Where the Red Fern Grows (1974)

PLOT:

Where the Red Fern Grows is the heartwarming and adventurous tale for all ages about a young boy and his quest for his own red-bone hound hunting dogs. Set in the Ozark Mountains during the Great Depression, Billy Coleman works hard and saves his earnings for 2 years to achieve his dream of buying two coonhound pups. He develops a new trust in God as he faces overwhelming challenges in adventure and tragedy roaming the river bottoms of Cherokee country with “Old Dan” and “Little Ann.” The movie follows the inseparable trio as they romp relentlessly through the Ozarks, trying to tree the elusive “Ghost” raccoon. Their efforts prove victorious as they win the coveted gold cup in the annual coon-hunt contest, capture wily ghost coons and bravely fight a mountain lion. Through these adventures Billy realizes the meaning of true friendship, loyalty, integrity and heroics, in this timeless and poignant coming of age story.

REVIEW:

 A while back, I reviewed the 2003 version of Where the Red Fern Grows. Knowing good and well that wasn’t the version I remember from elementary school. In case you haven’t checked out that review, I wasn’t a fan.

This 1974 version is the one that almost all of us have seen at some point or another (probably after reading the book in elementary school).

I seriously need to go back and re-read that book again, but as far as I remember, they stick real close to the source material.

There isn’t much to say in terms of special effects because there aren’t any. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, it is possible to make a film without the use of some kind of fancy camera tricks, computers, explosions, etc.

Without the distractions of special effects, one can actually focus on the story and the beautiful countryside of Oklahoma.

Granted, the acting isn’t that great, but you have to remember this was a TV movie from the early 70s. Do you really expect it to be Citizen Kane?

Like the book, this film does seem to drag on a bit, especially if you’re not into dogs or hunting, but seeing as how this isn’t an action flick, it is forgivable.

I won’t spoil the ending for those of you that haven’t seen this or read the book, bt I will say that it is quite sad, however, I felt that the way it was done in the book added that extra little bit of feeling and brought the audience into it. Something that they left out in this film for some strange reason.

I didn’t grow up in Oklahoma, so I can comment on how people talk/act around there, but I can say that these people reminded me a bit of the characters from The Andy Griffith Show, only without the comedic exaggerations.

I could bring up something about Billy being selfish and hoarding all that money to pay for his dogs when he could have just as well helped out his dad and chipped in for a new mule, but they ended up paying for themselves, so it all worked out.

Everytime I see something about this film, it is usually accompanied with a comparison to Old Yeller. I don’t understand these comparisons. The only thing similar are that they are dog films with sad endings. Of course, I’m not a dog person, so there might be something I’m missing. Should you see this? Why, of course, and totally avoid that 2003 bastardization version. It is nothing but a waste of time!

4 out of 5 stars

Easy A

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Olive Penderghast lies to her best friend Rhiannon about going on a date in order to get out of camping with her and her hippie parents. Instead, she hangs around the house all weekend, listening to “Pocketful of Sunshine”. The following Monday, pressed by Rhiannon, Olive lies about losing her virginity to a college guy. Marianne, a girl at their school who is a zealous Christian, overhears her telling the lie and soon it spreads like wildfire.

The school has a conservative church group run by Marianne who decides Olive will be their next project. The group’s harassment, disguised as concern, comes to head at an English class taught by Mr. Griffith. The class is reading The Scarlet Letter, a novel about adultery and shame. When one of the girls from the church group makes a snide comment to Olive suggesting Olive wear a red A as well, Olive shoots back and Mr. Griffith sends her to the principal’s office. During her detention she tells her friend Brandon the truth, and he explains how others bully him because he’s gay.

Brandon comes over later and asks Olive to pretend to sleep with him so that he will be accepted by everyone else at school. Brandon convinces Olive and they pretend to have sex at a party. Afterwards she bumps into Todd, whom she almost kissed years ago during seven minutes in heaven but instead agreed to lie about it when he said he was not ready.

After having a fight with Rhiannon over her (Olive’s) new identity as a “dirty skank”, Olive decides to counteract the harassment by embracing her new image as the school tramp. She begins to wear more provocative clothing and stitches a red ‘A’ (a la Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter) to everything she wears. Boys who usually have had no luck with girls in the past begin to give her gift cards and money to say they have had sex with her in order to increase their own popularity, which in turn increases her reputation.

Olive comes to short-lived understanding with Marianne, but it is ruined when Marianne’s boyfriend Micah gets chlamydia and lies that Olive gave it to him. Olive sees Mrs. Griffith, the guidance counselor and her teacher’s wife, who tearfully confesses that she slept with Micah. Olive promises to take the blame to save Mrs. Griffith’s job and marriage. Rhiannon, partly jealous of the attention Olive is getting, joins the church group and starts harassing her former best friend.

Olive soon realizes that, though everyone thinks she is sleeping around, no one was actually attempting to sleep with her. This changes when Anson comes up to her and asks her out. The date goes sour when Olive sees Rhiannon at the restaurant and remembers she has a crush on Anson. In the parking lot, Anson attempts to pay her off; Olive asks what they will say happened but Anson thinks he will actually get sex and tries to kiss her. She resists and he drives off. Todd, who works at the restaurant, sees her and offers to drive her home.

Todd tells her that he does not believe the rumor mill, he remembers when she lied for him because he wasn’t ready for his first kiss and thinks she is actually great. He says he wishes she actually was his first kiss, and not Rhi. Todd then asks for permission to kiss Olive but she says no, wanting to wait until she sorts out her life.

Olive goes to the boys that propositioned her and demands they admit that the rumors are all lies but they refuse (and Brandon even ran off, leaving behind a note telling his parents he’s gay). When she goes to Mrs. Griffith to make her come clean, she refuses and implies that no one would believe Olive over her. Olive runs to Mr. Griffith and tells him the truth but immediately regrets it, realizing she just destroyed a marriage.

To get everything finally in the open, she does a song and dance number at a pep rally and pretends she will be doing a sex show via web cam with Todd. In actuality she confesses what she has done. She also makes up with Rhi, apologizing for lying. When she is finishing up, Todd comes by riding a lawnmower, holding a boombox and tells her to come out. She closes her web cam confession saying she really likes Todd and maybe she will lose her virginity to him in the future but at the end of the day it is no one’s business but her own. She leaves the house to kiss him and they ride off from the neighborhood on the lawnmower.

REVIEW:

 This is one of those films that people were raving about last year. I wanted to see it when it came out, but low fundage and scheduling pu a hindrance to that plan.

I was able to watch it afternoon and I have to say that you can believe the hype with this. The best way I can think to describe this is to combine the tone of any John Hughes film with the basic theme of The Scarlet Letter and throw them into today’s high school society.

If you think I’m just trying to make a bad comparisons, I assure you I’m not. As a matter of fact, the main character even mentions (and shows clips) from many John Hughes films, as well as clips from the Demi Moore version of The Scarlet Letter, as well as the old black and white version. Of corse, she is quick to point out that the black and white version is better(who would want to see Demi Moore bathing?), but you should still read the book.

So, what is the actual plot of this film? Well, Olive, is one of those unknown girls a this high school. After a weekend of avoiding a camping trip with her best friend because she made up a blind date with some guy, she lies to her again and says she has sex with him, thus giving her the reputation of being a slut (don’t you just love high school?).

This leads to an agreement with a gay friend to tell the school he got lucky to keep him from being bullied, which ends up fueling the rest of the film as guys come out of the woodwork for her to the same for them, making her an even bigger slut, until she can’t take it anymore.

I actually liked the way this film told and moved the story along at a steady enough pace without getting all preachy, dramatic, or boring. The comedy that is present during each of these scenes is what really drives it home.

Mix that with the suspension of disbelief. Seriously, are you going to tell me that no high school boy would ask out the seriously hot, yet attainable, Emma Stone?!? I find that hard to swallow.

On that same token, I find it hard to believe that the mascot (token single hot guy) was single, as well. Then again, he was the mascot.

I wish I’d had parents like these. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have uber-strict parents, but who wouldn’t want a set of parental units that all but look the other way and go along with whatever you ask them to?

This film does have a little bit of a negative, though. The lagging middle section that almost all films have.  In this case, it really seems to almost bring the film to a grinding halt, because it is such a departure from the way the film was going. It is like the C section of a poem that goes ABABABCAB, for example. It is just random.

This cast is truly remarkable. Emma Stone owns this film, much the same way she commands your attention in everything she’s in. It must be the red hair and the husky voice.

