Bikini Beach

PLOT:

School is out and the teenagers head for the beach. All is well until millionaire Harvey Huntington Honeywagon III (Wynn) comes around, convinced that the beachgoers are so senselessly obsessed with sex that their mentality is below that of a primate – especially Honeywagon’s wunderkind pet chimp Clyde, who can surf, drive, and watusi better than anyone on the beach. With the teenagers demoralized and discredited, Honeywagon plans to turn Bikini Beach into a senior citizens retirement home.

Meanwhile, foppish British rocker and drag racer Peter Royce Bentley, better known as “The Potato Bug” (played by Frankie Avalon in a dual role), has taken up residence on Bikini Beach. Annoyed by Frankie’s reluctance to start their relationship towards marriage, Dee Dee becomes receptive to Potato Bug’s advances. In a jealous rage, Frankie challenges The Potato Bug to a drag race, in hopes of winning Dee Dee back.

REVIEW:

For the longest time I’ve been looking for an excuse to check out these Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello beach movies. Seeing as how it is summer break, I figured now would be the best time to check them out. Just like it did with Clint Eastwood’s “Man with No Name” trilogy, I somehow managed to skip the first two films and start with the third, Bikini Beach. Fret not, though, I will be backtracking.

What did I like?

Fun in the sun. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in parts of California, Florida, Hawaii, or maybe even New Jersey, chances are you didn’t grow up near a beach. For me, the beach was nowhere near where we lived. I really liked how this flick emphasized the kids having fun on the beach during the summer. I don’t know, there is just something about that camaraderie that I really dug.

Music. They have this labeled as a musical, but I wouldn’t quite call it that. However, the songs that are present are enjoyable…forgetful, but enjoyable.

4 in 1. I read that the character of Potato Bug was originally supposed to have been the Beatles, but they pulled out because of their growing fame (this was filmed not too long after their initial appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show.) If you watch him, you can see that perhaps it would have worked with them, but 1 guy taking bits of all 4 worked better. Remember the vultures from The Jungle Book? That’s what he reminds me of.

Oldies. I was surprised that there weren’t more adults. You know, the kind that seem to spend more time at the beach than the kids, but the whole time they’re screaming and scheming to either shut the place down or for the kids to get a job. With the exception of the film’s antagonist and a couple of the supporting characters and some old people who kind of had something to do with a plot that was barely touched on, there were very few adults to be seen.

Love story for the ages. Long have I heard of the chemistry between Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, but this is my first time seeing it. While I won’t put it up there with the like of Bogey and Bacall or Astaire and Rogers, there is a spark between them.

Duplicity. I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about Frankie Avalon. Hell, the most I’ve seen of him is when he’s singing “Beauty School Drop-Out” in Grease. I do know that the guy is a talent, and he shows it by playing two totally different characters. Not only that, but he plays one of those characters playing the other, which was quite impressive.

Cameos. There are a couple of cameos that are sure to have audiences falling in love with this casting director. I won’t say who they are, but one is perhaps the most well known horror creature actor, and the other is one of the greatest musicians to come out of Motown.

What didn’t I like?

Don’t be so obvious. We have a monkey who is supposedly smarter than the teens, but it so obvious it is a guy in a suit that it isn’t even funny. I’m willing to give them a pass on this, but they didn’t even try to cover up his fake-ness.

Story. As enjoyable as the flick is, the story causes it to suffer. It just doesn’t really seem to know where it is going and, as such, leaves us, the audience confused as all get out.

What a drag. Much in the way Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace seems to have just thrown the pod race in to make things more “interesting”, I think this film threw the drag race in for that same reason

Bikinis. There are basically two scenes involving bikinis. Yep, for a film with bikini in the title, there is a serious lack of them. I’m not saying the whole thing needed to be girls running around in their underwear or something ,but there could have been more bikini clad babes. I’m just saying.

If you’re looking for a fun summer flick and you’re into the oldies, then you really should giveBikini Beacha shot. It has a little of something for everyone. I highly recommend this as something you should see before you die!

4 1/3 out of 5 stars

They Live

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

A nameless unemployed drifter, referred to as “Nada” (Roddy Piper), finds construction work in Los Angeles. Fellow worker Frank Armitage (Keith David) takes him to a local shantytown for food and rest, where Nada notices odd behavior; a blind preacher urges people to take action outside a local church with shantytown member Gilbert (Peter Jason), a police helicopter scouts overhead and a homeless drifter (George Buck Flower) complains as a bearded man interrupts the TV signal, urging action against those in power. Nada investigates and finds the church is a front; the choir is actually an audio recording and scientific apparatus and cardboard boxes fill the room. Nada sees a wall compartment hiding another box but escapes when the preacher catches him. At night, police bulldoze the shantytown and attack its fleeing inhabitants. In the morning, Nada finds the church empty, but procures the hidden box. At an alleyway, he stashes it, finding it full of black sunglasses and taking a pair.

Looking through them, Nada discovers the reality of the bleak world. The media and advertising actually contain totalitarian commands of obedience and conformity in consumerism, to control an unwitting human population. Many with authority and wealth are actually humanoid aliens with skull-like faces. Nada confronts an alien woman at a store, who then speaks into a wristwatch notifying the others about him. Two alien police officers apprehend Nada but he kills them, taking their guns and going on a shooting spree against aliens in a bank, while one vanishes using his wristwatch. Nada escapes, destroying an alien flying camera and taking Cable 54 assistant director Holly Thompson (Meg Foster) hostage. At her hill-top home, Nada tries to convince her of the truth while suffering a headache from the glasses. Instead, Holly knocks him through her window and calls the police. Nada tumbles down and escapes, leaving his belongings behind.

Nada returns to the alleyway, saving the sunglasses box from a garbage truck. He tries convincing Frank to put on another pair, but Frank wishes no involvement as Nada is now a wanted man. The two engage in a fistfight as Nada forces the glasses onto Frank, who then sees the truth as well. They rent a hotel to discuss their predicament before Gilbert contacts them, notifying of a secret meeting with others against the aliens. There, Nada and Frank are given updated contact lenses to replace their glasses and learn more from the bearded man’s transmission. The aliens control Earth as their third world, causing global warming as they deplete its resources before moving onto other planets. Frank is given an alien wristwatch, a complex radio and teleportation device. The aliens primarily use a signal to disguise themselves and destroying its source will make everyone on Earth see them. Holly appears, apparently joining the cause and apologises to Nada. However the police attack the meeting, killing anyone in sight, while Nada and Frank are cornered fighting their way out. Frank accidentaly opens a temporary portal by throwing the watch, through which the two jump into a network of underground passages.

The two find the aliens in a grand hall celebrating with their elite human collaborators. The homeless drifter from earlier, now a well-dressed collaborator, believes the two to be collaborators as well. He takes them on a tour of the passages, revealed to link the alien society, including a space travel port. A further passage leads to the basement of Cable 54 station and the source of the signal. The collaborator escapes by teleporting as the two attack their way through the building to find the broadcaster on the roof, finding Holly and taking her along. As Nada climbs to the signal broadcaster, disguised as a satellite dish, Holly kills Frank. Revealed to be a collaborator, she takes aim at Nada along with an alien police helicopter, persuading him to stop. Nada drops his gun, but then retrieves a hidden pistol from his sleeve and kills Holly. He then shoots and destroys the broadcaster but is killed by the alien police, giving them the finger as his last act. With the signal destroyed, humans discover the aliens in their midst.

REVIEW:

The other day, Yahoo! had an article about the best alien movies and They Live was on there. I’m not one to really use them as my source for what and what not to watch, but I figured it couldn’t hurt anything. I have to say that I think this was one of the biggest wastes of time I’ve ever encountered.

There wasn’t much I liked about this flick, if anything.

Homage to the old school. I love classic sci-fi flicks, such as The Day the Earth Stood Still. When we see the aliens (through the use of special sunglasses), it is through a special black and white filter that apparently pays homage to those classic films of the 40s and 50s. Truth be told, if this would have been entirely in black and white, or even in a different era, it may have been 1000x better!

Accent be gone. I think most people know Rowdy Roddy Piper as the loud, obnoxious wrestler who was Hulk Hogan’s rival in the mid 80s…at least according to the Saturday morning cartoon, Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n Wrestling it was. I don’t believe his accent is real, but it was nice to hear him tone it down…a lot!

What didn’t I like?

No life. In contrast to the film’s title, the plot has no life to it. I just wasn’t able to get into the story. For something like this, there should have been something more exciting, not just some random bad acting and effects.

