The Sea Hawk

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The film begins with King Philip II of Spain (Montagu Love) declaring his intention to destroy England and after this “puny rockbound island as barren and treacherous as her Queen” is out of the way, he believes that world conquest will follow: he says his great wall map, one day, “will have ceased to be a map of the world; it will be Spain.” He sends one of his courtiers, Don Alvarez (Claude Rains), as his ambassador to allay the suspicions of Queen Elizabeth I (Flora Robson) about the great armada he is building to invade England. In England, some of the Queen’s ministers plead with her to build a fleet, which she hesitates to do in order to spare the purses of her subjects.

The ambassador’s ship is captured en route to England by the Albatross and her captain, Geoffery Thorpe (Errol Flynn). Don Alvarez and his niece, Dona Maria (Brenda Marshall), are taken aboard and transported to England. Thorpe is immediately enchanted by Dona Maria and gallantly returns her plundered jewels. Her detestation of him softens as she too begins to fall in love.

Don Alvarez is granted an audience with the Queen and complains about his treatment; Dona Maria is accepted as one of her maids of honour. The “Sea Hawks”, a group of English privateers who loot Spanish ships for “reparations” appear before the Queen, who scolds them (at least publicly) for their piratical attacks and for endangering the peace with Spain. Captain Thorpe finally appears and proposes a plan to seize a large caravan of Spanish gold in the New World and bring it back to England. The Queen is wary of Spain’s reaction, but allows Thorpe to proceed.

Suspicious of Thorpe’s expedition, Lord Wolfingham (Henry Daniell), one of the Queen’s ministers (and a secret Spanish collaborator), sends a spy to try to discover where the Albatross is really heading, but to no avail; the courtiers are told that Thorpe is going on a trading expedition up the Nile River in Egypt. Upon visiting the chartmaker responsible for the chart for Thorpe’s next voyage, Don Alvarez and Lord Wolfingham determine that he is really sailing to the Isthmus of Panama and order Don Alvarez’s Spanish captain to sail ahead to set up an ambush. When the Albatross reaches its destination, part of her crew seizes the caravan, but they fall into a well-laid trap and are driven into the swamps. Thorpe and a few others survive and return to their ship, only to find it in Spanish hands. Thorpe and his crew are returned to Spain, tried by the Inquisition, and sentenced to the galleys for the rest of their lives. In England, Don Alvarez informs the Queen of Thorpe’s fate, causing his niece to faint. The Queen and Don Alvarez exchange heated words, and she expels him from her court.

On the Spanish galley, Thorpe meets an Englishman named Abbott who was captured trying to uncover evidence of the Armada’s true purpose. Through cunning, the prisoners take over the ship during the night. They board another ship in the same harbor, where an emissary has stored secret incriminating plans. Thorpe and his men capture both and sail back to England with the plans in hand.

Upon reaching port, Thorpe tries to warn the Queen. A carriage bringing Don Alvarez to the ship which, unbeknownst to him, Thorpe had captured, also brings his niece. Don Alvarez boards the ship and is held prisoner, while Captain Thorpe, dressed in the uniform of a Spanish courtier, sneaks into the carriage carrying Dona Maria, who has decided to stay in England and wait for Thorpe’s return. The two finally declare their love for each other, and Maria helps Thorpe in sneaking into the palace. However, Lord Wolfingham’s spy, who had escorted the ambassador and his niece, spots Thorpe and alerts the castle guards to stop the carriage and take Thorpe prisoner. Thorpe escapes and enters the Queen’s residence, fending off guards all the while. Eventually, Thorpe runs into Lord Wolfingham and kills the traitor in a sword fight.

With Dona Maria’s assistance, Thorpe reaches the Queen and provides proof of King Phillip’s intentions. Elizabeth knights Captain Thorpe for his gallantry, with Dona Maria present, and declares her intention to build a great fleet to oppose the Spanish threat.

REVIEW:

I was asked earlier this year to maybe think about throwing in some classic swashbuckler films, preferably with Errol Flynn. So, to honor that request, I dug out one of Flynn’s not-so-well-known pictures, at least to modern audiences, The Sea Hawk. I have to say that this film left me underwhelmed compared to similar pictures of the time.

What is this about?

Hired on by Queen Elizabeth (Flora Robson), buccaneer Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe (Errol Flynn) loots and pillages the Spanish fleet and the New World colonies while sailing the high seas, but is stopped in his tracks when he attacks a vessel and lays eyes on beautiful Doña Maria (Brenda Marshall). Thorpe is captured, but escapes to warn England of the advancing Spanish armada in director Michael Curtiz’s swashbuckling adventure.

What did I like?

Swashbuckling. In the heyday of cinema, an action flick like this didn’t require gigantic set pieces and huge explosions to be impressive. Instead, the focus was on the acting, story, and most importantly, the action. A simple, choreographed, sword fight went a long way towards making a film memorable, believe it or not. Flynn was one of the best, at least that I’ve seen, at making these fights exciting and not come off as a couple of guys dancing with toy swords.

Fake. Audiences back then may not have realized it, but today we look at the set of this film and pick apart every obvious fake prop, from the pool the boats are in to the painted backdrop, to the styrofoam rocks. Thing is, though, I actually like stuff like that. There is a certain charm, if you will, that is one of the reasons I like old films so much better than the new ones. The fake props show imagination. Something that typing in a couple of program sequences into a computer will never show.

What didn’t I like?

Pacing. It seems with all classic action films, they are longer than they need to be with very slow pacing. With that in mind, they usually tell a great story, I just wish there was something to light a fire under them and get things going to the last 10-15 minutes when things pick up and we get some action.

Music. Please note that my issue with the music is not that it is bad, but that this is literally just recycled from another film starring Flynn, Captain Blood. You know, the one they watch in The Goonies, remember? If this was a sequel, I would have any issues. Look at the Star Wars and Harry Potter franchises, they recycle music all the time, but its all in the same universe, if you will. As far as I can tell, these are two totally different films that have the same music.

When I decided to watch The Sea Hawk this evening, I didn’t know what to expect, other than some kind of pirate/privateer film starring Errol Flynn. For what it is, one can’t really complain, but it doesn’t compare to previous Flynn films I’ve seen. There is a drop off in terms of quality and entertainment that hampers this, but it still is worth checking out sometime. For me, it wasn’t great, but it has some pretty good moments near the end.

3 1/3 out of 5 stars

Law Abiding Citizen

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In a 1999 Philadelphia home invasion, Clarence James Darby (Christian Stolte) and his accomplice Rupert Ames (Josh Stewart) kill the wife and daughter of Clyde Alexander Shelton (Gerard Butler) before his eyes. Prosecutor Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) is unable to use DNA hard evidence to securely convict both accused and unwilling to take a chance on lowering his high conviction rate. He makes a deal with Darby, letting him plead guilty to a lesser charge and receive a reduced sentence in return for testifying against Ames. Ames is found guilty and is sentenced to death. Darby is released after a few years. Shelton feels betrayed by Rice’s actions and by the justice system in general.

Ten years later, Ames’s time on death row is up. Unknown to the prosecutors and the witnesses, the cardiotoxic drug usually used in executions has been replaced with an anticonvulsant, causing Ames to die an extremely painful death. Evidence relating to tampering with the drug implicates Darby. An anonymous caller alerts Darby as the police draw near, and directs him to a remote location. Shelton, disguised as a cop, reveals himself as the caller and paralyzes Darby with puffer fish poison. He straps Darby to a table and slowly dismembers him, videorecording the gory proceedings. When Darby’s remains are found, evidence ties his death to Shelton. Shelton willingly gives himself up and goes to jail.

Rice learns his wife and daughter were sent the dismemberment video and were traumatized by it, and initially refuses to bargain with Shelton to make a confession. But District Attorney Jonas Cantrell (Bruce McGill) orders Rice to make a deal. In court, Shelton represents himself. He successfully argues that he should be granted bail, then berates the judge for accepting the “bullshit” legal precedents he himself cited and for being too eager to let madmen and murderers back on the street. The judge jails Shelton for contempt of court.

Shelton demands a steak dinner be delivered to his cell by a specific time, in return for telling where to find Darby’s lawyer, who was reported missing three days earlier. Rice agrees, though the dinner is delayed by a few minutes due to the warden’s security measures. Once he has his meal, Shelton provides a set of coordinates, where Rice and the others find Darby’s lawyer, buried alive but suffocated when his air supply ran out while Shelton’s dinner was being delayed. Shelton kills his cellmate, forcing the warden to secure him in solitary confinement.

Cantrell arranges a meeting with a CIA contact and brings Rice. They learn that Shelton has previously worked with the agency, creating devices to assassinate people in imaginative ways. Further, they are warned that Shelton is capable of killing anyone he wishes. During a meeting with Rice and Cantrell, the judge is killed when she answers her cell phone and it explodes. A number of Rice’s assistants are killed by car bombs, one of them Sarah Lowell (Leslie Bibb). As Rice and Cantrell leave the funeral of one of Rice’s assistants, Cantrell is killed by a weaponized bomb disposal robot. The mayor (Viola Davis) puts the city under lockdown and promotes Rice to acting District Attorney.

Rice learns that Shelton owns an auto garage next to the prison. A tunnel from the garage leads to a cache of guns, disguises, and other equipment below the solitary confinement cells, and secret entrances to each cell. He realizes Shelton wanted to be in solitary, allowing him to easily leave the prison without detection and commit the murders. Evidence in the tunnel points Rice to Shelton’s next target, city hall, where the mayor is holding an emergency meeting with city officials. Rice and his men cannot find Shelton, but discover evidence pointing to a cell-phone-activated suitcase bomb in the room directly below the meeting.

Shelton returns to his garage after planting the city hall bomb, then returns to his cell. He is surprised to find Rice waiting for him. Rice berates Shelton for taking revenge because of the pain he suffered. Shelton suggests another deal, but Rice refuses this time, saying that he does not make deals with murderers anymore, and thanks Shelton for teaching him that. Rice secures Shelton in the cell and flees. Despite being pleased that Rice had finally learned his lesson, Shelton dials the cell phone on the city hall bomb. Shelton realizes too late that Rice has moved the bomb to his cell and the cell’s entrance to the tunnel has been sealed. Shelton looks upon his daughter’s bracelet with a sense of sadness, accepting his fate as the bomb explodes

REVIEW:

What happens when a man has nothing to lose? Does he remain a Law Abiding Citizen? Or does revenge consume every waking moment of his life? That is the something you will find yourself asking while you’re watching this film, though I’m not sure it ever truly gets answered.