Amanda Bynes is cute and funny in this, just as she always is. I found it funny that this character would work perfect as the daughter of her mother from Hairspray. Not bad for someone who was retired, huh?

For once Stanley Tucci is not playing a gay man, though he does mention he’s experimented. He and Patricia Clarkson are great in their small roles as Olive’s parents.

Thomas Haden Church and Lisa Kudrow are great in their roles. Much like the parents, I wish we cold have gotten a bit more, but there is sch a thing as too much of agood thing, right?

Penn Badgely, as I mentioned before, is nothing more than the token hot guy. He isn’t really that great of an actor, but in a role like this where all he has to do is swoop in and save the day, it seems to work for him.

Aly Michalka, of Aly & AJ fame, surprised me. I didn’t know she could actually act (if you can call it that). She does what she has to, though, which is appear to be the hot best friend. Although, the only thing she has on Emma Stone is a bigger bra size (implants, methinks).

How often does a film come along that both audiences and critics agree on? Easy A is one of those films. If you don’t know who Emma Stone is, you will by the end of this flick, trust me. The one thing that sticks out the most to me about this flick is how it appears to have been made by someone who was a fan of those John Hughes films of the 80s and wanted to make one for today’s audiences. I think they did a good job of doing so, but you’ll have to find out for yourself.

5 out of 5 stars

Mr. Magoo

PLOT:

Mr. Quincy Magoo (Leslie Nielsen) is an eccentric millionaire with very bad eyesight who refuses to use eyeglasses and therefore always gets into trouble. During a museum robbery he accidentally gets a priceless gem called the Star of Kuristan, and begins to trace the way for the arch-criminals whose idea was to steal the gem – Austin Cloquet (Malcolm McDowell) and Ortega “The Piranha” Peru (Miguel Ferrer), while two federal agents Stupak (Stephen Tobolowsky) and Anders (Ernie Hudson) lead the manhunt for Mr. Magoo himself.

REVIEW:

 We have a station, or network, down here called RTV, where they play lots of stuff from days gone by. It seems to be mainly focused on the 80s, which is just fine for me. The great thing about this channel is that these shows are remastered or anything, but are shown just as they were back then.

On Saturday mornings, they even have a block of cartoons from yesteryear, including He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Fat Albert, She-Ra, BraveStarr, etc. Between these cartoons they show various shorts such as the Dick Tracy cartoon from the 60s or Mr. Magoo.

This is what brought me to watch Mr. Magoo tonight.

Now, previous films that are based on old cartoons seem to have a polarizing effect. In some cases, critics love them but audiences hate it, and in other cases it’s the reverse. For Mr. Magoo, it is the former.

In manner similar to Dudley Do-Right, The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Inspector Gadget, and George of the Jungle, this film does everything it can to more or less bring the cartoon from the proverbial drawing board to live action on the big screen.

I don’t know how many of you have actually seen a Mr. Magoo cartoon or read the comic strip. If you haven’t, then the basic premise is that this nearly blind man stumbles around causing accidents and endangering everyone but himself, yet he is oblivious to what is going on.

That is basically the plot of this film, bt of course they have to bring in some extra characters and throw in some sort of crime heist to frame the lovable, rich, old man.

I would have been just fine if they would have just left it with him stumbling around causing accidents and what not. There really was no need to bring in this crime heist scenario. The best parts of the film involve Magoo being Magoo, not this fluff-puff plot they shoved in here.

They do make up for that useless plot with the brilliant animation sequences that bookend the film. These harken back to the cartoon. I actually thought the voice actor,  Greg Burson, was the voice of Magoo from back then, but it turns out he is just really close to having the same voice.

Casting Leslie Nielsen as Mr. Magoo was a stroke of genius. Then again, who else could pull this off? I’d say George Carlin, but then again….nah, he’s not family friendly enough.

Jennifer Garner makes a decent big screen presence (this was before she was a big star), but her accent was bad…very bad!

Malcolm McDowell is evil as always. Would you expect less?

Make no mistake, this is not a great flick, bt it is one of those films the whole family an sit down and enjoy. Even those that get offended by any and everything can enjoy this. If you’re in the mood for a good, clean, funny film, then check out Mr. Magoo.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

There’s No Business Like Show Business

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1919, Terrance (Dan Dailey) and Molly (Ethel Merman) Donahue, a husband-and-wife vaudeville team known as The Donahues, pursue both success and a stable family life. As the years pass, their act becomes The Five Donahues with the addition of their children, Steve, Katy and Tim. Worried that the children will suffer from their nomadic lifestyle, Molly persuades Terry to send them to a Catholic boarding school, but the youngsters, missing both their parents and the thrill of performing, continually try to run away.

Comforted by Father Dineen’s assurances that the children are better off with them, Terry and Molly buy a home in New Jersey for their brood, but when the Depression hits, Terry and Molly are forced to take whatever jobs they can find, including singing for radio advertisements and working at a carnival.

Eventually, movie theaters come to their rescue by providing live stage entertainment before showings, and the Donahues are back to performing. In 1937, Tim graduates from high school, and the act becomes The Five Donahues once again, with Katy (Mitzi Gaynor) concentrating on dancing, Steve (Johnnie Ray) demonstrating an admirable singing voice, and Tim (Donald O’Connor) being an all-around performer like his father.

The family is a success and have soon hit the top, performing in a show at the famed Hippodrome Theatre in New York, where their extravagant performance of “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” thrills the audience with each family member taking a turn at a themed segment.

One night after a show, a worried Molly and Terry return home alone while Katy goes out on a date, Steve takes a walk and the womanizing Tim goes out with an older chorus girl. Katy and Tim both wind up at a nightclub, Gallagher’s Golden Pheasant Room, where Tim teases Victoria Hoffman, (Marilyn Monroe) a hatcheck girl about the unnatural elocution her singing teacher has instructed her to practice.

Vicky forgets Tim’s wisecracks though, when Eddie, her agent, informs her that he has persuaded famed producer Lew Harris to visit the club. With the help of her co-workers, Vicky gets onstage and impresses Lew and Tim with her singing. Backstage, Vicky learns that Tim is one of the well-known Donahues, but quickly dismisses him in order to talk business with Harris.

Back at the Donahue home, Molly and Terry welcome Katy and then Steve, who informs his family that he wants to become a priest. Terry is distraught over his son’s decision, but their discussion is interrupted by the appearance of Tim, who got drunk after being dismissed by Vicky. Escorting Tim upstairs to sleep it off and nearly drowning him by dunking his head into a large sink to sober him up, Molly worries aloud if he hasn’t bitten off more than he can chew. Tim goes to sleep and Molly goes downstairs to deal with Katy being out all night, with her six-dollar and twenty-cent cab ride home, and with Steve’s decision to become a priest.

Katy tells her father not to be so shocked and disappointed, because maybe Steve could end up a cardinal. Wailing in frustration, Terry tells the family that the only cardinal he wants in his family is one who plays ball for St. Louis (the St. Louis Cardinals).

Later, having accepted Steve’s choice, the family throws him a farewell party with songs, dances and impressions, the centerpiece of which is a performance of their parents’ old act by Tim and Katy. Steve tells the assembly that after his new act is worked up in the seminary after four years, he hopes everybody will come, and follows this with an uptempo jazz-influenced gospel number. Molly is crying afterward and Terry is just about to, but they both understand that eventually the bird has to leave the nest and go out on his own.

After the party, the rechristened Four Donahues accept an engagement in Miami. Upon arrival, Tim is thrilled to find that Vicky, now known as Vicky Parker, is also appearing there; however she is performing a considerably more sensual version of the same “Heat Wave” number as the family. After falling in complete lust with Vicky’s performance, Tim gives his approval for her to perform the number without checking with the family beforehand.

Vicky is a sensation and, although she gently shrugs off his proposals so that she can focus on her career, Tim falls in love with her as a result. Molly, still irate that Vicky “stole” her song, is further irritated upon learning that Harris is staging a Broadway revue around Vicky, and that Vicky wants Tim and Katy to join her without Molly and Terry.

Realizing what a great opportunity this is, Terry persuades Molly to let the kids go and she agrees, on one condition. They have to take the four expensive Cuban costumes as well, originally intended for the family’s version of the “Heat Wave” number they let Vicky perform instead. They all share a laugh, and soon Molly and Terry are performing on their own again while Tim and Katy rehearse with Vicky in New York.