Plotholes. I could spend all day listing all the plotholes in this flick, but I’ll spare you. Just be aware that there are many, many places where you will be scratching your head wondering WTF?!?

They Live just didn’t do it for me. I felt like this film could have been so much more and it just wasn’t. How it has attained such a cult status is beyond me, maybe it has something to do with the economic themes it touches on. At any rate, I wouldn’t recommend this to my worst enemy!

1 1/2 out of 5 stars

Cleopatra

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The film opens in 48 B.C. shortly after the Battle of Pharsalus where Julius Caesar (Rex Harrison) has defeated Pompey. Pompey flees to Egypt, hoping to enlist the support of the young Pharaoh Ptolemy XIII (Richard O’Sullivan) and his sister Cleopatra (Elizabeth Taylor).

Caesar pursues and meets the teenage Ptolemy and the boy’s advisers, who seem to do most of the thinking for him. As a gesture of ‘goodwill’, the Egyptians present Caesar with Pompey’s head, but Caesar is not pleased; it is a sorry end for a worthy foe. As Caesar settles in at the palace, Apollodorus (Cesare Danova), disguised as a rug peddler, brings a gift from Cleopatra. When a suspicious Caesar unrolls the rug, he finds Cleopatra herself concealed within and is intrigued. Days later, she warns Caesar that her brother has surrounded the palace with his soldiers and that he is vastly outnumbered. Caesar is unconcerned. He orders the Egyptian fleet burned so he can gain control of the harbor. The fire spreads to the city, burning many buildings, including the famous Library of Alexandria. Cleopatra angrily confronts Caesar, but he refuses to pull troops away from the fight with Ptolemy’s forces to deal with the fire. In the middle of their spat, Caesar begins kissing her.

The Romans hold, and the armies of Mithridates arrive on Egyptian soil. The following day, Caesar passes judgment. He sentences Ptolemy’s lord chamberlain to death for arranging an assassination attempt on Cleopatra, and rules that Ptolemy and his tutor be sent to join Ptolemy’s now greatly outnumbered troops, a sentence of death as the Egyptian army faces off against Mithridates. Cleopatra is crowned Queen of Egypt. She dreams of ruling the world with Caesar. When their son Caesarion is born, Caesar accepts him publicly, which becomes the talk of Rome and the Senate.

Caesar returns to Rome for his triumph, while Cleopatra remains in Egypt. Two years pass before the two see each other again. After he is made dictator for life, Caesar sends for Cleopatra. She arrives in Rome in a lavish procession and wins the adulation of the Roman people. The Senate grows increasingly discontented amid rumors that Caesar wishes to be made king, which is anathema to the Romans. On the Ides of March in 44 B.C., the Senate is preparing to vote on whether to award Caesar additional powers. Despite warnings from his wife Calpurnia (Gwen Watford) and Cleopatra, he is confident of victory. However, he is stabbed to death by various senators.

Octavian (Roddy McDowall), Caesar’s nephew, is named as his heir, not Caesarion. Realizing she has no future in Rome, Cleopatra returns home to Egypt. Two years later, Caesar’s assassins, among them Cassius (John Hoyt) and Brutus (Kenneth Haigh), are killed at the Battle of Philippi. The following year, Mark Antony (Richard Burton) establishes a second triumvirate with Octavian and Lepidus. They split up the empire: Lepidus receives Africa, Octavian Spain and Gaul, while Antony will take control of the eastern provinces. However, the rivalry between Octavian and Antony is becoming apparent.

While planning a campaign against Parthia in the east, Antony realizes he needs money and supplies, and cannot get enough from anywhere but Egypt. After refusing several times to leave Egypt, Cleopatra gives in and meets him in Tarsus. Antony becomes drunk during a lavish feast. Cleopatra sneaks away, leaving a slave dressed as her, but Antony discovers the trick and confronts the queen. They soon become lovers. Octavian uses their affair in his smear campaign against Antony. When Antony returns to Rome to address the situation brewing there, Octavian traps him into a marriage of state to Octavian’s sister, Octavia (Jean Marsh). Cleopatra flies into a rage when she learns the news.

A year or so later, when Antony next sees Cleopatra, he is forced to humble himself publicly. She demands a third of the empire in return for her aid. Antony acquiesces and divorces Octavia. Octavian clamors for war against Antony and his “Egyptian whore”. The Senate is unmoved by his demands until Octavian reveals that Antony has left a will stating that he is to be buried in Egypt; shocked and insulted, the Senators who had previously stood by Antony abandon their hero and vote for war. Octavian murders the Egyptian ambassador, Cleopatra’s tutor Sosigenes (Hume Cronyn), on the Senate steps.

The war is decided at the naval Battle of Actium on September 2, 31 B.C. where Octavian’s fleet, under the command of Agrippa, defeats the Anthony-Egyptian fleet. Seeing Antony’s ship burning, Cleopatra assumes he is dead and orders the Egyptian forces home. Antony follows, leaving his fleet leaderless and soon defeated. Several months later, Cleopatra manages to convince Antony to retake command of his troops and fight Octavian’s advancing army. However, Antony’s soldiers have lost faith in him and abandon him during the night; Rufio (Martin Landau), the last man loyal to Antony, is killed. Antony tries to goad Octavian into single combat, but is finally forced to flee into the city.

When Antony returns to the palace, Apollodorus, not believing that Antony is worthy of his queen, convinces him that she is dead, whereupon Antony falls on his own sword. Apollodorus then takes Antony to Cleopatra, and he dies in her arms. Octavian captures the city without a battle and Cleopatra is brought before him. He wants to return to Rome in triumph, with her as his prisoner. However, realizing that her son is also dead, she arranges to be bitten by a poisonous asp. She sends her servant Charmian to give Octavian a letter. In the letter she asks to be buried with Antony. Octavian realizes that she is going to kill herself and he and his guards burst into Cleopatra’s chamber and find her dressed in gold and her and her servant Iras dead while an asp crawls along the floor. Octavian is angry that she is dead and leaves. One of Octavian’s guards asks dying Charmian if the queen killed herself well and Charmian answers, “Extremely well” and dies.

REVIEW:

When Elizabeth Taylor passed away awhile back, I wanted to brush up on some of her films. Cleopatra was one that everyone has mentioned as her greatest role, so I was curious to check it out. Why did it take so long to get to it, well, it is four hours long!!! I’m not one of those people who cares for these excessively long movies, so I was in no rush to check it out, but I finally caved.

Somewhere I read that this film has been described as “opulent, decadent excess”. I can’t say that I disagree. So, what did I like?

History lesson. I know a fair bit about Caesar and many things Egyptian, but some somehow I’m not too familiar with Cleopatra, other than she’s like Angelina Jolie (overrated beauty). Like most historical pictures, this flick takes liberties with history, but there are parts that are accurate. These are the scenes that make you wish you could have watched it in history class. Wouldn’t that have been more interesting than listening to your teacher lecture for an hour?

Beauty of a betty. Elizabeth Taylor was a definitive looker back in her day. In the early parts of the film, when she is getting bathed by her slave girls, she even shows off her body…or at least all that could be shown in 1963. Combine all that with her talent and it is no wonder she was cast, despite her, shall we say…lack of pigment?

Epic scale. While this wasn’t filmed in Rome or Egypt, the sets were on a grand scale. If this was done today, most of it would have been computer generated, more than likely. You know how no one wants to work on their craft anymore. Back in the day, such hard work paid off, as can be seen in this film.

Costumes. Similar to the sets, the costumes are just as epic. I think I read that Taylor made around 80 costume changes (don’t quote me on that, though).

Story and performances.  As with 99.9999% of films made in yesteryear, the story is well crafted and executed and the cast gives flawless performances. It shows that people actually cared back then, as opposed to today where filmmakers have all but turned everything over to the computers and think of nothing but money.

What didn’t I like?

Not enough Cleopatra. Seeing as how she is the title character, I was expecting there to have been more of her, and there just wasn’t. I felt that there was too much focus on Caesar, Mark Antony, and to a lesser extent, Octavius. You can make the case about her own story not being that interesting, but I’m sure there was plenty going on down there in Egypt while this film was focusing on Rome.

Not an opera. 4 hours is just too long. The only way I can excuse anything for being that long, is if it was an opera. I know for a fact that I dozed off a couple of times. There are two things they could have done with this. Either split it into two separate films or cut some stuff out. Simple as that.

Whitewash. I’m not one to go on a tangent about race, and I won’t start now. However, last I checked, Egyptians were rather dark-skinned, and yet I don’t believe I saw a single non-white person in the entire films, save for that one African tribe that was dancing fairly early on in the film.