What is this about?

Traumatized by the atrocious murders of his wife and daughter — and the flawed justice system that set the killers free — Clyde Shelton gives in to his rage and sets out on a course of vengeance.

What did I like?

Sunday, bloody Sunday. This is not a film for the squeamish! Before you ask…no, there aren’t any Saw type murders, but there are some bloody scenes. Best comparison I can think of is to think of something like Shoot ‘Em Up. Yes it is violent, and perhaps a bit over the top, but still believable, to a point. Blood is spilled, and you should be ready for it. After having to sit through a long and boring banquet last night, I needed some release and watching this did it for me!

Leading men. Two of my bst friends must be loving the fact that the actors they love are starring in this. I’m sure plenty of women (and some men) feel the same way. Hell, there is even a scene where Gerard Butler gets naked (you only see his backside, sorry ladies). I’m not really sure what that was about, but whatever. I have to admit, though, the chemistry between these two was better than I would have expected. Then again, given Gerard’s recent string of movies, I think we have all forgotten than he is a very, very, VERY capable action star and knows how to act in those films, as opposed to romantic comedies.

Good or evil. Something that I felt this film did a great job of doing was convincing us that Butler’s characters was still a good guy at heart, even if his methods for getting back at the system didn’t seem to be ideal for a “law-abiding citizen”. It would have been so easy for them to just have him go off the deep end and become a serial killer or terrorist, but he uses his military training to his advantage and creates quite the body count from beginning to end.

What didn’t I like?

Death. I may have liked the violence and killings in this picture, but I was not a fan of the killing of the wife and little girl. Call me a softy, but there is just something not right about mindlessly slaughtering a child. Had they left her alive, this film could have gone in a totally different story arc, while keeping the same tone and plot. I realize that her death was for a reason, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!

Women. The actresses in the picture seemed to have gotten the short end of the stick, as every one of them, with the exception of Regina Hall ended up dead, and Hall only had a couple of scenes, so it isn’t like she was a major character. Could it be some thinly veiled misogynistic ideal from this director, pure coincidence, or is there something bigger here? I don’t know the true reason, but they could have done more with these fabulous females.

Too perfect. The ending was perfect…maybe too much so. Not to spoil anything, but let’s just say the good guy finally catches the bad guy without him even knowing it. I don’t know, it just felt like that was something we all expected to happen, rather than a more inspired ending that this film probably deserved.

It was good to have the chance to see Gerard Butler in his element again. This is the kind of stuff that he was made for. I am not sure that this would have been as enjoyable a film without him, as anyone else would have surely just played any other Law Abiding Citizen. Do I think you should see this? Yes, I mean it has its issues and is far from a perfect film, but this is the kind of flick that you can check out and enjoy!

4 out of 5 stars

Iron Man 3

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Tony Stark recalls a New Years Eve party in 1999 with scientist Maya Hansen, inventor of Extremis – an experimental regenerative treatment intended to allow recovery from crippling injuries. Disabled scientist Aldrich Killian offers them a place in his company Advanced Idea Mechanics, but is turned down.

Years later, Stark’s experiences during the alien invasion of New York are giving him panic attacks. Restless, he has built several Iron Man suits, creating friction with his girlfriend Pepper Potts. A string of bombings by terrorist the Mandarin has left intelligence agencies bewildered by lack of forensic evidence. When Stark Industries security chief Happy Hogan is badly injured in one such attack, Stark overcomes his stupor and issues a televised threat to the Mandarin, who responds by destroying Stark’s home with helicopter gunships. Potts and Hansen, who had come to warn them, survive the attack. Stark then finds himself in rural Tennessee after his artificial intelligence JARVIS followed a flight plan from Stark’s investigation into the Mandarin. Stark’s experimental armor lacks sufficient power to return to California, and the world believes him dead.

Teaming with Harley, a precocious 10-year-old boy, Stark investigates the remains of a local explosion bearing the hallmarks of a Mandarin attack. He discovers the “bombings” were triggered by soldiers subjected to Extremis, which at this stage of development can cause certain subjects to explosively reject it. After veterans started exploding, their deaths were used to cover up Extremis’ flaws by manufacturing a terrorist plot. Stark witnesses Extremis firsthand when Mandarin agents Ellen Brandt and Eric Savin attack him.

With Harley’s help, Stark traces the Mandarin to Miami and infiltrates his headquarters using improvised weapons. Inside he discovers the Mandarin is actually a British actor, Trevor Slattery, who says that he is oblivious to the actions carried out in his name. The Mandarin is a creation of Killian, who appropriated Hansen’s Extremis research as a cure for his own disability and expanded the program to include injured war veterans. After capturing Stark, Killian reveals he is the true Mandarin; he has kidnapped Potts and subjected her to Extremis, intending to infuse her with superhuman abilities and turn her against Stark as leverage to gain Stark’s aid in fixing Extremis’ flaws. Killian kills Maya when she has a change of heart about the plan.

Killian has also manipulated American intelligence agencies regarding the Mandarin’s location, luring James Rhodes — the former War Machine, now re-branded as the Iron Patriot — into a trap to steal the armor. Stark escapes and reunites with Rhodes, discovering that Killian intends to attack President Ellis aboard Air Force One. Remotely controlling his Iron Man armor, Stark saves some surviving passengers and crew but cannot stop Killian from abducting Ellis. They trace Killian to an impounded oil-drilling platform where Killian intends to kill Ellis on live television. The vice president will become a puppet leader, following Killian’s orders in exchange for Extremis to cure a little girl’s disability.

On the platform, Stark goes to save Potts, and Rhodes saves the president. Stark summons each of his Iron Man suits, controlled remotely by JARVIS, to provide air support. Rhodes secures the president and leads him to safety, while Stark discovers Potts has survived the Extremis procedure. However, before he can save her, a rig collapses around them and she falls to her apparent death. Stark confronts Killian and traps him in an Iron Man suit that self-destructs, but fails to kill him. Potts, whose Extremis powers allowed her to survive her fall, intervenes and kills Killian.

After the battle, Stark orders JARVIS to destroy each Iron Man suit as a sign of his intention to devote more time to Potts. The vice president and Slattery are arrested. With Stark’s help, Potts’ Extremis effects are stablized, and Stark undergoes surgery to remove the shrapnel embedded near his heart. He pitches his obsolete chest arc reactor into the sea, musing he will always be Iron Man, even without his armor.

In a present day post-credits scene, Stark wakes up Dr. Bruce Banner, who fell asleep listening at the beginning of Stark’s story.

REVIEW:

Last summer, The Avengers was the film everyone was looking forward to and talking about. This year, we are starting what Marvel Studios is calling Phase II leading up the second Avengers film with Iron Man 3. As you can imagine, there is a tremendous amount of pressure on this film, not only to not drop the ball, but also because this is the first big blockbuster of the year.

What is this about?

Marvel’s “Iron Man 3″ pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy’s hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

What did I like?

Tony, Tony, Tony. The last film was so focused on the Iron Man suit that we forgot there was a man inside, Tony Stark. Here we get back to basics with him, as he is without his suits and JARVIS for a good portion of the film. Yes, that is not necessarily a good thing for a summer blockbuster, but it just makes the final payoff that much better. Not to mention, Stark is a genius! Seeing his brilliant mind come up with innovative ways to escape and do things is something we haven’t seen since the first Iron Man. Say what you will, but Iron Man is ultimately nothing without the man behind him.

Stand alone. We all loved The Avengers and that is great, but what I really appreciated is how this stayed an Iron Man film. Yes, there were references to the events that happened in New York, and Stark has a bit of trauma from it, but that isn’t a major plot point. Admittedly, I was sort of afraid it would. Looking at the trailer for the new Thor movie, it doesn’t seem to be a problem in that one either. So, Marvel is doing things right. I don’t think we would have minded seeing Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, and the others, I just felt that Stark needed some time to himself.

Comedy. Contrary to what some out there may want him to be, Iron Man has never been the dark, brooding type like Batman. The only dark thing about Stark is his alcoholism, which will never be covered on-screen as long as Downey is portraying him…for issues that would hit too close to home. So, getting moments of levity thrown in here and there are an absolute delight for me. It is what I know Iron Man to be and the cast seems to be having fun with these jokes, so how can you complain?

Kid. I’m not a fan of this kid they brought in, but for the purpose he serves, I suppose he works. It seems like they just wanted him to be a foil for Tony Stark and to remind the audience that while Stark is all about saving the world, he is still a total selfish douchebag, lest we forget.

What didn’t I like?

Final battle. In Transformers, one of the complaints was that you couldn’t tell who was who with all those gears and stuff clashing. In a way, that is how I felt watching this final scene. You’ve seen the trailer where all the Iron Man suits show up, right? Well, they all join in the fight, but it is very hard to tell who is who and what is going on. Part of that may be related to watching this in 3D and wearing those rented sunglasses, but it would have been nice to have a better sense of what was happening.

Yes, you have abs. Normally, I’m the last one to complain about seeing a woman in her sports bra, but when Gwyneth Paltrow is kidnapped, they strip her down to a sports bra. To me, it seemed like this was done for no other reason than for her to show her abs, especially since not long before that, we see another woman, but she was in her miliary gear.

Color scheme. This is a personal complaint, but who the hell told these people Iron Man is yellow and red instead of red and yellow?!? That just doesn’t look right! For me, it was distracting, I couldn’t wait for him to get out of that crappy paint job he calls a suit!

Imma call him War Machine. I would say this was done just for the movie, but there actually is an Iron Patriot. The armor is best associated with Norman Osborn, you know Green Goblin from Spider-Man. As far as I can tell, they changed it here for marketing reasons. Parents are so squeamish these days. Last thing they would want to do is buy a kid a toy called War Machine, but Iron Patriot? Not a problem. Isn’t that just sickening?

Botanist. This is a very small thing…hardly worth mentioning. You may remember Batman & Robin where a botanist was responsible for much of the evil that was happening. Well, this botanist doesn’t turn into a mad supervillain, but the idea did put me in mind of that film. I couldn’t help but think back to it, but that might just me overanalyzing things.

