Splash

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

As an eight year-old boy, Allen Bauer (David Kreps) is vacationing with his family near Cape Cod. While taking a sight-seeing tour on a ferry, he gazes into the ocean and sees something below the surface that fascinates him. Allen jumps into the water, even though he cannot swim. He grasps the hands of a girl who is inexplicably under the water with him and an instant connection forms between the two. Allen is quickly pulled to the surface by the deck hands and the two are separated, though apparently no one else sees the girl. After the ferry moves off, Allen continues to look back at the girl in the water, who cries at their separation. She then dives underwater again, showing her mermaid’s tail. Allen comes to believe the encounter was a near-death vision hallucination, but his bond with the mermaid proves so strong that his subsequent relationships with women invariably fail as he seeks the connection he felt with the mermaid.

Years later, Allen (Tom Hanks) is a co-owner of a wholesale fruit and vegetable business in New York City with his womanizing older brother Freddie (John Candy). Depressed after his latest breakup, Allen returns to Cape Cod, where he briefly encounters eccentric scientist Dr. Walter Kornbluth (Eugene Levy) and again falls into the sea. He wakes up on a beach where he encounters a beautiful naked woman (Daryl Hannah) who, unknown to him, is the mermaid he met as a boy (her tail transforms into legs when it becomes dry). He instantly becomes attracted to her as she had again saved him from drowning. After kissing him, she dives into the sea and leaves Allen to return home. Kornbluth, while diving in order to seek proof of strange sea creatures, also encounters the mermaid in her sea form, causing him to become obsessed with finding her again.

The mermaid finds Allen’s wallet that he dropped in the water and decides to find him in New York. She comes ashore naked at the Statue of Liberty, where she is remanded for indecent exposure much to the dismay of a group of visitors. Gaining information from Allen’s wallet, the mermaid gets released into his care. She picks up English from watching television all day and chooses the name Madison from a Madison Avenue sign. Madison is vague about where she comes from and tries to distract Allen from asking questions about her country of origin. She tells Allen that she will be in New York for “six fun-filled days when the moon is full” and if she stays longer, she can never go home again (the reason for this is unexplained, though in the Special Features of the 2004 DVD edition, there is a reference to a deleted scene in which Madison has visited a sea hag and made some sort of bargain).

Despite Madison’s occasional unusual behavior, she and Allen fall in love. Meanwhile, Kornbluth, realizing that the naked woman at Liberty Island was the mermaid he had encountered, pursues the couple, trying to expose her as a mermaid by splashing her with water. Many attempts are unsuccessful and Kornbluth ends up with multiple injuries, including a badly broken arm and whiplash. When he finally does so, Madison is taken in by government scientists led by Kornbluth’s cold-hearted former colleague and rival Dr. Ross (Richard B. Shull) for examination. However, Kornbluth regrets his actions after he learns that Madison is due to be studied and dissected, as he just wanted to prove that he wasn’t crazy.

Allen is, of course, shocked by Madison’s secret and when he denies his love for her, Freddie lashes out at him, telling his brother how happy he was with her. Finally, Allen confronts a guilt-ridden Kornbluth at the dentist, who agrees to help him.

Impersonating two Swedish scientists, Freddie and Allen enter the lab with Kornbluth and manage to smuggle Madison outside. Madison makes it back to the ocean and tells Allen that he can survive under water as long as he is with her. Allen realizes she was the young mermaid he had met so long before. The United States military arrive to recapture her for research ignoring Allen’s demands to let her be free. Although Madison warns him that if he comes to live in the sea he can’t return, he jumps into the water after her and they elude their pursuers. Together they swim along the ocean floor toward what appears to be an underwater kingdom.

REVIEW:

These days, it seems as if vampires, werewolves, and now zombies are all the rage, but in the 80s, that title belonged to mermaids. Splash was a major reason for that, followed a few years later by The Little Mermaid. Maybe they’ll make a comeback soon, who knows?

What is this about?

In Ron Howard’s first directorial hit, Tom Hanks stars as workaholic Allen Bauer, who’s convinced he can’t fall in love until he’s rescued from a boating accident by the woman of his dreams — a mermaid named Madison (Daryl Hannah). But if the world discovers Madison’s secret, it will be sink or swim for the duo.

What did I like?