Katy begins dating lyricist Charlie Gibbs, and after Steve is ordained, he asks whether or not Steve can perform a small wedding ceremony in the near future. Shocked and annoyed, Katy demands who Charlie plans to marry with her brother officiating, and Charlie sweetly tells her that she’s the candidate. Having heard none of this in advance, Katy is pleasantly surprised and they set the date.

Tim continues dating Vicky, but one night, a wardrobe mistress passes in the hallway with a new dress, telling Vicky that Harris had selected it as her opening statement. Feeling that the dress makes the most completely inappropriate opening statement, she phones back to the club and postpones her dinner date with Tim in order to discuss the matter with Harris. The costume designer, a tall, spare haute-couture man chimes in correcting her that the color is not purple, it’s `heliotrope’. Vicky angrily complains that no matter whether the dress is heliotrope, hydrangea or petunia it’s still the wrong shade of purple for her, not to mention being in the most completely unflattering style. Harris, equally annoyed, reminds Vicky that the dress cost $1500, and that’s not heliotrope.

Vicky loses track of time and stands Tim up, and Tim, mistakenly assuming that Vicky is having an affair with Harris, gets drunk and comes back to the theatre where he confronts Vicky about her supposed affair. Stung by the accusation, and annoyed that a fellow performer such as Tim who was born to the business of performing should chastise her for trying to follow her love of the theatre and doing whatever it took to reach her goals, Vicky denies all, but spurns Tim in his drunken state as well.

Tim leaves the theatre with one of the chorus girls, goes out and gets even more drunk as a result of being spurned by Vicky, and becomes involved in a car accident. Molly and Terry learn of the accident just hours before opening night of the show for which Vicky and Katy have been rehearsing and Terry goes down to the hospital to confront Tim about his conduct. Tim rebuffs the advice as hammish and corny, whereupon Terry slaps him across the face and storms out.

In the meantime, Molly has gone down to the theatre to be with Katy in this trying time. Lew Harris is beside himself and trying to decide if he should postpone the opening, but Molly, who has been rehearsing extensively with Katy, convinces Harris that while she’ll have to fake the dancing, a feat with which she’s been getting away for decades, she can go on in Tim’s place.

After all is decided the show is a resounding success on opening night. The next day Terry and Molly go back to the hospital to pick up Tim but discover that he has vanished, leaving behind a note apologizing for his behavior. Molly and Terry are both heartbroken, but decide to take action.

While Molly continues to perform in the show, the Donahues hire private detectives to search for Tim, and they scour the clubs and bars of New York looking for him. After almost a year, Steve joins the Army as a chaplain, while Molly still blames Vicky for Tim’s disappearance.

When Molly tells Terry that the Donahues are being sought for a benefit performance at the Hippodrome before it is closed the following May, Terry shows no interest and instead disappears by train to search for Tim. During the montage, we see him reminisce about all the good times they shared since Tim was little.

Months later, on the day of the benefit, Katy, who has become close friends with Vicky, arranges for her to share a dressing room with Molly. Annoyed at the arrangement, Molly begins to pack up and head upstairs for some peace and quiet. However, at Katy’s urging, Vicky convinces Molly of her genuine love for Tim and Molly buys it.

Finally forgiving Vicky, Molly is also comforted by the arrival of Steve, who tells her not to lose hope. As Molly perform`s “There’s No Business Like Show Business,” Steve and Katy watch from the wings, then Tim, wearing a US Navy uniform, appears.

Molly hesitates when she sees Tim, but completes the number before running offstage to embrace her son. Tim tells her that he had to work things out for himself, and the family is finally complete when Terry joins them a few minutes later, having come to see the benefit after all. Thrilled to be reunited, The Five Donahues, with Vicky holding Tim’s hand, go onstage and happily reprise their version of “Alexander’s Ragtime Band.”

The six principals march down a flight of stairs out of view and a chorus of men and women all in multicolored flowing attire circle around the perimeter going up and down the stairs singing the title song. The six principals then come up on a platform in the middle thereof, adding their vocals to the chorus, and the film concludes with their finale

REVIEW:

 If you’re a fan of musicals, then how can you not know Ethel Merman’s rendition of “There’s No Business Like Show Business”. That song, from Annie Get Your Gn, is the basis for this entertaining film.

As with all musicals, the thing that can make or break There’s No Business Like Show Business for the viewer, or should at least, is the music. While the songs are oft time catchy, not all are memorable.

The titular track and the song “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” stand out, but there some other songs that make one sit up and take notice, but there are other’s that are a bit overrated, such as Marilyn Monroe’s “Heat Wave”.

The plot in this film worked just fine to begin with. A showbiz family wanting to settle down…blah, blah, blah, but then it suddenly fast forwards and we see the kids all grown up and performing with their parents, and then leaving them high and dry for dinner, which in turn leads to certain chance meetings and decisions that influence that latter half of the film.

The sets in the film are spectacular. Of course, for a film that revolves primarily around the theater, what would you expect, right?

The cast is top-notch, with sch heavy weights as Ethel Merman, Donald O’Connor, Mitzi Gaynor, Marilyn Monroe, Dan Dailey, and pop singer Johnnie Ray.

If there is a weak link (or two), it would have to be Monroe. In this film, she seems to be trying to break away from the ditzy blonde roles she normally portrays. Her character even is trying to do the same. The problem is, I just wasn’t buying it. I’m not sure why. I mean, she’s good enough, bt just wasn’t convincing, I guess.

The other not as weak link would have to be Johnnie Ray. Now, this guy is no actor, so I take that into consideration. He’s also not involved in too many scenes, but when he is on-screen, it seems as if the life is sucked out of the room. I don’t know why this is, bt that’s the way it felt to me.

Musicals have been hit or miss with me lately, so it was great to watch one that was actually a delight from start to finish. Sure, it lagged on a bit in the middle, but the finale more than makes up for that. While this isn’t the greatest musical in the world, I would say it should go on your films to see before you die list.

4 out of 5 stars

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1996, after the death of SpaceGodzilla, Birth Island is found destroyed. Godzilla’s adopted son, Little Godzilla, is presumed dead at first but later reveals himself as a larger and more powerful sub-adult due to the excess radiation and is re-named Godzilla Junior. Godzilla, covered in glowing lava-like rashes, enters Hong Kong and destroys most of the city. G-Force representatives hire college student Kenichi Yamane, the grandson of Dr. Kyohei Yamane, to come work at the center in an attempt to unravel the mystery of Godzilla’s condition.

Yamane suspects that Godzilla has absorbed too much atomic energy and is having a nuclear heart attack. His death would result in triggering an atmospheric chain reaction which will take Japan, and the entire Earth with him. G-Force deploys a flying combat vehicle outfitted with anti-nuclear cold weapons to forestall this; the Super X III. Strange life forms appear where the original Godzilla died, and a host of deadly creatures called Destoroyah begin wreaking havoc. Soil samples reveal that Destoroyah is connected to the Oxygen Destroyer used against the first Godzilla in 1954, which mutated Precambrian era life forms. After several deadly skirmishes with the Japan Self-Defense Forces, the Destoroyah evolve beyond the J.S.D.F.’s containment abilities and psychic Miki Saegusa must use her failing powers to lure Junior to the area in an attempt to combat Destoroyah in Tokyo. Godzilla, who is searching for his son, follows Junior, but complications arise. Due to his encounter with the Super X III, Godzilla will meltdown once his body reaches 1,200 degrees Celsius and the Earth will be destroyed.

During Junior’s first battle, he is wounded. Godzilla and Junior meet in Narita, but Destoroyah returns in his final form. Destoroyah knocks down Godzilla and kidnaps Junior, dropping him from an extreme altitude that brings the child monster close to death. Godzilla, enraged, attacks Destoroyah and a battle ensues that destroys Tokyo. Born from the only weapon to ever kill a Godzilla, Destoroyah shows an advantage, but Godzilla’s radioactivity has increased his own power. Destoroyah’s body decomposes into many smaller Destoroyah which attempt to swarm Godzilla from all sides, but Godzilla uses his nuclear pulse to incinerate the miniature Destoroyahs.