This film is truly a classic. While it may not have been as commercial a success as they would have liked for it have been, it has gone on to make up for that, especially with the legacy of Taylor and the love story that developed between she and leading man Richard Burton. Despite the excessive length, I highly recommend this flick. It is definitely one of those that one must see before they die!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Informant!

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Mark Whitacre, a rising star at Decatur, Illinois based Archer Daniels Midland (ADM) in the early 1990s, blows the whistle on the company’s price-fixing tactics at the urging of his wife Ginger.

One night in November 1992, Whitacre confesses to FBI special agent Brian Shepard that ADM executives — including Whitacre himself — had routinely met with competitors to fix the price of lysine, an additive used in the commercial livestock industry. Whitacre secretly gathers hundreds of hours of video and audio over several years to present to the FBI. He assists in gathering evidence by clandestinely taping the company’s activity in business meetings at various locations around the globe such as Tokyo, Paris, Mexico City, and Hong Kong, eventually collecting enough evidence of collaboration and conspiracy to warrant a raid of ADM.

Whitacre’s good deed dovetails with his own major infractions and his internal, secret struggle with bipolar disorder seems to take over his exploits. The bulk of the film focuses on Whitacre’s meltdown resulting from the pressures of wearing a wire and organizing surveillance for the FBI for three years, instigated by Whitacre’s reaction, in increasingly manic overlays, to various trivial magazine articles he reads. In a stunning turn of events immediately following the covert portion of the case, headlines around the world report that Whitacre had embezzled $9 million from his own company at the same period of time he was secretly working with/ for the FBI and taping his co-workers, while simultaneously aiming to be elected as ADM CEO following the arrest and conviction of the remaining upper management members. In the ensuing chaos, Whitacre appears to shift his trust and randomly destabilize his relationships with Agent Shepard, his partner Agent Herndon and numerous attorneys in the process.

Authorities at ADM began investigating, in an attempt to cover tracks, the mounted papertrail with forged names and specs that Whitacre had built to cover his own subversive deeds. After being confronted with evidence of his fraud, Whitacre’s reasoning and defensive claims begin to spiral out of control, including an accusation of assault and battery against Agent Shepard and the FBI, which had made a substantial move to distance their case from Whitacre entirely. Because of this major infraction and Whitacre’s bizarre behavior, he was sentenced to a prison term three times as long as that meted out to the white-collar criminals he helped to catch. In the epilogue of Whitacre’s case, Agent Herndon visits inmate Whitacre in prison as he videotapes a futile appeal to seek a presidential pardon. Overweight, balding and psychologically beaten after his years long ordeal, Mark Whitacre is eventually released from prison with his wife Ginger, waiting to greet him.

REVIEW:

There is something about when someone says I should watch a flick that gets me interested in it, whether it is good or not. The Informant! was recommended by one of my bosses, so I kind of felt obligated to check it out.

What did I like?

Tonality. I like how this film had a not so dark tone. Yes, I know I say that in a lot of my reviews, but I get so tired of seeing these dark, morose, depressing flicks. With this one, based on the subject matter, they could have easily gone some serious, dark route, but instead keep things light, a tad on the comedic side, and add a flair of that cheesy 60s kitsch. At first, I was like wtf?!?, but it grew on me and actually made the film more enjoyable.

Narration. With the narration that is going on from Mark Whitcare, you’re sitting and thinking “is this guy losing his mind?” Truth is, I think that was the point, because, if you will notice as he gets more intertwined in the corruption and whatnot, his  mental ramblings make less and less sense.

Slimy, yet satisfying. Speaking of all the corruption, it is so easy to get lost in what is going with these two-faced characters (this is a true story, btw, so these are real people), yet the films is shot and told in such a way that we can all keep up.

No Soup for you! Yes, there are great performances from the likes of Scott Bakula and Matt Damon, but I would have to say the best had to be a surprisingly serious turn from the host of E!’s The Soup, Joel McHale. Everytime he would appear, I was expecting him to at least crack a smile, but he plays this character as straight as they come, and isn’t half bad at it. Perhaps he has a future in movies when he leaves TV.

What didn’t I like?

Nothing special. There is nothing about this flick that just sticks out to me. For the most part, it is nothing special, when there could have been a scene, character, or something that captures your attention.

Lysine. I may have missed it, but I don’t they exactly told us what lysine is. This is kind of a big thing, since it is the product behind the whole price-fixing scheme.

Intelligence question. I do have to question Whitcare’s intelligence. Why on Earth would you dare to try to cheat the Feds and your company? On top of that, why would you think there would be no consequences for doing so? I realize this guy is no super-criminal, obviously, but you gotta wonder if he’s that naive or just truly stupid!

When all the dust clears, I have to say that The Informant! was a good watch, but nothing that I’ll remember when I wake up in the morning. This is truly disappointing, but I can’t use that to discourage others from seeing it. This is worth watching at least once. Some will like and other won’t, such is the way of things. Only you can tell what your opinion will be after you watch it. For me, it was just average.

3 1/3 out of 5 stars

Chocolat

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Vianne Rocher (Juliette Binoche), an expert chocolatier, drifts across Europe with her daughter Anouk (Victoire Thivisol) . In the winter of 1959, they travel to a tranquil French village that closely adheres to tradition, as led by the village mayor, Comte Paul de Reynaud (Alfred Molina). Vianne opens a Chocolaterie just as the villagers begin observing the forty days of Lent, much to the chagrin of Reynaud. Vianne, who wears more provocative clothing, does not go to church, and has an illegitimate child, does not fit in well with the town’s people, but is nevertheless optimistic about her business. Her friendly and alluring nature begins to win the villagers over one by one, causing Reynaud to openly speak against her for tempting the people during a time of abstinence and self-denial.

One of the first to fall under the spell of Vianne and her confections is Armande (Judi Dench), her elderly, eccentric landlady. Armande laments that her cold, devoutly-pious daughter Caroline (Carrie-Anne Moss) will not let her see her grandson Luc because she is a “bad influence”. Vianne arranges for Luc and his Grandmother to see each other in the chocolaterie, where they develop a close bond. Caroline later reveals to Vianne that her mother is a diabetic, though Armande continues to indulge in the chocolate despite her condition.

Vianne also develops a friendship with a disturbed woman, Josephine (Lena Olin), who is a victim of brutal beatings by her alcoholic husband Serge (Peter Stormare). After a particularly brutal blow to the head, Josephine leaves her husband and moves in with Vianne and Anouk. As she begins to work at the chocolaterie and Vianne teaches her her craft, Josephine becomes a self-confident, changed woman. Under the instruction of Reynaud, Serge seemingly changes into a better man and he asks Josephine to come back to him. Finally happy and fulfilled, Josephine declines. A drunken Serge breaks into the chocolaterie later that night and attempts to attack both women before Josephine, in a moment of empowerment, knocks him out with a skillet.

As the rivalry between Vianne and Reynaud worsens, a band of river gypsies camp out on the outskirts of the village. While most of the town objects to their presence, Vianne embraces them, developing a mutual attraction to the gypsy Roux (Johnny Depp). Together they hold a birthday party for Armande with other village members and gypsies on Roux’s boat. When Caroline sees Luc, who snuck out to go to the party, dancing with her mother, she begins to see how rigid she is with her son and that his grandmother’s influence in his life may not be a bad thing.

After the party Vianne, Josephine, and Anouk all sleep on the boats, where Roux and Vianne make love. Late that night, Serge sets the boat where Josephine and Anouk are sleeping on fire. Both escape unharmed, but Vianne’s faith in the village is shaken. Also that night, Luc returns to his grandmother’s living room to see that she has finally died from complications of diabetes, devastating both him and his mother. After the fire, Roux packs up and leaves with his group, much to Vianne’s sadness.

Deciding she cannot win against Reynaud or the strict traditions of the town, Vianne resolves to move to another place. Just before she does so, she goes into her kitchen to see most of the townspeople, who have come to love her and the way she has changed their lives, making chocolate for a festival Vianne had planned on Easter Sunday. Despite the major change in the town, Reynaud remains staunch in his abstinence from pleasures such as chocolate. On the Saturday evening before Easter, he opens the chocolate display and destroys the various confections with a knife. When a small piece of chocolate lands on his lip, he gives into the seduction and devours the chocolate before collapsing into tears and eventually falling asleep. The next day, Vianne promises not to reveal what happened, and a mutual respect between them is established. Roux returns in the summer to be with her, and despite her constant need for change, Vianne resolves to stay, having found a home for herself and her daughter in the village.

