D.O.A.: Dead or Alive

PLOT:

The film opens at temple of princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki). Hayabusa informs her of the death of her brother. Not wanting to believe, she leaves the temple and becomes an outcast shinobi. Before leaving she is confronted by Ayane (Natassia Malthe) who states that if Kasumi leaves, she is honor-bound to kill her. Jumping the wall of the temple Kasumi catches a flying shuriken on which the words “You are invited to DOA” appear. Out at sea, Tina (Jaime Pressly) is on her yacht, arguing with her father on the phone about professional wrestling. A gang of pirates (led by Robin Shou) pull alongside and try to take her boat. Tina defeats them and a DOA shuriken pierces the side of her boat.

In a Hong Kong hotel, Christie (Holly Valance) is being questioned by a number of policemen after a theft of diamonds. Wearing only a towel, she manages to disarm and defeat all of them and then leaves the building, driving off on a motorcycle. All the while she is observed by Maximillian Marsh (Matthew Marsden). While driving she receives her own shuriken.

The three girls are amongst a number of invited fighters, including Tina’s father Bass (Kevin Nash) and Max, on a plane going to DOA island. On the plane they’re informed by Helena that in order to reach DOA island they must jump off with parachutes and get to the compound by sundown. Quite coincidentally the three girls land close to one another, and must work together to climb a giant Buddha statue when Kasumi realizes it’s getting late. At the compound the fighters go on to meet Dr. Victor Donovan (Eric Roberts), the organizer of this year’s DOA, who explains about the $10 million prize money, and some of the history about the tournament.

Each fighter is analyzed in a lab to show their strength, and are all injected with nanobots which record their abilities. Weatherby (Steve Howey), who operates all the technical equipment, oversees all of this. After all fighters are issued with ID bracelets, which beep and show the name of the wearer’s next opponent in the tournament, the confrontations soon begin, with Tina, Christie, Gen Fu (Fang Liu), Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi), Helena Douglas (Sarah Carter), Bayman (Derek Boyer), Zack (Brian J. White) all progressing to round two.

Meanwhile, Kasumi recalls her brother, Hayate (Collin Chou) and how he once saved her from ruthless kidnappers. After saving her, she remembers his face when a DOA shuriken came to him. Before her first round fight, Donovan is happy to see Kasumi; Donovan explains that Hayate was defeated by Leon the previous year, falling from the top of a cliff with his body never to be found. After some more reflection, Kasumi finds herself also matched against Leon (Silvio Simac); however, she soon defeats him, realizing that if she can win so easily, Leon could not possibly have beaten Hayate.

Some time later, Hayabusa and Kasumi have both progressed to the semi-final stage of the tournament, and all combatants take a time-out to let off steam. A volleyball tournament takes place down on the beach (As reference to DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball), with Kasumi and Tina against Helena and Christie. Meanwhile, Hayabusa explores Donovan’s compound whilst all eyes are on the game, but is soon captured by the building’s booby traps. At the beach, the game abruptly ends when the ball is struck down by a throwing star (and the ball is popped), and Kasumi realizes that Ayane is calling her out.

They fight each other in the bamboo treetops, and Kasumi pleads for Ayane’s help to find Hayate, pointing out that when he deserted the clan, she never pursued him out of love. Ayane coldly replies that he was different, and that Kasumi should come to terms with his death. Their confrontation ends with the arrival of the other girls, prompting Ayane to flee.

With the recreation time over, the tournament resumes with Tina being matched against Zack. The two fight at the forbidden square and Tina defeats him.

The result leaves a showdown between Helena and Christie. Before the fight, Max and Christie discuss how a source had said “Helena is the key” to finding the Douglas vault somewhere on the island which contains over $100 million. In a dramatic beach fight in the rain, Christie notices a tattoo on the back of Helena’s neck. Despite being caught off guard by the image, Christie still manages to overpower Helena, leaving her lying unconscious on the wet sand, and progressing to the semi-finals of the tournament.

Returning to Max, she recalls and deciphers the cryptic image, showing the location of the vault to be in the Buddha head statue. With a new round beginning, Tina, Christie and Kasumi wonder where Hayabusa has gone, and go looking for him at Donovan’s compound. However, they themselves fall into a trap and are also captured.

It turns out that Donovan is planning to harvest the nanobots from the four best DOA fighters, creating a technology where the host will be able to predict and adapt to any fighting style and therefore defeat any combatant. The technology had been Weatherby’s, who had no idea Donovan would use it against fighters’ wills, as well as for profit.

Weatherby, who has fallen in love with Helena, reveals to her that her father had objected to the idea and following his objections was killed. After being comforted by Weatherby about her failure against Christie, Helena gains new resolve to stop Donovan. Fighting through all his security forces, the two make it to the compound and prevent Donovan from broadcasting the technology to buyers around the world. Meanwhile, Max finds the Douglas vault and breaks the code, but is interrupted by Bayman, who under Donovan’s command knocks out Max and takes the cash.

Donovan downloads the DOA program onto special sunglasses. He reveals that he captured Hayate a year ago and much to everyone’s surprise, frees him. He challenges Hayate to one fight, in which the technology allows him to effectively predict every move Hayate makes and kicks him through the backwall of the compound.

Donovan is about to send the DOA program to buyers across the globe when Weatherby stops him and contacts the CIA. Sometime later, Donovan sets the compound on self-destruct, which Weatherby tried to stop, but the self-destruct sequence was irreversible. Weatherby unlocks the harvest pods to free the four semi-finalists, and Helena also manages to hold off Donovan for a small time. With all the fighters freed, the girls join forces to take on Donovan as he attempts to escape in a four-on-one fight.

Also, Ayane is still looking for Kasumi when she sees Hayate. Ayane is happy to see Hayate still alive, and they hug each other.

Meanwhile, Hayabusa fends off Bayman with the help of Weatherby and Max, and Hayate is aided by Ayane. After a tough fight, Christie manages to knock off Donovan’s glasses, preventing him from using the DOA program. Kasumi and Hayate then finish him off when Hayate knocked the plank on which Donovan was standing thus bursting the cell in the leg and Kasumi putting a needle in the back of his neck, making him paralyzed, thus rendering him to lose control over his body. In the final moments, all the combatants jump off the cliffside to the water, whilst Weatherby, Max and Hayabusa take an escape hatch. The compound explodes, killing Donovan.

Managing to gain a boat (humorously from the same pirates that attacked Tina earlier in the movie), the group escapes DOA island. Back at Kasumi’s palace, the five female fighters join forces against the warrior guards on the steps of the palace. There is a cut in the frame, then the results of the fight is shown – the five of them managed to slaughter the entire population of guards in the palace.

REVIEW:

This was recommended to me by a friend. This friend has, shall we say, questionable tastes in movies, so I tread lightly when it comes to his recommendations, but this one turned out to be a really good choice.

The best way I can describe tis film is that it is a mix of Mortal Kombat and the Charlie’s Angels movies.

Apparently, this is based on a video game. I have never played it, so I can’t tell you how close it stuck to the story and all that jazz, but it seems like it played up the story more than the fighting, which was really a bummer for me, since one of the reasons I decided to check this out was for some good, old-fashioned acting.

Many times films with extremely hot female leads use them for one thing…sex appeal. DOA: Dead or Alive does just this, as the actresses in the lead roles spend a good chunk of the picture wearing next to nothing, showing off their extremely taught bikini bodies.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar photshoot, so their bodies aren’t enough to sell the flick. There has to be some acting done.

The acting is ok, but could be leaps and bounds better. The worst culprit has to be Devon Aoki, as well as Natassia Malthe. Their scenes together remind me of a roach squirming around after its been sprayed with Raid…painful to watch, but at the same time you can’t turn away. I think that has more to do with the fact that Aoki is usually a silent martial arts expert of some sort in her films.

Women aren’t the only thing in this film, but much in the matter as Bow is only there for quote purposes, the men in this picture exist only to add some testosterone to this otherwise estrogen laden cast. The only exception, would be Eric Roberts, who is the film’s major antagonist.

Let’s be honest here, of there’s a plot to this picture is virtually non-existant. Sure, there is some sense of a plot in there somewhere, but it doesn’t really matter. The focal point of this picture is the women in bikinis and the fight scenes. If you take those out, then what is the point of even bothering to watch? DOA: Dead or Alive is the kind of film that doesn’t make you think, but rather just have fun. Isn’t that what movies are truly for anyway?

