert by indie rock band Low Shoulder. A suspicious fire engulfs the bar, killing several spectators, and Jennifer is taken by the band despite Needy’s attempts to stop her.Jennifer reveals to the band leader that she is a virgin, and the band uses her as a sacrifice to the demons, enabling popularity to their music. Jennifer’s body is quickly inhabited by a demon. Later that evening, Jennifer, covered in blood, appears in Needy’s kitchen and proceeds to eat food from the refrigerator. Unable to digest the matter, she vomits a trail of black fluid and then leaves in a hurry as Needy calls after her.

The next morning at school, Jennifer appears fine and shrugs off Needy’s concerns. While the small town is devastated by the numerous deaths caused by the fire, Jennifer seduces the school’s football captain, and then attacks him in the woods, where his bloodied corpse is found later. The band gains popularity due to their rumored heroism during the fire.

A month later, Jennifer is beginning to look pale and accepts an invitation by school punk Colin (Kyle Gallner), only to brutally kill him that night. While Needy and her boyfriend, Chip (Johnny Simmons), engage in sex, Needy senses something dreadful has happened. She leaves in a panic and almost runs over Jennifer, covered in blood. She rushes home and finds Jennifer in her bedroom who initiates physical intimacy with her and soon explains what happened after the fire: Low Shoulder took her into the woods, and offered her as a virgin sacrifice to Satan in exchange for fame and fortune. However, although the sacrifice and greedy exchange were a success, Jennifer was not a virgin, and when the lead singer Nikolai (Adam Brody) murdered her, a demonic spirit took over her body.

The next day at school, as the town is stunned by Colin’s death, Needy goes to the school library’s occult section and surmises that Jennifer is a succubus; she is weakest when she is hungry, and must eat flesh in order to sustain her life and appearance. Needy tells Chip about her discoveries and warns him not to attend the dance. He disbelieves her and she subsequently breaks up with him in order to protect him.

Chip goes to the dance, hoping to meet with Needy, but he is intercepted by Jennifer, who seduces him and takes him to an abandoned pool house. Needy arrives there and finds Jennifer feeding on Chip. Needy tries to drown Jennifer and then helps Chip out of the pool. Jennifer, hovering in the air, attacks Needy but is later stabbed by Chip with a pool skimmer. Jennifer escapes while Needy watches her boyfriend die.

Needy goes to Jennifer’s home, enters through the window and attacks her with a boxcutter. Stabbing her in the heart, she kills her. Jennifer’s mother (Carrie Genzel) comes in and finds Needy with the boxcutter on top of her daughter’s body. Soon after, Needy is committed to an asylum. As she was bitten by Jennifer, she has obtained some of Jennifer’s supernatural abilities. Set upon revenge, she escapes the facility and hitchhikes a ride to the band’s hotel; there she finds and butchers them all.

REVIEW:

Let’s face it, the on;y reason anyone would even think about watching this is to see Megan Fox. I must say that I fell into that trap, but at the same time I was curious about the film, as well.

I’m sure you’ve all read these reports on hote Megan fox cannot act. Jennifer’s Body was meant to erase that thought and prove she’s a credible actress. Good though, but t didn’t happen. Megan Fox comes off as robotic and desperate. She appears to be trying too hard to get the audience to care for her, as well as drum up some sympathy, but to no avail.

They say this is supposed to be a horror-comedy, but I didn’t find any humor in the film. As a matter of fact, it seemed as if they were trying too hard to be hip, but accomplished nothing but an epic fail.

The horror aspects of this flick do lean toward the plus side, but they don’t deliver on all cylinders. I belive this has to do with the strange mixed genre, but I just felt like they could have done so much better with it, especially since there was plenty to work with.

I didn’t quite get how/why Jennifer became a succubus. I know she explains it and all, but I think I missed something. That’s not a knock against that part of the film, as much as it is something that I missed.

Amanda Seyfried really is the perfect choice as the frumpy best-friend Needy. Some people may say that she was too hot to have this role. I’m nto one of them. While she is attractive in her own Susuan Sarandon wannabe way, but compared to Megan Fox, she did look homely, especially in that weird 80s inspired formal dress.