Mermaid. Two things about mermaids. First off, the last mermaids I saw in a movie were in the last Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and they weren’t exactly the loving, innocent type, but rather ruthless killing machines, except the one they took into captivity, of course. Second, mermaids are typically beautiful creatures, and a young Daryl Hannah was certainly fitting of that description. In the water, she really did look like a mermaid. I read somewhere that when she was a little girl learning to swim, she learned to do so with her legs together, similar to the way they had to be in the fin. So, one can say, this is a role she’s been groomed for since childhood.

Brothers. Tom Hanks and John Candy play brothers. Hanks is the one who finds himself in love with a vampire, but it is Candy who is a scene stealer. Let’s not overlook that these are both accomplished comedians and that chemistry they have is great. Having said that, I never really bought that they were from the same gene pool, especially looking at their younger versions, but when you have talent, that is something that can be overlooked very easily.

Love story. Make no mistake, for all the comedic moments that this film has, it is first and foremost a love story. Not just any love story, but a pretty good one, at that. I’m sure the more jaded of you out there will say something about how cheesy and cliché’ it is, and that is your opinion. For me, someone who has been known to have a “black hole where my heart is”, it worked.

What didn’t work?

Doctor, Doctor. Eugene Levy plays this rather shady scientist fellow who doesn’t reveal what it is he is looking for. He manages to catch a glimpse of Madison and he begins obsessing over proving that mermaids exist, even risking bodily harm to do so. Levy is a great comedic performer, but I felt like this was a character that should have been played a bit more straight, or if they wanted to go the full-on comedic route, then he should have been that way from the beginning.

Mythology. I’m not really up on my mermaid mythology, but I do know that they weren’t exactly wiped out by anything, which brings to question why it is that we don’t see any other mermaids. Even in the flashback scene at the film’s beginning, she is a little girl mermaid and not an adult mermaid in sight (not to mention the guy that saves Allen somehow doesn’t see her…but that’s a topic for another time). At the end of the film, we do see an underwater city, but that’s it. I don’t know, I just felt as if there should have been maybe a jealous merman chasing her…maybe even a crab, seagull, and flounder watching over her (kudos if you get that reference).

Water. A bit of inconsistency bothered me a bit. When Madison gets in the tub to be a mermaid again, she had to make it salt water, yet when Dr. Kornbluth sprayed her, it was just regular water (we assume). So, the question is, is it the water that makes fin out or does it have to be salt water? My belief is she can survive in salt water, but regular water will eventually kill her, as we see when she’s in the military tanks. I could be way off and/or over thinking it, though.

Splash is a product of its time, and a really good one at that. It is no wonder so many people have such fond memories of watching this. Personally, I prefer my mermaids to be animated, headstrong Disney princesses, but Madison isn’t bad, either. The few problems I have with the film are really nitpicky. I see no reason why you shouldn’t see this as soon as you can. I highly recommend it!

4 1/4 out of 5 stars

The Blues Brothers

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

“Joliet” Jake Blues (John Belushi) is released from prison after serving three years for armed robbery. Jake is irritated at being picked up by his brother Elwood (Dan Aykroyd) in the Bluesmobile, a battered former Mount Prospect police car, instead of the Cadillac the brothers used to own. The brothers visit their childhood home, a Roman Catholic orphanage, and learn that it will be closed unless $5,000 in property taxes is collected. The brothers visit an evangelical church service where Jake has an epiphany: they can legitimately raise the funds by re-forming their rhythm and blues band.

Elwood runs a red light, and is pulled over by two Illinois State Police troopers who learn of his suspended license. When they attempt to arrest him, he speeds off, escaping through the Dixie Square Mall. As the brothers arrive at the flophouse where Elwood lives, a mystery woman (Carrie Fisher) launches a bazooka attack that leaves them unharmed. The next morning, she detonates a bomb that demolishes the building, which fails to injure the brothers, but saves them from being arrested. Jake and Elwood begin tracking down members of the band. Trombonist Tom “Bones” Malone and the rhythm section, (Willie “Too Big” Hall, Steve “The Colonel” Cropper, Donald “Duck” Dunn, and Murphy “Murph” Dunne), are playing in a nearly empty Holiday Inn lounge, and are easily persuaded to rejoin. Trumpeter “Mr. Fabulous”, now Maître d’ at the fancy Chez Paul restaurant, is harder to sway, but Jake and Elwood convince him by engaging in rude behavior and promising to continue until he agrees. En route to meet saxophonist “Blue Lou” Marini and guitarist Matt “Guitar” Murphy, the brothers drive through a rally of “Illinois Nazis”, adding another enemy to the brothers’ growing list. Marini and Murphy are at the soul food restaurant on Maxwell Street which Murphy owns with his wife (Aretha Franklin). Against her advice, the two musicians leave and rejoin the band. The reunited group get instruments and equipment from Ray’s Music Exchange (with Ray Charles accepting an IOU).