Alone at last Godzilla tries to revive Junior but, he fails. Overcome by grief, Godzilla’s heart continues to fail. Suddenly, Destoroyah returns for one last attack. Godzilla’s demise begins, resulting in his power increasing once again significantly. In a fury of rage, Godzilla begins reigniting Destoroyah with his powerful atomic rays, severely burning and injuring the beast. Destoroyah then attempts to escape, but the military shoots and blows off his wings. Destoroyah falls out of the air but Godzilla doesn’t move. When Destoroyah hits the ground, because of the extreme change in temeperatures from the ice rays and Godzilla superheating the ground, Destoroyah explodes. As Godzilla reaches meltdown, and begins to die, the Super X III freezes him with ice beams to stop him from the destroying the planet and are successful. Godzilla’s final moments of life are long, and strenuous as he is overcome with immense pain, with his flesh and body slowly melting away. The King of the Monsters gives one last faint roar before he becomes nothing more than a pile of melted flesh and ashes. But in his final moments, he transfers his last supply of energy over to the fallen Junior.

The victory is a costly one however, for the radiation has made Tokyo an uninhabitable city. Suddenly, radiation levels begin to drop, and from within the thinning smoke, is a revived and full grown Godzilla Junior, the new King of the Monsters.

REVIEW:

 Like many movie fans out there, I knew there were a ton of Godzilla movies, but had only seen a handful, most recently Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II. Usually, on Saturday afternoons, in case you hadn’t noticed, I watch westerns, but I decided to go the sci-fi giant monster route today, and what better classic giant movie monster is there than Godzilla?

Now, this is one of those Godzilla films that reverts him back to his primitive ways, which is fine, but in doing so, they also seem to be trying to get across some sort of preachy message. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if it wasn’t done so in-your-face.

Let’s face it, Godzilla is a monster who was created as a result of nuclear testing, so we can’t rightly expect them to skirt around the nuclear aspect of him, but there is such a thing as beating a dead horse, which is exactly what they seem to be doing.

Now, if you’re familiar with Godzilla movies, you know they almost all involve the giant lizard suddenly appearing in the ocean outside of Tokyo and the rest of the film is spent watching the bad English dubbing over the Japanese acting as they try to figure out how to stop him before he reaches the city.

Well, that is sort of the same plot here, but we throw in the fact that Godzilla looks like some sot of special edition version of himself. Think of He-Man, then there was Thunder Punch He-Man, Battle Armor He-Man, etc. Well, Godzilla looked like he had just been painted red and yellow. Apparently, this all has to do with the face that he’s about to have a nuclear heart attack. Yeah, don’t ask me, it makes no sense other than to let them have a reason to kill off Godzilla and bring in Junior.

Believe it or not, that, nor the preachy tone of the film are my biggest issues with it, but rather the way the military doesn’t seem to care and just adopts a willy-nilly “shoot first, ask questions later” attitude. Who do they think they are, the Americans?

Seriously, though, they came off as so cold and uncaring, except for the two ladies who were mind linked, or whatever, to Junior.

Lost amongst all this seems to be the film’s antagonist, Destoroyah, who seems to be another inadvertent creation of the government and military. The oxygen destroyer that was used in the original Godzilla film, Godzilla: King of the Monsters, apparently did something to the soil, and these creatures mutated out of it. Somehow, though, with the exception of the climatic fight with both Godzillas and the attack on the city, the military just seems to ignore these things because they’re more obsessed with killing Godzilla. How one-track minded can you get?

This was made in the mid-late 90s, so one would expect them to take advantage of the technology available, but for some reason, they sets are very reminiscent of the early Godzilla pictures, where they look like they were taken from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I don’t have a problem with that. I actually, prefer the toy look, but given that Godzilla no longer looks like a man in a suit, they should have upgraded.

When all the dust settles, is Godzilla vs. Destoroyah a decent entry into the Godzilla legend? Well, I won’t go that far, but it is superior to that 1998 blasphemous attempt. This film has its moments, but it just seems like it is trying too hard to pay homage to the original film and at the same time create something new, failing at both tasks. I think that without the monsters, this would have been an unwatchable film. Your best bet is to stay away from this, unless you’re a Godzilla fan and want to see all of his movies.

3 out of 5 stars

Caveman

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Atouk (Starr) is a bullied and scrawny caveman living in “One Zillion BC – October 9th” He lusts after the beautiful but shallow Lana (Bach), who is the mate of Tonda (Matuszak), their tribe’s physically imposing bullying leader. After being banished along with his friend Lar (Quaid), Atouk falls in with a band of assorted misfits, among them the comely Tala (Long) and the elderly blind man Gog (Gilford). The group has ongoing encounters with hungry dinosaurs, and rescues Lar from a “nearby ice age”, where they encounter an abominable snowman. In the course of these adventures they discover sedative drugs, fire, cooking, music, and learn how to walk fully upright. Atouk uses these advancements to lead an attack on Tonda, overthrowing him and becoming the tribe’s new leader. He discards Lana and takes Tala as his mate, and they live happily ever after.

REVIEW:

 When I was in junior high, a friend and I would mess around playing the theme song to this in band. Neither of us had actually seen it at that time, but we both thought it was cool. Now, years later, I still love said theme, and I may like the movie just as much.

For those of you not familiar with Caveman, this is basically a film about the lives of cavemen. The plot revolves around your typical scrawny, misfit that doesn’t fit in and his affection for the tribe hottie, who belongs to the alpha male, if you will.

Something that is quite interesting about this film is the fact that in the 91 minute runtime, only a handful of modern English words are spoken, and those are said as a joke. I heard this and it sort of scared me off. Films that have little to no spoken words don’t usually work for me, but somehow the grunts in this film somehow elicited a different response from me.

If you’ve ever seen Wall-E, then you can sort of get an idea of what to expect. In that film, the only words spoken (in the first hour) are various mechanical noises from Wall-E, Eve, and then that cockroach. That same charm is what makes this flick work, when it could very well have been a snorefest.

Aside from the surprise of not being bored by there not being any actual words in the picture, the physical comedy is what makes this an absolute delight. Even more impressive is that these aren’t comedians doing such a great job.

Sure, Shelly Long has had some comedic roles, but nothing Chevy Chase like, which is what this film basically called for. Also, who thinks of Dennis Quaid when they think comedy? Ringo Starr? Somehow they all work together, though.

One of the things that I wasn’t sure about with this film was the use of stop motion. I’m one of the few people who loves stop motion animation almost as much as traditional hand drawn animation. I love the works of Ray Harryahusen, but he didn’t do this film, but you can tell he influenced the guy that did.

When I first saw the creations he made, I thought they were a bit cartoony. Then I sat back and realized that they fit the tone of the film.

I loved this picture, but, make no mistake, it isn’t for everyone. No, there isn’t anything offensive…unlessy ou have issue with scantily clad, busty cavewomen being treated like possessions by the men, but certain themes are sure to send certain sensitive viewers into a tizzy. That point aside, those of us that aren’t stick in the muds can truly enjoy a film like this and relish in its simplicity. Watch and enjoy!

4 out of 5 stars

Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

A new hero has arrived in Gotham whose identity is a mystery—even to Batman. During patrol, the Dynamic Duo spots her trying to stop one of Penguin’s shipments on Gotham’s interstate and apparently would use lethal force after seeing her using a plasma rifle sending Penguin’s truck with its driver off the bridge. Batman and Robin saves the driver from falling to his death. Batman must figure out who Batwoman is and to stop familiar enemies Penguin and Rupert Thorne from selling illegal weapons to the fictional nation of Kasnia. The two employ Carlton Duquesne, a gangster, to provide protection.

Batwoman’s main focus is on illegal activity by the Penguin, Thorne, and Duquesne. Despite taking the symbol of the Bat as a sign of justice, Batwoman sullies the Bat prefix by taking out criminals with ruthless and dangerous techniques. She seems uninterested in sparing the lives of her adversaries.

Batman, with Robin, sets out to stop the Batwoman from making mistakes as she tries to take out the villains, and as he encounters numerous twists, setbacks, and apparent false leads in determining her true identity. The newest gadget on display is a wind glider used by Batwoman that utilizes some of the most advanced technology ever seen in Gotham City. Bruce Wayne, Batman’s alter ego, also becomes involved with a new lady in his life: Kathy Duquesne, the crime boss’s daughter.

In addition to Kathy Duquesne, Bruce is introduced to two other women who, as his investigation continues into who the Batwoman is, seem to fall well into suspicion: Dr. Roxanne “Rocky” Ballantine, a new employee of Wayne Tech whose technology development is used by the Batwoman against the Penguin; and by Detective Bullock’s new partner Sonya Alcana, whose knowledge of the weapons being smuggled by the Penguin and Carlton Dunquesne is much greater than the detective should know.