Mandarin. Let me tell you about the first Iron Man comic I read…It was the end of some storyline,  Stark came hom, poured a drink, took his armor off and got shot in the back. This would leave him paralyzed for quite some time. I keep hope that they’ll actually use this storyline in a future film. While he didn’t commit that heinous act, the Mandarin was the villain Iron Man had defeated before heading home. A sinister being of unspeakable power, thanks to his 10 rings. At first, the Mandarin here seems to be just as menacing a figure, then the proverbial curtain is pulled back. I’m not going to spoil anything about how they handled this interpretation, but I will say it pissed me off to no end to know that this is what they did to a great villain such as the Mandarin. Making matters even worse, they got Sir Ben Kingsley, who I felt would have been great as a true Mandarin, to do this. WTF?!? For a franchise that even through the changes it has made to the source material has had a pretty good track record of pleasing the fans, this was like a big F— you! All I can do is hope that he gets a true Mandarin-izing (yes, I just coined that phrase) before the next film. Prison has ways of changing a man, after all, and dammit does it need to do it quickly!

Iron Man 3 is sure to make a ton of $$$, but did you honestly think it wouldn’t? The new elements added to the already familiar story are hit and miss, but they work well enough when all is said and done. This new director, Shane Black, gave the film a darker tone which I am not sure I liked, but to each their own. I question what his obsession with Christmas time is, though. Ultimately, though, I had a good time with this film. It has some issues here and there, but still a really solid flick that you need to rush out and see ASAP. Yes, people, the summer movie season has officially arrived!

4 1/4 out of 5 stars

From Russia with Love

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

SPECTRE’s expert planner Kronsteen devises a plot to steal a Lektor cryptographic device from the Soviets and sell it back to them while exacting revenge on Bond for killing their agent Dr. No. The Spectre Number 1 puts ex-SMERSH operative and Number 3 Rosa Klebb in charge of the mission. Klebb recruits Donald “Red” Grant as an assassin, and Tatiana Romanova, a cipher clerk at the Soviet consulate in Istanbul, as an unwitting pawn, as Romanova thinks Klebb is still working for SMERSH.

In London, M tells Bond – agent 007 and sometimes simply ’007′ – that Romanova has contacted their “Station ‘T’” in Turkey, offering to defect with a Lektor, which MI6 and the CIA have been after for years – but Romanova said she will only defect to Bond, whose photo she has allegedly found in a Soviet intelligence file. Bond then flies to Istanbul, where he meets station head Ali Kerim Bey. 007 is followed from the airport by an unkempt man in glasses and by Red Grant. The next day, after Kerim Bey’s office is bombed, Bond and Kerim Bey spy on the Soviet consulate, where Kerim Bey sees rival agent Krilencu. At night, Kerim Bey and Bond go to a rural gypsy settlement, which suffers an attack by Krilencu’s men, who wound Kerim Bey and nearly kill Bond, who is saved by a hidden Red Grant. On the following night, Kerim Bey kills Krilencu with Bond’s sniper rifle. When Bond returns to his hotel suite, he finds Romanova in bed waiting for him, unaware that they are being filmed by SPECTRE.

The next day, Romanova heads off for a pre-arranged rendezvous at Hagia Sophia. The bespectacled man who followed Bond to the airport tries to intercept Romanova’s floor plan of the Soviet consulate, but is killed by Grant. Upon finding the body, Bond takes the floor plan, and brings it to Kerim Bey to devise their invasion. After stealing the Lektor, Bond, Romanova, and Kerim Bey escape with the device on the Orient Express. On the train, Kerim Bey and a Soviet security officer named Benz are killed by Grant, who makes it appear as if they killed each other. At Zagreb, Grant leaves the train and boards it again to meet Bond, pretending to be agent Nash from “Station ‘Y’”. He drugs Romanova at dinner, then overcomes Bond. Grant taunts him, boasting SPECTRE has been pitting the Soviets and the British against each other, and claims that Romanova thinks that “she’s doing it all for mother Russia”. Grant also mentions the film of Bond and Romanova at the hotel suite, saying that after both are killed, Grant will plant it in her handbag along with a forged blackmail letter so it looks like it was a murder-suicide. Bond tricks Grant into opening Bond’s attaché case in the manner that detonates its tear gas booby trap in his face, allowing Bond to attack him. In the ensuing struggle, Bond eventually manages to stab Grant with the knife hidden in the attaché case, and strangles Grant to death with his own garrotte. At dawn, Bond and Romanova leave the train, hijack Grant’s getaway truck, destroy an enemy helicopter, and drive to a dock, eventually boarding a powerboat.

Number 1 is very unhappy, and summons Kronsteen and Klebb. He reminds them that SPECTRE does not tolerate failure, and brings in agent Morzeny to then execute Kronsteen with a poisoned spike in the toe of his shoe. Number 1 tells a frightened Klebb that she now has total control of the mission and has one last chance. Klebb sends Morzeny after Bond with a squadron of SPECTRE’s boats. Morzeny nearly catches Bond, but the agent sets his pursuers’ boats on fire with a signal flare. Bond and Romanova reach Venice and check into a hotel. Rosa Klebb, disguised as a maid, attempts to steal the Lektor. She gets the drop on Bond, and attempts to kill Bond with both a gun and her poisoned toe-spike, but ends up being shot by Romanova. Riding in a gondola, Bond throws the film of him and Romanova into the water as they are rowed away.

REVIEW:

I’m hoping that by the time the next James Bond film comes out, I will have watched them all. There is still awhile before that happens, though. From Russia with Love is the second in the franchise and one that many people rank as on of the best, especially of the older films. Is it worth of such high praise, though?

What is this about?

James Bond is back — and so are the bullets, beauties and bad guys. You’ll be shaken and stirred by Sean Connery’s second outing as 007, which finds him paying the price for his previous adventure when SPECTRE seeks revenge for Dr. No’s death.

What did I like?

Gadgets. One of the things that the Bond franchise is known for is the gadgetry. In Dr. No, we didn’t really get to see any, but that was the first film and didn’t have as much of a budget. In Bond’s second outing, the studio upped the ante and allowed for the gadgets to be seen and used. I’m sure that in subsequent films, these devices will take on an even bigger role.

Tale of revenge. With the death of Dr. No in the previous film, one has to have known that there would be repercussions for Bond. At its core, this film is a vengeance movie. The villains are motivated by one thing and one thing only…avenging their fallen comrade. There is a little bit of world domination in there, as well.

Script. I have to take a moment to praise the script. Not only is there snappy dialogue, but it has its comedic moments without changing the tone of the film. It takes some real talent from both the actors and the writers to accomplish such a tremendous feat, one that has allowed this film to stand the true test of time.

What didn’t I like?

Editing. I didn’t really notice any editing issues until the very last scene when Bond is on a boat. While he is talking, there is a sudden camera shift. For such a well-crafted film, this mistake is unforgivable. Sure, it may seem like a small thing, but it is more than noticeable. How did they let this slip through to the final film?

Too many cooks in the kitchen. A common problem with films that involve criminal organizations is that they tend to focus on too many of them. For what it is worth, that problem isn’t as bad as in some superhero flicks, for instance. With that said, there were just too many villainous forces at work here. All that was really needed was the mysterious leader, the arch-villain carrying out the plan, and a “named” henchman.

From Russia with Love provided me with a good enough time, but I didn’t feel like it was something that I’ll be looking back and saying it was one of the best Bond pictures. I do think that more of what we know Bond for today was set up here than in its predecessor. Do I recommend this? Yes, there is no reason to not check this out, unless you are one of those dumkopfs that has an aversion to old movies or films that have a lighter tone. Check this out when you get the chance!

4 out of 5 stars

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The movie begins with a young girl, Julia Crichton, waking up from a dream about the day her family was forcibly taken from her home by soldiers beside her older brother Ashley, who is currently studying their parents’ alchemy books. Ashley then shows his sister some pages and explains that with the alchemy in the book, he hopes to make a world that no one’s seen before. Soon after discovering two strange rubbed-out pages, the siblings hear some strange noises and Ashley goes ahead to investigate, but a worried Julia follows to a room where she finds the bodies of her parents hung up and dripping blood. She watches in horror as her brother is attacked and presumably murdered to which she faints.

Years later, a criminal breaks free from prison in Amestris, and the Elric brothers Edward and Alphonse join the effort to recapture him. The duo confronts the escapee who proves himself a dangerous opponent able to create ice and lightning from the alchemy circles drawn in blood on the palms on his hands. Despite the Elrics’ efforts to capture the criminal, he ends up escaping, and after some investigation with Edward’s superior Roy Mustang and his assistant Riza Hawkeye, they learn that the fugitive, Melvin Voyager escaped despite him being weeks away from being released from jail. Among his belongings, they find a newspaper page with a piece cut off, and comparing with an intact copy of the same page, they find that the missing piece is a photo of a young woman named Julia Crichton who was arrested while entering illegally in the remote Table City, set in the border between Amestris and Creta.

Intrigued by the alchemy used by the criminal and his connection with Julia, the Elrics board a train to Table City to investigate further, but the train is attacked by an unknown individual who transforms into a wolf-chimera and takes control of the locomotive. While trying to retake the train’s control from the Wolf-Chimera, flying soldiers called the Black Bats attacked the train, attempting to rescue what they thought were ordinary citizens, but they fall back after finding out the prisoners were Cretan spies. Meanwhile, Melvin found his opportunity and escaped, followed after by the Elric Brothers. Ed and Al arrive at a prison, where Melvin destroyed the prison walls to find Julia Crichton, the fugitive in the papers. Voyager attempts to retrieve Julia, which is interrupted by Miranda, the leader of the Black Bats, who retrieves her and gets her to safety. Ed then challenges Voyager while Alphonse goes to save Julia. She and him fall into a village in a vast chasm (The Valley) that surrounds Table City, where Voyager follows and reveals his true identity as Julia’s brother, Ashley Crichton. While attempting to rescue his brother, Ed then ventures down to the Valley in search of Al, where he learns that Table City was originally the Hill of Milos, until Creta and Amestris tore it apart in search of the a mysterious object.

Inside the Black Bats secret base, Julia and Alphonse develop a friendship while Julia learns about Al and Ed’s tragic past of human transmutation. Later, when Ed meets up with Al in the Black Bats base, they find themselves hunted down by wolf chimeras from the Cretan secret police, prompting them to retreat further. They and the Elrics arrive in a room with maps and locations of Table City, where Miranda explains to the Elrics their mission; to reclaim Milos by using the Sanguine Star to control a powerful heat source called Magma. Miranda also explained that the Sanguine Star was a ‘red glowing stone of power’. Shocked by the description, the Elrics reveal a secondary name the Star had, and that name was the Philosopher Stone, a name given to a stone of great power, but was made from the blood and life-force of a large number of human lives.