The story isn’t that bad, but is ruined by the bad acting of the cast. No one saves this film from its downfall into suckage, and that is such a shame because it starts out with such promise.

Critics ripped this thing a new one, and rightfully so. It just isn’t a good film. It tries too hard to be a hip and be a cult hit. It remains to be seen if it earns the latter. I try to find the good in every flick, and this film does have a few redeeming qualities, but in the end, I can’t bring myself to recommend this to anyone, except those that are juts die hard Megan Fox fan. Still, I suppose if you must watch this, you must.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Thank You for Smoking

PLOT:

Nick Naylor is the Vice President and chief spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies and the protagonist of the film, which follows his career as a talking head for Big Tobacco. Naylor appears in public speaking engagements and on television programs defending the cigarette companies. Each week, he meets with Polly Bailey and Bobby Jay Bliss, lobbyists for the alcohol and firearms industries respectively, and refers to the trio as “the M.O.D. Squad” (“Merchants Of Death”). The antagonist of the film, Senator Finisterre (D-Vermont) (William H. Macy), advocates adding a skull and crossbones label to all cigarette packaging, attempting to ward off the American people from smoking. To deal with this PR nightmare, Naylor attempts to convince big wigs in the film industry to “put the sex back in cigarettes” by making actors smoke tobacco on screen (product placement). Nick also plans to appear before the U.S. Senate to fight the packaging bill. Amidst his plans, Naylor tries to build a better relationship with his son, Joey, and has an affair with Heather Holloway, a seductive reporter with a secret agenda of her own. When Naylor’s world seems to come crashing down, his true talent as a public speaker and strategist emerge.

REVIEW:

Thank You for Smoking has been on my list of films that I’ve been putting off and putting off, but because of some weirdness wtith Netflix this week, it slipped in and I was able to watch it.

I’m going to get straight to the point with this. The film is a satirical look at how ridiculously over-the-top people have gotten with trying to curb smoking.

Aaron Eckhart has some of the best lines in the film. I’m not going to quote him, but let’s just say he says what we’re all thinking in regards to the witch hunt against tobacco companies.

Eckart leads a talented cast that includes William H. Macy, Katie Holmes, J.K. Simmons, and cameo appearances by Dennis Miller and Joan Lunden. Eckhart has all the suave and sophistication needed to pull off this role, and headline this flick. I won’t say he hold it together, though, because everyone contributes equally.

The L.A. segment if this film didn’t sit right with me. I know that his son is more or less learning what exactly his dad does for a living, but it still didn’t sit right with me that he took him out there with him. Also, the bribe of the Marlboro Man confused me a bit, but that may have been because I got a bit distracted by something else when he was convincing him.

While I didn’t love this picture, I did enjoy it. Was it worth the wait? Eh…I can’t say that, but it wasn’t a waste of time watching it, either. The subject matter alone should make you want to at least check it out, especially if you’re a smoker or have strong feelings about smoking. If you get the chance, check this out.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

40 Days and 40 Nights

PLOT:

Matt and his roommate, Ryan, are co-workers at a San Francisco dot-com company. Matt is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend, Nicole, who has just become engaged to marry. He confides to his brother, John, a priest-in-training, that he has sexual problems because of his obsession. Matt vows to go without sex, kissing, or masturbation for 40 days and 40 nights for Lent. John warns Matt that celibacy is not easy, and Ryan starts a popular office pool to bet on how long Matt can last.

Matt meets Erica, a fellow dot-com employee, and begin to date. They face many challenges in their relationship, including her discovery of his celibacy vow and Matt’s continuing feelings toward Nicole. Matt’s co-workers make many unsuccessful attempts to persuade him to have sex in order to win the pool, and as the days pass Matt’s obsession with sex grows to almost the breaking point.

Erica and Matt plan a special encounter for the 40th night to celebrate his successfully completing his vow. On the 40th day, however, a newly-single Nicole learns of the pool. She makes a large bet and rapes Matt while he is asleep dreaming of Erica, causing her to believe he was unfaithful. Matt wins Erica back by reminding her of the special moments they shared during their relationship. The movie ends with the two of them in Matt’s bedroom for many hours (with Matt’s co-workers betting on the duration of their stamina).