With Carlton Duquesne unable to stop Batwoman’s raids on the various facilities used to hold the various weapons, the Penguin calls Bane for additional support to ensure that there are no more losses as a result of the Batwoman. Not long after Bane’s arrival in Gotham, it is revealed that there is not one but three Batwomen, all of whom were the women suspected by Batman; Kathy and Sonia met taking art classes at college and Sonia and Rocky were roommates. They had taken turns to remove suspicion on any one of the three, while using Roxanne’s technological genius and contempt for the Penguin (who had framed her long-time fiance Kevin), Kathy’s money and access to several key aspects of her father’s organization (and desires her father’s criminal career would end as it led her mother being killed), and Sonia’s physical and police skills to ensure that Thorne’s operation is thwarted (as the crime lord previously left her family in financial ruins after arsonists who worked for him burned down her parents’ shop). Alcana was also saved by Batman nine years prior, the event giving the detective the original inspiration for the costumed identity she now shares with her friends.

In the final confrontation, a ship taking the weapons into international waters for the exchange is destroyed by a bomb planted by Kathy. She and Batman narrowly escape the explosion despite the efforts of Bane, who is seemingly killed as he falls into the Gotham River. At the conclusion, the GCPD are left to assume that Sonia is the only Batwoman after she helps rescue Batman from the ship. Sonia resigns from the police due to the potential problems her presence could cause and decides to leave the city. Batman gives Sonia evidence he discovered which helps clear Rocky’s fiance. Carlton agrees to testify against Thorne and the Penguin after saving Kathy’s life during the ship’s destruction. After she reconciles with her father, Kathy drives off with Bruce.

REVIEW:

 I’m a big fan of Batman, although I’m not such a fan of Christopher Nolan’s movies (I think I may in the extreme minority on that). As much as we know about Batman and Robin, we rarely get anything about Batwoman.

She’s appeared in a couple of the various Batman cartoon, most recently, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, but for the most part, the female bat-role is filled by Batgirl.

You can imagine my delight when I see a film that intended to give Batwoman the spotlight. Unfortunately, though, this film drops the ball with the character.

No, this is not a bad flick. They just do some kind of weird mutation of her. I’m sure there are some out there that are going to jump all over me for being a purist, but for goodness sakes, this is made by many of the same people who make the comic. Can you seriously sit there and tell me that they couldn’t keep Batwoman’s origin the way it should be, instead of this weird, slightly confusing tale?

That point aside, this is one of the really great animated flicks I’ve seen in recent history.

The story is full of mystery, intrigue and action. All of these things are done very well, especially in the short runtime.

Where the plot excelled, the animation went even further. Remember the days when we could watch hand drawn animated features? This is one of those that will definitely make you remember and wish for those days.

There are two weak parts. The first has to deal with Robin. Now, I didn’t understand the notion behind brining him in and not really utilizing him. Now, I may be getting my timeline confused, because he seemed to still be in training. If that was the case, then it makes sense, but otherwise, use the boy for something other than running sitting in the Bat-boat.

The other issue I have is with the voice cast. I bow down to the mastery of Kevin Conroy as Batman. No one does it better. However, David Ogden Stiers just didn’t work for me as the Penguin and Kelly Ripa’s voice just seemed out of place.

Both of these may be because I’m used to hearing them in other places, but then I think…it didn’t affect my opinion of Hector Elizondo or Kyra Sedgewick as Bane and Batowman, respectively.

When all the dust clears, this film falls short of the animated series or some of the other animated films that were released around this time. Having said that, though, this is a very enjoyable film. I found myself riveted the entire time and couldn’t tear myself away from the screen. Despite its faults, there is plenty of reason to watch Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1995, eleven years after the events of The Terminator, John Connor (Edward Furlong) is ten years old and living in Los Angeles with foster parents. His mother Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) had been preparing him throughout his childhood for his future role as the leader of the human Resistance against Skynet, but she was arrested after attempting to bomb a computer factory and remanded to a hospital for the criminally insane under the supervision of Dr. Silberman (Earl Boen). Skynet sends a new Terminator, a T-1000 (Robert Patrick), back in time to 1995 to kill John. A more advanced prototype than the Terminator that was sent after Sarah, the T-1000 is composed of “a mimetic polyalloy”, a liquid metal that allows it to take the shape and appearance of anyone or anything it touches. Though it cannot mimic complex machines such as guns or bombs, it can shape parts of itself into knives and stabbing weapons and can mimic the voice and appearance of humans. It assumes the identity of a police officer and goes in pursuit of John. Meanwhile, the future John Connor has sent back a reprogrammed T-800 Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), identical to the one that attacked Sarah, to protect his younger self.

The Terminator and the T-1000 converge on John in a shopping mall, and a chase ensues in which John and the Terminator escape by motorcycle. The Terminator explains that he has been programmed to protect and obey John. Fearing that the T-1000 will kill Sarah in order to get to him, John orders the Terminator to help free her. They encounter Sarah in the midst of her own escape attempt, and she is initially terrified by the Terminator but accepts his assistance after he helps them to escape the T-1000. The Terminator informs John and Sarah about Skynet, the artificial intelligence that will initiate a nuclear holocaust on “Judgment Day” and go on to create the machines that will hunt the remnants of humanity. Sarah learns that the man most directly responsible for Skynet’s creation is Miles Dyson (Joe Morton), a Cyberdyne Systems engineer working on a revolutionary new microprocessor that will form the basis for Skynet.

Gathering weapons from an old friend, Sarah plans to flee with John to Mexico. However, after having a horrific nightmare of a nuclear explosion she awakens with strengthened resolve and sets out to kill Miles Dyson. She wounds him at his home but finds herself unable to kill him in front of his family. Deducing her plan, John and the Terminator arrive and inform Miles of the consequences of his work. They learn that much of his research has been reverse engineered from the CPU and arm of the previous Terminator sent after Sarah. Convincing him that these items and his designs must be destroyed, they break into the Cyberdyne building and retrieve the CPU and arm. The police arrive and Miles is mortally wounded, but stays behind to trigger the detonator that will destroy his research.

The T-1000 pursues John, Sarah, and the Terminator, catching up to them in a steel mill. In a climactic battle, the Terminator fires a grenade into the T-1000 and it falls into a vat of molten steel where it is destroyed. John throws the pieces of the first Terminator into the steel as well. The Terminator then sacrifices himself, asking Sarah to lower him into the steel so that his technology cannot be used to create Skynet. Sarah looks to the future with hope, believing that if a Terminator can learn the value of human life, then perhaps humanity is not doomed to self-destruction

REVIEW:

This was actually the first film of this franchise that I saw, and it blew my mind. Now, years later, I still get that feeling of wonder everytime I watch Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

The film picks up years after The Terminator left off. Now, there is a Terminator after John Connor, and one reprogrammed and sent back to protect John and Sarah. Before these two Terminators come to blows, there is this little thing about a certain microchip from the original Terminator that is responsible for the launch of Skynet, which in turn, is responsible for the rampant death and destruction that goes on in the future.

The thing that sets this film apart from its predecessor is the special effects. The liquid Terminator was cutting edge stuff at the time of this picture’s release. Of course, nowadays, it seems just as common as CGI-ing in a crowd of people or something.

However, back in 1991, this hadn’t been seen before, so it was a big thing and blew audiences away. In turn, it made James Cameron look like a genius, much the same way Avatar did last year.

 Despite the lengthy runtime of this film, it does keep one’s attention almost the entire time. This is, of course, excluding the middle section where they end up in Mexico. That whole part nearly brings the picture to complete stop.

It isn’t helped that the scene following it doesn’t exactly start things back up. The whole cybernetic microchip explanation thing serves as nothing more than a way to make the plot convoluted and complicated.

Luckily, the climax isn’t far behind this boring hour or so that could have easily been taken out and not hurt the film at all.

I won’t dwell too much on the acting here, except for to say that Linda Hamilton’s Sarah Connor seems to be a completely different woman that she was in the first film. I mean, she was more or less your damsel in distress in that one, but here she looks like she could go jump in a WWE ring. Look at the guns she’s sporting and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure if I care for the change in character or not, but that is some good acting on her part to make the change believable.

Robert Patrick and Arnold Schwarzenegger are great as the Terminators showing no humanity and staying stone faced and monotone the entire time. Patrick does have a little more freedom to move with his character, as he is an upgraded, newer model.