Jake is unable to book a gig in advance, but the band stumbles into a gig at Bob’s Country Bunker, a country bar. After a rocky start, the band wins over the bottle-tossing crowd. At the end of the evening, however, not only is their bar tab greater than the pay for the gig, but the brothers infuriate the band that was actually meant to play, the Good Ol’ Boys. The Blues Brothers blackmail their old booking agent into securing a gig for them—a performance at the Palace Hotel Ballroom, located 106 miles (171 km) north of Chicago. After being driven all over the area promoting the concert, the Bluesmobile runs out of gas, making Jake and Elwood late for the concert. The ballroom is packed, and the concert-goers are joined by the Good Ol’ Boys and scores of police officers. Jake and Elwood sneak into the venue and perform two songs. A record company executive offers them a cash advance on a recording contract, more than enough to pay off the orphanage’s taxes and Ray’s IOU, and tells the brothers how to slip out unnoticed.

As the brothers escape via a service tunnel, they are confronted by the mystery woman, whereupon it is revealed she is Jake’s ex-fiancée. She fires an M16 rifle at them, but Jake charms her before dropping her, allowing the two brothers to escape to the Bluesmobile. They head back to Chicago with dozens of state/local police and the Good Ol’ Boys in pursuit. Jake and Elwood eventually elude them all, leaving piled-up police cars in their wake. After a gravity-defying escape from the Illinois Nazis, Jake and Elwood arrive at the Richard J. Daley Center, where the Bluesmobile literally falls to pieces. They rush inside the adjacent Chicago City Hall building, soon followed by hundreds of police, state troopers, SWAT teams, firefighters, Illinois National Guardsmen, and the Military Police. Finding the office of the Cook County Assessor, the brothers pay the tax bill. Just as their receipt is stamped, they are arrested by a large crowd of armed law officers. Jake, Elwood, and the rest of the band are sent to prison where they play “Jailhouse Rock” for fellow inmates

REVIEW:

I was listening to some Blues Brothers music the other day and it came to me the fact that while I had reviewed Blues Brothers 2000, I had yet to even watch the original film. Well, this evening, I rectified that situation and finally watched The Blues Brothers. The question is, was it worth the wait?

First thing first, I really think I should have watched this first, because it is nearly the exact same film as Blues Brothers 2000, with some changes here and there, obviously. I say this because the plots are the mostly the same, the characters are the same, even some of the music is the same. All this time, I thought it was a sequel, but turns out it has been more of a remake. Maybe I should go back and re-review it?

So, allow me to forget the fact that the other even exists for the purpose of this review, if you will. The plot involving these two brothers who are apparent convicts that are on “a mission from God” to save the orphanage where they grew up. After an experience in a church they decide to get the band back together and earn the money that way. This leads to many high-speed chases, action packed car pile-up, encounters with Neo-Nazis, etc.

If you know anything about the Blues Brothers, then you know that they are known for their look and their music. As a fan of this style of music, I have to say that this film delivers on all cylinders. Acts like Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Cab Calloway, and even Chaka Khan appear and bring the house down.

Aside from the action and great music, there is also some great comedic moments. After all, remember that these guys started out as a skit on Saturday Night Live, so how can you expect some sort of serious film? Yes, I’ve heard some people complain about that. *SIGH* When will people learn that it isn’t a crime to have a funny film? Geesh!

If I do have an issue with the film, it is that we know these guys are being chased and whatnot, but the very people who are chasing them seem to disappear for half of the film. It kind if left a big hole in the plot, if you think about it.

Finale verdict on The Blues Brothers? Well, if you were to ask me if it was worth the wait, I have to say an enthusiastic yes. I thoroughly enjoyed this film from start to finish. There are some things that could have been better, but it is that how it is with any film. Should you give this a shot? I have to say yes, and without hesitation. This is a must-see before you die film!

5 out of 5 stars

The Rescuers Down Under

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the Australian Outback, a young 8-year-old boy named Cody (voice of Adam Ryen) rescues and befriends a rare golden eagle called Marahute, who shows him her nest and eggs. Later, the boy is captured in an animal trap set by wanted local poacher Percival C. McLeach (George C. Scott). When McLeach finds one of the eagle’s feathers in the boy’s backpack he is instantly overcome with excitement, for he knows that capturing the bird would make him rich because he had caught one before (presumably Marahute’s mate). McLeach kidnaps the boy and attempts to force out of him the whereabouts of the rare eagle. McLeach throws Codys’ backpack to some crocodiles, fooling the local Rangers into thinking that Cody was eaten.