REVIEW:

When this film came out, I hesitated taking the girl I was dating at the time to see. for fear she may have put me on a 40 day fast, for lack of a better term. I assumed that this was some kind of chick flick, but after watching it this afternoon, I can now say that my assumption was wrong!

EXcept for some over-emotional female reaction (go figure), there is nothing chick flick-y about this.

40 days without sex. How many of us could make that, I wonder? I may or may not be able to endure. You have to admit, the premise of this flick alone is intriguing on its own. The story takes that and delivers and excellent story.

As far as romantic comedies go, this wasn’t bad. I was kind of expecting a bit more on the raunchy side, due to this being, more or less, about sex. With the exception of some of the final scenes, it didn’t come anywhere close to that, and yet, I wasn’t surprised.

The acting in this thing isn’t believable. I’ve always thought that Josh Hartnett is one of the more wooden actors in Hollywood, and he doesn’t change my perception of him with this flick, but he does seem to have more life. Shannyn Sossomon seemed to overreact to every little thing he did. I don’t know if that was how her character was written or if that was her doing, but I didn’t like it. The other side women just seemed like they were trying too hard to be sluts. Maggie Gyllenhall was wasted here, although, at the time she wasn’t a big name actress yet, I believe.

The guys in this film really pissed me off. I know that if I ever embarked on a journey like this and my friends started a pool to see how long I would last, and then some even tried to sabotage everything just to make some money, then I wouldn’t have many friends left. These guys were just pathetic, and just unlikable, with the exception of the token fat guy, who seemed liked he was there to get a laugh or two.

Of course, everything has to unravel at the end when the ex somehow takes it upon herself to attempt to ruin his life. I kind of saw that coming, especially when she all of a sudden showed up at his door and said he was making her hot, but one would think they would have found something more original to do with her than having her “rape” him.

The Catholic church didn’t approve of this film very much because they felt Lent was portrayed in a negative light. I can kind of see where they were coming from, but at the same time, they have to remember this is just a movie, and not someone trying to rewrite the Ten Commandments.

I didn’t love this film, but I did find it very likable and entertaining. There are more comedic moments than I thought there would be, but I felt it could have been a little more on the light side. Still, I believe anyone would enjoy this picture if they wanted to see it, so I recommend it to you all.

4 out of 5 stars

Radio

PLOT:

A small-town high school football coach (Ed Harris) befriends a developmentally disabled man (Cuba Gooding Jr.) nicknamed “Radio,” who has always been the target of jokes and teasing, in this heartwarming drama based on the real-life experiences of James Robert Kennedy. Although their friendship raises eyebrows at first, Radio’s growth under the coach’s guidance ultimately inspires the local townsfolk to think differently about being different.

REVIEW:

Radio is a film that I’ve been going back and forth about finally watching. The reasoning for this is because of the subject matter. My little brother is autistic, which is a developmental disability, so I knew this film would touch me, in a mater similar to the way Soul Food did.

I had no idea this was about a real person until the film’s end when they showed the real Radio (and Coach Jones). I’m not sure if that made this a better film for me, but it certainly increased the power of the story.

Acting in this film is superb. Cuba Gooding, Jr. may not have had many films lately to remind us that he is a capable actor, but if ever there was need of a reminder of his talent, Radio is it. I think this is one of his finest performances.

Ed Harris is equally as good, delivering a powerful performance as Coach Jones.

The thing about this film that I didn’t like was how it seemed to be a bit formulaic, but seeing as how it is based ona true story, I can’t really say much about that. However, with Radio doing something wrong that would turn folks against him, his mama dying, etc., it just seemed a bit predictable.

The film seems to be set in the late 70s, but one thing that didn’t get touched on, but had to have been prevalent at the time, was the racist beliefs that were still prevalent in some folks’ minds. The filmmakers probably decided not to deal with that issue, but rather focus on the developmental disability prejudice, instead.

Normally when you watch a film about football, you expect to see some good game film. Sadly, here are only 2 scenes like that, plus one with Radio alone in the stadium while its raining and he’s listening to his radio and playing in the muddy field. This does make sense, though, as this is a picture about the entire school year and Radio is not a football player, so there really is no need to dwell too much in to football like say, Rudy.