Edward Furlong seems to tiny riding on that bike with Schwarzenegger. For this being his first major film role, the kid didn’t do half bad. Shame his popularity didn’t stave off the apparent child actor curse, but hey, at least he’s still working and alive. I hear he’s in The Green Hornet.

I hear time and time again about how this film or that film doesn’t stand the test of time. My response to those that say such things is so what. The retro vice of some pictures is what makes them charming and memorable. Having said that, I believe that Terminator 2: Judgement Day does a good job of still standing after 20 years..yes I said 20 years!!!! I rank this up there as one of my all time favorite sci-fi flicks, along with the holy trilogy. This is for sure a must see before you die film.

5 out of 5 stars

The Midnight Meat Train

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The film opens as a well dressed, barrel chested man stalks the late-night passengers of a subway train. He kills several people with a meat hammer and a butcher’s hook. He dispatches his prey with unnatural strength. He wears a ring on his finger, adorned with an eight pointed star. We are then introduced to Leon (Bradley Cooper), a photographer who heads into the city’s subway system at night to take photographs and saves a woman from a group of guys harassing her. The next day, he discovers the girl has gone missing. Leon is intrigued and begins to investigate newsreels about similar disappearances. His investigation leads him to a butcher named Mahogany (Vinnie Jones), who he suspects has been killing subway passengers for as long as ten years.

Leon attempts to turn some of the photos he has taken of Mahogany in to the police, but they become suspicious of Leon’s motives. Leon decides to take matters into his own hands and goes to the subway at midnight, where he witnesses the butcher killing several passengers and hanging them on meat hooks. Leon passes out on the subway floor after being attacked by the butcher who then strings him up like the other dead bodies. He passes out again when “something” begins to attack him and awakens the next morning in an abandoned subway platform with strange markings carved into his chest. Maya (Leslie Bibb), Leon’s girlfriend, and her friend Jurgis (Roger Bart) examine the photos Leon has been taking of Mahogany, leading them to the killer’s apartment. After breaking into the butcher’s home, Jurgis is kidnapped. Maya goes to the police, but they won’t listen to her. A police official, who seems to be involved with the unfolding conspiracy, directs the misguided Maya to a trip on the midnight train. Leon, unaware of Maya’s involvement, decides to put an end to the butcher’s crimes and heads to the meat packing plant Mahogany works in. Leon arms himself with a butcher’s apron and several slaughterhouse knives.

Leon enters the train as Mahogany corners Maya. Leon attacks Mahogany and finally throws him out of the train. Eventually, they enter an underground cavern filled with bones and decomposing bodies. The train engineer enters the car and advises Leon and Maya to “Please, step away from the meat.” The true purpose of the underground station is revealed as reptile-people enter the car and consume the bodies of the butcher’s victims. As they exit the train, Leon and Maya discover they are in a station underneath city hall which is littered with the bones of hundreds of victims. Mahogany returns in a battered and bleeding state and charges at him, and Maya is tossed aside. Leon engages him a final time ending with Leon driving a sharpened bone through Mahogany’s throat in which Mahogany whispers with his dying breath “Welcome.” At which Leon impales Mahogany’s skull with a butcher knife. The train engineer explains to Leon that the reptile-people have always existed and the butcher’s job is to feed them every night, in order to keep them “separate” and prevent them from having to come to the surface for sustenance, a scheme which the police are also in on and have helped to continue. The engineer rips out Leon’s tongue with the same superhuman strength as the butcher and eats it, then he forces Leon to watch as he kills Maya on an altar of corpses with one of the butcher’s knives and rips out her still-beating heart. When the engineer is done, he tells Leon that he will become the new meat train butcher, replacing Mahogany (for he became ‘inefficient’).

In the final scene, the police official who was involved hands the train schedule to the new butcher, who wears a ring with the same eight-pointed star. The killer walks onto the midnight train and turns to reveal that he is a now-mute Leon

REVIEW:

Not too long ago, I mentioned in a horror movie review how that we never get a flat-out slaghterfest, without all the psychological mess behind it. Mindless killing…if you must show blood, guts, and the like, then I don’t want to know the reason behind it or how the killer got so twisted that he must kill to get his rocks off. Just slaughter folks and move on. Well, I finally got my wish thanks to The Midnight Meat Train.

I first saw this trailer on some obscure movie I watched a few weeks back. I wasn’t sure what to think of it, but curiosity got the best of me. It appears that this is actually based on a series of books, called Books of Blood. Each of these is set to be released. If the subsequent films live up to this one, then you can guarantee I’ll be viewing, and I’m not even a horror fan!

So, I bet you’re wondering what this is about, right? Well, there is no easy way to explain. The easiest way is that there is a train, a butcher, a photographer, and some mysterious goings on. All these things converge more and more as the film progresses, until the penultimate confrontation at the film’s climax, which leads to an interesting final scene.

As I mentioned before, this is not some half-ass PG-13 horror film. In this day and age when films are afraid to go for that R rating, it is refreshing to see one. On top of that, we get lots of blood gushing,  head chopping, eye-popping (literally) murders, without some long, convoluted diatribe before hand. The guy just does them and goes about his business, that way a good killer should.

Now, there is a story going on besides the giant, mystery guy killing people on the subway. There is also the life and times of our leading man who is a struggling photographer trying to take that one picture which will land him a good job and allow him to support his fiancée.

I wish I could say that I cared about their relationship, but to be honest, it did nothing for the picture, except slow it down. I know that it was meant to give us a little more background and whatnot, but it just seemed like unnecessary filler, if you ask me. Then again, in horror flicks, aren’t 90% of the film that same kind of fluff?

The bloody effects here remind me of a mixture between the bloody splatter effects in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street  and the video game God of War. The mixture may sound a bit eclectic, but, somehow the slight bit of unrealness lightens up the film just enough to make it a bit more enjoyable. I know that may sound weird, but that’s how it is.

The acting in this isn’t top-notch, but the actors serve their purpose for moving things along. As I said before, though, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to care for any of the characters, save for the killer, only because h seemed to be all alone.

What did I ultimately think of The Midnight Meat Train? Well, it is a bit of a throwback, if you will, to those awesome horror flicks of the 80s where filmmakers weren’t scared to show some gruesome murders. Mix that with today’s mentality of just plain sick, deprived ways of killing, and there you have it. Do I recommend this to anyone? Oh yes, it is definitely worth the viewing, even if you’re not a horror fan.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

A Rage in Harlem

PLOT:

 The film begins in Natchez, Mississippi in 1956. During a police shoot-out with the mob leader Slim’s (Badja Djola) gang, Slim’s moll Imabelle (Robin Givens) takes off with a cadre of stolen gold. As a result, Imabelle is chased by Slim’s mob from Mississippi to New York. By the time she reaches Harlem, she is broke and has to figure out a way to ditch the trunk full of gold. She finds herself at the annual Undertaker’s Ball, where she sees the big and dumb Jackson (Forest Whitaker), a bumbling undertaker’s assistant. She spots Jackson as a mark that she can use as a cover and latches onto him immediately. She moves in with him to hide out, but Imabelle becomes taken with his innocence. For his part, Jackson falls head over heels in love with her. But the Mississippi mob catches up with her and takes her away. Jackson calls in his street-wise brother Goldy (Gregory Hines) to help him rescue Imabelle. Jackson fears that Imabelle has been kidnapped. But Goldy knows better — he still agrees to help him but Goldy wants the gold for himself.

REVIEW:

In the early 90s, I was obsessed with Robin Givens, especially after she divorced Mike Tyson, so it should come as no surprises that I wanted to see A Rage in Harlem. Sadly, at the time, I was too young to go see it by myself, not to mention the parental units thought this might be too “mature a film” for me.

After awhile, I got over Robin and this film sort of faded out of my knowledge until it was suggested by Netflix the other day. Was it worth the wait? I wish I could say yes, but that really wasn’t the case.

Don’t misunderstand me, this is not a bad flick, by any means. It does seem a bit confused, though. What I mean by that is it seems to be conflicted as to what it wants to be. At times, it seems to be trying to go screwball comedy, and other times it seems to be leaning toward crime drama.

Personally, I think this would have worked more on the comedy route, especially if they would have gone the route of another film from around the same time, Harlem Nights. I could be way off, though.

The story is a little weak for my taste. I mean, there is this heist that has happened before the film starts, followed by a shootout and getaway, which brings them crooks from Mississippi to Harlem. How they got up there so quickly is a mystery that may never be solved.