5 out of 5 stars

Ninja Assassin

PLOT:

Raizo (Rain) is raised by the Ozunu Clan to become one of the most lethal Special Ops ninja assassins in the world. As a child, Raizo experiences severe training under the guidance of his “father”, Lord Ozunu (Sho Kosugi): he is whipped and/or cut whenever he fails and is encouraged to hurt his ninja kin for their training failures. The only kindness he ever receives is from a kunoichi (female ninja), Kiriko (Anna Sawai).

As they grow older, Kiriko and Raizo develop a romantic bond, however Kiriko’s desire to leave the Ozunu Clan for freedom is greater.

One stormy night, Kiriko decides to escape from the clan. She encourages Raizo to join her, but he decides to stay. They kiss and she then climbs over the wall to freedom; only to be caught and brought back by her ninja kin. Branded as a traitor, Kiriko is executed (a katana through her heart) by her elder ninja brother Takeshi (Rick Yune). As a result of Kiriko’s death, Raizo begins to harbor resentment and doubt towards the clan.

After completing his first assassination, Raizo is instructed by Lord Ozunu to execute an escaped kunoichi like Kiriko. He rebels against his master by slashing his face with a Kusarigama and fights against his ninja kin. Barely surviving, he escapes by falling into a nearby pool. Raizo recovers and begins to intervene in Ozunu hits by foiling their attempts.

While staying in Berlin and waiting for Ozunu’s next move, Raizo rents a small apartment where he secretly continues to refine his training until it is time to act.

Meanwhile, Europol agent Mika Coretti (Naomie Harris) has been investigating money linked to political murders and finds that it is potentially linked to the Ozunu Clan. She defies her superior, Ryan Maslow (Ben Miles), and retrieves secret agency files to find out more. The clan, finding out about the investigation, attempts to assassinate her but she is rescued by Raizo.

Mika convinces Raizo to meet with Maslow for protection and to provide evidence against the ninja clan, but Raizo is intercepted by a task force for interrogation. Mika feels betrayed that Maslow would trick her that way, but Maslow secretly assures Mika that he is still on her side and gives her a tracking device for emergencies. While Mika warns Maslow of the dangers of keeping Raizo, the Ozunu ninja infiltrate their secret base and slaughter all the officers.

Mika frees Raizo and he lures the ninja away as Mika tries to escape. Raizo kills and fends off as many ninja as he can while Takeshi continues to trail him. He and Mika manage to escape but Raizo suffers mortal wounds around his stomach. Resting in a private area, Mika implants the tracking device into Raizo. Unable to fend against the clan, she hides outside the hotel until special forces arrive to help her. By that time, the ninja have recovered Raizo and taken him back to their base, bringing him before Lord Ozunu for prosecution.

While hidden inside a steel locker Raizo uses his healing techniques to heal all major injuries before being reunited with his “father.” Lord Ozunu decides to have Raizo executed as an example but is infuriated by Raizo’s defiance to the end; Ozunu strikes against Raizo’s internal organs, causing him to spit out the tracking device.

Europol Special Forces Counter-Terrorism tactical teams led by Maslow storm the hidden Ozunu base and kill most of the ninja in the court yard. Takeshi and Raizo face each other in the burning Ozunu training hall. Raizo slays Takeshi and confronts Lord Ozunu in a sword duel. While Ozunu initially has the upper hand, Mika, fearing for Raizo’s life, distracts and shoots Ozunu with her pistol.

Before Raizo can recover, Lord Ozunu stabs Mika in the heart. Emotionally ravaged, Raizo uses the ‘shadow blending’ technique for the first time and finishes off Ozunu. Mika, seemingly fatally wounded, is in fact saved by a quirk of birth: her heart is on the opposite side of her chest. Mika and Europol leave the destroyed Ozunu compound while Raizo stays behind. Symbolically, he climbs the same wall Kiriko did all those years ago and looks out at the surrounding countryside. Recognizing his freedom for the first time in years, Raizo smiles, ending the film.

REVIEW:

I’m more of a samurai fan rather than ninja, but a good ninja flick will always get my attention. The trailers for Ninja Assassin had me from the get-go (although the title left something to be desired).

The story of this film is really simplistic. Guy gets trained at some Japanese school and while there he gets betrayed by his “brother”. Fast-forawrd a certain number of years and its time for revenge. No big, there. Interspersed with all this are flashbacks that show us how he grew to become a ninja, as well as his growing hatred for his “father”.

This film is all but bathed in blood. However, it’s not horror movie blood, but rather the obviously fake stuff that is a bright red. I didn’t have a problem with this, as it lightened up the film a bit, as well as made the blood a bit more apparent.

The martial arts scenes are the highlight of this picture, and no doubt what you wanted to see when you chose this flick. They don’t disappoint, and they don’t waste any time by using that bullet time stuff.

A big surprise on the cast for me was Naomie Harris. If the name doesn’t sound familiar. Check out the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean films. She plays Tia Dalma, but seeing her here, you wouldn’t know it. She has meat on her bones, and with the exception of being an agent who thinks ninjas are wrong, she is actually quite the interesting, likable character.

Ninja Assassin is not the kind of picture you watch when you’re in the mood for some Academy-Award winning performances nd whatnot, but it is a good popcorn flick. The fast paced action and bright red blood make for an extremely entertaining flick. I highly recommend this flick to any and everyone.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Paleface

PLOT:

Someone is selling guns to the Indians and in order to find the culprit Calamity Jane and a secret agent go undercover posing as man and wife. When the agent is killed Jane recruits a new husband — none other than innocent dupe “Painless” Peter Potter, a totally inept dentist and confirmed coward who’s main goal is to leave the barbaric west far behind. When their wagon train is attacked by the Indians it’s Jane’s sharpshooting that saves the day, but she gives the credit to Potter making him an instant hero to the townspeople and instant target to both the Indians and the gunrunners

REVIEW:

 You’d think an old soul like myself would be a bit more well-versed in Bob Hope films, but that is not the case. As a matter of fact, aside from the occasional cameo appearances, this is the first film I”m seen him in. However, that does not mean I’m not familiar with his work.

Hope is the comic relief of the film, as well as the star. Without him as the bumbling Painless Potter, this picture drifts off into boredom.

Jane Russell brings a mixture of beauty and toughness to the film. I found her character intriguing, especially for this time, as she is playing a tough gal top Hope’s wimpy guy. I dunno, I guess that took me a bit by surprise, or that I was expecting her to be the damsel n distress.

The plot of this film is the weakness. It isn’t bad, per se, but it does get a bit convoluted and loses the audience. As I said before, Hope is the star of the film, and the focus of the film is placed on him rightfully so. However, they try to develop Jane so much that it ends up being too much, and loses the audience.

As far as classic comedies go, this isn’t bad, but I expected more. I guess I shouldn’t since Bob Hope is the only comedian in the cast, but I did expect more, and just didn’t get it. As I said before, the film more or less tanks without him. However, there are enough redeeming moments to keep it flying in the average range. I wouldn’t rush out to watch it, but if you get the chance, go ahead and check it out.

3 out of 5 stars

Mannequin

PLOT:

Jonathan Switcher (McCarthy) is a struggling artist who goes from one dead-end job to another. This all changes when he sees a mannequin (Cattrall) that he had created before. He finds work at the department store displaying her, and befriends a flamboyantly gay co-worker named Hollywood Montrose (Taylor) while still managing a girlfriend, Roxie Shield (Carole Davis)While having to dodge the store’s autocratic vice president (Spader), who is also working with Illustra, and his dimwitted security guard (Bailey), the mannequin comes to life. The mannequin, “Emmy”, was actually once Emahasure, a real-life woman from ancient Egypt. Her beauty, love and imagination inspire Switcher to become the best window dresser in town. Emmy and Jonathan have to fight through a lot, including the fact that she is alive only when just Jonathan can see her, which makes their relationship difficult.

However, when the other competing department store, Illustra, gets fewer and fewer customers because of the popularity of Jonathan’s display windows, everything starts to change. They first try to persuade him, through Roxie, to work there and when that does not work, the vice president and security guard decide that they must steal the mannequin from the store. They end up having to steal all the mannequins since they could not identify Emmy from the others. When Jonathan finds out she is gone, he must fight through security guards and machines to save her. When he finally saves her, they both find out that because of their true love anything is possible, including a real live Emmy and a happy ever after.

REVIEW:

This is one of the films from the 80s that have very find memories of. Many of my peers have been watching films from this era and say they have lost their lustre. This is not the case for me. Sure, Mannequin isn’t the critics’ darling, but who actually listens to what they say, really?