For some reason, critics felt this film was pandering and insulting. I didn’t find it that way at all. I think these critics just didn’t want to admit that this was a better film than some of the other drivel they drool over.

One thing that really got to me was how the town, save for one guy who seemed to only care about the football team winning, and nothing else, got behind Radio.

As the coach says, [sic] “…when he first arrived, he could barely talk, and now he’s reading the menu over the intercom.” Strong, powerful, fun….these are words that can best describe Radio. It is the kind of film that comes around once every blue moon that really shows what good filmmaking is. If this film doesn’t bring about some emotions in you, then you have no soul. I highly recommend it to any and all.

5 out of 5 stars

Sex & The Single Girl

PLOT:

Bob Weston is the top reporter for a sleazy, but highly profitable, tabloid magazine that owes its success to stories highlighting sex. Helen Gurley Brown is a bright and beautiful 23 year old psychologist who has authored the best-selling book “Sex and the Single Girl.” Weston realizes that Brown won’t grant him an interview because she has already been the subject of one of his exploitative articles, so he masquerades as his friend and neighbor Frank Broderick, a hosiery manufacturer henpecked by a jealous wife. After several counseling sessions as a patient with the attractive Dr. Brown complications arise when the womanizing writer starts to fall in love with the psychologist.

REVIEW:

Don’t let the title fool you, there is no sex in this picture. As a matter of fact, except for scene of Natalie Wood laying topless in her bed on her stomach and lot of kissing nad petting, there isn’t much of anything that comes anywhere near sex, but that’s ok, because this is a classic film from those days when sex wasn’t everything.

Apparently, Sex & the Single Girl is based on a book of the same name, but was loosely translated to the big screen. Having not read the book, I can’t tell you how close this was to the source material.

I am a big fan fo screwball comedies, and had heard that this was one of those. I was a little disappointed to find out it was more of a romantic comedy, but at the same time I wasn’t surprised, either.

The cast of this picture is spot on, highlighted by Tony Curtis and Natalie Wood’s stellar performances, but don’t overlook strong showings by Lauren Bacall and jazz singer Fran Jeffries.

The low point of this film is slightly before the midway point. If you’re read previous reviews of mine, you know that I am no fan of films that lull in spots. Well, guess what, that’s what happened there. I expect such from films of yesteryear, but for some reason, this just seemed to last longer than others, but it quickly picked up steam and kept rolling on until the film’s end, so that made up for that shortcoming.

As far as classics go, this could have been better, but also could have been much worse. Watching Fran Jeffries sashay across the screen and the beauty of Natalie Wood accompanied by a solidly funny story makes this film more than enjoyable. I recommend you check this out. What harm could it do?

4 out of 5 stars

A Nightmare on Elm Street

PLOT:

Tina Gray (Amanda Wyss) has a disturbing nightmare in which she is stalked through a dark boiler room by a mutilated figure with distinctive razor-sharp knives attached to the fingers on his right hand. Just as he catches her, however, she wakes up screaming, only to discover four razor cuts in her nightdress identical to the cuts in her dream.

The next day, she finds out that her friend Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) experienced a similar dream involving the same sinister figure, but Nancy is convinced that all is well. That night, Tina, Nancy and her boyfriend Glen Lantz (Johnny Depp) have a sleep-over to make the distraught Tina feel better, as she is still troubled by her nightmare. Tina’s rebellious boyfriend, Rod Lane (Nick Corri), crashes the party. He and Tina have sex in her mother’s bedroom. However, Tina has another nightmare, and this time the killer catches her and murders her brutally. Rod wakes up to find Tina being cut open by invisible knives and then dragged up the wall and across the ceiling. Rod, being the only other person in the room at the time, is accused of the murder, flees the house and is caught the next day.

Nancy then has three violent nightmares in which she is viciously stalked, then attacked, by the same terrifying figure who attacked Tina. These nightmares cause her to talk to Rod in jail, who tells her what he saw in Tina’s mother’s bedroom, and also remarks he had a nightmare involving the fiend with the “knives for fingers”. Much to the dismay of her mother Marge (Ronee Blakley), Nancy becomes increasingly convinced that the figure appearing in her dreams is the person who killed Tina. Nancy and a skeptical Glen rush to the police station late at night to talk to Rod, only to find that he’s been strangled by his own bedsheets. To everyone except Nancy, it appears to be a suicide.