Meanwhile, a message is sent to New York to the Rescue Aid Society headquarters, and Bernard and Bianca (Bob Newhart and Eva Gabor), the RAS’ elite field agents, are assigned to the mission, interrupting Bernard’s attempt to propose marriage to Bianca. They go to find Orville the albatross who aided them previously, but instead find Wilbur, Orville’s brother. Bernard and Bianca convince Wilbur to fly them to Australia to save Cody. In Australia, they meet Jake, a kangaroo rat who is the RAS’ local regional operative. Jake later flirts with Bianca, much to Bernard’s anger. He serves as their guide and protector in search of the boy. At the same time, Wilbur is immobilized when his spinal column is bent out of its natural shape, convincing Jake to send him to the hospital.

When he refuses to undergo surgery and instead attempts to flee, Wilbur’s back is unintentionally straightened by the efforts of the mouse medical staff to prevent him escaping through a window. Cured, he departs in search of his friends. At McLeach’s ranch, Cody has been thrown into a cage with several of McLeach’s captured animals after refusing to give up Marahute’s whereabouts. Cody tries to free himself and the animals, but is thwarted by Joanna, McLeach’s pet goanna lizard. McLeach ultimately tricks Cody into thinking that someone else has shot Marahute, making Cody lead him to Marahute’s nest.

Bernard, Bianca, and Jake, half-aware of what is happening, jump onto McLeach’s Halftrack to follow him. At Marahute’s nest, the three mice try to warn Cody that he has been followed; just as they do, McLeach arrives and captures Marahute, along with Cody, Jake, and Bianca. Joanna tries to eat Marahute’s eggs, but Bernard found the nest first and replaced the eggs with stones in order to protect them. Wilbur arrives at the nest, whereupon Bernard convinces him to sit on the eagle’s eggs, so that Bernard can go after McLeach. McLeach takes Cody and Marahute to Crocodile Falls, where he ties Cody up and hangs him over a large group of saltwater crocodiles and attempts to feed him to them, but Bernard, riding a type of wild pig called a “Razorback”, which he had tamed using a horse whispering technique earlier used by Jake, follows and disables McLeach’s vehicle, preventing the use of its crane to put Cody at risk. McLeach then gets out his Winchester Model 1912 and tries to shoot the rope holding Cody above the water. To save Cody and get rid of McLeach, Bernard tricks Joanna into crashing into McLeach, sending them both into the water. The crocs chase McLeach, while behind them the damaged rope holding Cody breaks apart. McLeach tries to fight off the saltwater crocs, but only Joanna reaches the shoreline while McLeach realizes the crocs swim away because of the enormous waterfall and falls over the waterfall to his death.

Bernard dives into the water to save Cody, but fails. Jake and Bianca free Marahute in time for her to retrieve Cody and Bernard. Bernard, desperate to avoid any further incidents, proposes to marry Bianca, who accepts eagerly while Jake salutes him with a newfound respect. All of them depart for Cody’s home. Wilbur, whom they have neglected to relieve of his task, incubates the eggs until they hatch, much to his dismay

REVIEW:

 Disney is not known for making sequels to their animated films. Well, let me take that back…they don’t normally release them in theaters. The Rescuers Down Under and Fantasia 2000 are the exceptions to this rule.

This film continues where The Rescuers left off. This time our pint-sized heroes are dispatched to save a little boy in Australia.

Why Australia, you may ask? Well, for one thing, the vast countryside allowed the animators rom to show off their talents, and at the time this film was being made, America was obsessed with all things “down under”, thanks to Mel Gibson’s rising career and the Crocodile Dundee films. That is the belief, anyway. Of course, I have to wonder, if not Australia, then where?

The plot of this film, as I mentioned has our heroes saving a little boy who was kidnapped by an evil poacher that wanted the majestic golden eagle, Marahute. Especially since he already finished off (we assume) her mate. Marahute is also caring for 3 eggs that are soon to hatch. If these eggs hath, then she isn’t as valuable anymore, so McLeach and his lizard…not real sure what kind she is…also seek to get rid of them.

Believe it or not this film was released in the midst of the “Disney Renaissance”. There are no songs, though. As a matter of fact, this film is kind of dark, especially when you consider the Disney films that were released around the same time.