REVIEW:

I don’t know too many people who don’t like chocolate…even in this day and age when everything is either bad for you or has to be healthy or else it is bad for you and will automatically make you obese. A while back, there was a little movie called Chocolat thar was one of those films that swept the awards show, yet not many people saw it, mainly because it wasn’t one of those wide releases. I’m finally taking the time to give this a shot, going solely on word of mouth, and nothing else.

So, what did I like.

Decadent delights. If it is in the title, how can you not focus on chocolate at least for a little bit, right? For those of you foodies out there, you get plenty of scenes where the chocolate is the focus. It is almost like the opening scenes of one of those Willy Wonka films, I can’t remember which one, though.

Beauty and talent. I think I have a new celebrity crush…Juliette Binoche. Not only is she hot, but she can act circles around most of this cast, which is comprised of some heavy hitters, such as Alfred Molina and Dame Judi Dench. Shame we don’t see more of her these days, but hey, if you were gonna be remembered for something, then this would be what I would go for. She sort of reminds me, at least in this film, of Carla Gugino.

Touching story. This isn’t the first film to feature a very religious town that starts out hating something just because it is different, only to  come around by the end of the flick, but you throw in the gypsy pirates, the relationship between mother and daughter, as well as Judi Dench’s story (and heartbreaking death), you can’t help but be moved.

Light-hearted feel. As heavy as some of the drama is in this film, it doesn’t lose its light-hearted, semi-comedic feel, and that is what I think is the most appealing part of this film.

What didn’t I like.

People’s attitudes. How can a whole town be so full of hatred for something different. I would really like to know. Sure, there were a couple of residents that didn’t fall into that category, but on the whole, this town’s attitudes is an insult and detriment to the human race.

All powerful mayor. How in the blue hell does the mayor have his own statue in the middle of town (unless that’s something they do for the current mayor), have nearly limitless power and influence, and above all, seem to have more power over the church than the pope?!? This guy also seems to have approve the priest’s sermon before he gives them. Who knows what else he has the power to do, and that is quite scary!

All in all, I really did enjoy Chocolat. For some reason, though, I knew I would. I think, though, that just about anyone that watches this will have a good time watching. Yes, there is a lull a little past half way, but nothing too bad. This is one of those films that I have to agree with the critics on. It is great and a must see. So, check it out when you get the chance!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Men in Black 3

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

On July 16, 1969, Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) apprehended the intergalactic criminal Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) at Cape Canaveral in Florida before setting up the ArcNet shield, which protected Earth from an invasion by Boris’ species and rendered them extinct forever.

In spring of 2012, 43 years later, Boris manages to escape from the Lunar Max prison facility on the Moon and arrives on Earth, intent on taking revenge on K – who took away his left arm during his arrest and locked him for decades. After investigating a spaceship crash in New York City, K deduces that Boris has sprung out of prison, and he regrets not having killed him back in 1969. He returns back to his apartment.

The next day, Agent J (Will Smith) notices that K is no longer in his apartment. He arrives at MIB headquarters to discover that K has been dead for over 40 years. Agent O (Emma Thompson) , the new Chief after Z’s passing and retirement (with his memory erased), deduces that there has been a fracture in the space-time continuum based on J’s insatiable craving for chocolate milk to ameliorate his headaches. J comes to the conclusion that Boris acquired a time-jump device and traveled back to 1969 to kill K, resulting in an inevitable invasion of Earth due to the absence of the ArcNet. J goes to Obadiah Prince (Lanny Flaherty) , a black market dealer who sold Boris the time-jump device, and acquires one of his own. As the time-jump device needs a certain amount of velocity to activate, J must jump off the Chrysler Building to make the time-travel. He travels to July 15, 1969 – one day before the incident involving Boris and Agent K.

Upon arriving at the timeline, J travels to Coney Island, knowing that Boris will be committing a murder based on the original incident report he accessed beforehand. However, a younger agent K (Josh Brolin) arrests him and has him placed in a larger, more primitive Neuralyzer. At the very last second, J convinces K to stop the process when he reveals the truth of his mission. K decides that he is telling the truth and takes him to the MIB headquaters, which is largely changed that it’s in it’s 2012 version. He also meets with a younger version of Agent O (Alice Eve). They eventually work together and follow Boris’ trail. Their clues lead them to a prescient alien named Griffin (Michael Stuhlbarg) , who is in possession of the ArcNet. Being able to look into multiple probable future outcomes and scenarios, he warns the two agents of Boris’ impending arrival and hurriedly leaves the venue.

Based on the clues left for them, the Agents locate Griffin, who gives them the shield that has to be placed onto the Apollo 11 lunar rocket launch occurring in less than six hours. Upon arriving at Cape Canaveral, the two agents and Griffin are quickly arrested by military police. The Colonel (Mike Colter) in the scene, however, allows the two agents to carry on their mission after Griffin uses his precognitive power to show them “how important they are”. The Colonel shares a long look with Griffin, his demeanor immediately softens, and he seems to take a more personal interest in assisting Agents J and K in their mission. The reason for this is revealed shortly thereafter.

J and K arrive at the launch pad, but are confronted separately by both 1969 and modern-day incarnations of Boris. Modern-day Boris impales J with his spikes before they both fall off the pad; however, J uses the time-jump to travel back to the beginning of the fight and avoid the spikes before pushing the criminal off the pad into the fiery exhaust gases of the rocket. Meanwhile, as K battles the younger Boris, he ruptures a fueling hose, causing it to spray liquid nitrogen on 1969 Boris’ left arm and shatter it. K then successfully plants the ArcNet on the rocket, which deploys after reaching the Earth’s atmosphere. The Colonel congratulates K, who in turn invites him to join the agency.

As J watches from the distance, however, 1969 Boris emerges from the blast chamber and kills the Colonel before he changes into his true alien form only to be disintegrated by K within seconds. A young boy named James (Cayen Martin) exits a military van near their location looking for his father. He pulls the pocket watch out of his pocket revealed earlier in the movie to have been passed down to Agent J’s by his father. This reveals James to be Agent J as a little boy and the Colonel to be his father. Young James is slowly coaxed away from the gruesome truth by K while older Agent J looks on in sadness from a distance in realization that he just watched his own father die and that Agent K tenderly cared for and softened the blow to young James knowing who he was. Specifically, K neuralyzes young J/James, telling him that his father was a hero and a great man, then walks with him along the beach holding his hand.

J returns to the present day, where he meets up with his partner at the usual diner. There, he shows K his father’s pocket watch. The senior agent, in return, tells him it was an honor to have met him that fateful day. As they leave the diner, Griffin – who is a few seats away, tells the viewer that all is well with the world, except for an inevitable asteroid impact on Earth because K forgot to leave a tip. But when K returns to leave his tip, the asteroid collides with a satellite, thus avoiding the catastrophe.

REVIEW:

I remember when the original Men in Black came out and I was blown away by not only how different it was, but how it paid homage to classic sci-fi, and had some reflective moments, as well, which made it a high quality film. Some people weren’t so thrilled with Men in Black 2, but I liked it. Many years later, the men in black have returned for Men in Black 3, a film that many thought would never happen. So, the question is, should it have just been something fans of the series wished for or was it worth the long wait?

I can say with strong conviction that fans of this franchise won’t be disappointed, for the most part, but at the same time, there is just something that doesn’t feel right. I am chalking it up to the time between films, but I’m sure there are those out there that are going to say this was just forced into production, which it may very well have been, I’m just not going to use that as an excuse.

So, what did I like?

Josh Brolin. This guy nails Tommy Lee Jones’ Agent K. Everyone has been blown away by his spot on interpretation of Jones. I know that I sure was.

What’s old is new. Yes, New York is a huge city, but there are only so many places you can fight aliens there. How do you solve this problem? Simple, just go back in time and Bam!….everything is new again.

Literal leaping. I found it kind of funny that in order to travel through time (they call it time jumping), J, or whoever, had to literally take a leap off a building to do it. It reminded me of the leap of faith from the Assassin’s Creed games, only without the eagle screech when he did it.

Celebrity cameos. In the previous films, and you may have missed this if you blinked, there were certain cameos of celebrities whom the tabloids claimed were aliens at one time or another, such as Sylvester Stallone and Michael Jackson, who actually has a small speaking role. This film keeps with that tradition, as we see Lady Gaga on that list twice. Come on, you know you can’t help but think she’s an alien!

Gone, but not forgotten. I am so glad they didn’t just random;y change the head of MIB. Well, they sort of did, but they wrote it in that he died, which wasn’t a bad way to go. I do have to wonder why he didn’t come back, though. May have something to do with his legal issues, more than anything else.