Wanting to avoid a bloody war, Ed and Al return to Table City in an attempt to find the Stone and destroy it. Later on, past midnight, the Black Bats, lead by Miranda, begin their assault, searching for the Sanguine Star. Miranda, Ashley, and Julia then venture to the main tower, where, suddenly, Ashley fatally injures Miranda and explains to Julia that the use of Miranda’s blood activates a three dimensional transmutation circle drawn in blood to create the Sanguine Star. Julia then realizes that he is an imposter, Security Chief Atlas, who was enveloped by alchemy’s potential of creation and power, and killed Julia’s parents for it, and tore off the real Ashley’s face and the skin from his lower left side to deceive Julia and create the Star. Ed and Al arrive to rescue Julia and confront Atlas, who escapes to the location of the Star. As Ed, Al, and Julia chased after Atlas, a Cretan power plant explodes, pouring out a massive amount of lava towards the Valley. Al goes to help save the valley while Ed and Julia go after Atlas. Atlas nearly attempts to retrieve the Star, only to be confronted by Ed and Julia resulting in a minute-long fight. Julia then retrieves the star and decides to use it through saving the Valley.

Meanwhile, Alphonse’s attempt to stop the lava are futile until Julia arrives to help him stop the lava. Atlas arrives to take back the Sacred Star, only to be confronted by Colonel Hershel, who reveals himself to be Ashley Crichton. Angered by their (his and Julia’s) parents’s murder and his (Ashley’s) mutilation, Ashley kills Atlas with his (Ashley’s) alchemy causing Atlas’s head to explode. Julia wanted to know if what Ashely said was true, that he really was her brother. Ashley spoke true and confirmed that he was. He also apologized to Julia for leaving her alone for so long, and in order to keep her safe from Atlas, Ashley created Wolf-Chimeras in the Cretan army to protect her. Now that his sister was safe, Ashley begged Julia to leave Milos and go back to Creta with him so they could still make a world that no one had ever seen before, but Julia loved their birthplace and her friends, so she refused. Thus Ashley became angry and heartbroken and attacked her and Alphonse with his alchemy, but Ed and Mustang arrived to aid Julia against Ashley. Ed confronted Ashley in an explosive sword-fight, but Ashley was too much for him, so Julia stepped in and fought back with her powerful alchemy! Ashley was overwhelmed by Julia’s power and lost his left arm, but as he fell, Julia noticed he was wearing a necklace, and at the end of it was the earring she gave him! Unable to hate her brother, Julia caught Ashley with a large amount of snow. She then worked with the Elrics and created a massive gathering of hands from Table City to stop the flow of Magma and save Death Canyon. Julia then turned to her brother, who was already bleeding to death, so to save his life, she opened the Gate of Truth through the Sacred Star’s power and pulled him back! Alphonse and Edward noticed that Julia was missing one of her legs, but the exchange seemed worth it as Ashley’s face was fully restored!

The next morning, Ashley woke up in a hospital bed alongside Julia. He then found his face restored completely, and after noticing his sister resting in bed, he gently rubbed Julia’s cheek. Julia then woke up and found out that her left leg was gone completely, and Vatanen reported to her about Ashley, who had just left with one of the earrings he re-created. Vatanen also explained that Alphonse brought Julia’s earring to her, making her want to see him.

Outside Table City, Ed and Al marveled at the new bridge they made. And to their surprise, Julia came walking towards them with an Automail Leg. The three exchanged conversations about how Amestris and Creta will be retreating for now, and how a war will be coming. Julia knows this, but she smiles confidently about how she and Milos will work together and triumph. Before he left, Edward confesses that Julia was indeed reckless, but she was still heroic in her actions. Ed then pushed Al towards Julia, giving him some time alone. Al then commented on how different Julia looked, Julia believed that he was talking about her new leg, which she said will take her some time to get used to. However, Alphonse actually meant to complement her on her beauty, to which Julia smiled and said she’ll wait for him to come back when he and Ed find a way to restore their bodies. As Al and Julia parted ways, elsewhere, Ashley donned his Cretan uniform and mask and headed back to Creta…

The Elrics board the train with Mustang, Hawkeye, and Winry, and looked one last time at Table City.

REVIEW:

[adult swim] has lately decided that Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood isn’t worth seeing, so they’ve relegated episodes to the middle of the night. If that wasn’t bad enough, the Elric brothers star in their second film, but if not for a random comment on a youtube review site, I would not even know that Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Stone of Milos existed.

What is this about?

In this sequel to the anime epic Fullmetal Alchemist, the Elric brothers travel to the land of Milos, where people are rebelling against their masters. The brothers soon become involved in the cause, joining forces with a young alchemist named Julia.

What did I like?

Action. If there is one thing that can be said about this film, it is that the action scenes are a sight to behold. Stopping just short of being the best fights seen in the franchise, there seems to be a level of care that hasn’t been show before in the way they were animated. Dare I say these fights make the audience really believe that our heroes are getting their ass beat.

Locale. For the most part, Fullmetal Alchemist has stayed in Amestris. In the later episodes of Brotherhood and in the previous movie, Fullmetal Alchemist: The Conqueror of Shamballa, they journey to other lands. As much as I like seeing the countryside and city of Amestris, it is good to mix it up a bit and take us on a journey to a new land.

What didn’t I like?

Animation. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something about the animation used here that is a slightly different than what we are used to seeing. Something about the way the characters are drawn seems a bit rough and not touched up. This wouldn’t bother me so much, except for the fact that this is not what we are used to seeing.

Winry and Hawkeye. As my good friend, and fellow FMA addict, Lisa can tell you, I love me some Riza Hawkeye! However, her and Winry just seemed to be thrown in here just to add a bit of familiarity. You can sort of throw in Col. Mustang, but he actually does have something to do with the goings on. Also, there is a 5 second cameo from Maj. Armstrong. I know how I am, and if they wouldn’t have been in there, I’d be the first one bitching and moaning that they weren’t, but since they actually did put there in, here I am complaining, anyway. Guess they can’t win for losing.

Pattern. For everything that is different and cool about this film, they keep falling into the same tropes that have become a bit tired, such as Ed’s automail issues, the Philosopher’s Stone, etc. I half expected the Homunculi to show up (I wouldn’t complain is Lust appeared, mind you). It would have been nice to not have seen these things for once, at least for me.

I really wish that I had stronger feelings for Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos, but it just wasn’t meant to be. There is a mystery as to where exactly in the timeline this fits. For me, this felt more like a cash grab than something to supplement the series. Yes, I could recommend this in terms of the film itself. You don’t necessarily need a working knowledge of the FMA universe, but it will help. When the smoke clears, this was a bit of a disappointment, but still pretty decent.

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Approaching his 111th birthday, the hobbit Bilbo Baggins decides to write down the full story of the adventure he had 60 years earlier, for the benefit of his nephew Frodo.

Long before Bilbo’s involvement, the Dwarf Thrór becomes King of the Lonely Mountain and brings an era of prosperity to his kin until the arrival of Smaug the Dragon. Smaug destroys the nearby town of Dale, killing many of the men and women there, before driving the Dwarves out of their mountain and taking their hoard of gold. Thrór’s grandson Thorin sees King Thranduil and his Wood-elves on a nearby hillside and is dismayed when they take their leave rather than aid his people, resulting in Thorin’s everlasting hatred of Elves.

In the Shire, young Bilbo is tricked by the wizard Gandalf the Grey into hosting a party for Thorin and his company of Dwarves: Balin, Dwalin, Fíli, Kíli, Dori, Nori, Ori, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bofur and Bombur. Gandalf’s aim is to recruit Bilbo as the Dwarves’ “burglar” to aid them in their quest to the Lonely Mountain, of which they have a dwarven map and key to help guide them. Bilbo is, at first, unwilling to accept, but has a change of heart and joins the company on their journey to the Lonely Mountain.

Traveling onward, the company gets captured by three Trolls. Bilbo stalls them from eating the dwarves until dawn, when Gandalf suddenly exposes the Trolls to sunlight, turning them all to stone. They search the Trolls’ cave and find treasure and Elven blades. Thorin and Gandalf each take an Elf-made blade—Orcrist and Glamdring, respectively—with the latter finding an Elven shortsword, which he gives to Bilbo.

The company encounters Radagast the Brown, a wizard who lives in Greenwood. He tells them of an encounter at Dol Guldur with a Necromancer who has been corrupting the forest with dark magic. The company is chased by Orcs on Wargs, with Radagast covering their escape. Gandalf leads the company through a stone passage to Rivendell as the Wargs and Orcs are slain by Elven riders led by Lord Elrond. Elrond discovers hidden writing on Thorin’s map and discloses that the Lonely Mountain has a secret door which will be visible only on Durin’s Day. Gandalf talks with the White Council consisting of Elrond, Galadriel and Saruman the White. He tells them about his involvement with the Dwarves, presenting a Morgul-blade Radagast obtained from Dol Guldur as a sign that the Necromancer is linked to the Witch-king of Angmar and may attempt to use Smaug for his evil purposes. Saruman is skeptical, not believing the Necromancer to be a true threat.

Without Gandalf, the company journeys into the Misty Mountains, where they find themselves amid a colossal battle between Stone Giants. They take refuge in a cave and are captured by Goblins, who take them to their leader, the Great Goblin. Bilbo becomes separated from the Dwarves and falls into a cave where he encounters Gollum, who accidentally drops a mysterious ring while killing a stray Goblin to eat. Pocketing the ring, Bilbo finds himself confronted by Gollum, who is initially deterred from attacking Bilbo because he wields the small Elvish blade. They play a riddle game, wagering that Bilbo will be shown the way out if he wins or eaten by Gollum if he loses. After riddling each other back and forth several times, Bilbo eventually wins by asking Gollum what he has in his pocket. Realizing that he lost the ring, Gollum suspects that Bilbo possesses it and attacks the hobbit. Bilbo discovers that the ring grants him invisibility and evades a furious Gollum.

Meanwhile, the Great Goblin reveals to the Dwarves that Azog, an Orc war-chief who beheaded Thrór and lost his forearm to Thorin in battle outside the Dwarven kingdom of Moria, has placed a bounty on Thorin’s head and is even now searching for the dwarves. As the goblins search Thorin and company they discover Thorin’s sword, Orcrist the goblin cleaver. The sight of this drives the Great Goblin into a fury. He orders the goblins to attack and behead Thorin and company. Gandalf arrives just in time and leads the Dwarves in a desperate escape, fighting their way through the goblin hordes and killing the Great Goblin.