Some have said that the villain, McLeach, is too sadistic to be a Disney villain. To be honest, he’s no worse than classic villains such as Maleficent, The Wicked Queen, or even Shere Khan. The only difference really, is that he seems to be more realistic, unlike the previous Rescuers villain, Madame Medusa, who was more of a comic effect type.

The animation here is as gorgeous as if were live action. The scenery is very well done and the characters are what you wold expect from Disney…flawless!

The voices really fit the characters and their personalities, unlike some animated films these days.

The action scenes are pretty good, but I could have done with a few more flying scenes. I don’t know, it just seems to me that if you have a giant eagle like that, why not take advantage of her ability to soar.

One thing that has me scratching my head about the animals, it was the same way in the previous film as well, is how is it that only certain animals can talk, mostly mice, but others can’t.Wouldn’t it have been nice to hear Marahute say a few words? Maybe I’m alone in thinking that, though, as I’m sure some will say that her silence spoke louder than any words ever would.

Final verdict on The Rescuers Down Under? Well, it is obvious that the animation and technology have improved since the days of the first film. The story is told better, but I felt more of a connection to the previous one. This one seemed to focus less on our heroes until near the film’s end for some reason. It was kind of odd. Aside from that, this is a really good film and, I think, one of the most underrated of the Disney film. If you’re looking for a good family adventure flick, though, give this one a shot, but be wary of the scary images and more mature tone.

4 out of 5 stars

National Lampoon’s Vacation

PLOT:

Clark Griswold (Chase), wanting to spend more time with wife Ellen (D’Angelo) and children Rusty and Audrey (Hall and Barron), decides to lead the family on a cross-country expedition from Chicago to the Los Angeles amusement park, “Walley World”, billed as “America’s Favorite Family Fun Park”. Although Ellen wants to fly, he insists on driving, so he can bond with his family. In preparation, Clark has ordered a new sports wagon for the trip, but when he finds it is not ready in time for the trip, is forced to take a failing behemoth Wagon Queen Family Truckster.

As the family travels, they have several mishaps, such as being tagged by vandals while in St. Louis, while Clark is tempted several times by a voluptuous young woman (Brinkley) driving a flashy red Ferrari 308 GTS. They stop in Coolidge, Kansas to visit Ellen’s cousin Catherine (Miriam Flynn) and her husband Eddie (Quaid), but this creates more tension among the Griswalds. Catherine and Eddie foist crotchety old Aunt Edna (Coca) and her dog Dinky on the Griswolds, asking them to drop her off at her son Normy’s home in Phoenix. After a failed attempt to enjoy a picnic, Clark forgets to untie Dinky from the car before leaving, killing the dog.

While Ellen and Clark argue, they become stranded in the desert, and Clark eventually finds a mechanic that scams him out of the rest of his cash to fix the car. Frustrated, they stop at the Grand Canyon; when Clark cannot convince a hotel clerk to take a check, he takes cash from the hotel’s cash register but leaves behind the check. Leaving the Canyon, they find that Aunt Edna passed away in her sleep. When they reach Normy’s home, they discover he is out of town, and leave Edna’s rigor mortised body in the backyard.

Despite all the events and the begging of Ellen and the kids, Clark is more determined to get to Walley World. They finally arrive the next day to find the park closed for repairs. Clark, slipping into madness, buys a realistic-looking BB gun and demands a park security guard Russ Lasky (John Candy) to take them through the park; Ellen and kids follow him, attempting to placate their father. Eventually the SWAT team arrives along with park owner Roy Walley (Eddie Bracken). Roy understands Clark’s impassioned epitome of the American Vacation, bringing back memories of his own childhood years ago. Roy does not file charges against the Griswolds, and lets the family enjoy the park as his guests. The credits show various photographs of the Griswolds enjoying the rest of the vacation, including returning to Chicago via plane.

REVIEW:

 It has been a fortnight since I last saw National Lampoon’s Vacation. When they say “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, though, they aren’t kidding. I remember loving this picture last time I saw it, and now I love it even more!

I’m sure many of us have had the experience of a family vacation, which is the basis of the film’s plot. However, I’m sure none of us have endured the horrors and hilarity that the Griswold’s go through on this trip.

In the late 70s and early 80s, Chevy Chase was one of the funniest people alive, and this served as a vehicle for his comedic talents. On top of the physical comedy that is showcased here, there is some excellent comedic writing. The kind that we just don’t get these days.

Chevy Chase is never going to be known for his acting, but it is his comedic talent that allows this film to really work. Who else  could play such a bumbling idiot and get away with it?