On top of that, there is this strange subplot about how random characters are related and something about a funeral…blah, blah, blah. It just doesn’t work, for me at least.

Some people may applaud the plot, and that is their opinion. Who am I to argue? I’m sure there are opinions I have that differ from theirs.

Earlier, I mentioned the crime drama aspect of this picture. Well, it does drive the film forward, and makes the “rage” in the title make sense. In a manner one would expect from a gangster-type picture, we get a shootout near the film’s end with casualties here and there. It works, but I just didn’t seem to get into it. I don’t know, I guess I just don’t buy Forest Whitaker and Gregory Hines as stepbrothers or something.

What is my final impression of A Rage in Harlem? Well, it is decent enough, especially for the time it was released, but it doesn’t have the feel of a film set in the 50s. I seems like they were going more for a modern feel, but got stuck with a retro setting. The conflicting eras ruined the picture. Do I recommend this? Well, I won’t say stay away from it, but I’m not going to be rushing to watch this again, that’s for sure.

3 out of 5 stars

100 Rifles

PLOT:

Set in 1912 Mexico, an Arizona lawman named Lyedecker (Brown) travels to a remote village looking for Yaqui Joe (Reynolds), a half-Indian, half-white bank robber who has stolen $6,000 (in Arizona) to buy rifles for his people who are being repressed by the government.

Lyedecker isn’t concerned with Yaqui Joe’s cause of helping his tribe, and all he cares about is getting the money returned to a Phoenix bank within his jurisdiction.The two men escape to the hills where they are joined by Sarita (Welch), a beautiful Indian revolutionary. They eventually become allies and fight for the Indians. Taking over the leadership of the Yaquis, Lyedecker ambushes Verdugo’s train while Sarita distracts the attention of the soldiers on board by taking a public shower.

REVIEW:

 With a title like 100 Rifles, one has to expect lots of gunplay, right? Well, you get a fair amount with this flick, and then some.

A few minutes ago, I read an article about how Hollywood never really respects westerns, much in the same way they shun superhero flicks today. That really is a shame because this is one of the best crafted westerns I’ve seen. Now, it is no How the West was Won or The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, but it is apparent that the people behind the camera on this film knew what they were doing.

As with every western, there are two things that really stick out. The first being the lush scenery. For this film, it is set in Mexico (filmed in Spain), and this isn’t a film about cattle rustlers or the like, so, there isn’t much greenery around, in comparison to other westerns I’ve seen. However, there is still crystal clear blue skies, and some nice western towns that make up for it.

The next thing that stands out has to be the action. If a western doesn’t have a few gunfights, specifically a climactic one, then it just isn’t worthy of the genre, if you ask me. 100 Rifles delivers on that front, but I would have liked for there to have been more, but maybe I’m just asking too much.

The plot is fairly simple. Guy robs bank in the US, flees to Mexico and is followed by a sheriff who aims to bring him back. While down in Mexico, the sherif and the crook get entangled in some dispute between the Indians and the government, leading to them joining the revolution.

I wasn’t aware of this, but it seems as if this film is historically significant for having the first on-screen interracial sex scene (featuring Jim Brown and Raquel Welch).

Now, let’s face the facts, if you’re going into a western expecting to see stellar acting, you need to have your head examined. Sure, there are some that break the mold and have great performances, but not many. This is one of those that doesn’t.

Jim Brown isn’t far removed from his days in the NFL for this role. Granted, he doesn’t do a bad job, but it is quite obvious he’s not an actor.

Raquel Welch seems to be trying too hard to not be a sex symbol, but rather a serious actress. Props to her for that, but it just doesn’t work when you’re pretty much covered in dirt and still look that hot. The aforementioned sex scene as well as a later shower scene don’t help her case, either.

Burt Reynolds plays one of those characters you either love or hate here. If you’ve ever seen Norm McDonald’s impression of him on Saturday Night Live, then you have an idea of what o expect from him here.

A couple of surprises do show up in the cast. A very young Lorenzo Lamas has a small cameo role as a little boy (his father starring in the picture might have had something to do with that). Soap fans will be stunned to see Eric Braeden of Young & the Restless fame (Victor) is also in this.

I love westerns. Those of you that keep up with this little blog, can more than tell that. Is 100 Rifles going to be one of those great, memorable entries into this genre? I won’t go that far. The acting is its ultimate downfall, but everything else is near perfection. I will say, thought, that this is one of those films you should see before you die.

4 out of 5 stars

The ‘Burbs

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The movie opens at night, on Mayfield Place, a cul-de-sac in the fictional suburban town of Hinckley Hills. Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks) awakens to strange noises coming from his mysterious new neighbors’ house and goes outside to investigate. On his way back inside, he sees the cigar-smoking Vietnam veteran Lt. Mark Rumsfield (Bruce Dern) watching the Klopeks’ house from his bedroom window. The following morning, Ray watches Queenie, Walter Seznik’s (Gale Gordon) dog, defecate on Rumsfield’s lawn. Moments later, Rumsfield comes out and accidentally steps on it, causing a scene with Walter. Later, Art Weingartner (Rick Ducommun) almost kills Ray while attempting to shoot some crows, then invites himself into Ray’s home for breakfast. Ray and Art attempt to speak with their new neighbors, the Klopeks, but are thwarted by an attack of bees.

That evening, Art and Ray spy on the Klopeks. They, together with Rumsfield, watch Hans Klopek (Courtney Gains) drive his dilapidated Pontiac from the garage to the curb, then pull a large, heavy garbage bag from the car, place it in a garbage can and bang it with a stick. During the night, Ray watches the Klopeks digging in their back yard with pick-axes in the middle of a rainstorm. The following morning, Art runs out to check the contents of the garbage truck as it is collecting the Klopek’s can from the previous night. He is soon joined by Rumsfield and Ray, but their search in the hope of finding human remains is futile.

Bonnie (Wendy Schaal), Rumsfield’s wife, finds Queenie running loose and wonders if Walter went away and forgot to feed her. Ray, Art, Bonnie and Ricky (Corey Feldman) go to Walter’s house and Rumsfield lets them in. Inside, they find Walter’s toupee. Noting that the television was left on and a chair was turned over, Art and Rumsfield begin to worry. Ray collects Queenie and leaves a note for Walter explaining that he has his dog. The following night, Ray and Art have a meeting in the Petersons’ basement and theorize about Walter’s disappearance.

The following morning, Rumsfield and Art write a note to the Klopeks and slip it under their door. Art goes next door to tell Ray of the deed, which upsets him. As Ray talks to Art, Ray’s dog Vince brings to them a bone he dug up from under the fence. Art identifies the bone as a femur, and believes it to belong to Walter. At the request of Carol (Carrie Fisher), Ray’s wife, she, Ray, Rumsfield and Bonnie pay the Klopeks a visit. Art, intentionally not invited, snoops around in the Klopeks’ back yard while the visitors meet Hans, Reuben (Brother Theodore) and Werner (The Doctor) (Henry Gibson) inside. Later that evening, Ray has a meeting with Art and Rumsfield and reveals that he found Walter’s toupee in the Klopeks’ basement the previous day after he had earlier slipped it back through Walter’s mailbox. The trio agree to investigate the contents of the Klopeks’ back yard when the owners leave in the morning.

As the Klopeks leave for a meeting at the university, Carol and her son Dave (Cory Danziger) go to visit Carol’s sister, Evelyn, leaving Ray free to explore the Klopeks’ backyard. Their first order of business is to disable the Klopeks’ security system. The result ends up almost electrocuting Art, but ends up disabling the alarm while also cutting off the power to the entire neighborhood. Art and Ray then jump over their fence into the Klopeks’ yard while Rumsfield watches the proceedings from the roof of his house. After hours of digging and finding nothing incriminating, Ray and Art venture into the Klopek house, where they discover in the basement a furnace with a capability of reaching a temperature of 5,000 degrees. Ray then begins to dig into the loose soil that constitutes the basement floor, believing there may be dead bodies buried there.

That evening, the Klopeks drive back to their home, only to reverse out when they see lights on in the basement. Not long after, Rumsfield, Art and Ricky are perturbed to see Walter return home. Then the Klopeks return with the police and Art tells Ricky to delay them while he goes into the Klopeks’ home and rescues Ray. Ray hits a gas line with his pick-axe while continuing to dig out the basement floor. He yells for Art to flee right before the house explodes into flames with Ray still inside. A few minutes later, a disheveled Ray emerges from the flames just as his wife returns from dropping Dave at her sister’s house.