Meanwhile, Bilbo eventually comes upon an exit, but it is being guarded by Gollum. Rather than kill his pursuer, Bilbo spares him and sneaks past him out of the mountain. As Bilbo leaves, Gollum curses him “forever.” Bilbo rejoins the group, keeping secret the ring which he found.

Ambushed by Azog and his hunting party, the company take refuge in trees as wargs try and hunt them down. Thorin then challenges Azog, but is defeated and knocked to the ground by his mace and set upon by his warg. Bilbo saves Thorin from the Orcs just as the company is rescued by the Eagles who fly them to the safety of the Carrock. Gandalf heals the unconscious Thorin who acknowledges Bilbo’s bravery. In the distance, the company sees the Lonely Mountain. The company also see a thrush flying about, which then heads to the Lonely Mountain. There, the thrush catches a snail and knocks its shell against the mountainside, awakening the sleeping Smaug, who is lying beneath a golden hoard

REVIEW:

Following up on the successful Lord of the Rings trilogy, comes the prequel, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Following the trend of book series turned into films these days, director Peter Jackson made the decision to expand this to 3 films. Can we say cash grab?!?

What is this about?

Beloved hobbit Bilbo Baggins is back in a visually spectacular tale inspired by The Lord of the Rings and likewise directed by Peter Jackson. Joining the effort to free the Kingdom of Erebor, Bilbo also faces a fateful encounter with Gollum.

What did I like?

Stunning. Say what you will about this film, you can’t deny the beauty present on the screen. Part of it is because it is filled in majestic New Zealand (one of the few places left on this planet that isn’t corrupted with the works of man). The other reason that it is so gorgeous is because of how breathtaking the visual and special effects look. Words cannot do the look of this film justice.

Dwarves. I read this book long ago, and from what I recall, the dwarves did not have their own distinct personalities. For a film like this, adding personality allows the audience to become invested in characters that otherwise would be just random beings. The film throws in a few quirks here and there for each of the dwarves. I still can’t tell you who’s who except for Thorin and Dwalin, but at least they tried.

Action. One of the biggest problems I have with the …Rings trilogy is that, other than the excessive length, those movies drag on so long without anything happening. As was said in Clerks 2, “… [sic] Hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a volcano.” This film ramps up the action and tones down the walking. Don’t get me wrong, there is walking in here, but it isn’t the main focal point, as opposed to the action, which is what most people want to see when they watch this, right?

What didn’t I like?

Aging. I know it has been a few years, but Hugo Weaving and Ian McKellan are looking much older than they did in the trilogy. You can throw Cate Blanchett in there, to a lesser extent. I bring this up for two reasons. First, this is a prequel. I appreciate that they brought in the original actors, but as we saw in Tron: Legacy with Jeff Bridges, the technology exists to make them look younger. With all the money they spent on this, I wonder why they didn’t shell out a few more to do that, rather than let them just look ancient.

Gollum. I won’t bring up the fact that Andy Serkis is more than deserving of an Academy Award for some of his work, but the only reason he hasn’t won is because they don’t have a category for him. This is one of his best performances and Gollum has never looked better. However, I felt that his scene went on a bit longer than it should have without necessarily going anywhere with it until the end.

For all the hype that surrounded and preceded The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, it sort of left me feeling flat. Don’t get me wrong, I did really enjoy it, but I didn’t feel that it was the greatest thing since sliced bread that way some people would have you believe it is. With that in mind, I imagine you are wondering if this is worth seeing. Well, yes, I highly recommend it. Be warned, though. For those that want to know if this is something the kids can see, there are some very violent scenes. Other than that, you should really check it out!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Jack the Giant Killer

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the Duchy of Cornwall of fairy tale days, the sorcerer Pendragon (Torin Thatcher) plots to gain power by abducting the Princess Elaine (Judi Meredith). To that end, he has fashioned a magic toy that is actually Cormoran the giant, and which is given to the Princess. When Cormoran seizes Elaine he takes her to a ship, but before it can sail a brave farm lad named Jack (Kerwin Mathews) slays the monster and rescues Elaine. In gratitude, King Mark (Dayton Lummis) makes Jack her protector and entrusts him to safely guide her to a convent across the sea. Pendragon learns of the plan and sends his witches to intercept Jack’s ship. Elaine is captured, while Jack and his friend, Peter (Roger Mobley) are cast overboard. An old Viking, Sigurd (Barry Kelley), rescues the two and introduces them to Diaboltin (Don Beddoe), a leprechaun imprisoned in a bottle. With the help of his new allies, Jack rescues Elaine from Pendragon’s castle. As the friends flee, Pendragon sends a two-headed giant called Galligantua along their path but Diablotin summons a monster from the sea to defeat it. As a last resort, Pendragon transforms himself into a dragon, but Jack slays him in a tense battle. With evil routed at last, all sail away to live happily ever after.

REVIEW:

Ah…the wonders of stop-motion animation! There is just something about it that warms my cold, dead heart. Jack the Giant Killer doesn’t have this technique in leaps and bounds, as I was lead to believe, but there are quite a few creatures to behold.

What is this about?

Kerwin Mathews stars as Jack, a courageous hero who rescues a princess (Judi Meredith) from the evil clutches of the wizard Pendragon (Torin Thatcher) in this Nathan Juran-directed film that melds live action with Fantascope special-effects photography. Pendragon wants to be king of Cornwall and decides the only way is to force the present ruler’s daughter to marry him, but his plans are foiled when Jack slays Pendragon’s henchman.

What did I like?

Design. The design of the characters really caught my attention. The stop motion creatures are what they are, but the film’s main antagonist, Pendragon had quite the intriguing look. I wonder if this was inspired by or was the inspiration for Marvel Comics’ villainous Baron Mordo, the archrival of Dr. Strange. When you look at him, you can’t help but think so.

Lucky Charms. Leprechauns in the movies I’ve seen aren’t exactly handing out hearts, horseshoes, rainbows, clovers, and blue moons, but rather torturing poor souls and causing mischief. This is why I felt it was a nice change to see one of these on the side of good. Too bad he could only grant 3 wishes. I would have liked to have seen what else his magic could have done.

Stop-Motion. As I mentioned in the opening, I love stop-motion animation. To me it is a very pure form of creating creatures. This isn’t the best use of the technique, but it is still a sight to behold. The giants, sea creature, and final dragon are years ahead of their time.

What didn’t I like?

Special effects. Other than the stop motion, I can’t say that I was impressed with the special effects. Not being sure of how big the budget was on this, I can’t really comment on that, but it did seem to be quite cheap looking. The scene where the witches appear is nothing more than a different filter put on the camera lens. The magic from Pendragon is just some cheap theatrics. I didn’t really care for them and thought they could have done much better.

Plot. I had trouble about halfway through keeping up with what was going on because things got so befuddled. Luckily, everything returned to a steady calm, but there had to have been a better way to get through that oh-so-dreaded middle part of the film without totally losing the audience.

Jack be nimble. Kerwin Matthews wasn’t quite a believable leading man as I’m sure the studio expected him to. Yes, he did a decent job as Sinbad in The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, but if I recall that one correctly, it wasn’t the best of the franchise, so that isn’t saying much. I give the guy props for trying, and you can tell there was some actual talent there, this just wasn’t the best choice for him.

For those that don’t know, that movie that came out a couple of months ago, Jack the Giant Slayer is apparently a remake of Jack the Giant Killer. I detest and despise remakes with every fiber that is my being. Do I think this film deserves to be bastardized with a remake? No, but I am curious to see what they did with it. As far as if this is worth watching? Eh…it isn’t that great, to be honest. You’d be better off checking out one of the old Sinbad movies, rather than this, but this might keep you busy for a little over an hour, if you really want to watch.

3 out of 5 stars

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The Joes are framed for stealing nuclear warheads from Pakistan by Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) who is impersonating the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce). The entire team is eliminated in a military strike, with Duke (Channing Tatum) as one of the casualties. Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) are the only survivors.

Meanwhile, Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and ex-Joe Firefly (Ray Stevenson) rescue Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey) from a penitentiary in Germany. Storm Shadow is injured during the escape, and retreats to a temple in the Himalayas to recover. Upon learning that he is alive, the Blind Master (RZA), leader of the Arashikage Clan, sends Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and his apprentice Jinx (Elodie Yung), Storm Shadow’s cousin, to capture Storm Shadow so he can answer for the murder of his uncle, the Hard Master.

Roadblock, Flint, and Lady Jaye return to the United States where they set up a base of operations in a rundown gym. After Zartan announces that Cobra will replace the Joes as America’s main protective unit, Lady Jaye deduces that someone is impersonating the President, and Roadblock leads them to General Joseph Colton (Bruce Willis), who provides them with weapons and helps them infiltrate a fundraising event that the President will be attending. Lady Jaye steals a sample of the President’s DNA and confirms that he is Zartan. They escape after a brief confrontation with Firefly and Zandar (Matt Gerald), the head of the Presidential Detail and a member of Cobra.

Snake Eyes and Jinx locate and capture Storm Shadow after a battle with ninjas and take him back to Japan, where Storm Shadow reveals that Zartan murdered the Hard Master and he joined Cobra to avenge his uncle. Storm Shadow then accompanies Snake Eyes and Jinx as they join the Joes’ efforts to stop Cobra.

Zartan invites the world leaders to a summit, where he blackmails them into disabling their nuclear arsenals, and reveals that he has created Project Zeus: seven orbital kinetic bombardment weapons of mass destruction at his command. He destroys London to prove his superiority, and threatens to destroy other capitals if the countries don’t submit to Cobra. However, Storm Shadow betrays Cobra Commander and kills Zartan, revealing Cobra’s deception to the world leaders. While Snake Eyes, Jinx, and Flint fight Cobra’s soldiers, Cobra Commander activates the remaining six weapons and instructs Firefly to protect the launch device. Firefly is killed in combat with Roadblock, who deactivates and destroys the orbital weapons. Meanwhile, Colton and Lady Jaye rescue the President.

Cobra Commander escapes during the battle and Storm Shadow disappears after avenging his uncle. The real President addresses the nation at a ceremony where Roadblock, Jaye, Flint, Jinx, and Snake Eyes are commemorated as heroes. Colton thanks each of them, and presents Roadblock with the gun of General Patton, for when he finally finds Cobra Commander. Roadblock proudly raises the gun in the air and lets out one shot.

REVIEW:

I would be willing to wager than if you were a boy growing up in the 80s, then you watched Transformers, G.I. Joe, and He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (Thundercats came along later). When I heard they were continuing the G.I. Joe franchise with G.I. Joe: Retaliation, I couldn’t help but think and hope that it would be a love letter to the classic cartoon.