Nancy’s mother takes her to a Dream Therapy Clinic to ensure she gets some sleep. Once again, she has a horrendous nightmare. This time, her arm is badly cut, but she finds that she has brought something out from her dream: the killer’s battered hat. It arouses concern, but also other feelings in Marge, who is clearly hiding a secret. Eventually, Marge, increasingly drunk, reveals to Nancy that the owner of the hat, and the killer, was a man named Fred Krueger (Robert Englund), a child murderer who killed at least twenty children over a decade earlier. Furious, vengeful parents burned him alive in his boiler room hideout when he was released from prison on a technicality due to an improperly signed search warrant. Now, it appears he is manipulating the dreams of their children to exact his revenge from beyond the grave. Nancy’s mother, however, reassures Nancy that Krueger can’t hurt anyone, pulling Krueger’s bladed glove from a hiding place in the furnace as proof. Eventually, Marge installs bars on all the windows and begins to lock the door as “security”.

Nancy and Glen devise a plan to catch Krueger, but when Glen falls asleep that night he is pulled into his bed and regurgitated as a spew of gore and bone. Nancy is left alone with Krueger after pulling him out of her dream into the real world. She runs around her house and forces him to run into booby traps she had set earlier. After setting Krueger on fire Nancy locks him in the basement and finally gets her father, police lieutenant Donald Thompson (John Saxon) and the rest of the police to help. After discovering that Krueger has escaped and that fiery footsteps lead upstairs, Nancy and her father witness Krueger smothering Marge with his flaming body, disappearing to leave her corpse to sink into the bed. After sending her father away, Nancy faces Krueger on her own and succeeds in destroying him by turning her back on him and draining him of all energy.

The scene changes to the next morning as Nancy gets in a car with Glen and the rest of her friends, on their way to school. Krueger possesses the car just as she gets in. The car drives away with Nancy screaming for her mother, and Marge being pulled through the door window by Krueger’s bladed hand.

REVIEW:

In case you haven’t figured out by now, this is about the REAL A Nightmare on Elm Street, and not the forthcoming bastardized remake that is going to do nothing but spit in the face of the legacy that this film and its subsequent sequels forged.

This film stands in the pantheon of great slasher flicks, and can be credited with ushering in a new wave of horror. Unfortunately, I didn’t find this scary at all. I say this, remembering that when I saw A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 when I was about 8 or so, it scared the living bejesus out of me, so mayhaps its just the age thing.

For a flick that introduces us to a new character, Freddy Krueger, this isn’t half bad. The audience is treated to lots of suspense, gore, and a hint at his origin. I’m sure some out there will say there coul have been more on his origin. Sure that could have been great, but you have to save something.

Anybody with a half a brain knows that you don’t look to horror films to find the next Meryl Streep or Gregory Peck. Surprisingly, though, you can find the next, or should I say, original Johnny Depp. Yes, Depp made his big screen debut with this film. You can tell he is bound for bigger and better things, though.

The special effects really make this flick. Everything from the girl getting killed on the ceiling to Freddy’s gloved hand coming out of the bed to snatch Nancy’s mother, to the gushing of blood from Johnny Depp’s bed, to other moments that I haven’t mentioned. Without these, this would have been a much less interesting flick.

A couple of thing bothered me about this picture. First, why did Johnny Depp’s character’s parents, or should I say his father, decided that he wasn’t allowed to talk to Nancy. Indirectly, they caused his death. I hope they’re happy about that. Second, why didn’t anyone seem to believe the kids, especially when more and more of them started being picked off. You’d think someone would have noticed.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is one of the all-time great slasher flicks, and is a bit underrated. THat may be a result of the lesser quality sequels that came along and killed the franchise. In the same way that Jaws made you afraid to go in the water, A Nightmare on Elm Street made you afraid to sleep.