Not all roses. It isn’t very often that time travel flicks bring up the topic of race relations, but they make an attempt to bring it up here, if ever so briefly. Granted, 1969 was a lot better place as far as racial tensions go than 1869, but it still is a far cry from 2012. It was nice of them to touch on the topic, and since this is a comedy, they didn’t dwell on it too long, or make it a major point. It got just the right amount of attention.

What didn’t I like?

No more familiar faces. The worms were back, briefly, but what about Geebs and Frank? Was there really a need to not have them around? At least we got a glimpse of Frank, albeit a creepy one, in a giant photo that hangs over J’s bed.

Female agents. I honestly wonder if they brought in Emma Thompson/Alice Eve just to have a female agent, since the past couple of films have had the whole damsel in distress thing. The problem with bringing them in, though, is that they don’t really add anything, but rather just seem to be a pretty face that K had a crush on (yet she had no mention in either of the previous films, or the cartoon, if I”m not mistaken).

Emptiness. I wasn’t planning on seeing this in 3D, but traffic had me running late and I had no choice since I missed the start of the last 2D showing. I belive this will be the film that unseats The Avengers for the #1 spot (I’m hoping so…rather than that abomination of Snow White that is coming out next week starring Kristen no talent Stewart), but the theater was literally empty, with the exception of one family. A few people trickled in, but it was far from full.

Lost art of villainy. In the previous films, the major villain hasn’t exactly the most sympathetic of characters, especially Edgar. However, this Boris the Animal is nothing more than psychotic, overacting comic foil. Sure, he actually was fairly capable villain, but he was a bit too over-the-top for my taste.

Family ties. I don’t know, the whole thing in the last few minutes about the family thing seemed kind of forced in there. Yes, it is mentioned early on, but you would think that was nothing more than just something they randomly said. I wasn’t really a fan of them shoehorning in this back story of J, especially in the last 5 minutes of the film, and to top it all off, they made it seem as if K has been basically watching over him all this time. That could have been a good story, yes, but not for this film.

Men in Black 3 lacks the magic and whimsy of the two films the preceded it, but it still manages to keep the audience interested and entertained. I don’t know if it was worth spending the money to see in theaters, especially in 3D, but it is worth seeing. I highly recommend it. There aren’t too many films that come out today that are like this…lighthearted fun. So, sit back and enjoy the ride!

4 out of 5 stars

 

Ali G Indahouse

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Ali G is the leader of Da West Staines Massiv, a fictional gang composed of a group of wannabe gangsters from Staines (a suburban town in north Surrey, to the west of London); their chief rivals are Da East Staines Massiv. Ali and Da West Staines Massiv are heartbroken to learn that their beloved local leisure centre (where they like to chill out and also where Ali teaches his “Keep it Real” classes) will be demolished by the local council. Ali and his friends decide to protest this injustice. After he goes on a hunger strike and is spotted chained to some railings by the nefarious Chancellor of the Exchequer/Deputy Prime Minister David Carlton (Charles Dance), he is drawn into a world of seedy political intrigue, as the Deputy Prime Minister tries to use Ali as a tool to destroy the Prime Minister’s credibility. Ali is put forward as a candidate to be the next MP for Staines in a crucial by-election and manages to alienate most who cross his path, including feminists and the elderly. During a debate with his rival candidate, Ali tries to insult his rival by claiming that he “sucked off a horse”. Unknown to Ali and the public, it turns out that the rival did indeed do such a thing, and trying to explain it away, he claims when he was out hunting with a friend he slipped, and his mouth landed on a horse’s penis, which due to the mating season was erect. Ali then wins.

Although originally seeming out of his depth as a Member of Parliament, Ali’s bizarre behaviour and solutions seem to actually work. He visits a Customs checkpoint in Dover, as a delegate compiling a report (though all he does is steal confiscated pornography and drugs). Through ideas such as making more “relatable” education and selectively ensuring the immigration of attractive (or “fit”) women into the UK, Ali becomes incredibly popular, meeting the Prime Minister’s intentions and bringing his percentage lead in the polls up twenty two percent. With this the Prime Minister offers to save Ali’s leisure centre. First though, Ali accompanies the Prime Minister to a United Nations peace conference to avert war between the central African states of Chad and Burkina Faso. The USA and Russia back opposite countries and both threaten nuclear attacks. It gets to the point where World War III is almost declared when Ali sneaks into the catering area and puts an entire bag of marijuana, which he had stolen from Customs earlier, into the delegates’ tea and orders that they be served it right away. He throws the empty bag into a nearby rubbish bin. A side-effect is that the two opposing African presidents become allies (in fact they begin to kiss lovingly). The Prime Minister says that Ali has saved the world. However, Carlton’s secretary Kate Hedges figures out what Ali has done and retrieves the empty marijuana bag (which has “Ali’s stash. DO NOT NICK” written on the back), which she mails to the press. Upon his return to the UK, Ali is forced to leave parliament.

Before the Leisure Centre can be saved, a video emerges of Ali and his girlfriend having sex in the Prime Minister’s bedroom at Chequers. As Ali was wearing items of the Prime Minister’s clothing at the time, the media believe the video details the Prime Minister with a prostitute, forcing his resignation. This results in Deputy Prime Minister David Carlton being made Prime Minister. Carlton, who despises Ali, orders the destruction of the aforementioned leisure centre. He has also bought all available real estate in Staines in the knowledge that the town is to be destroyed to make way for a new terminal for Heathrow Airport, which will make him super wealthy. After turning down an offer to have sex with Kate Hedges, in exchange for “keeping his mouth shut” about the videotape, Ali and the West Staines Massiv must race against time to find the master copy of the CCTV tape proving the former Prime Minister’s innocence, extending the olive branch to all the gangs all over Staines and neighbouring Berkshire (even to the East Staines Massiv) to help them break into the vaults and retrieve the said tape. They do this successfully and manage to reinstate the original Prime Minister, save the Leisure Centre, and all live happily ever after when Ali is posted as the British ambassador to Jamaica. Staines is saved from destruction, with the reinstated Prime Minister declaring that Slough is to be destroyed instead.

REVIEW:

I toyed around with the idea of going to see The Dictator this past weekend, but opted to save my money and see Men in Black III this coming weekend. Hopefully, I won’t regret that decision. In the meantime, a friend of mine recommended I watch The Ali G Show, as it showcases Sacha Boren Cohen at his finest. I couldn’t find it on-line, though Netflix does have it, just not streaming, and I’m just not into renting entire series from them. As a consolation, for lack of a better term, I did find Ali G Indahouse. The question is, should I have just watched the show instead?

So, what worked?

Comedy, as advertised. Some people may find this flick offensive, but I actually thought it was pretty funny. Of course, if you’ve ever seen any of Cohen’s films, then you know this is how he works.

Committment. One thing that can be said about this flick is that it commits to the gag of Ali G “wannabe gangsta” persona, even when he becomes part of the political landscape. Other films would have probably made him change to fit the “norm”. I think the non-change is what made this film so enjoyable. It is such a shame that we don’t have anyone like that in today’s politics.

What you wouldn’t expect. Character actors such as Michael Gambon and Martin Freeman star alongside Cohen and in roles that are a bit out of their comfort zone, well maybe not.

What didn’t I like?

Hot, but wasted. Kate Beckinsale’s look-alike, Rhona Mitra, plays a fairly major role as some kind of secretary/assistant, but for some reason, they don’t really use her to full potential (although getting her to nearly strip down was nice).

Forgotten plot device. It takes about 30 minutes for this film to finally get to the plot, which I can somewhat live with. However, there is this secondary plot involving the youth center that is merely touched on and used more as a blackmail device than anything else. I don’t know, for me, it felt as if they could have done something more with it, especially at the end.

Large members. There are a few scenes where we see Ali G’s large member. Maybe it is just me, but I just don’t think there was a reason to show this, especially more than once!

Ali G Indahouse is not one of those films that one will be watching over and over again, but it is one of those flicks that is entertaining every now and then. To quote a friend of mine, this is “a good time…if you’re drunk”. I don’t highly recommend it, but I won’t lose any respect for you if you decide to give it a shot. Don;t forget to look for a certain cameo about halfway through. I won’t say who it is, but when you see him, you’ll know.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

City Slickers

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!)

New Yorker Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal) has just turned 39 years old, and is thick in the middle of a midlife crisis. His best friends are also having crises of their own.

Phil Berquist (Daniel Stern) is stuck managing his father-in-law’s grocery store, while trapped in a sexless marriage with his overbearing wife, Arlene.