What is this about?

This action-packed sequel to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra finds the elite G.I. Joe assault team framed for treason by the global mercenary Zartan. Forced into hiding, the surviving warriors form a desperate plan to defeat Zartan’s combined forces.

What did I like?

Knowing is half the battle. One of the things that bothered me about G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra was how they chose the most obscure, if not made up Joes to make up the team, with the exception of Hawk,Snake Eyes, Scarlett, and Cover Girl. This time around we get three of the most popular Joes. I guess when they sat down to write this, they figured the audience was missing those familiar characters.

Continuation. Although most of this film is meant to be a reboot, of sorts, there is very little mention of the previous flick. As a matter of fact, the only subject that connects the two is Zartan and his infiltrating and impersonating the President. Yes, there is a short little rundown at the beginning, sort of like a ” last time on…”, but that doesn’t really count, now does it?

The Rock. The past couple of years,Dwayne ”The Rock” Johnson has returned to the WWE on a part-time basis. Getting in shape again for that has done wonders for his physique, because I don’t recall him ever looking so big and buff. Rock has come a long way since we first saw him in a film, because now he is the headliner and star of at least 4 major motion pictures this year. As Roadblock, he kicks ass and takes names. Not exactly, the lovable, rhyming chef-to-be we know from the cartoon, but some of the characteristics are there, and he does have the look.

What didn’t I like?

Herky jerky. For the first 15-30 minutes of the film, it seems a bit herky jerky. What I mean is that it doesn’t really seem to have any focus until after a major event happens. After that, there are suddenly a couple of subplots. The first involves Snake Eyes, which I will touch on later, and the other has some random guy holding Cobra Commander and Destro hostage. If he would have been some government/military official, it might not have been so weird, but this was just some random dude. I just didn’t get why they chose to do that, and then never follow-up or mention it for the rest of the film.

Roadblock. I don’t really have much issue with The Rock’s portrayal of Roadblock, but I do take issue with how he was written, in comparison to the character. I know that no one talks in rhyme, but it would have bene nice to at least have a nod to his cartoon roots by having him slip into a rhyme now and then. Maybe even have someone mention it, similar to the way it was done in Underdog. Also, the chef part of his persona was mentioned once. From what I recall, this is a major part of his character, and yet they felt the need to just gloss over it.

Mastermind. Cobra Commander wasn’t anywhere near as major a player as he should have been. This is the leader of Cobra, after all, and what does he do? Shows up here and there barking orders. Not much different, in actuality, from his portrayal in the cartoon, but for some reason, I felt that this Cobra Commander could have done more.

Trailer. Arguably the best scene in the film involves Snake Eyes’ trek to Tibet to retrieve Storm Shadow. All of the ninjas flying around the mountains. It is truly awesome! Unfortunately, the scene’s greatness was diluted by the face that the most recent trailer showed it to us entirely. This seems to be the thing to do nowadays and I don’t like it. If you’re going to show the scene, then how about a clip here and there. Save the best for the movie!

Delay. This was supposed to have been released back in the summer, but was pushed back to convert it to 3D. There is also a rumor that they wanted to add more Channing Tatum scenes since he has become a much bigger star than he was when the first film was released. Whatever the reason, I can’t say that either was worth it. However, given the financial success this film seems to be on its way to be perhaps they should have just released it as is at this new date, rather than forcing 3D (which isn’t worth it, btw) or more Channing Tatum scenes on us.

As a G.I. Joe fan from back in the day, I was disappointed in how much this wasn’t like what I was expecting, However, as a movie, G.I. Joe: Retaliation does deliver an action packed adventure that is sure to entertain audiences worldwide. Is this the best film like this? No, but it could be worse. Check it out!

3 4/5 out of 5 stars

Rise of the Guardians

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The story begins with the spirit of winter, Jack Frost being raised from a frozen lake, but he returns to the world unseen by people and it is learned that he cannot be seen because he is not believed in, and all of his memories from his former life are gone. Only his name, given to him by the Man in the Moon who raised him, is known to him.

300 years later, North receives a vision in his workshop of the boogeyman Pitch Black, and alerts the other Guardians; the head of the tooth fairies Tooth, the short tempered Australian-accented E. Aster Bunnymund and the gentle, non-speaking Sandy to the North Pole. Upon their arrival, they do not want to believe that Pitch poses a threat, but their guide the Man in the Moon suggests otherwise and instructs them to induct Jack Frost as a new Guardian to combat the threat. Meanwhile, Jack instills fun and laughter in children from his childish nature and inspires a snowball fight between a young believer named Jamie and the local children, but still they do not believe in him and he is still invisible. Jack is taken forcibly to the North Pole by North’s Yeti workshop workers, but declines joining the Guardians as his centuries-long isolation has left him bitter to the responsibility they hold dear to protect the children of the world. North tries to convince him otherwise, but they are alerted to an attack on Tooth’s palace. When they arrive, they discover Pitch’s nightmares taking all of the childrens’ teeth and the baby tooth fairies that work as Tooth’s assistants. Jack saves one before they are confronted by Pitch, who states he intends to stop the childrens’ belief in the Guardians so he instead is believed in, wielding a power like Sandy’s to turn his dreams into nightmares. Pitch escapes and the loss of belief in the tooth fairy seems to immediately effect Tooth. Jack volunteers to help when he discovers that the teeth provide the memories of the children they came from including his own and seeks to find his place among them. They manage to collect the teeth in one night and faith in Tooth is restored though they are caught by Jamie who can see them all with the exception of Jack. Jack and Sandy are attacked by Pitch’s nightmares and though Jack’s efforts are valiant, Sandy is overcome and seemingly destroyed by Pitch. With Easter a day away, the group agrees to help Bunny distribute his eggs. They find Jamie’s toddler sister Sophie at the Warren and manage to decorate eggs for distribution, Jack then takes Sophie home.

Lured by a familiar voice calling to him from under a bed in the forest, Jack and Baby Tooth discover Pitch’s hideout. Pitch offers Jack’s canister of memories in exchange for remaining a neutral party, but Jack refuses and in retaliation, Pitch destroys all the eggs before they make their way to the surface, destroying the childrens’ belief in the Easter Bunny. Being blamed for the failure, Jack leaves the Guardians and isolates himself in Antarctica where he encounters Pitch again who offers a partnership to spread fear to all the children. But Jack wants to be loved, not feared and rejects Pitch’s offer again. Pitch holds Baby Tooth hostage for Jack’s staff and then he sends Jack and Baby Tooth into a crevasse when Jack hands the staff over. Baby Tooth suggests Jack open his memories, where he discovers he was a teenage boy who had saved his sister from falling through thin ice by alleviating her fear with fun, in turn though he’d fallen in, but that sacrifice inspired the Man in the Moon to resurrect him as Jack Frost. Inspired by this, Jack returns to save the last light of belief on Earth; Jamie. Not only does Jack succeed in reaffirming Jamie’s faith in the Guardians, but he also instills a belief in him, allowing Jamie to see and hear him, much to Jack’s delight. The other woefully weakened Guardians join Jack to face off against Pitch, and Jamie has his own friends join in the seemingly impossible fight; but their faith is more than a match for Pitch’s nightmares and also causes Sandy’s resurrection, which sends Pitch running. No longer feared, Pitch cannot be seen or heard by the human children, and his fear turns his own nightmares against him, dragging him back under the bed.

Jack accepts his place with the Guardians and says goodbye to Jamie and his friends, their hope renewed and their belief strong Jack assures Jamie that they are now in his heart and as long as they believe the Guardians will always be there to protect them

REVIEW:

Let’s face it, there were a bunch of animated films that were released last year. Some have argued that there may have been too many. One of the films that many have overlooked, partially because of the massive shadow by Wreck-It Ralph and all the holiday films that were released around the same time, is Rise of the Guardians.

What is this about?

In this animated adventure, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Sandman and Jack Frost come together to battle Pitch, a malicious spirit determined to take over the world and destroy the innocent beliefs and dreams of children.

What did I like?

Not what you know. Normally, I’m a purist. Give me what I know and I’ll be happy. No need to go around changing stuff for the sake of change. This film won’t change my stance on that, but I did appreciate the new versions of our well-known holiday icons. No longer is Santa a jolly old elf, but a Russian biker type, for instance.

Children. Children, and humans, in films like this seem to be nothing more than an annoyance. Thankfully, the children don’t really have much to do with most of the picture and the focus is on the guardians, which is what the audience came to see, after all. I’m sure there are those out there that feel they could have more of an impact on the proceedings, but I’m not one of those. The decision to not have some cheeky, disrespectful child mucking things up was brilliant.

Pitch. I really like the villainous Pitch Black, otherwise known as the Boogeyman. The look of him reminds me of a vampire and for a character than is all about the darkness, that works. Jude Law’s voice also really worked…better than I thought it would. With all that said, he still is no Oogie Boogie.

What didn’t I like?

Origin. We get Jack Frost’s origin and a little bit of Pitch Black’s, but the others, not so much. Reading a little background on this film, and it turns out that it is set 200 years after the book series, which gives each character their own story, apparently. I’m not saying the film should have went into great detail about each one, but maybe a scene where they are sitting around getting to know each other and we get a quick reference to what their past is would have been nice.

Sandman. I loved the little Sandman guy. He actually may have been my favorite, but two things bothered me. First, whose idea was it to have him be silent? If anything, that seems like something better suited for the Tooth Fairy. Second, why did they have to kill him? I can understand not killing off Santa or the Easter Bunny. Can you imagine the shock and horror on the kids’ faces?!? I just don’t feel it accomplished what the filmmakers were attempting. Now, if he would have just been kidnapped, that may have worked better.

Timing. So, this doesn’t take place around Christmas, but rather Easter. Does that make any sense? Not to me, it didn’t. Around one of the major holidays like that, when the guardians are at their strongest, might not have been the best time to launch an attack. Perhaps Pitch should have tried one of the lesser Patriotic holidays like Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran’s Day, etc.

When all is said and done, Rise of the Guardians should have risen to the top of the box office for weeks, but it didn’t, for whatever reason. Such a shame for such a grand film. The few qualms I have with this film are minute as it is a very well made and entertaining film. I highly recommend it, especially around the holidays (Easter or Christmas).