What makes Mannequin work is the simplistic story. A mannequin comes to life for the guy that put her together and once they find true love, she becomes a real person. Unfortunately, there is a plothole with the whole Egyptian thing and how it is that no one else can see her. The not being seen by anyone didn’t bother me, but the Egyptian thing left me scratching me head and wondering, why?

Kim Cattrall may now be one of the living definition of cougar, but she was quite fetching back in the day and very believable in this role. Although her acting isn’t that great, it doesn’t have to be in this role. All she has to do is run around helpless, make goo goo eyes at Andrew McCarthy and smile.

The villains of this picture make no sense. There is the ex-girlfriend who got all pissed off because Jonathan was spending time with a mannequin that made him happy. The bad thing about her is that he wouldn’t have had to find comfort in the mannequin’s arms had she been more caring. THe president of Illustra just doesn’t seem like he’s anything more than an actor playing a bad guy (not even worth calling him a villain). James Spader is a bit of a redeeming quality, as he portrays a convincing kiss ass slime ball, but his motives left me a bit curious.

Meschach Taylor steals the show as Hollywood, what with his flamboyant shades and flaming style. Estelle Getty proves she can do more than be Sofia on The Golden Girls, and is just as lovable.

The climactic scene in this film is a bit predictable, but it works, especially since the villains get arrested for stealing and destroying property.

Mannequin isn’t the greatest film in the world, but for 80s chic it is pretty good. The soundtrack alone is a selling point for me, especially the Oscar nominated “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”. This is one film that while many of us love, others have totally forgotten. If you’re one of the latter,  or haven’t seen it all, why not check it out? Who knows? You may actually like, or dare I say, love it!

4 out of 5 stars

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant

PLOT:

16 year old Darren and best friend Steve go to a traveling freak show, Steve recognizes one of the performers as a vampire. After the police shut down the show, they both get separated. Steve goes to the vampire Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) and tries to convince him to make Steve into a vampire. Crepsley refuses, and Steve swears to kill the vampire and leaves. Darren, who is hiding in the cupboard after stealing Crepsley’s spider, hears the whole thing.

When Crepsley realizes that Madam Octa has been stolen, Darren runs away. Outside there is a limo waiting for him, which he is told to get into. Inside he meets Desmond Tiny (Michael Cerveris) and mad vampaneze Murlough (Ray Stevenson). They drop him off at his house where he sneaks back into his room.

The next day at school, Darren has hidden the spider in his locker, and Steve hears him talking to her, and forces Darren to show her to him. As Steve tries to take a look at Madam Octa, she escapes and bites him. Darren goes to Crepsley to ask for the antidote. Crepsley tells Darren that if Mr. Tiny wants him then he’ll end up dead or worse, but by becoming a half vampire he will be safer. Darren agrees when crepsley says he will save Steve on condition he agrees to change, Darren is then blooded. They administer the antidote to Steve, after which Darren sounds the hospital alarm forcing Crepsley to leave without him. Darren nearly feeds on his sister and realises he can’t stay around his family he agrees to leave with Crepsley, to the Cirque du Freak. He fakes his own death and a funeral is held for him. Steve notices the scars on Darrens fingers and realises he has become a vampire.

When Crepsley digs up Darren’s grave they are attacked by Murlough, who wants to capture Darren and bring him to Tiny to make him into a vampanese instead. They lose Murlough and return to the Cirque. Darren meets and befriends the snake boy Evra Von (Patrick Fugit) and Rebecca (Jessica Carlson), the monkey girl. On instruction from Mr. Tiny, they are spied on by Little People, who were told to follow Darren and report back anything unusual. As Steve is contemplating suicide, Mr. Tiny stops him and offers him a chance to become a Vampaneze like Murlough. Tiny learns Daren has not fed and sends vampanese after him knowing that he will be weak. Darren escapes so they kidnap Rebecca and have Evra tell Darren to go home.

Steve has Murlough capture Darren’s family. Darren arrives home to find his family missing and a flier for Cirque du Freak. Crepsley learns where Darren went and goes after him. Darren arrives at the theater, where Murlough and Steve are waiting for him. Steve offers Darren a chance to join them, which Darren refuses. They fight but Darren is weak from not feeding. Crepsley arrives to fight Murlough. Rebecca frees herself while Mr. Tiny watches from the balcony, and offers Darren some of her blood. He agrees and fights with Steve using his new powers. Crepsley stabs Murlough and with his dying words anounces that the truce between the two clans is broken. Steve and Darren fight. Tiny stops them and then turns Murlough into a Little Person. Tiny and Steve then leave.

When they all return to the Cirque Du Freak, Darren is voted in by the Cirque’s members to stay. Later, Gavner Purl (William Defoe) comes to inform Crespley that they must travel to Vampire Mountain tomorrow morning. Darren and Evra return to their tent to find out that Darren now has a new coffin with speakers installed in it, a present from Crepsley. It ends with Darren saying that he not only lives with freaks, but he is one too.

REVIEW:

A friend of mine told me about the book on which this film is based on last year. When I looked up some info on them, I saw that they were making a movie about them down the road in New Orleans. Now that I’ve seen the movie, I think I may just have to read the books.

This is not your typical vampire film. There are no scenes of blood and guts, and you won’t see any overly emotional glittery vampires either. As a matter of fact, this is more about the relationship between two former best friends, both of whom just happened to have become vampires…well, a vampire and a vampaneze.

I like how the vampire lore takes a backseat to the story here. Other than the basic “orientation” that Crepsley gives Darren, you don’t really hear too much about the vampiricity.

John C. Reilly surprised me with this role. I’ve seen him in serious roles before, such as Chicago, but he is not the first person I would have chosen to play a vampire such as Larton Crepsley. Having said that, he did a good job, and even brought a hint of comedy to it, although I belive this character is more on the serous side.

Two choices for characters I didn’t quite understand and felt that they were wasted, unless this becomes a franchise and they are used more in later installments, were Salma Hayek and Orlando Jones as Madame Truska and Alexander Ribs, respectively. Salma, I can understand being used more of as eye candy, especially, since many of her costumes were corsets that pushed up her already ample bosom, but Orlando didn’t really make much sense since he didn’t really provide any comic relief, but rather was just a character. The same could be said for Jane Krakowski’s character.

I don’t know how close to the the actual book this films stayed, but it was a pretty good story, in my opinion. I just wish they would have found a more convincing Darren. Something about this kid reminds me of DJ Qualls. I’m not gonna deny that it appears that Darren is supposed to be the nerdy type, and this guy fits that bill, but his acting leaves something to be desired.

The effects aren’t too shabby. At first, when Crepsley would flit, the color streak distracted me, but s he did it more, it made sense as it let the audience know that he was flitting. It is especially necessary to when Darren and Steve are fighting in the final scenes. 

In a film where freaks are the norm, makeup and special effects are mandatory. I tink they did a good job with these effects in this picture, though I wasn’t too crazy about the werewolf. He looked more like a bear. Good grief, people, is it really that hard to tell the difference between a wolf and bear these days? This is two films now that they haven’t really looked liked wolves (the other being The Twilight Saga: New Moon).

I think some people forget that this is meant to be more of a family friendly vampie film. Not a horror flick, or one for overly hormonal tween girls who think vampires walk around talking about their feelings and watching over them. With that said, this is a welcome change from what we’ve seen in past films of this ilk. I liked the mix of fantasy, comedy, and the hint of drama. The way the film ends left me to believe that there will be more to come ,but nothing has been announced as of today. I didn’t love this flick, but I did enjoy it, and think you will, too.

4 out of 5 stars

Couples Retreat

PLOT:

Dave (Vince Vaughn), a dealer for the Guitar Hero Wii game, and Ronnie (Malin Akerman), a stay at home mom, are a typical couple with two young boys. They experience various stresses in their lives, including redecorating their house and raising their sons. Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristen Davis) are high school sweethearts with a typical rebellious teenage daughter. They are unhappy and their relationship is on the rocks. Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell) are a neurotic couple who’ve experienced multiple failed attempts to conceive. And Shane (Faizon Love), who has recently separated, has a much younger twenty-something girlfriend, Trudy (Kali Hawk).

At Dave’s son’s birthday party, Jason and Cynthia call a side meeting and, using PowerPoint, they announce their troubled marriage and that they are considering divorce because they can’t have a baby. As a last ditch effort to save their marriage, they have found a special couples therapy resort named “Eden”. They have found a package deal named the “Pelican Package”: half the normal cost if they can get 3 other couples to join them. In their PowerPoint presentation, they show beautiful pictures of sunlit beaches, and assure the others that the couples therapy parts are purely optional.