Ed Furillo (Bruno Kirby) is a successful businessman and playboy, having recently married an underwear model, but is struggling with the idea of monogamous marriage and the pressure to have kids. Ed often invites his two best friends on his various adventures, which are not always appreciated by Mitch, as one year earlier he suffered a mortifying injury during a holiday in Pamplona, Spain during the running of the bulls.

At Mitch’s birthday party, Phil and Ed present their joint gift: a two-week Southwestern cattle drive for all three men. Mitch initially refuses, having promised to visit his wife Barbara’s (Patricia Wettig) parents in Florida. However, they are also visited by a young check-out girl from Phil’s grocery store and inadvertently reveals an affair she has recently had with him. Heartbroken, Arlene informs her father and files for divorce, and Phil loses his job. After Barbara insists he go, Mitch and friends travel to New Mexico, where they meet ranch owner Clay Stone (Noble Willingham) and several other participants of the cattle drive.

As they “learn the ropes” of moving a herd, the trio enter a tense encounter with the ranch’s two professional cowboys, Jeff and T.R. (Kyle Secor and Dean Hallo), when they drunkenly proposition another participant, Bonnie Rayburn (Helen Slater). The standoff is abruptly halted when Curly Washburn (Jack Palance), the seasoned, tough-as-nails trail boss, lassos Jeff into a chokehold, and chastises both for being intoxicated on the job. Bonnie develops a crush on Mitch after this, but Mitch does not reciprocate.

Curly, Jeff, T.R., and the ranch’s guests begin the long drive to Colorado. Curly overhears Mitch insult him and later humiliates Mitch in retaliation. After a destructive stampede is Mitch’s fault, as punishment Curly chooses a fearful Mitch to ride with him in the canyons to find some stray cows. They spend the night alone and slowly begin to bond. Mitch discovers that despite Curly’s tough exterior, he is a very wise man. Curly advises him how to face his problems: by concentrating on the “one thing” that is most important in his life.

The next morning, Curly and Mitch are forced to deliver a pregnant cow’s calf, which Mitch names “Norman”. After Curly is forced to euthanize its ailing mother by delivering a coup de grace, Mitch informally adopts the newborn.

The drive runs into trouble when Curly unexpectedly suffers a fatal heart attack. As they proceed without him, Cookie the cook (Tracey Walter) gets drunk and breaks both his legs, requiring him to be taken to a hospital. Without Curly’s presence, Jeff and T.R. become freely intoxicated, goading Mitch into challenging them. Ed intervenes and Phil soon disarms both, furiously ordering them to go to bed.

Fearing reprisals from Clay Stone, Jeff and T.R. abandon the group in the wilderness, leaving them with no trail boss, food or map. The remaining participants decide to abandon the herd and seek civilization, except for Ed and Phil, who insist on driving the herd to Colorado despite Mitch’s pleas. The others ride on ahead, but Mitch unexpectedly returns (wearing Curly’s black hat) to rejoin his fellow “city slickers” and finish the drive.

The final test of the drive involves crossing a dangerous river. Despite a violent storm, the men successfully drive most of the herd across the river, except for Norman, who is caught up in the river’s rapid current. Mitch impulsively chases after him, successfully lassoing the calf, but in turn gets caught in the rapids; seeing this, Phil and Ed race down the bank themselves and, working together, are able to save Mitch and Norman.

As the men collapse on the river bank, they all have a long laugh, having at last overcome their respective crises. From there the three easily lead the herd back to the Colorado ranch, where they are warmly received by the other participants. Clay Stone, overwhelmed, rewards the entire group, and the trio in particular, for overcoming such adversity by fully refunding their fees. To their dismay, however, Stone has decided to sell the cows to a meat company for a fine price.

Mitch returns to New York a happier man, having realized that his “one thing” is his family. Ed returns home to tell his newlywed wife he is fine with having children, and Phil starts a new relationship with Bonnie. Mitch has spared Norman from the slaughter by purchasing him and bringing the calf home as a pet, at least until he can find a “nice petting zoo”.

REVIEW:

Being a city boy myself, I can’t tell you what it feels like to get all rugged and such while driving cattle cross-country, but apparently one can learn what this feels like in certain ranches that exist. An adventure like this is what City Slickers is about, but I’m sure the big question on your mind is whether or not it is worth seeing, right?

Well, here’s what I liked.

Laughter is the best medicine. When this flick started, I was feeling a bit nauseous…or maybe it was hunger. It is hard to tell exactly which one it was. Either way, there are quite a few moments in here that had me cracking up, but what can you expect with the likes of Billy Crystal and Daniel Stern headlining the cast, right?

Homage to the good ol’ west. It is obvious that these guys are fans of the old west. Can you blame them? The surprise, though, is how this film seems to share a vague similarity to The Cowboys,what with the grizzled old trail boss who is killed before they reached their goal. In an effort to honor his memory, they bury him and vow to finish the drive. Sound familiar?

Great cast. The mixture of these great comic actors makes for a really great time watching them, even if they don’t seem to have the best chemistry amongst them. I really did enjoy the constant ribbing they would give each other. It made it feel like they truly were lifelong friends.

What didn’t I like?

Unfinished. A few plot lines were left unfinished, and I wasn’t really a fan of just leaving things open like. I am willing to forgive, since there is a sequel, but I doubt that it even mentions what happened to the baby that apparently ruined a marriage. The children and their love/hate relationship with their father was also something that could have been tied up a little better.

Killing off a good character without a fight. Jack Palance’s Curly is a great manly man character. I loved his performance, but not the way he is killed off. A man like that should go out in battle, not quietly in the night. I will admit, though, that this may actually have been better, emotionally, but it just seemed to be a cop out and he deserved better.

I really did like City Slickers. The high praise this film has received is not without merit. This isn’t a perfect flick, but it one of those that really makes you laugh and enjoy it, which is always a plus, right? I highly recommend this to any and everyone!

4 out of 5 stars

Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women

PLOT:

Astronauts landing on Venus encounter dangerous creatures and almost meet sexy Venusian women. The astronauts kill a creature that is worshiped by the Venusian women who then attempt to use their powers of nature to kill the astronauts but fail. At last, the astronauts leave the planet and their robot that was burnt by the volcano fire is placed as a god by the Venusian women who have already destroyed the statue of their previous god (a bird).

REVIEW:

Cheesy (and bad) sci-fi flicks were commonplace in the 50s and 60s. There were those that were so bad that they were good and those that were just plain awful. Voyage to the Planet of the Prehistoric Women falls into the latter category.

There really isn’t much I liked about this film, if anything, so let’s get right to what I didn’t like, shall we?

Why, Mamie? I, along with many people, consider Mamie van Doren to be the #3 bombshell of this time, behind Jayne (Mansfield) and Marilyn (Monroe).  I believe that she is a much better actress than she was given credit for. Films like this definitely didn’t help her cause. I’ve heard better readings of stuff when I was in elementary school and learning to read.

Special effects. Often times, I talk about the Godzilla films, and how those effects are bad, even for the time they were released. Well, there is no excuse for these bad effects, mainly because I’ve seen films that were released earlier and had better effects. Now, I do take into account that this may have been a cheaply made flick, it sure looks like it, but they could have done better.

False advertising. Prehistoric women? Seriously? The only thing prehistoric about this was that dinosaur “god” they had, so I don’t really understand the title.

I think you can guess that I did not like this film. Even a handful of sexy, scantily clad (for the late 60s) women couldn’t keep this flick from going down the tubes. I can’t say crash and burn, because that would imply it started out good. This is the kind of film one would expect to have seen on Mystery Science Theater 3000 back when it was on. Otherwise, there really is no reason to even acknowledge it exists.

1/2 out of 5 stars

Scream, Blacula, Scream!

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

After a dying Voodoo queen, Mama Loa, chooses an adopted apprentice, Lisa Fortier (Pam Grier) as her successor, her true heir, Willis, (Richard Lawson) is outraged. Seeking revenge, he buys the bones of Mamuwalde the vampire from the former shaman of the voodoo cult, and uses voodoo to bring the vampire back to do his bidding. Returning to life, Mamuwalde turns Willis into a vampire and makes him his slave. Meanwhile, Justin, an ex-police officer with a large collection of African antiques and an interest in the occult, investigates the murders caused by Mamuwalde and his vampire horde. Justin meets Mamuwalde at a party he is hosting. Mamuwalde meets Lisa at the party and they talk about voodoo. Mamuwalde later asks Lisa for help to cure him of the curse of the vampire, using a voodoo doll that looks like the prince. Justin pulls together other cops to go to the Mamuwalde residence to investigate the recent deaths. While she is performing the ritual, Justin interrupts with other cops performing a raid on the house. Lisa refuses to help Mamuwalde after she sees him kill the other police in the house. In his anger, Mamuwalde, now calling himself Blacula, is about to bite Justin when Lisa stabs the prince’s voodoo doll killing Mamuwalde and forever destroying Blacula.