Art talks to an officer, who explains that Walter had a medical problem and his family took him to the hospital. While away, Walter had made arrangements for the Klopeks to pick up his mail. When Ray had previously slipped the toupee back through the mail slot, it got picked up with the mail and newspapers. Ray is read the charges against him and ignores them in favor of admiring Carol’s new hairstyle. Ray then snaps at Art and gives his “We’re the lunatics, not them” speech, before lunging at Art and then throwing himself into an ambulance on a gurney.

As Ray is about to conclude that he and the neighbors were wrong about the Klopeks, Werner Klopek joins Ray in the ambulance a short while later. Werner, thinking Ray must have seen the skull of one of his former neighbors in the basement, attempts to murder Ray to collect his skull too, revealing that Art was right all along about the Klopeks. Hans assumes the role of the ambulance driver, but crashes into the Weingartners’ house during the three-way struggle. The gurney, with Ray and Werner aboard, rolls out of the ambulance and down the street. Ray makes a citizen’s arrest on his would-be murderer as Ricky uncovers a large selection of bones in the Klopeks’ trunk. The Klopeks are then arrested and the charges against Ray are dropped

REVIEW:

 When I was growing up, I remember seeing the trailer for this flick and wanting to see it. For some reason, I never had the chance, and over the years, forgot about it. I wonder why. Anyway, after all these years, I was finally able to watch The ‘Burbs.

I suppose you’re asking yourself, was it worth the wait? Well, I won’t go that far, but at the same time, I won’t say it wasn’t. If that has you confused, then you’re ready to watch this film.

The plot revolves around paranoid, nosey neighbors living in a suburban neighborhood and are skeptical of their new neighbors who just moved in because they haven’t bothered to come out and say hello. How rude, right?

Well, for some reason, I wouldn’t be surprised if some people in my neighborhood thought the same about me since I don’t exactly socialize with them. Then again, same goes for them.

They say this is a comedy, but I didn’t really find myself laughing. There were a couple of guffaw moments, at best. Having said that, this isn’t exactly a horror or drama flick, either. Not really sure where one would categorize this.

Something about this story that is odd has to be the way they shoved the twist at the end in there. It was pretty much assumed by everyone that was the case, but they could have very well ended the film and left it a mystery without adding an extra 5 minutes or so of forced footage in there. That’s just how I saw it, at least.

Tom Hanks does his usual schtick of being a lovable guy that everyone will just about bend over backwards for.

Corey Feldman is actually in a movie without Corey Haim that isn’t The Goonies.

Carrie Fisher, although in a small supporting role, has never looked better, outside of her bikini from Return of the Jedi. On top of that, she commanded your attention when she was on the screen.

Who knew that Wendy Schaal, who voices Francine on American Dad, looked as good as some of the characters she has voiced?

Henry Gibson is great, as always, except for that last scene that I mentioned, of course.

So, what do I ultimately think of The’Burbs? Well, I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would, but I did find myself riveted either by the sheer audacity of these guys or by the fact that this very thing could happen in any neighborhood on any given week. Is this a great film? No, but it is pretty good and worth watching if you ever get the chance.

3 out of 5 stars

Meet Me in St. Louis

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The backdrop for Meet Me in St. Louis is St. Louis, Missouri on the brink of the 1904 World’s Fair.

The Smith family lead a comfortable middle-class life. Mr. Alonzo Smith (Leon Ames) and Mrs. Anna Smith (Mary Astor) have four daughters: Rose (Lucille Bremer), Esther, Agnes, and Tootie; and a son, Lon Jr. (Henry H. Daniels, Jr.) Esther, the second eldest daughter (Judy Garland), is in love with the boy next door, John Truett (Tom Drake), although he does not notice her at first. Rose is expecting a phone call in which she hopes to be proposed to by Warren Sheffield (Robert Sully).

Esther finally gets to meet John properly when he is a guest at the Smith’s house party, although her chances of romancing him don’t go to plan when, after all the guests are gone and he is helping her turn off the gas lamps throughout the house, he tells her she uses the same perfume as his grandmother and that she has “a mighty strong grip for a girl”.

On Halloween, Tootie (Margaret O’Brien) returns home injured, claiming that John Truett attacked her. Without bothering to investigate, Esther confronts John, physically attacking him and scolding him for being a “bully”. When Esther returns home, Tootie confesses that what really happened was that John was trying to protect Tootie and Agnes (Joan Carroll) from the police after a dangerous prank they pulled went wrong. Upon learning the truth, Esther immediately dashes to John’s house next door to apologize, and they share their first kiss.

Mr. Smith announces to the family that he is to be sent to New York on business and eventually they will all move. The family is devastated and upset at the news of the move, especially Rose and Esther whose romances, friendships, and educational plans are threatened. Esther is also aghast because they will miss the World’s Fair.

An elegant ball takes place on Christmas Eve. Esther is devastated when John cannot take her as his date, due to his leaving his tuxedo at the tailor’s and being unable to get it back. But she is relieved when her grandfather (Harry Davenport) offers to take her instead. At the ball, Esther fills up a visiting girl’s (Lucille Ballard, played by June Lockhart) dance card with losers because she thinks Lucille is a rival of Rose’s. But when Lucille turns out to be interested in Lon, Esther switches her dance card with Lucille’s and instead dances herself with the clumsy and awkward partners. After being rescued by Grandpa, she is overwhelmed when John unexpectedly turns up after somehow managing to obtain a tuxedo, and the pair dance together for the rest of the evening.

Esther returns home to an upset Tootie. She sings her “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (a song which Judy Garland claimed in an interview was substituted for the originally planned song {unknown title}. She stated that the original song was just too sad and that she couldn’t sing it to poor little Margaret O’Brien). Tootie, however, does become more upset at the prospect of the family’s move and runs downstairs, out into the cold to destroy the snowmen they have made. Mr. Smith sees his daughter’s upsetting outburst.

Mr. Smith later announces that the family will not leave St. Louis after all when he realises how much the move will affect his family. John declares his love for Esther and Warren declares his love for Rose and together they state that they will marry at the first possible opportunity. And all of the family finally are able to attend the World’s Fair.

The film ends at night with the entire family (including boyfriends-to-turn-into-presumed-husbands and Lon’s new love interest) overlooking the fresh new lake at the center of the World’s Fair just as the lights come up on the entire fair.

REVIEW:

 Someone suggested Meet Me in St. Louis awhile back, but I just never got around to it until today. Little did I know that this apparently is amongst the most successful musicals, in terms of winning awards. This was during the time when there wasn’t such a disconnect between critics/awards voters and the general public. Having said all that, I can see why this film earned all of its accolades, and at the same time not many people know about it.

For me, the biggest selling point of a musical is the music. If I don’t come away humming a tune or two, then it wasn’t worth it. Sadly, Meet Me in St. Louis doesn’t deliver in the music departments. The songs are good enough, especially the catchy “Trolley Song”, but none are showstoppers or cause one to remember them after film’s end.

Don’t get me wrong, the songs are very well written, they just don’t have that…special something one expects from musicals.

The story is told well enough, but I would have liked for there to have been a more cohesive plot, rather than seeing these two girls run around after some guy, then we switch to the kids, then we meet the grumpy father. It was a bit much. Sure, that could work on the stage, but on the screen, there needs to be more fluidity to things, and there just wasn’t with this flick.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of good thing with this picture. For instance, it has Judy Garland. Granted she’s playing a character half her age, and it shows, but she pulls it off. Acting…some of today’s “actors” should look into it.

The backdrops and costume design are great, especially in the final scene. The viewer is literally transported back in time to a simpler day and age when everyone would gather to watch the fireworks and not have to worry about locking your doors and whatnot.

The pacing of this film is what really got me. As I said before, it jumped around a bit, which made it sort of hard to follow, but if you’ve ever seen a musical on stage, then you expect that sort of pacing. It was just weird to see it on screen, I suppose.

At just under two hours long, though, all that jumping around does keep this flick from falling into that sluggish drone that so many musicals seem to do, especially when they are of lesser quality and don’t have the greatest songbook.

When all the smoke clears, though, Meet Me in St. Louis, is actually a pretty good film. I’m just nitpicking, I suppose. There really is no reason for me to no recommend this to each and everyone out there. Sure, it isn’t the most exciting film, but every once in a while, one needs to slow things down, right?

3 1/2 out of 5 stars