That night, Dave & Ronnie discuss their stresses, their desire to go to the retreat, and their inability to go because of childcare responsibilities. Suddenly their home security alarm is activated when Jason shows up unexpectedly, making a house visit to further sell the idea of the retreat. The commotion wakes up Dave and Ronnie’s kids, who reveal that they have overheard their parents’ conversations. Fearing that their parents are contemplating divorce, the kids have already arranged for Dave’s father to come babysit them so that their parents can go to “Eden”.

Eden proves to be divided into “Eden West” and “Eden East”. “Eden West” is for couples and uses the tagline “Stay Together”; “Eden East” is for singles and uses the tagline “Come Together.” “East” and “West” attendees are not allowed to intermingle. Upon arrival at Eden West, the four couples are shown the villas they will be staying in, and then gather for dinner. At dinner, Sctanley, the resort host (Peter Serafinowicz) informs them that the couples therapy, which starts at 6.00 am, is actually mandatory, and that, if any couple fails to attend, it will be taken as an indication that they want to leave, and a partial refund will be given. As most of the group had been reluctant to do the couples therapy in the first place, they debate whether they should go; but after an indulgent dinner with many delicacies, they decide to put up with “a couple of hours” of therapy in the morning in order to enjoy the other amenities of the resort.

In the morning, each couple meets with an assigned therapist. All four couples learn that they have problems with their relationships, even Ronnie and Dave, who thought they were fine. They endure the resort owner Marcel’s (Jean Reno) unusual methods, including swimming with and feeding Lemon shark and yoga sessions with amorous instructor Salvadore (Carlos Ponce).

On the fourth night, Trudy escapes to Eden East; the other seven, encouraged by Joey who is unsatisfied with his marriage, leave to find her. Following an argument between Cynthia and Jason, the men and women split up. As they try to find their way to the resort, the men end up arguing and pointing out each others’ marriage mistakes.

The women run into Salvadore, who takes them to Eden East. The men come across the staff lounge, and find Sctanley playing Guitar Hero. He threatens to report them to Marcel, but Dave challenges him to the game (without telling Sctanley that he is involved in the game’s production). Dave beats Sctanley, who, having lost the wager, directs them to Eden East.

When they arrive, Dave realizes what a good thing he has with Ronnie and goes with her to be alone at a waterfall. Joey finds Lucy with Salvadore and knocks him out, re-uniting with his wife. Cynthia and Jason share drinks and admit their problems. Shane runs into his ex-wife, who admits she still loves him, and that she had only left him to be single again, which had turned out to feel unsavory. Shane tells Trudy to remain in Eden East and enjoy being single, then leaves with his ex-wife. All four couples return to Eden West.

Marcel meets the couples and, seeing that they have worked out their problems, frees them from the therapy and suggests they go jet skiing.

REVIEW:

Beautiful scenery, beautiful women, some comedy thrown in there, and decent acting. Could this film go wrong anywhere? *SIGH* I hate to admit it, because I really wanted to like this film, but it got bit confusing. No, the plot didn’t confuse me, but rather the film’s tone. It was like it couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a chick flick, romantic comedy, gross out comedy, drama, or what. Granted the mixture of all those genres could work, but it has to be executed to perfection, which is something that doesn’t happen here.

Plot aside, any red-blooded, straight man is going to love this flick for no other reason than tons of women running around in bikinis, including Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis, and Malin Akerman, although they could have pulled out the bikinis a bit more. They were on an island paradise, after all.

Unfortunately for the women, they aren’t so lucky. With the exception of Carlos Ponce, the men in this film aren’t exactly the best eye candy.

All that aside, the way the film starts off nearly had me knocked out from boredom. One of my pet peeves about films are those that start out plodding along or that try to cram everything in at the end. This film does both. Ugh! 

It does pick up when we get the PowerPoint presentation from Jason Bateman’s character, coincidentally named Jason, who is neurotic and controlling, and is the most unlikable character, for me, of the bunch.

I love how on the way to the island, they decided to pan out and show the beauty of the water. It was truly breathtaking. Then when they unload, these 3 girls take off their shirts and revel true bikini hardbodies, more beauty.

I didn’t too much care for how they made Faizon Love’s character one big fat, old guy joke the entire time. It’s not like Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau are sporting 6 packs. Also, I wasn’t too fond of his 20 year old girlfriend, who plays an important, albeit inadvertant, role in his realizing something important.

As I sad before, this is supposed to be a comedy, but save for a couple of bits here and there, comedy was slim pickins. With a cast like this, they could have done so much more with the funny.

A friend of mine said this was kind of Forgetting Sarah Marshall for more mature audiences. Other than both films star Kristen Bell, I don’t see the similarities, but I see where he was going with it. Both films are in tropical paradises and deal with couples trying to reconcile, although Sarah MArshall had a different set of circumstances.

Anyone who is in a relationship should watch this film. You may end up finding out something you didn’t realize before. I know I did, and that’s a good thing. Also a good thing, are  very hot actresses that save this thing for the guys, because otherwise, this was a snorefest. Still, it wasn’t horrible. I’m actually a bit torn as to what I think about this picture, to be honest. The pros and cons equal out, and I did find it more than an above average picture, so if I had to recommend this to someone, I would, so why not check it out? Sure, it could have been better, but it also could be way worse.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Alice in Wonderland (1985 TV mini-series)

PLOT:

The first part opens with Alice (Natalie Gregory) helping Mother set the table for tea time. Although thankful for her daughter’s help, Mother tells Alice that she is still not grown-up enough to join the adults at tea. Alice goes outside to see her sister (played by Gregory’s real-life older sister Sharee Gregory), but gets bored at the “dull thought” of reading a book with no pictures. Her sister tells her that she will understand when she grows up, but Alice thinks she is already grown up (after all, she’s seven and a half). While playing with her cat, Dinah, the White Rabbit comes running by, saying he’s late. Wondering where he is going, Alice follows him until she falls down a dark rabbit hole, which takes her into Wonderland. Unlike the book and most movie versions, the rabbit hole appears here dark and frightening.

Alice finds herself in a hall with many doors, all of them locked. On a table is a key which Alice can use to open one small door. Yet the door is far too small to even fit her head in. A small bottle appears labeled “Drink Me.” Doing this, she shrinks to the right size for the door, but can no longer reach the key to open it. A box of sweets appears labeled “Eat Me.” Doing this, she grows to over nine feet tall. As she begins to cry, her tears fall on the floor and flow under the cracks. The White Rabbit appears, but frightened of the giant Alice, runs away dropping his fan and gloves. Using the fan makes Alice shrink again to a size small enough to crawl into one of the cracks, which takes her diving in her pool of tears.

While swimming in the pool of tears, she meets the Mouse, who tells her why he hates dogs and cats. Alice later catches up with the White Rabbit, and, in his house, curiously she finds another “drink me” bottle and chances it growing her full 9 foot character once again. Angry at Alice, the rabbit and his friends think that this is uncalled for and begins throwing stones at her which turn into cakes that causes her to shrink back to size. After running away she meets the Caterpillar and goes to the house of The Duchess. Finding the house too violent and hateful, she takes the Duchess’ baby away, but it then turns into a pig. She meets the Cheshire Cat, who gives her directions to see either the March Hare or the Mad Hatter, but warns Alice that they, along with everyone else, are mad. Alice visits the garden of the Queen of Hearts, who always yells “Off with her Head!” and plays croquet, or at least watches the others play. She visits The Gryphon as well as the Mock Turtle, but then she is called to attend a trial.

The trial deals with the Knave of Hearts, who is accused of having stolen The Queen’s tarts. There is no proof that he did it, but again there is no proof that he did not do it, nor is there proof that anybody did it, which proves him guilty, according to the Queen. Alice argues with the ways of the court, but inexplicably begins to grow larger again. The Queen becoming angry, yells “Off with her Head!” and has the guards chase the giant Alice, who is hardly afraid of them as “they’re nothing but a pack of cards”. Alice keeps running until she trips and falls and finds herself back home, in her normal size.

She runs happily back home, but finds that nobody is there and nobody can hear her. Hearing her cat Dinah, she sees her in the other side of a mirror, along with her parents, who can only see their own reflections and can’t see or hear their daughter. Alice doesn’t know how to get through to the other side. She notices a strange book next to her and starts reading it. There is a poem called Jabberwocky about a scary monster. Trying to deny her fears, she gets very scared as the room becomes dark and the Jabberwocky monster appears in the house.

The second part opens with the Jabberwocky scaring Alice. But as Alice wishes it away, it disappears. Yet, she is informed by The Owl in a painting that it may come back any time and reveals to her that it is a creation of Alice’s own fears.