4 out of 5 stars

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

PLOT:

Set in London just prior to World War II, the film is about a middle-aged, strait-laced vicar’s daughter and governess Guinevere Pettigrew, who has been fired from her fourth job. When employment agency head Miss Holt implies she won’t help her, the destitute Miss Pettigrew leaves the office with an assignment intended for a colleague, unaware that flamboyant American singer/actress Delysia Lafosse (Amy Adams) wants a social secretary rather than a nanny.

Arriving at the luxurious penthouse apartment where Delysia is staying, Miss Pettigrew quickly discovers the younger woman is involved with three men — penniless and devoted pianist Michael Pardue, who has just been released from prison; wealthy and controlling Nick Calderelli, who owns the nightclub where she is performing; and young theatre impresario Phil Goldman, who is in a position to cast her in the lead role in a West End play. As she tries to help Delysia sort through her various affairs, Miss Pettigrew is swept up into the world of high society. She is given a makeover by her new employer, and at a fashion show hosted by fashion maven Edythe Dubarry, she meets and feels attracted to lingerie designer Joe Blomfield, who’s involved in a tempestuous relationship with Edythe.

In the course of twenty-four hours, Guinevere and Delysia become fast friends and help each other achieve their romantic destinies. After a series of complications like those in screwball comedies of the 1930s and ’40s, Delysia and Michael sail for New York City aboard the Queen Mary and Miss Pettigrew is found in Victoria Station by Joe, who is convinced that she is the woman for him, and has been looking for her all night. They leave the station together, arm in arm.

REVIEW:

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day reminds me of what I thought the Bridget Jones films would be. This film has more comedy than drama in it, and it is that trait that really endears the film to my tastes.

Starring Amy Adams and Frances McDormand as two women who couldn’t be more different from fire and ice, the chemistry between these two is surprisingly refreshing. One would never think that they would work so well as a team. On top of that their characters play off each other very well and the audience really can believe their performances.

The men in this flick are understated, but since this is about the two women, are you surprised? Lee Pace is probably the best of the bunch. His character has the most depth and is the best person. There is also the little matter of the audience falling in love with him for the way he was treated by Delysia. Of course, these days it could just be that we still feel sorry for him for the wat ABC unceremoniously cancelled Pushing Daisies, but I won’t go there.

Ciaran Hinds’ relationship with Frances McDormand really lights up the screen, especially when they finally give in and just go with it. I would say it is a shame that it took so long for them to get this going ,but the buildup makes it that much more believable.

Comedy-wise, the first half of this film is almost a clinic is the slapstick comedy of this time period. However, the second half of this flick seems to forget that this is intended to be a comedy, albeit a romantic one. In other words, we have here, in essence, two films, and it really turns the viewer off because of the inconsistent tone, for lack of a better term.

This is such a cute little film, I can’t belive I haven’t watched it before now. Amy Adams is perfectly cast as Delysia LaFosse. Aside from trying to be a redheaded Marilyn Monroe, it was almost as if she was made for this time period. The love triangle(s) add a little bit of a twist that keep the film from going into humdrum monotony. Obviously, this is not a flick I would watch week in and week out,but it is one I wouldn’t object to seeing every now and then. Why not check it out for yourself and see what you think?

4 out of 5 stars

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

PLOT:

Terrence McDonagh (Nicolas Cage), is a New Orleans Police Sergeant. While cleaning out a locker after Hurricane Katrina, he notices that a prisoner may not have been transferred. When he finds the prisoner about to drown, he mocks him before eventually jumping in the water to save him. He is promoted to lieutenant and given a medal for his work, but has suffered a serious back injury because of the rescue. As a result, he is prescribed Vicodin which he will be needing to take for pain for the rest of his life.

The film moves ahead six months. McDonagh is now not only addicted to painkillers, but several drugs including cocaine and marijuana. He has convinced a person that works in the police department to bring him drugs sent to the evidence room. His girlfriend Frankie, a prostitute, also does cocaine and they often share drugs. He has also become estranged with his father, a recovering alcoholic who can only bring himself to attend to his Alcoholic Anonymous meetings and nothing else, and his alcoholic stepmother. Over the course of the movie, he uses his position as an officer to bully people and steal more drugs. He also finds Frankie beaten by one of her clients, and threatens him.