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The OSS now has a full child spy section and Carmen Cortez and Juni Cortez have become agents of the OSS and face particularly hard competition with Gary and Gerti Giggles (Matt O’Leary and Emily Osment), the children of double-dealing agent Donnagon Giggles (Mike Judge), whom Carmen and Juni helped to rescue in the previous film. It is shown that Carmen defends Gary and has a crush on him.

After an incident at a local amusement park, where the President’s daughter (Taylor Momsen) deliberately sabotages a thrill ride which juggles its passengers, forcing the Giggles and the Cortez kids to compete in the rescue, Donnagon — who has somehow hacked into the teleprompter which the President was reading from — is named the director of the OSS; while Juni is fired after being framed by Gary — who was actually to blame — into losing the “Transmooker”, a highly coveted device which can shut off all electronic devices. In his new position as director, Donnagon can carry on with his plan to steal the Transmooker, so he can rule the world.

After Carmen manages to hack into the database and reinstates Juni’s level as an agent, she and Juni follow the trail to a mysterious island near Madagascar, which is home to Romero (Steve Buscemi), a lunatic scientist. Romero has been attempting to create genetically-miniaturized animals, so he can make a profit by selling the animals to kids in “miniature zoos”. He had an experiment go wrong after accidentally pouring growth concoction onto the mutated set of animals. When Carmen is captured by a Spork, which is quite literally a flying pig, she meets Gerti there who tells her that Gary is really evil and Carmen changes her feelings for Gary and sides with Juni who was going to be hurt by Gary. After a number of action sequences, such as fighting skeletons and being captured by Sporks, the spy kids — along with the help of their family, Romero and Gerti Giggles — destroy the Transmooker and defeat Donnagon and Gary but Gregorio and Donnagon fight each other. Donnagon is relieved by the President and Gary is disavowed, while Juni quits due to the impersonal treatment of agents by the OSS. During the credits, Machete has Carmen sing as an undercover pop star in a concert. Carmen says she can’t sing so Machete gives her a mic which auto-tunes her voice and a belt that helps her dance. He also gives Juni a guitar that plays itself. After the performance, Machete informs Carmen that he had not put the batteries in and Carmen was actually singing.

REVIEW:

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams has been on my mind ever since I saw the original Spy Kids, but I’ve been waiting for it to hit the streaming queue, rather than waste a slot in my DVD list. Was the wait worth it? Should I have used that slot?

What is this about?

In this sequel to the hit sci-fi family adventure, spy kids Carmen and Juni Cortez team up with two other pint-sized secret agents, Gary and Gerti Giggles. The foursome travels to a mysterious island to save the world from an evil scientist

What did I like?

Keep it going. You have to give it to Robert Rodriguez. The guy has vision. In a time when most filmmakers shy away from putting children in franchise films, this guy started one that could go on long after they grew up. Age has made our pint-size stars better equipped as spies, which only helps things in the long run.

Creatures. There is no secret about how much affection I have for stop motion animation and my disdain for CG. While this film uses CG a bit more than it should, I recognize that they were at least honoring the great Ray Herryhausen with the creatures. There are a couple of scenes that I could have sworn were straight out of one of the Sinbad films. I’m still no fan of CG, but at least they were trying to honor the past, something that doesn’t happen very often.

Who. You would never guess it by looking at her, but the cute little girl who plays the President’s daughter is Taylor Momsen. The only other thing I’ve seen her in is The Grinch with Jim Carey, where she plays Cindy Lou Who. In both instances, she flexes some acting chops far beyond what she should have at her age. I wonder what happened to her that made her go from this to that racoon looking mess she is today?

What didn’t I like?

Effects. The CG laden effects here are geared toward younger audiences, that much is obvious, but it does seem as if they didn’t even try to get them to fit in with the surrounding. It was like they just inserted them in at the last-minute and did just enough touch up so that they didn’t look totally rough around the edges. For a major studio release like this, I feel a higher level of care should have been taken, but that’s just me.

Abuelos. Bringing in the grandparents, who were apparently spies in their time, didn’t really seem to work out as well as I think they would have liked. With that said, I think they just needed to be developed a bit more before being thrust into the story in the last third of the film. From what I hear, though, they go on to be pretty major players in subsequent films.

Rivalry. I have no problem with another brother sister spy team. It keeps out heroes on their toes. After all, rivalry is good. However, I do have issue with them not being a real threat. To me, it seemed as if they would have worked better as some sort of evil force, like their father, rather than just friendly rivals.

For what it is, Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams delivers a big, colorful film that will keep kids entertained. There are a few things here and there for the adults to enjoy, as well. I really liked this film, but one thing that bothered me is how there was a lack of dreams on the island. Why is it called the island of lost dreams? This is definitely worth checking out if for no other reason than to tell me what I missed!

4 out of 5 stars

 

Unleashed

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Bart (Bob Hoskins) is a vicious loan shark whose method of persuading men to pay him back involves Danny the Dog (Jet Li), a man with the mentality of a child; only if a metal collar around his neck is removed by Bart will he become a violently skilled fighter who stops at nothing to take down his targets. But once the collar is on, Danny is a harmless, withdrawn person, with very little knowledge of how to live as a socialized person, and he is constantly bullied by his master Bart.

One day, Bart realizes he can end his loan shark career by regularly attending an underground fighting tournament and registering Danny to fight; in exchange, if Danny can win and survive the fights, Bart receives good money. After the first fight, however, Bart gets into a mishap with another criminal and is left for dead after a violent shooting. A critically injured Danny runs off to an antique warehouse for shelter, where he meets a kindly piano tuner, Sam (Morgan Freeman). Danny soon finds himself with Sam and his step-daughter Victoria (Kerry Condon) in their apartment, and he starts a new life with the benevolent family; curiously he is drawn closer to music while spending time with Victoria. He also develops curiosity about who his mother was when he learns what a family is.

Weeks later Sam informs Danny about moving back to New York, where he and Victoria are originally from. He invites Danny, telling him they think of him as family, and Danny happily accepts. However, Danny runs into Bart’s right-hand man Lefty in the streets and is forced back to Bart, who is still alive. Bart drags Danny back to the underground arena, where a death-match is set between Danny and ruthless martial artists. Despite Danny’s pleas, Bart shoves him into the pit, where he is pummeled by four fighters. Danny eventually retaliates, but refuses to kill them. Enraged by Danny’s change of character, Bart drags him back home and shuts him back to his cage. That night, however, Danny sneaks through his door and goes through photographs of Bart’s favorite prostitutes, finally finding one snapshot of who appears to be Danny’s own mother. He interrogates Bart, who tells him that she was simply a prostitute who is long gone. He angrily promises to make Danny repay him for the money he had lost earlier that evening.

Next morning, however, Danny manages to escape and runs back to Sam and Victoria, telling them what he had learned and where he was. With the two’s help, Danny regains memories from his childhood past: his mother was a music student with no money, so she offered herself to Bart to get some to pay for her lessons. But one day, Bart shot her when she defied him. Bart has been raising Danny ever since, not as a human being, but as a dog.

Bart and a plethora of thugs arrive at Sam’s apartement building to capture Danny. Frantic, Danny hides Sam and Victoria in their closet, and he runs out to take out the thugs all over the building. He then faces off against an attacker (Michael Ian Lambert) with skills similar to his own; Danny eventually causes him to fall to his death on Bart’s car. A vengeful Bart pursues Danny through the building with a gun, finally catching him in Sam’s apartment. He threatens to pull the trigger, all the while telling him that he was never meant for a different kind of lifestyle. But he drops the gun and instead takes out a collar, telling Danny to come home. Danny slowly advances toward the collar, but stops Bart at the last minute and disarms him. He proceeds to furiously beat Bart, causing Sam and Victoria to burst out and frantically beg Danny not to kill; however, a defeated Bart orders Danny otherwise. Bart then tells Danny he will always be an animal, to which Sam responds by smashing a flower pot on his head, knocking him unconscious. Danny, Sam, and Victoria embrace.

Some time later, Danny is with Sam at a piano recital at Carnegie Hall, where Victoria is getting ready to perform. Realizing Victoria is playing what his mother played years ago, Danny sheds a happy tear.

REVIEW:

This will also be a bit on the short side, sorry about that.

Someone had actually mention Unleashed in a conversation awhile back and was surprised that I had not seen it. Truthfully, I don’t even recall it being released in 2005, but it has a pretty niche fan base, as it would appear. Will I join the club?

What is this about?

Raised as a slave, Danny (Jet Li) is used to fighting for his survival. In fact, his “master,” Bart (Bob Hoskins), thinks of him as a pet and goes as far as leashing him with a collar so they can make money in fight clubs, where Danny is the main contender. When Bart’s crew is in a car accident, Danny escapes and meets a blind, kindhearted piano tuner (Morgan Freeman) who takes him in and uses music to free the fighter’s long-buried heart.

What did I like?

Action. Jet Li is a bona-fide martial arts action star. If you’ve never seen his work, then this is one of those that really gets to show off the technique and skill he possesses. It is obvious that this is a vehicle meant specifically for him. Had it been any other way, this would not have worked as well.

Music. The use of music as a way to bring back Jet Li’s character’s memories was inspired. As a musician and music lover, it really appealed to me. Also, the music they chose was quite soothing which has been proven to soothe the savage beast, as well as bring back repressed memories. This is a small little thing that I believe they could have made more of a focal point of the film if they wanted to and may have even improved the film.

Heavy hitters. No, I’m not talking about how hard Li’s hits and kicks are, but rather the acting of Morgan Freeman and Bob Hoskins. These are two of the greatest actors of this time and they get the chance to do their thing here. Freeman is his usual mentor character, but Hopkins is on a villainous turn, something that he isn’t well-known for…at least at this point in his career.

What didn’t I like?

Victoria. Kerry Condon didn’t really work in this film for two reasons. First, her introduction makes her out to be a rather over-talkative teenage girl. Second, she’s playing an 18 yr old, but looks to be about 30 or so. Surely they could have found someone with a more youthful look to play this character, right?

Collar. For some reason, I assumed that since Jet Li’s character was wearing a dog collar that it would be some kind of shock collar which could be used to bring him back and/or track him, but that wasn’t quite the case. As it is, this was just a regular old dog collar. To me, that seemed like a bit of a waste.

All in all, Unleashed was a pretty decent flick. It wasn’t something that blew me away, but all the action keeps you interested. A decent story doesn’t hurt things, either. Do I recommend this? Yes, while it isn’t the greatest thing since sliced bread, there are worse things you can see. Check it out!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Commando

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Retired Delta Force Operative Colonel John Matrix is informed by his former superior Major General Franklin Kirby that all the other members of his unit have been killed by unknown mercenaries. The mercenaries, among them Bennett, an ex-member of Matrix’s team fired for overt brutality in service, attack Matrix’s secluded mountain home and kidnap Matrix’s young daughter Jenny. While trying to intercept them, Matrix is also overpowered by the mercenaries.