After an interesting conversation with talking flowers, Alice meets The Red Queen, who is taking the place of one of the pawns/children of The White Queen on the chess board. Alice plays a pawn, but finds herself now on the second square, from where she must reach the eighth square to become a queen. The Red Queen tells her that only if she becomes a queen she may go home.

On the way to the eighth square, Alice meets many various characters and visits many places. She goes on a train that doesn’t stop, along with The Goat, The Horse, and The Gentleman in Paper Suit. She meets The Gnat king, as well as Tweedledum and Tweedledee, who sing the story of “The Walrus and the Carpenter”. She bumps into The White Queen, who speaks about the ways of the land and ends up turning herself into a sheep. She is then chased by a giant bird, which she initially thought was the Jabberwocky, and meets Humpty Dumpty. The Jabberwocky appears again, and Alice flees when it pursues her after knocking Humpty Dumpty off a wall. Alice then meets The White King and his Messenger, who bring Alice to see the Lion and the Unicorn, who are fighting for the crown. The combatants call a temporary truce and are intrigued by Alice, whom they perceive as a “fabulous monster”. Alice flees the group after a deafening barrage of drums begins to play, which she is apparently the only one to hear. Thereafter, she meets The White Knight, who sings and dances with her. Finally, Alice reaches the eighth square and finds her way to her castle, where a great feast in her honor takes place, with many of the characters she met previously on her journey.

Alice appreciates the feast but tells everybody that what she really wants is to go home. A present is then brought to her, out of which comes The Jabberwocky. The beast starts frightening and terrorizing everyone in the castle. The White Knight tries to rescue Alice, but fails. Alice manages to find her way back to the mirror and into her home, where she gets to confront The Jabberwocky. Telling him that he is just in her imagination and that she does not believe in him, he finally disappears. After this, Mother walks in and tells her daughter that she is finally old enough to join the grown-ups at tea time. Alice then sees the Wonderland characters in the mirror, and they sing farewell to her. Tearfully, Alice waves them goodbye as the movie ends.

REVIEW:

Here we go, another Alice in Wonderland, but this time the film in question is the 1985 CBS miniseries. The thing that sticks out the most about this film from e is that it covers the story we ll know in the first half, then going”Through the Looking Glass” for the second part. For some reason, the Looking Glass is always overlooked, so its good to see an Alice film tackle that part pf the stories as well.

If I’m not mistaken, this is the youngest Alice on film, including the animated versions. Her youth is obvious, but so is her talent. I’m not sure what Natalie Gregory is doing these days, but she appeared ot have a career ahead of her

Each of the fantastical creatures and whatnot that Alice encounters are brought to life by various celbrities, such as Sammy Davis, Jr., Red Skeleton, Carol Channing, etc. Normally I’d rip them a new one for this, but these Thespians pt that behind them. Unfortunatley it seems that many of them took the job for a quick paycheck and didn’t clock in for a full say of work,,

In the eighties mini-series like this one were commonplace, as people actually tuned in and watched television, rather than spending almost every waking hour in front of computer screens or video games. Alice in Wonderland is not the best version of the classic story, but it is one of the more entertaining ones, if for no other reason than to see the all-star cast and their various costumes. Is this worth the time to watch? Well, being that it is 3 hours and 12 minutes, it has that working against t, even if it was mini- series. While it is enjoyable, it doesn’t fully capture my attention as anything more than a forgotten joke. For that reason, I can’t say this is anything more than  half way decent film.

3 out of 5 stars

Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths

PLOT:

A heroic version of Lex Luthor (Chris Noth) from an alternate universe appears to recruit the Justice League to help save his Earth from the Crime Syndicate, an evil version of the League. While most of the League goes to help Luthor, Batman stays behind to finish rebuilding the Watchtower.

The League encounters a parallel world where Slade Wilson is President of the United States. The world is being extorted by the Crime Syndicate, and the only thing holding the Syndicate in check is the threat of nuclear retaliation by the nations of the world against their base on the Moon.

Owlman is building a weapon that can presumably destroy entire cities. Unbeknownst to all but Owlman, the weapon can destroy entire worlds. Operating under the theory that there are many parallel earths, and that each one develops from our choices, he begins seeking to find the first Earth. By destroying Earth Prime, he can create a cascade effect that will destroy every earth. He is stopped by Batman at the last moment.

REVIEW:

In the battle that seems to be going on between Marvel and DC films (animated and live-action), DC seems to be winning, but that’s not to say that they can do no wrong. Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths is a decent enough take on the stroyline from the comics, but not every story works in animated form.

First of all, I have a beef with the voice casting. There appear to be more “name” voices in this one than in previous DC Studio films. This wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that these voices don’t necessarily fit their characters. For instance, Chris Noth, who voices Lex Luthor, many may know him from Sex & the City, just doesn’t quite seem to fit. I can’t put my finger on it. Same goes for William Baldwin as Batman and Mark Harmon as Superman. Not to take anything away from these actors. They did a good job bringing these characters to life and all, but for me, they just didn’t seem to fit. The worst offender, though, had to have been James Woods as Owlman. Aside from being the biggest name in this flick, he seems to be above the material. Maybe it was because I wasn’t buying Baldwin as Batman, and Woods’ Owlman left something to be desired. I can’t put my finger on it, but there was just something that rubbed me the wrong way about most of the cast.

Having said that, there was a bright spot, and that was Gina Torres as Superwoman. Not since Lucy Lawless voiced Wonder Woman has a voice seemed to fit so perfectly in every way as Torres’ did. I’m not the biggest fan of Gina, but I did find myself wishing for more.

The story isn’t bad, but it doesn’t move along at the pace I would like for it to. I mean, it starts out with a bang, then we get into some technical confusing mumbo jumbo to set up the plot, then unnecessary drama that leads to this 15-30 min lull before the climax. Unfortunately, this seems to be the formula for DC films. Something they need to get fixed, as they appear to be falling into a rut.

One plus for this film is that we get to see some of other members of the league that haven’t really been featured anywhere else, unless you count the Cartoon Network series Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Firestorm, Red Tornado, Black Lightning, Black Canary, and surprisingly Aquaman, haven’t really been given any screentime anywhere. At least not to speak of, short of cameos and te aforementioned series which focuses on lesser known heroes, so it was good to see them here, especially Tornado and Firestorm. Maybe this will springboard them into their own series.

Another plus is that this isn’t an origin tale, although,unless I missed it, they never say how the watchtower was in such a state of disrepair. The Flash also gets a bit of chance to shine, although he is turned away by Batman and Lex Luthor. I have to wonder, though, if they made it a point to get Flash some airtime, is this the start of something. Hopefully so, Flash is overdue for anything since that short-lived show in the early 90s.

As far as animated superhero films go, this could have been better, but at the same time, it could have been much worse. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. If I could have gotten past the shotty voice casting, I may ave been able to fully recommend this, but those vocal chords just don’t do the characters justice and severely take away from the impact they could have. Having said all this, this is just an above average picture for me that could have been better, but I’m sure more than a few folks will love it, so check it out.

4 out of 5 stars

A Night in Casablanca

PLOT:

The film begins when three hotel managers have been killed (one is poisoned, the second is killed in a explosion, and the third is shot to death). The captain and the police rounded up the witnesses, but none of them are the murderers. One of the witnesses, Rusty (Harpo Marx), is the Count’s servant and not-trusted accomplice. The Count mistreats Rusty when the Count lost his toupee and can’t go in public with the scar on his head. The governor of Casablanca and the captain of the police are interviewing Pierre Delmar, a lieutenant in the French army. His fiancee, Annette, works at the hotel. After working at the hotel, Annette finds the Count’s toupee in a vacuum cleaner. The governor and others find a manager in Morocco, Ronald Kornblow (Groucho Marx).

Kornblow is introduced by everyone in the hotel and greet him as the new manager. Although Kornblow takes the job, he successfully gives five of his rules to the hotel. While Kornblow is the new manager, Rusty gets a visit from his friend, Corbaccio (Chico Marx), who is a architect in Morocco. Rusty and Corbaccio are excited to get any job they wanted but are greeted by Kornblow. The Count gets mad enough when Rusty can’t find the toupee. The Count attempts to swordfight with Rusty but allows his henchman, Kurt, to do it. The fight ends with Rusty winning, blocking Kurt’s sword multiple times and tricking him. The Count’s girlfriend, Beatrice Reiner, asks Kornblow on a date. Corbaccio and Rusty make room at the diner to make more money for Pierre and Corbaccio plays the piano for the musical group. Corbaccio, Kornblow, and Rusty spent the night at Casablanca until Kornblow is hit by a car.