McDonagh has been assigned to investigate a murder scene, where six illegal immigrants from Senegal were executed. Information comes in that leads them to a delivery boy who was an auditory witness, and through his details and evidence they deduce the people were killed for selling drugs in a gang leader’s neighborhood. The gang leader Big Fate has two associates: Midget and G. They are both arrested, leading to Big Fate willingly coming to the police station with his lawyer. As they try to get enough evidence to convict Big Fate, their witness goes missing. McDonagh finds his grandmother, who works at a nursing home, and almost kills an old woman trying to find out where the witness has gone. The old woman sent him to Europe so he could avoid getting involved in gang affairs.

In addition to dealing with the murder investigation, McDonagh gets in trouble with his bookie for not paying his debts. What money he had was given to a very powerful figure in the community, who is a friend of a man McDonagh threatened earlier. He now requests an exorbitant amount of money as compensation, and gives McDonagh two days to get it. As a result of his treatment of the old woman, McDonagh is temporarily removed from duty and placed in the evidence room. Angry, he goes to Big Fate and they become partners, with McDonagh supplying police information so he can get enough money to pay his debts to the bookie and the figurehead. McDonagh pays his bookie, and the figurehead is killed when he threatens McDonagh and Big Fate in Big Fate’s home.

To celebrate their partnership, McDonagh implores Big Fate to smoke pure cocaine with his “lucky crack pipe”. He does, and McDonagh later plants the pipe at the murder scene. The department uses this new evidence to arrest Big Fate and his cronies, but when they are alone, McDonagh’s partner attempts to simply kill Big Fate, as he does not want him to have the chance to escape conviction. McDonagh is outraged at the concept and arrests Big Fate, showing that despite his addictions he still performs his duty as an officer. McDonagh is promoted to Captain.

The film ends one year later. McDonagh appears to be sober, as Frankie and his parents have done so, but it turns out he is still doing cocaine. He meets up with the prisoner he saved at the beginning of the film, and the man says that McDonagh saved his life, and he has been sober for almost a year, and offers to help McDonagh finally escape his own addiction. McDonagh, high on cocaine, simply asks “Do fish dream?” The film ends with the two men in an aquarium, sitting against a fish tank.

REVIEW:

Nicolas Cage has made some…um…intersting films before, but this one is just flat out odd at points.

I chose to watch this flick this week because it was suggested as a film that was so bad, it was good. However, this was not the case.

This picture seemed to be caught in that soupy mix of not knowing whether it wants to be serious, a spoof, or whatever. I don’t have a problem with mixing tones, if it can be done well. Sadly, that is not the case here.

There are total random moments that make no sense, such as alligators in the middle of the highway, iguanas singing, disembodied souls dancing. These are all things that make you sit back and say WTF?!?

The pacing of this thing is horrible. After the first half hour or so, I found myself constantly looking at my watch, wondering how much longer this thing was going to go on.

To make things worse, just as it seems as if this film was about to pick up ad get interesting, it suddenly decides to start wrapping everything up in a nice little bow. Normally, I don’t have a problem with this, but for some reason, it just didn’t feel right for this film.

Xzibit surprised me in this film, as I had no idea he could act. I knew he could rap and host Pimp My Ride, but not act, so it was good to see him do something else. I believe that he even upstaged Nicolas Cage.

Speaking of Cage, there are moments that you would think this character was written specifically for him, and other times when you wonder what he was doing taking this role. I seriously wondered if he was trying to be Al Pacino, because there are times, especially with this character’s back issues, that he reminded me of Bog Boy Caprice, and other that he sounded like he could have been a Corleone.

Eva Mendes brings a bit of eye candy to the screen, but not much else, until the part where she gets hit by a customer, which spawns a whole new set of problems for Cage’s character.

This film is not without its problems, but there are too many of them to ignore. I wish I could say that I enjoyed this flick, but I didn’t. It plodded along, didn’t keep my interest, and just wasn’t very good. Apparently this is a remake, so that might be another reason that I don’t care for it, but I just found this out a few minutes ago. Do I recommend this to anyone? No, trust me, it isn’t worth the time. Stay away if you can.

2 out of 5 stars