Beverly D’Angelo is another in a long list of gorgeous women attached to buffoons that makes the audience scratch their heads wondering how they are married. Her scenes are brief, and she does seem to be a bit of a nag sometimes, but the topless scenes make up for that.

Christie Brinkley was the quintessential dreamgirl of the early 80s, and she really played up that fantasy aspect to perfection as the girl in the red car. Such a shame she disappeared after the pool fiasco, though.

Remember in the 80s when they made R-rated comedies that were funny and not sex farces? Well, that’s what National Lampoon’s Vacation is. A great comedy, ne, film, that is a true classic without having to resort to sexual innuendo to make it work. If you’re one of the few hapless souls out there who haven’t seen this film, then I highly recommend it to you, especially. For everyone else, you can never have too much of a good thing, right?

5 out of 5 stars

Spaceballs

PLOT:

Planet Spaceball, led by President Skroob (Mel Brooks), has wasted all of its air and, desperate to find more, plans the extraction of all the air from planet Druidia. They plan to kidnap the Druish Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga), who is about to marry the narcoleptic Prince Valium (Jim J. Bullock). Resenting this marriage, Vespa runs off from the altar with her Droid of Honor, Dot Matrix (voiced by Joan Rivers and played by mime/dancer Lorene Yarnell), and escapes into space, where she is attacked by the Spaceballs under the command of Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis).

Vespa’s father, King Roland (Dick Van Patten), hires Captain Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his mawg(half-man, half dog) sidekick Barf (short for Barfolemew; John Candy) who are desperate for money to pay back their debts to the Mafioso Pizza the Hutt (Dom DeLuise), to rescue his daughter. They manage to rescue her by literally “jamming” a radar hub (a jar of raspberry jam is hurled into it) and then escaping by entering light speed, to which the enemy ship Spaceball One then pursues by going to “ludicrous speed” (“They’ve gone to plaid!”). Upon exiting hyperspeed, the heroes realize they have run out of fuel and crash-land on the desert planet Vega. There, they meet Yogurt (Mel Brooks), who introduces Lone Starr to The Schwartzand the audience to the film’s merchandising (which is prevalent throughout the film henceforth). However, the Spaceballs, having discovered their location by using an “instant cassette” of the movie, trick Vespa and capture her again, taking her to their capital city. Lone Starr and Barf rescue the Princess again, but not before the Spaceballs have succeeded in forcing King Roland to reveal the entry code to Druidia’s atmosphere (12345), leading Dark Helmet to exclaim “That’s the stupidest combination I ever heard in my life! It’s the kind of thing an idiotwould have on his luggage!”; President Skroob walks in some time later, and after being told that they’ve obtained the combination, asking what it is, and then being told what it is, then exclaims “12345?! That’s amazing. I got the same combination on my luggage!”).

Spaceball One, upon arriving at Planet Druidia, then transforms into Mega Maidwith a vacuum cleaner, which starts to extract the air from the planet. Lone Starr uses his Schwartz ring to reverse the procedure, and sneaks through an ear to the central brain area of the ship to activate the self-destruct button, attempting to use a Vulcan neck pinch on an unsuspecting guard (who then corrects him and knocks himself out). As he is about to press the button, Dark Helmet appears and challenges him to fight. They proceed to duel using lightsaber-like weapons emanating from their Schwartz rings, (accidentally killing a cameraman in the process) until Dark Helmet tricks Lone Starr into losing his ring. Yogurt then speaks to Lone Starr, convincing him he doesn’t need the ring to use the Schwartz. Using this advice, Lone Starr summons a mirror to reflect Dark’s attack and inadvertently press the self-destruct button, causing chaos aboard the ship as Mega Maidcounts down to self-destruction. The heroes then escape as Dark Helmet, President Skroob and Col. Sandurz look on in horror . (Mega Maid’s head, its hand, and the handle of the giant vacuum—which resemble parts of the Statue of Liberty—then crash-land on a neighboring planet à la Planet of the Apes, much to the horror of its residents.

Lone Starr returns the Princess to Druidia and (since his creditor Pizza the Hutt, while locked in his car, ate himself to death) leaves without taking the agreed payment of one million spacebucks (though he takes 248 spacebucks for lunch, gas, and tolls). After disgustedly leaving a space café after an alien bursts from the stomach of a customer who orders the “special” (played by John Hurt, whose character suffers the same fate in Alien – he looks at the alien and mutters “Oh, no. Not again!”) and then imitates Michigan J. Frog, he offers a snack to Barf who is still hungry. Barf opens a fortune cookie originally given to Lone Starr by Yogurt to discover that he is a “soitified [(certified)] Prince”, and then returns in time to interrupt the marriage to marry Vespa.