Annette and Pierre talk about the Count’s toupee which revels that the Count is the killer. Annette also tells Pierre that there may be spies around. A mysterious spy watches them talking about the Count and calls a man which revels to be Kurt, the Count’s right-hand man. The spy, Kurt, Emile (the Count’s pilot), and the truck driver are reveled to be working with the Count (his real name is Heinrich Stubel). Annette continues to investigate the case but when she shows evidence to the governor and the captain, the evidence is destroyed and Annette is forced to go “undercover”.

Rusty hears about the assassination attempt on Kornblow and tells the truth to Corbaccio to use charades. Corbaccio and Rusty try to handle Kornblow but Kornblow ignores their warnings. The Count plans two attempts on Kornblow. Both attempts failed when Corbaccio and Rusty prevent Kornblow from death. Rusty and Corbaccio made sure that the food is poisonous, find suspects, and work as detectives in the hotel. Kornblow and Beatrice go on a second date but while he goes there, he and Rusty get stuck in a elevator. Kornblow orders Rusty to get help. Instead of getting help, Rusty finds a shaft. Rusty goes in and discovers treasure and evidence. In the elevator for three hours, Kornblow is late for the date and Rusty uses an axe to cut down the railing attached to the elevator.

Kornblow, Rusty, and Corbaccio get bored and spent the night at Casablanca again. Rusty and Corbaccio are shocked that Annette put a casino inside the hotel. Everyone plays poker and blackjack including Rusty, Corbaccio, and the Count. Rusty wins two 500 million dollar prizes and wants another try. Corbaccio and everyone are concerned that if Rusty wants to win, the casino will be gone, but Kornblow agrees to let Rusty win. Rusty wins which shocks everyone. The Count tells the governor and the captain that Kornblow, Rusty, Corbaccio, and Annette are the murderers. Blamed by the Count, they go to jail, but they have immunity. Pierre arrives and tells Annette that he is leaving Morocco and will also get immunity. Rusty finally tells them using charades that he found treasure. They make a escape plan to knock out the guard, release themselves, and Beatrice is able to help them get the Count.

Kornblow, Corbaccio, and Rusty sneak in the Count’s hotel room and hide in the closet when they witness someone. It was the Count. When the Count tries to find his suits, he goes in the closet and figures out that his suits are gone. Rusty goes in one box while Kornblow and Corbaccio stay in the closet. The Count opens one of his boxes which contains Rusty inside. Rusty closes the box and The Count howls in pain. Emile arrives and the Count tells that his suits are gone but as he and Emile turn around, the suits are there and they pack up the rest of the boxes. Beatrice and Kornblow go in one box and Corbaccio and Rusty go in a second box.

They go in the back of the truck. On the truck, Kornblow, Corbaccio, and Rusty get thrown off the truck and are stranded in the desert. Annette and Pierre rescue them after the police try to stop Pierre. The group go after the Count and are blinded by the plane’s winds but Kornblow finds a gasoline truck. They knock out the truck driver and use a ladder to get on the plane. Beatrice and Rusty knock the Count off the plane. Both of them are punched by Kurt but is knocked out by Corbaccio and is thrown off the plane. Rusty knocks Emile twice and doesn’t know how to fly the plane and ends up crashing the plane into Casablanca. They get off the wrecked plane. The Count and Kurt encounter the group and have another fistfight. It ends when they take off the Count’s toupee and beard, and it’s Heinrich Stubel, the killer of the three managers. Stubel, Kurt, Emile, and their driver are arrested for murder. The spy’s fate is unknown.

Things change when Rusty and Corbaccio are back in their old jobs and are never spoken of again. Annette became Kornblow’s secretary and Pierre retired in the French army. The governor of Casablanca dies of lung cancer. Kornblow and Beatrice get married and have two kids. Kornblow states that he will go to Miami after becoming manager of Casablanca for five years of service.

REVIEW:

It may be hard to belive, since I’m such a fan of classic film and such, but the only thing I’ve seen about the Marx Brothers are clips here and there, parodies, and Harpo on an episode of I Love Lucy. So, getting the chance to watch a Marx Bros. film excited me. I cannot say that their legacy and fame is without merit.

This is one of those pictures that many of today’s audiences would do nothing but yawn and turn up their noses. However, for those of us that actually watch films before making a decision, it is really good.

The Marx Brothers are everything that you would expect from them. Again, I’ve never seen any Marx Bros. works, but it seems as if everything I’ve seen in those parodies came into play as the real thing here. At times, I almost thought I was watching Yakko from Animaniacs.

Plotwise, there isn’t much to say. The plot gets lost in the slapstick comedy, but that’s not a bad thing. Chances are, one isn’t watching this film expecting to see a good story, but rather some good comedic performances.

Should you watch this? Well, as with most classic pictures, it depends on if you get bored with these type of pictures. If you do, then I can’t recommend this to you, but if you are a normal person who actually gives a care about what they’re watching, then yes, I recommend this. It has a good comedic moments, a good story hidden in there somewhere, and moves a long at a quick pace that before you know it, it’s over and you’re ready to watch it again.

4 out of 5 stars

Zombieland

PLOT:

The film takes place within a post-apocalyptic America, two months after a zombie apocalypse has been triggered.

College student Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is on his way to Columbus, Ohio to see if his parents are still alive. He loses his car in an accident and encounters Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) who is on a quest to find Twinkies. They travel together and when they stop at a grocery store, they meet two sisters, Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). The sisters con them into handing over their weapons and steal their vehicle. The two men walk and soon find a truck loaded with weapons. They then meet the girls again, who attempt to take the truck, their vehicle having broken down. Columbus proposes a truce and suggests they travel together.

Columbus tells Wichita he is heading home to Columbus, Ohio. But she blurts out that it has been burned to the ground and is overrun by zombies. He decides instead to stay with the group. Wichita tells Columbus that she is taking Little Rock to “Pacific Playland” in Los Angeles, an amusement park rumored to be zombie-free.

On the way to the park, they pass through Hollywood and Tallahassee decides to take them to Bill Murray’s mansion. Tallahassee and Wichita meet Murray himself, uninfected but disguised as a zombie with make-up so that he can walk safely among the infected and play golf without being bothered. Little Rock is unfamiliar with Bill Murray so Columbus shows her the film Ghostbusters. Murray later enters in order to scare Columbus and Little Rock as a practical joke, but Columbus — thinking he is a real zombie — shoots and kills him.

After a makeshift funeral, Columbus realizes Tallahassee has been grieving over his young son, lost to the zombies, rather than his pet dog as he had earlier led Columbus to believe. Wichita begins developing feelings for Columbus and fearing attachment, she leaves with Little Rock for Pacific Playland. Columbus decides to go after Wichita, and he and Tallahassee, who initially refuses, pursue the sisters in one of Murray’s vehicles.

Wichita and Little Rock arrive at Pacific Playland and turn on all the rides and lights, attracting nearby zombies. A battle ensues, leaving the sisters trapped on a drop tower ride and running low on ammunition. Tallahassee and Columbus arrive just as the sisters’ ammunition is depleted. Tallahassee manages to lure the majority away, then intentionally locks himself in a game booth while Columbus goes after the sisters. Columbus saves the girls and in thanks, Wichita reveals her real name to him. The two share their first kiss. Tallahassee eliminates the remaining zombies single-handedly and gets a Twinkie that Little Rock had acquired. Columbus comes to the realization that this is the only family he needs, and the four leave Pacific Playland together.

REVIEW:

When I first saw the trailer for this flick, I initially thought it was just some sort of random horror film and had no intention on seeing it as I’m not really that into horror, but it turned out that this was more of a comedy than a tried and true horror film. After I found that out, my interest shot up 100 fold.

There was a time when zombies were as popular as vampires are today. Not sure what happened, but they lost that hold over pop culture. Hopefully Zombieland will be the start to them dethroning the vampires.

Of course, I say that as if the zombies are the major characters in this flick, but the fact is they mainly appear in the beginning and in the climactic final scene, with a few thrown in here and there. For a film about a zombie apocalypse, one would think there would be more.

3/4 of the cast is awesome. Emma Stone sheds a bit of her hotness for this role and comes off as a bit of a cold, focused, hard woman who only thinks of surviving and protection her sister. Speaking of her sister, Abigail Breslin is perfectly cast. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that these two were sisters. Although, I do think that she could have been used a bit more, but given the pacing o the film and whatnot, it was enough.