It is revealed that Matrix is needed to carry out a political assassination for a South American dictator named Arius, who wishes to lead a military coup in his home country of Val Verde. Arius, who was deposed by Matrix in the course of one of his missions, has chosen the colonel because the current president trusts him implicitly. With Jenny’s life on the line, Matrix reluctantly accepts the demand.

After boarding a plane to Val Verde, Matrix manages to kill his guard, Henriques, and jumps from the plane just as it is taking off. With approximately 11 hours’ time (the period of the flight), he sets out after another of Arius’ men, Sully. He then enlists the aid of an off-duty flight attendant named Cindy, and instructs her to follow Sully to a shopping mall. Cindy first assumes that Matrix is a maniac, but after seeing him desperately trying to get his hands on Sully, she has a change of heart and henceforth assists him in his endeavor. After a lengthy car chase, Matrix catches up with Sully whom he drops off a cliff to his death.

With Cindy’s aid, Matrix learns where Jenny is being held. He then breaks into a surplus store to equip himself with military weapons, but the police arrive and Matrix is arrested. Cindy helps him escape, and after commandeering a seaplane from a nearby marina controlled by Arius, Matrix and Cindy land the plane off the coast of Arius’ island hideout. Matrix instructs Cindy to contact General Kirby and then proceeds to Arius’ villa, kills Arius’ entire private militia, and subsequently confronts and kills Arius in a gunfight.

Matrix locates Jenny in the basement of the villa, where she has fled and was cornered by Bennett. After a fierce struggle, Matrix finally kills Bennett. Kirby arrives with a military detachment and asks Matrix to rejoin the Special Forces Unit, but Matrix declines and departs the island aboard the seaplane with Jenny and Cindy.

REVIEW:

Many critics and reviewers, myself included,  have been saying that they want to see some legit 80s action. With this in mind, a friend of mind suggested Commando, one of Schwarzenegger’s upper tier, yet somewhat forgettable, films.

What is this about?

Col. John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger), the former leader of a special ops team, is vaulted back into action to save his young daughter (Alyssa Milano) who has been kidnapped. Her life is threatened lest John assassinate a South American president. Rather than being strong-armed into such a proposition, John takes matters (and lots of guns) into his owns hands as he fights through the jungle against his enemies to save his daughter.

What did I like?

Body count. From the opening scene to the end, there is a pretty high body count, and I couldn’t have enjoyed it more! Man, I miss 80s flicks, where movies got away with killing people for no other reason then they were there. In a way, I was hoping for more bodies strewn about and more blood. Yes, you can call me bloodthirsty, sadistic, etc., but I know what I like.

Ridiculous. Many of the things that Schwarzenegger does make no sense. They make him almost super human with these feats, such as carrying a tree from the forest to his house. Also, driving a bulldozer into a weapons store and then stocking up on everything without cops showing up for quite some time. I feel like I should have a problem with this, but the over-the-top ridiculousness of this sold me even more on the whole flick.

What didn’t I like?

Score. This can be a big or small thing, depending on how much you pay attention to the score. For me, as a musician, I analyze everything about the things. This score isn’t bad, mind you, but it doesn’t really fit, especially in the early parts of the film when they are still in, I want to say outside of L.A., but don’t quote me. The steel drums and exotic feel didn’t seem to be the best choice. Truthfully, I didn’t really notice it until the introduction of Schwarzenegger. It was played almost like his theme music. With that in mind, in the latter half of the film, when location shifts to the island, not only does it work better, they also go with some cheesy 80s music. I felt it would have worked better the other way around.

Obvious. Look at the cast. Isn’t it quite obvious who is going to live and who isn’t? I don’t believe this was a big budget film, but they could have at least brought in some actors that wouldn’t have made it so obvious that they weren’t going to make it to the end. It just seems like that does the audience no favors.

Skin. This is sure to sound a bit hypocritical of me, but I really saw no reason for Arnold to strip down to his skivvies just to go from the plane to the land and then put clothes on. To me, that seemed like that was just a way to show off his muscles. Conversely, there is a scene a little earlier where we see gratuitous boobs. No reason for them, as she isn’t even a character in the plot, but I have no complaint about that. Arnold, though, I have to issue with.

Anyone looking for a fun, bloody, action flick, need look no further than Commando. With this you get everything you’re looking for, including Arnold in his early prime (this was around the time of The Terminator). Make no mistake, though, this is not a great film. It is just mindless fun, the kind of thing that movies of this era were made for! Check this out sometime!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Dr. No

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

John Strangways, the British Intelligence (SIS) Station Chief in Jamaica, is ambushed and killed, and his body taken by a trio of assassins known as the “Three Blind Mice”. In response, British agent James Bond—also known as 007—is summoned to the office of his superior, M. Bond is briefed to investigate Strangways’ disappearance and to determine whether it is related to his cooperation with the American Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) on a case involving the disruption of rocket launches from Cape Canaveral by radio jamming.

Upon his arrival at Kingston Airport, a female photographer tries to take Bond’s picture and he is shadowed from the airport by two men. He is picked up by a chauffeur, whom Bond determines to be an enemy agent. Bond instructs him to leave the main road and, after a brief fight, Bond starts to interrogate the driver, who then kills himself with a cyanide-embedded cigarette.

During his investigation in Strangways’ house Bond sees a photograph of a boatman with Strangways. Bond locates the boatman, named Quarrel, but finds him to be un-cooperative. Bond also recognises Quarrel to have been the driver of the car that followed him from the airport. Bond follows Quarrel and is about to be beaten by him and a friend when the fight is interrupted by the second man who followed Bond from the airport: he reveals himself to be CIA agent Felix Leiter and explains that not only are the two agents on the same mission but also that Quarrel is helping Leiter. The CIA has traced the mysterious radio jamming of American rockets to the vicinity of Jamaica, but aerial photography cannot determine the exact location of its origin. Quarrel reveals that he has been guiding Strangways around the nearby islands to collect mineral samples. He also talks about the reclusive Dr. No, who owns the island of Crab Key, on which there is a bauxite mine: the island and mine are rigorously protected against trespassers by an armed security force and radar.

During a search of Strangways’ house, Bond found a receipt, signed by Professor R. J. Dent, concerning rock samples. Bond meets with Dent who says he assayed the samples for Strangways and determined them to be ordinary rocks. This visit makes Dent wary and he takes a boat to Crab Key where Dr. No expresses displeasure at Dent’s failure to kill Bond and orders him to try again, this time with a tarantula. Bond survives and after a final attempt on his life, sets a trap for Dent, whom he captures, interrogates and then kills.

Having detected radioactive traces in Quarrel’s boat, where Strangways’ mineral samples had been, Bond convinces a reluctant Quarrel to take him to Crab Key. There Bond meets the beautiful Honey Ryder, dressed only in a white bikini, who is collecting shells. At first she is suspicious of Bond but soon decides to help him, leading them all inland to an open swamp. After nightfall they are attacked by the legendary “dragon” of Crab Key which turns out to be a flame-throwing armoured tractor. In the resulting gun battle, Quarrel is incinerated by the flame-thrower whilst Bond and Ryder are taken prisoner. Bond and Ryder are decontaminated and taken to quarters before being drugged.

Upon waking they are escorted to dine with Dr. No. He reveals that he is a member of SPECTRE (SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion) and plans to disrupt the Project Mercury space launch from Cape Canaveral with his atomic-powered radio beam. After dinner Ryder is taken away and Bond is beaten by the guards.

Bond is imprisoned in a holding cell but manages to escape through a vent. Disguised as a worker, Bond finds his way to the control centre, a multi-level room full of high-tech instrumentation with an atomic reactor set into the floor, overseen by Dr. No from a command console. Bond overloads the nuclear reactor just as the American rocket is about to take off. Hand-to-hand combat ensues between Bond and Dr. No; the scientist is pushed into the reactor’s cooling vat, in which he boils to death. Bond finds Ryder and the two escape in a boat just as the entire lair explodes.

REVIEW:

I cannot believe how big of a shock it has been to some of my friends that I have never seen a James Bond film. One of my resolutions this year was to see at least a couple of them, and what could be better than to begin with the one that started it all 50 years ago, Dr. No?

What is this about?

Sent to locate a colleague who’s vanished in Jamaica, debonair Agent 007 — in the first of the James Bond films — finds villainous scientist Dr. No plotting to derail the U.S. space program and take over the world.

What did I like?

Beginning. All legends have a beginning, and Bond is no exception. All the benchmarks that have come to be synonymous with Bond over the years are present. We get to hear his now infamous intro, “Bond…James Bond”, watch as all he drinks are vodka martinis shaken, not stirred, and then of course, there are the women. Gorgeous doesn’t begin to describe them!

Plot. If I’m not mistaken, subsequent Bond films go into a rather campy turn, but this one plays it straight, much like what I hear Daniel Craig has been doing with his interpretation. Personally, I think the more straightforward approach works to start this franchise off and establish the character.

Villain. A great bad guy is something that is often overlooked when one thinks of what makes a good hero. Dr. No is a great villain with a great back story and sadistic tendencies. There have been many duplicators, but only one originator. It is too bad that we don’t get more of him, but perhaps that is why he works so well. This guy is also responsible for influencing characters such as Dr. Klaw (from Inspector Gadget), Dr. Evil (from the Austin Powers franchise…note that they have the same suit), among others.

What didn’t work?

Looks can kill. Ursala Andress is a knockout in that white bikini. Other than Raquel Welch in that cave girl bikini, I think this is one of the most prominent bikini scenes of classic, if not all, cinema. It is just a crying shame that she didn’t have the acting chops to back it up. I get the feeling that they were trying to hide her inability to carry a scene, but it just wasn’t working.

Legacy. We all know about the Bond legacy and have our own ideas for what we expect. Me, I was looking for campiness and fancy gadgets, but didn’t get that. Does it hurt the film? No, but I can see some people having issue with it. A curse of this film being around so long, I’m afraid.

Dr. No serves as a great introduction to the Bond franchise. I wasn’t in love with this film, but did enjoy it, especially once it ratcheted up in the last 30 minutes. I highly recommend this to anyone looking to get started with Bond. It is always best to start from the beginning, and this starts with a bang!

4 1/4 out of 5 stars