REVIEW:

A friend of mine posted on facebook about how awesome Blacula was. This led to he and I getting into a discussion about the sequel, this film, Scream, Blacula, Scream! I have had this on my radar for a while now, but just haven’t gotten around to it until now.

So, what do I like about this film?

That voodoo that you do so well. I tend to be a fan of voodoo related things, so the aspect of this film that brought in that culture really captured my attention.

Pam Grier. She’s hot…need I say more?!?

Real vampires. In this day and age, vampires have become shadows of what they should be. Back in the day, though, they were to be violent creatures that were to be feared and not some sparkly drama queens! It was nice to see vampires who suck blood the way they should!

What didn’t I like?

Jealousy. Typical of flicks like this, there is the jealous boyfriend who makes things worse. What I mean by that is that he barges in during a voodoo sequence as Blacula was getting the evil expunged. Had he not barged in, then that would have been the end of Blacula, but nooo, he just had to barge in and ended up getting quite a few cops killed and nearly cost him his own life.

Make up. The job they did with the make up was horrible. Yes, they made the vampires look like they were the undead, but something seemed off. Maybe they just didn’t use the right make up for their skin tone?

Resurrection. At the end of the first film, Blacula was killed, and yet through the ritualistic voodoo practice, he is brought back to life, and with the exception of one small flashback, his exploits from back then are forgotten. I guess you can make the case that this was forgotten when he dies, but he remembers what Dracula did to him, so what’s the difference.

Please don’t get the wrong idea. I did enjoy Scream, Blacula, Scream!, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as the first film. This is one of those films that severely suffers from sequel-itis. They should have left well-enough alone, especially since the first one ended so completely. I’ll never complain about a film that has Pam Grier in it, but this one just should not have been made. That being said, it doesn’t suck, but rather is just an average outing that you can be best served avoiding.

3 out of 5 stars

One for the Money

PLOT:

Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl), out of work and out of cash, turns in desperation to her disreputable cousin Vinnie, of Vinnie’s Bail Bonds, for work. Despite having no equipment, training or particular skill she becomes a bail enforcement agent, chasing after Vinnie’s highest stakes bail jumper: Joe Morelli, a former vice cop who is wanted for murder, who also happened to seduce and dump Stephanie back in high school.

In the midst of the chase, Stephanie has to deal with her meddling family, a problematic tendency of witnesses who die when she gets too close, and lessons in bounty hunting from the mysterious Ranger (Daniel Sunjata). When she finally catches up to Morelli, she realizes that the case against him doesn’t add up and that the old flame from their school days may just be rekindling.

REVIEW:

It wasn’t that long ago that Katherine Heigl was on track to be the new “it girl” when it comes to romantic comedies. Somewhere along the way, though, she decided to run her mouth and basically got blacklisted, which is why her career seemed to have halted. Hell, Grey’s Anatomy didn’t even want her back! Will One for the Money be a jump-start to her career?

What did I like?

Plot. While it does feel a little recycled, it is very well executed. I don’t know how far this strays from the source material, but if the book is anything like this, I’m almost tempted to read it.

Not what you think. John Leguizamo always amazes me with how well he is able to convincingly play these characters that are nothing short of dastardly slimeballs, yet when we first meet them, they seem as if they are going to be decent guys. Steve Buscemi is another actor who tends to play characters like that, as well.

Old girl still has some tricks. Debbie Reynolds has a few scenes as the grandmother. She isn’t really integral to the plot, or anything, but just there for the family scenes. As one can imagine, she’s got quite the mouth on her. That’s all I’m going to say about her other than it was enjoyable to see her at work.

Narration. I love those old films and TV shows where the detective, or what have you, is narrating what is going on and there is a low bluesy saxophone playing softly in the background. We don’t get the sax here, but the narration is there. Some people have chided it, but I actually liked having some insight to what was going on. It made it feel like we watching the book unfold on screen.

Shower scene. Heigl has said she won’t do nude scenes in her career (she’ll change her tone in a few years…or do Dancing with the Stars…or both). The thing about that, though, is that there is a shower scene where she is all but naked. A friend of mine that saw this said that he was just wishing for her to suddenly get a hand cramp or something. I won’t go that far, but being a guy, I can’t help but say that I enjoyed seeing Katherine Heigl in a state of undress, especially in the shower. Throw in some handcuffs, and well…heh heh…that’s a topic for another time!

Sexual healing. There is obviously some history between Stephanie and Joe. They make it a point to bring it up many times, but the chemistry between Heigl and Jason O’mara is off the charts. It was almost as if there was some real sexual tension there!

What didn’t I like?

Jersey. Ever since that damn Jersey Shore crap started, everything has been “Jersey this” and “Jersey that”. Now, I can’t really fault this film for falling into that category. The book was written in 1994, for goodness sakes, but enough is enough. There hasn’t really been much good to come out of Jersey lately. I think the last great thing that came out of there was Anne Hathaway!

Accentuate the positive. When we first meet Katherine Heigl’s character, she has this thick, typical Jersey accent. It isn’t the best, but it was there and established as part of the character. The next thing you know, though, it is gone, then back, then gone again. Do we sense a pattern here. Oh, and then don’t forget that she doesn’t narrate with this accent, either. This would not be a problem if she would have just kept with it and not go back and forth.

Continuity, it is your friend. If I timed this right, everything happens in the span of a few days. When Heigl first becomes a bounty hunter, she has no ability to shoot a gun or pick a lock, then a few days later she’s a master at both? The lock-picking I can deal with a bit more because she saw the guy who has been helping her do it a few times and may very well have just picked up what he did. However, the gun thing…I just can’t suspend disbelief on something like that. No way is that possible!

Sherri Shepherd. Not a fan of her. Why in the blue hell would someone cast her as a prostitute? On top of that, why you make her such a major (secondary) character? I guess they just wanted to make sure those women that watch The View came to see this.

One for the Money is not a disappointment. This is one of those films that should not be taken seriously, because if you do, then you’re sure to not enjoy this film. Katherine Heigl is still a darling of romantic comedies in my book (and may actually look better as a brunette), so hopefully this will garner her more work. I hear this could be the start of aBridget Jonestype franchise. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. In the end, though, this isn’t the greatest film around, but it is fun and entertaining!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Dark Tide

PLOT:

Kate Mathieson, once renowned for swimming with Great White Sharks, spends her days giving mundane wildlife tours after the tragic death of her mentor. The surprise arrival of her old partner and husband, Jeff (Olivier Martinez), convinces her to face her inner demons and get back in the water with the fiercest of predators.

REVIEW:

A film starring Halle Berry. Check. Halle Berry in a bikini? Check. Halle in something skin-tight? Check. How could this go wrong? Well, last time I saw a Halle flick with the intention of seeing a lot of her, it was the blasphemous Catwoman. Is Dark Tide any better?

What did I like?

Cinematography. This film is set in South Africa and the filmmaker really captures the countryside as well as some gorgeous shots of the beautiful blue water, and sunrise on the docks that will take your breath away!

Halle Berry. I love Halle Berry. Nothing more need be said.

What didn’t I like?

Halle Berry. As much as I love her, her performance her was horrible. On top of that, with her hair cut like that, I couldn’t help but think this should have gone to Jada Pinkett-Smith. It hurts me to say this, but she may have done a better job with it (though not look as good in a bikini). I think she was hired to either strut around in the bikini for the whole film, like she did, or she owed someone a favor, because even at her worst, she at least seem to be trying. Here she might as well have phoned it in!

Shark bait ooh ha ha! We’ve all seen sharks in films. Some of them look real, some of them are real, and some were just a bad idea from the get go. The sharks here aren’t totally horrible, but they don’t seem real, and definitely aren’t imposing. Hell, I think I was more scared of the sharks from Finding Nemo than these things!

Pulled in all directions. This story is horrible. It makes no sense! I couldn’t tell what was going on other than she got hired to swim with the sharks with this rich guy who wants to swim outside of the cage. Like I said…horrible!!!

Dark Tideis one of those films that few people saw (it got a limited release). Now that I’ve seen it, I wish I wasn’t one of those “lucky” few. The scenery (including Halle) is really the only thing worth seeing, and after about the halfway point, this thing shifts to nothing but night dives and wetsuits, so there really is no point. I won’t you should avoid this like the plague, but it definitely isn’t worth losing nearly 2 hours of your life watching!