Woody Harrelson steals the show as Jacksonville. This guy lives to kill zombies and has some sort of obsession with Dale Earnhardt since he paints the #3 on every vehicle he obtains. He is also obsessed with Twinkies. Somewhere I heard that if ever there was any type of apocalypse, Twinkies and roaches would survive. I didn’t see any roaches in this picture, but there sure were a ton of those sno-ball things, but Twinkies were a little less abundant.

Jesse Eisenberg, who is supposed to be the “star” of the film is also the weak link. He just doesn’t sell me on his character. It was like he was trying to be Michael Cera-esque, but not making it look that way. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t work,

Bill Murray made a surprise appearance playing himself, and was a pleasant surprise. I have to wonder if he could have had a bigger role had he not been shot because he was trying to play a prank on Little Rock and Columbus.

Columbus’ rules are a good addition and moving plot point, but it would have been nice if they would have popped up a list in the screen with all of them on there, even if it was after the credits or something.

The thing that bothers me the most about this flick is they never really say what caused the apocalypse. Apparently, it just happened. Columbus even says so in his opening narration. If this is true, one would think they’d have found some way to reverse the effects or find out what happened. Also, I find it hard to belive that these are the only 4 people (5 if you count Bill Murray) left in the country that aren’t zombies. Someone else has to be out there. I guess that’s going to be addressed in the sequel.

I all but knew I was going to love this flick. I probably could have loved it been more, had Jesse Eisenberg not been in it, but that’s just me. He really kills the film for me. Everything else clicks on all cylinders. The zombies look about as real as zombies can look. While this picture is bloody, there isn’t much gore. Still it isn’t for everyone. Die hard horror fans aren’t ging to like it because it isn’t serious enough, for instance, but they can go watch an actual horror film for that. I highly recommend this picture to you all, and hope that if it is you cup of tea, you’ll give it a shot.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

 

PLOT:

On her 18th birthday, Bella Swan wakes up from a dream in which she sees herself as an old woman. She expresses her distaste with growing older than her boyfriend Edward Cullen, a vampire who stopped aging physically at 17. Despite her lack of enthusiasm, Edward’s adoptive family throws Bella a birthday party. While unwrapping a gift, Bella gets a paper cut, causing Edward’s brother, Jasper, to become overwhelmed by her blood’s scent and attempt to kill her. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Bella, Edward ends their relationship, and the Cullens leave Forks, Washington permanently.

Edward’s departure leaves Bella heartbroken and depressed for months. However, when her father, Charlie, decides to send her to live with her mother in Florida, Bella agrees to spend time with her friends. After seeing a movie with Jessica, Bella sees a group of men on motorcycles. This reminds her of when Edward previously rescued her from an assault, and she sees his image warning her to stay away. Bella discovers that thrill-seeking activities evoke Edward’s preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob Black, a cheerful companion who eases her pain over losing Edward. When Jacob is unable to see Bella for weeks, she discovers that he is a werewolf, an age-old enemy of vampires. Jacob’s pack members, the Quileutes, are on constant patrol for Victoria, a vampire searching to kill Bella due to the death of her mate, leaving Jacob little time to spend with her. Alone again, Bella returns to seeking thrill-inducing activities.

Through a series of miscommunications, Edward believes Bella has killed herself. Distraught over her supposed suicide, Edward flees to Italy to provoke the Volturi, a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him, by exposing himself in the sunlight. Alice, Edward’s sister, and Bella rush to Italy to save Edward, and arrive just in time to stop him. However, the Volturi determine that Bella, a human who knows that vampires exist, must either be killed or transformed into a vampire herself. Alice stops them from killing her by sharing her premonition with Aro, a Volturi elder who is able to read thoughts, in which Bella has been transformed. Returning to Forks, Edward tells Bella that he always loved her and only left to protect her. She forgives him, and the Cullens vote in favor of Bella being transformed into a vampire, to Edward and Jacob’s dismay. Edward gives Bella a choice: either she lets Alice change her after their graduation, or, if Bella agrees to marry him, he will change her himself. However, Jacob reminds Edward of the treaty the Cullens made with the Quileutes: they will not attack each other, as long as the Cullens never bite a human.

REVIEW:

I just looked back and realized that it was exactly 1 year ago that I watched and reviewed Twilight, a film that I had no intention of actually enjoying, but somehow did. The Twilight Saga: New Moon, however isn’t os lucky.

Apart from being so overly dramatic and whiny, this film proves that Kristen Stewart can’t act. No wonder her non-Twilight film that was just released, The Messengers, bombed. Stewart spends thew whole time pining for Edward while trying to find comfort in the arms of Jacob. This is all well and good, as that is how it is in the book, from my understanding, but the emotion that she could be showing during these scenes is just not there, and she comes off as robotic.

Edward  isn’t really in this film much, but it is my understanding he isn’t in this book, either, so I can’t fault him for that. However, the scenes he is in, including the ones where he’s just a vision, are all as if he took some Ritalin before the cameras started rolling. Nothing wrong with being calm and all that, but if you’re telling someone who they shouldn’t go do something that could kill then, there should be a little more emphasis in your delivery. Acting aside, though, he doesn’t do half bad in the fight scenes in the Volturi throne room, or what have you. I think we all know they put that scene in there to attract some guys to the otherwise overly chicked-out chick flick.

This thing might as well have been called Taylor Lautner: The Movie. Not only is he the primary focus on the film (and book), but almost all advertising was centered around him and his newly buff bod. As with everyone else in this flick, he turns in a very robotic performance. I hate to judge him by these films, but I’m seriously starting to think that this kid can’t act and folks are just capitalizing on his shirtless scenes.

The Cullens have a drastically reduced part in the film, except for Alice, who actually has about the same. THe Queileute tribe I wonder about since they just walk around all day with no shirts on. Granted if I had abs like that, I’d want to show them off, too, but to walk around all the time with no shirt on? Seriously? I have two theories behind this. The first is that they do it to avoid having to get new shirts everytime they change to and from their wolf forms. The other is that this was for the women to drool over these guys.

With a bigger budget, I expected more from this thing. Comparing the two films, you would think Twilight had the bigger budget. The wolves looked slightly better than a SyFy channel movie and the glitter on the vampires doesn’t look as if they tweaked it at all.

Speaking of keeping things from the first film. All those flashbacks were a bit much. I like to say that flashbacks are a cheap way of filling time, and that’s exactly what these seemed to do. Now, some of them do serve a purpose in that they refresh the audience’s memory, but to keep showing these things the entire flick is a bit much.

  I don’t know, I guess I had a bit lofty expectations after the impressive surprise of Twilight, but this thing just didn’t impress me. What makes it worse is that the trailers do it an injustice in that they are better than the actual film. The Twilight Saga: New Moon comes off as an overly dramatic, overhyped, piece of teen drama that is only missing the head cheerleader dating the captain of the football team and a nerd crushing on one of them. This is just not a good picture. Sure, some out there will chastise me for ripping it a new one, but tis is my opinion, and I stick by it. Maybe next April when I watch the next installment of the franchise, it will be a much better film, but I’m not expecting so. I believe that Twilight will prove to be the best of the bunch.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Just Visiting

PLOT:

The backstory takes place in 12th century England, where Lord Thibault is about to marry Princess Rosalind, the daughter of the reigning king, who would thus be Henry II. Her mother was Eleanor of Aquitaine, and her brothers were Richard the Lionheart and John Lackland. At the wedding banquet, an enemy gives Thibault a potion which makes him hallucinate, and under its influence, he kills his own bride (rather than her father, as in the French version) believing she is a ferocious monster. While under sentence of death, he asks a wizard to give him a drug that will send him back to the moment before he killed Princess Rosalind. The incompetent wizard botches the spell, and instead, Thibault and his servant are sent into the 21st century.

They end up in a museum in Chicago where they are arrested by the police. However, they are rescued by Julia Malféte (Christina Applegate), a museum employee who closely resembles Princess Rosalind. She thinks that Thibault is her relative who drowned while yachting a couple of years ago. Thibault soon finds out that Julia is descended from his family and realizes he must return to the 12th century to correct the past. Julia introduces them to the modern American style of life where norms from medieval times no longer apply. Before the return to his time, Thibault decides to protect Julia from her money-hungry fiance Hunter (Matthew Ross). Meanwhile, his servant Andre falls for a pretty gardener, Angelique (Tara Reid) who presents him with the world of equal rights for all people.