REVIEW:

As a huge fan of the Star Wars franchise, I had my doubts about how the holy trilogy would be treated when this film came out, especialy after I heard about  a character called Pizza the Hutt. Of course, this is a Mel Brooks picture, so I shouldn’t really be surprised that there was nothing to worry about.

Brooks spoofs all types of sci-fi films, but its obvious the main parodoxical material is the holy trilogy.

Lone Starr, played by Bill Pullman, is a mixture of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, with more emphasis on Han. Lone Starr has all the heroic traits of both Luke and Han, and a few of the latter’s faults.

John Candy is Barf, a mawg who is obviously based on Chewbacca. Candy is in top form here. I don’t need to say anymore. The man was a genius.

Rick Moranis is Dark Helmet. If you can’t tell this is a parody on Darth Vader, then…well, I don’t know what to tell you. As with most Moranis roles, he is still the nerdy guy, but this time he’s an evil nerdy guy with power and a big helmet.

Mel Brooks does double duty as Presidet Skroob and Yogurt. I’m not sure, but Skroob fits the role of the Emperor, even if he doesn’t seem to be a parody of him. Have you noticed that Skroob is Brooks mixed up? Yogurt is Brooks’ parody of Yoda who is as wise and powerful as Yoda, but also into selling merchandising and has a bit of the Wizard of Oz in him, at least it looks that way with his first appearance.

Daphne Zuniga’s character of Princess Vespa is a blatant attempt to parody Princess Leia. There is even a scene where it appears she has the bun hairstyle over her ears, but they turn out to be headphones. She is accompanied by Dot Matrix, a C-3PO rip off voiced by Joan Rivers. I don’t think there are any other characters that look as much like their source character than Dot, except maybe Dark Helmet.

Parodies are hit and miss, as we’ve seen in recent years with almost every parody film starting with Scary Movie 3. This film suffers from some bad acting, though. I know they weren’t trying to win any awards with this thing, but the acting is so bad in scenes that I bet a 3rd grade class doing a class play would do better. Yes, its that bad, but it can be overlooked with all the other great aspects of this film. I know its hard to find a good spoof/parody these days, so why not take a step back in time and enjoy this one?

5 out of 5 stars

1941

PLOT:

Susan Backlinie, who played the first victim in Spielberg’s Jaws, plays a character who goes for a midnight swim, alone and naked. But instead of a shark, a Japanese submarine surfaces under her. She holds on to the periscope as it rises. A Japanese crew member looks up at the naked girl clinging to the submarine, and yells: “Hollywood! Hollywood!” At this point, the submarine crew realizes they have arrived where they intended to be, Hollywood, and the vessel submerges once again while the girl swims to safety. The Japanese submarine crew, led by Commander Mitamuru (Toshiro Mifune in a near-parody of other, more serious roles as Japanese officers in American films) are joined by a hard-line German naval captain (Christopher Lee), and have crossed the Pacific Ocean to destroy something “honorable.”

Back on land, dishwasher Wally Stephens (Bobby Di Cicco) makes plans to enter a dance contest with Betty Douglas (Dianne Kay), against her father’s wishes. Tank crew Sgt. Frank Tree (Dan Aykroyd), Private Foley (John Candy) and Corporal Sitarski (Treat Williams) are also at Wally’s restaurant.

Meanwhile, Captain Wild Bill Kelso (John Belushi) lands his Curtiss P-40 fighter to refuel but accidentally blows up the gasoline station.

Just days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, in Los Angeles, Major General Joseph Stilwell (Robert Stack) attempts to bring order, but Colonel Mad Man Maddox (Warren Oates), the General’s new secretary Donna Stratten (Nancy Allen) and the General’s assistant Captain Loomis Birkhead (Tim Matheson) all have other ideas.

At the Douglas family home on the coast, Wally is confronted by Mr. Douglas (Ned Beatty) and his wife Joan (Lorraine Gary), still angry that he previously destroyed their car. Soon after, the tank crew arrive to deliver a large gun; Corporal Sitarski spots Betty.

The Japanese submarine becomes lost trying to find Los Angeles when the ship’s compass is broken. A landing party captures a local timber merchant, Hollis Wood (Slim Pickens); on board the sub, they see he has a small Cracker Jack compass that he swallows. Wood escapes, while in Los Angeles, Major General Stilwell goes to see the feature film Dumbo. Captain Birkhead and Donna Stratten decide to go the local airfield where Colonel Madman Maddox has both aircraft and a belief the Japanese are about to attack.