1 3/4 out of 5 stars

Larry Crowne

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Larry Crowne (Tom Hanks), a middle-aged Navy veteran is fired from his job at a big-box store, despite his seniority and satisfactory work, because the company has decided that his lack of a college education impedes any chance of advancement. Larry, who is divorced and lives alone, cannot find a job and he almost loses his house. Larry’s neighbor, Lamar (Cedric the Entertainer), advises him to enroll in the local community college and get an education in order to get better opportunities in the future.

Larry then decides to check out the college campus, and as he is looking over the college catalog, he meets the college dean, Dave Busik (Holmes Osborne), who encourages him to take Economics and Speech. Later, while pumping gas in his SUV, he sees a couple on scooters filling up gas and how much cheaper it is to do so. This prompts Larry to haggle with Lamar over a scooter that Lamar is selling at his never-ending yard sale.

At the first day of school, Larry meets Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), a free-spirit who also drives a scooter. They form a friendship right away. Mercedes Tainot (Julia Roberts) pulls up to the parking lot, and appears reluctant to be at the college. She walks into the Speech class that she teaches and notices only nine students in attendance. Mercedes makes an announcement that since the state requires at least ten students to be registered for a single class, that the class is cancelled, much to her delight. Suddenly, Larry appears and wonders if he is not too late for class. With Larry now being the tenth student registered in class, Mercedes reluctantly begins teaching class.

Larry and Talia share the same Economics class, taught by Dr. Ed Matsutani (George Takei), who mixes sarcasm with seriousness in his teachings. He appears to pay strict attention to Larry and confiscates Larry’s cell phone due to his texting habits with Talia.

Mercedes comes home to her husband Dean (Bryan Cranston), who is looking at pornography on his computer, but removes the web pages before Mercedes can catch him in the act. Apparently, Mercedes already knows of his porn-browsing, and Dean’s defense is that he’s just “a guy, who’s a guy, being a guy.” Mercedes is unhappy with her marriage and is an alcoholic.

Talia takes a strong liking to Larry and invites him to join a gang of people who ride scooters that is led by her boyfriend Dell Gordo (Wilmer Valderrama), who appears to be somewhat jealous of all the attention Talia gives Larry. Talia and her friends raid Larry’s living room and rearrange his furniture, while one of her friends gives Larry a haircut. Talia also gives Larry a bunch of clothes she keeps in her storage unit. Larry is fitting in quickly with Talia and her gang.

One night, after a date night with Dean goes horribly wrong, a drunken Mercedes demands to be let out of the car. Larry and gang notice Mercedes waiting alone at a bus stop, and Talia encourages Larry to give her a ride home. Mercedes reluctantly gets on Larry’s scooter with a helmet on, but her attitude changes when they ride by Dean getting arrested by a couple of police officers. When Larry gets Mercedes to her home, she asks Larry for a kiss, and they do. She wants to have sex as well, but Larry declines, not wanting to take advantage of her. After she closes the door, Larry appears happy over their kiss.

Dean comes home by cab to find all his stuff on the front lawn. Mercedes, who is now starting to take a liking to Larry, sees him and Talia together and is slightly jealous of their relationship, but is unaware that they are just friends. She makes Larry wait after class to tell him not to brag to anyone about what happened the night before. Larry says he will keep silent about what had occurred between them.

Now that Larry cannot afford to live in his house any longer, he uses the knowledge he gained in his Economics class to legally turn over his house and keys to the bank, with a 30-day notice that he will be gone. Larry ends up hosting a yard sale and pizza party at Lamar’s house, and upon paying for the pizzas, he’s surprised to see that the delivery man is Jack (Rob Riggle), a snide executive who helped fire Larry. Larry is also now working at at a diner run by his friend, Frank (Ian Gomez). Mercedes runs into Talia, who is telling her English teacher (Pam Grier), that she will be dropping out of college to start a thrift store. Mercedes assumes that Larry must know about her actions due to their supposed relationship, but Talia assures her that they are just friends. Mercedes appears to be happier now that she knows the truth. Larry, however, does not know about Talia dropping out, since he was surprised that he didn’t see her in Economics class that day. He visits Talia, and appears to be slightly disappointed about her actions, but also wishes her luck in her future endeavors.

Finals now come, and right before the Speech final, Larry and Mercedes meet outside class, with her telling Larry that she scheduled him last with his “geography” speech. After everyone has finshed their speech before him, Larry stands up in class and talks about his travels around the world while in the Navy, and makes references to the other students’ speeches, who all appear to be inspired by his. Larry then looks at Mercedes as he mentions that he could never have told about his life with great passion and enthusiasm if he had not taken her Speech class. Larry is given a big round of applause by his classmates, as well as Mercedes, who is happier in her life without Dean and has developed a passion for teaching again.

While working at the diner, Larry sees Mercedes with a friend, and approaches the table. She tells Larry that she gave him an “A+” in her class, which makes him very happy about going to school and finding more meaning in his life. When the next term begins, some of the students from Mercedes’ Speech class register for her Shakespeare class, but are sad to see that Larry isn’t registered for that class as well. Larry is seen taking Dr. Matsutani’s second-term Economics class.

Mercedes walks to her office and sees a note from Larry on the door, which is an invitation to have her over for a French toast dinner, with the address to his new apartment. She drives over to his apartment and he greets her, they kiss and both enter the apartment, closing the door behind them

REVIEW:

What kind of world do we live in where a man who has served his country in the Navy and has worked his way up to some kind of shift manager cannot keep his job, simply because he did not go to college? Given his circumstances, you would think they would make an exception. However, if not for the company “downsizing” him, we may not have had the deceptively funny Larry Crowne.

What did I like about this film?

Chemistry. We all know that Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts are great actors in their own right, but, to my immediate knowledge, they have never worked together. I could be wrong, though. At any rate, the chemistry between these two is apparent even before they meet each other. One has to wonder why they haven’t been put together on film before now. My guess is money.

Relatable story. I’ve never been in the military, unless you’re one of those people who counts high school ROTC, so I don’t know what this guy was going through. I’ve also never been divorced (or married). My job is, for the most part, one of those that won’t be downsized, but many Americans don’t have that luxury. In this economy, this film is very relatable, especially when you bring in the parts of him losing his house, selling his car, and gas prices (that’s what he gets for driving an SUV in California, though.)

Supporting characters. A friend of mine took issue with the fact that the many of the major supporting characters were all African-American. Personally, I didn’t notice that, but I was aware that these were some big name actors, such as Cedric the Entertainer, Taraji P. Henson, and the great Pam Grier (more on her later). All of them do what they do best, though, so it is hard to fault their casting.

New blood. In the past week, we have lost two major stars of the disco era, neither of which were that terribly old. I think Hanks is about the same age as Donna Summer. It just goes to show you that established actors aren’t destined to be around forever. So, with the introduction of newcomer Gugu Mbatha-Raw, we have some new blood who may very well be around for some time. Hopefully she’ll go on to do great things. She definitely has a good start.

Reverse psychology. I often mention how today’s comedies lose the funny and turn into dramas. Well, this film is actually the opposite. It is a drama (supposedly), but is actually quite a bit funnier than most of today’s “comedies”. It accomplishes this while keeping it’s identity as a drama. Not too shabby, I say.

What didn’t I like?

Cooling down the hotness. Pam Grier, at 62 years young (wow…she’s the same age as my mom…weird), is one of the hottest women around. Talk about growing old gracefully! Hotness aside, she is barely used. They do decide to actually give her something to do in the last 3/4 of the film when they break into this random montage, but for me, that was too little, too late.

Bad break. Bryan Cranston’s character, who apparently is some former professor of some sort that now stays home and works on his blog (looks at porn) is the typical douche husband that you just know she is going to leave for the main character before the film is over. The thing is, the audience shouldn’t feel sorry for him, but we do. I think that is because he doesn’t do anything particularly wrong other than look at porn while she’s at work and a drunken rant about the size of her breasts (I like ‘em big, too!!!). These are forgivable things, in my opinion. It isn’t like he cheated on her, but I’m a guy, so what do I know, right?

All in all, Larry Crowne turned out to be an alright flick. This is definitely one of those flicks you should put in the “date night” category. Strong performances and story, comedy, drama, and even a motorcycle (scooter) gang…what more could you want? Who knows…if you watch this, someone may cook you french toast in the morning (watch the film to get that reference)!

4 out of 5 stars