The wizard realizes his mistake and decides to time travel into the future to help Thibault. After he finds him, he successfully prepares a potion for returning to the past. Hunter is decided to prevent Thibault by interfering with his plans but Julia finds out his real intentions and breaks up with him. Before he leaves, Thibault tells Julia that she will meet a new and better boyfriend. Then he and the wizard drink the potion and return to the past just before the killing of Princess Rosalind. Hunter finds the remainder of the potion which sends him to the 12th century where he is captured.

REVIEW:

This film was recommended to me by a friend shortly after I started this blog, so I added it to my Netflix que, and slowly but surely it has moved its way up the list until finally it made it to the top this week. I’ll be honest with you, I had no expectations for this thing, good or bad, other than it has some nice eye candy in Christina Applegate and Tara Reid (before the implants and drinking took away her hotness).

As I sat there watching this picture, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, it wasn’t a masterpiece, but it never claimed to be. It was just a fun flick.

The plot is alright, but it leaves some unanswered questions, such as why they have to go and come back from the exact same spot and how it is that Thibauld had a descendant when he initially killed his betrothed. Then there is the whole estate thing dealing with money and the missing Thibauld, who I was expecting to show up at anytime.

The most entertaining thing about this film has to be the two Frenchmen from medieval times attempting to fit in with modern civilization, especially the servant. The abuse he took from his master may have been a but much, but that’s how they lived back then. Christian Clavier does an excellent job of portraying this character with the humbleness necessary to pull it off.

The film’s ending bothered me a bit. It appeared as if they just filmed a bunch of scenes and spliced them together in hopes that it would work. Unfortunately, it brings the film down, which is such a shame, because it was doing pretty well until then. I really hate films that rush their ending. They just seem so sloppy.

All in all this film wasn’t half bad. Sure, it could have been better, but how many perfect films can you name? Just Visiting mixes a bit of history, comedy, and sci-fi together for fun-filled experience to be enjoyed by all.

4 out of 5 stars

August Rush

PLOT:

12-year-old Evan Taylor (Freddie Highmore) grows up an outcast in a home for boys, all the while believing that his parents are alive. He can hear music in everything: the light, the wind, rustling leaves. He believes that he can hear the music from his parents. He believes that they always wanted him and would come and get him someday.

He meets a social service worker, Richard Jeffries (Terrence Howard), of the New York Child Services Department. Evan tells him he does not want to be adopted. Jeffries likes Evan and gives him his card. He wants Evan to confide in him if the need should ever arise.

Through a series of flashbacks, Evan’s parents are revealed to be Lyla Novacek (Keri Russell), a famous teenage concert cellist, and Louis Connelly (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), an Irish guitarist and lead singer of a rock band. They met at the same party and spent a romantic night together. Due to Lyla’s strict father, Lyla was unable to meet Louis where she’d agreed to and they parted, apparently never to see each other again.

Lyla became pregnant with their child. Her father did not approve of this, wanting instead for Lyla to have a successful career without the obstacle of a child. After an argument with her father, Lyla ran out of a restaurant and was hit by a car. While in the hospital, she gave birth to a son. The last thing she was aware of was the nurses telling her that the baby’s heartbeat was falling. When she wakes, her father implies that the child didn’t make it. Unbeknownst to her, the baby survived and her father had forged her signature on the adoption papers. Both Louis and Lyla gave up their performing careers after losing each other, and neither was aware of their son’s existence.

Evan has a very strong faith that if he could learn to play the music, he will have a chance to be found by his parents. He believes that they will hear him. So he runs away to New York City, in the process losing Jeffries’ card. He meets Arthur (Leon G. Thomas III), a pre-teen street-corner guitarist, playing in Washington Square Park. He follows Arthur home and is taken in by Maxwell “Wizard” Wallace (Robin Williams), who houses various orphans and runaways, teaching and employing them to play music on the streets and taking a large cut of their tips. Evan immediately proves to be a musical child prodigy. Wizard enlists him and gives him the name “August Rush”, convincing him he will be sent back to the orphanage if his real name is ever discovered.

Lyla only discovers that her son is alive when her father, on his deathbed, confesses what actually happened. Lyla immediately sets out to New York to look for her now 12-year-old son. Louis, meanwhile, is harassed by his brother and former bandmate at a party, causing him to re-examine his life. He ultimately discovers Lyla’s full name and whereabouts in Chicago, and quits his job to go there, hoping to reconcile.

After a raid on Wizard’s abandoned theater home by the police, triggered by Jeffries, Evan takes refuge in an inner-city church. He again impresses with his natural musical talent and is brought to the Juilliard School, where he is enrolled in classes as “August Rush.” He excels at his studies, and a work he composes is chosen to be performed by the New York Philharmonic at a concert in Central Park. Unfortunately, Wizard barges into the dress rehearsal, and “August”, under threat of being revealed as Evan, reluctantly follows him back to his life of performing music on the streets.

Meanwhile, Lyla has discovered Evan’s identity through Jeffries, and has decided to stay in New York while searching for her son. While there, she decides to resume her career as a cellist, and is invited to play in the same Central Park concert. Louis, being wrongly told by Lyla’s former neighbor in Chicago that Lyla has since married, also returns to New York to resume playing with his former band. He has a chance meeting with Evan, who has returned to his corner at Washington Square Park, and they play an improvised piece together, although neither knows their blood relationship to the other. Louis encourages “August” not to give up in his music, and not to miss his concert.

The night of the concert, Evan finally chooses to run from Wizard, helped by Arthur, in favor of performing at his concert. After his own concert with his band at a local nightclub, Louis sees Evan’s pseudonym along with Lyla’s name on a sign billing the concert, and races on foot to Central Park. Meanwhile, Jeffries connects Evan to his alias after discovering a misplaced CPS flyer for August Rush, posted after his disappearance from Juilliard, and also heads to the concert. Evan conducts his rhapsody, attracting both Lyla and Louis to the front of the crowd, where they meet and reconcile, Lyla also realizing that “August” is her son Evan. At its conclusion, when Evan turns around to see Lyla and Louis standing hand in hand, he knows that he is reunited with his mother and father at last.

REVIEW:

If you’ve read the story Oliver Twist, then you have a pretty good basis for what this film is about. Make no mistake, though, this is not some sort of retelling of that classic tale. August Rush simply uses elements from the story, such as the orphanage, gang of misfits, finding a new home, etc.

Story aside, the best thing about this flick is the music. While not a musical, it is all about music. From August learning he can play guitar and piano, to his parents talents in cello and guitar/singing, to the final concert at Julliard. The music is center stage here, especially Van Morrison’s “Moondance”, which is quoted almost ad nauseum through this picture.

Freddie Highmore is perfectly cast as August. He has that vapid innocence that Haley Joel Osment had when he was this age, and it really works for this character. I mean, you can’t have some kid that seem to have seen wy more than they should have at this age playing August, it just wouldn’t work.

Keri Russell gives one of her best performances here. she is August’s mother, but because her dad thought her music was more important, when she was forced to give birth to him prematurely, he signed her signature to some papers giving him away. On his death bed, the dad tells her what he did, and the emotion you see from her from that point on is the kid of stuff you’d see from Meryl Streep (though she’s nowhere near Meryl’s caliber, just a comparison).

I kind of felt like there could have been more of Jonathan Rhys Meyers. He is the dad who doesn’t know August is his until the final scene. They even play together in the park at one point. Looking at his face, I kind of get the idea that August knew, or could feel it, but not so certain about Meyers.

Terrence Howard play a pivotal role as the social worker who cares. I know, I know…you never hear about those, but here he is playing one, and he does a good job of it. Howard isn’t a major player in this film per se, but he is responsible for telling Keri Russell who her son is.

Robin Williams is the villain here, playing an apparent schizophrenic leader of a gang of kids who live (squat) in a condemned building and spend their days panhandling around New York. As good a comedian as Williams is, I’m always more impressed when he takes om these dramatic roles, because he does such a good job with them. However, I didn’t get why he was trying to look like Bono from U2, what with the soul patch and how he was dressed, but I’m assuming that was his choice. Or was he saying that Bono is a bad parent-type figure? Hmm…

As a musician, I love it when films like this come out that really put music into the spotlight and don’t make it seem like some sort of joke, as they do with marching bands. That bias aside, this is really a superb picture. The flashbacks at the beginning that tell us how the parents met and conceived August work for me, but I’m sure some were confused by the way they chose to put that in there. Dramas tend to be a bit on the boring side, but this one moves at such a steady pace, that it doesn’t get the chance to fall into the muck of boringness. I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to watch an extremely well-made, well thought out, superb piece of filmmaking.

5 out of 5 stars