At the USO dance, Sitarski and Betty are inside as Wally sneaks in with a stolen Shore Patrol’s uniform, steals Betty away but ignites a massive brawl involving all the servicemen. Sgt Tree arrives in his tank just as Los Angeles goes to Red Alert with an unknown aircraft in the air. Ward Douglas spots the Japanese submarine lurking near his home. As Birkhead and Stratten fly over Los Angeles in the back of a purloined aircraft, civil defense batteries blast away. Chaos continues as Wild Bill joins the fight and crashes.

Wally commanders Sgt Tree’s tank, Wild Bill follows on motorbike, crashing through a paint factory and then a turpentine factory. Meanwhile Ward Douglas begins firing at the Japanese submarine, destroying his house in the process. The submarine returns fire (Mitamuru: “Fire at that industrial structure!”), hitting an amusement park Ferris wheel which careens into the ocean. The tank sinks when the pier collapses as Wild Bill drives his motorbike into the ocean and swims to the submarine, where he is captured by the Japanese, who, believing their honorable mission accomplished, now return home. The German captain is thrown overboard by the Japanese and is later captured—the only U.S. “victory” of the movie.

The following morning, General Stilwell arrives at the Douglas home where Ward Douglas goes to hang a Christmas wreath, only to accidentally push his damaged home into the Pacific Ocean. The movie ends with all the characters in front of the foundations of the destroyed home.

REVIEW:

I remember playing the arcade game 1941 and seeing this on the shelves of the video rental store when I was young, thinking they were the same. Finally, I get the chance to check this film out. I’ll admit that I didn’t think it was a comedy, but was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was.

Steven Spielberg is not known for being a comedy director. That being said, this is an excellent comedic film. The comedy is in the dialogue and a few  sight gags, but that formula works for this film and with this cast.

John Williams provides another masterpiece for a score, highlighted by the piece “Swing, Swing, Swing.” I’m not sure there is another composer that could have handled the task of putting spic music to a screwball comedy.

At a little under 2 1/2 hours, one would think this film would drag on a bit long, and it does lag in parts, but the last hour is non-stop action. I will admit, though, that if you don’t pay attention throughout the entire film you may get lost.

The cast really sell their indiviual roles. The script and story are well executed, except for the whole Japaneese submarine with German captain thing.

This film is not meant to be a documentary biopic, like Saving Private Ryan, Pearl Harbor, or any of those other war movies. Spielberg chose to tell things from a lighthearted point of view, but the events of the film are loosely based in fact. I seriously hope that the military wasn’t as incompetent and paranoid s they appear in this picture back then.

If I have any real criticism of this film, its that they spend too much time developing Wally’s character, that the rest of the cast gets short changed a bit, especially Jim Belushi’s Wild Bill Kelso. When we first meet Wally, it seems as if he’s going to become the hero of the picture, but instead he just ends up being a one of those guys who ends up in the right place at the right time in order to lend a hand.

As far as war movies go, this isn’t the greatest, but it is one of the most entertaining. As a fan of this era and its music, I’m in love with the soundtrack. There are few things not to like about this film for those of you that don’t appreciate anything that isn’t modern and dark, but for the rest of us open minded people, sit back and take in all the old school goodness.

4 out of 5 stars

Heavy Metal

PLOT:

The movie’s title sequence story (Soft Landing) begins with an astronaut named Grimaldi descending through Earth’s atmosphere in a 1960 Corvette.

This leads directly into the film’s framing story (Grimaldi) when he arrives at his home, where he is greeted by his daughter. He shows her something he brought back: a crystalline green sphere about the size of a baseball. When he opens the case, the orb rises out of it and painfully melts the astronaut. It introduces itself to the terrified girl as “The sum of all evils.” Looking into it, the girl sees how it has influenced societies through time and space. The orb, known as the Loc-Nar, forces her to watch the following stories (in order):

• Harry Canyon: Written by Juan Gimenez. In a dystopian New York City, cynical taxicab driver Harry Canyon narrates his day in film noir style, grumbling about his fares and the occasional robbery attempt (which he thwarts with a disintegrator installed behind his seat). He stumbles into an incident where a fat gangster and his cyborg henchmen murder an archaeologist. Harry grudgingly allows the murdered man’s daughter into his cab, and she tells him about her father’s discovery: the Loc-Nar, an artifact over which people are killing each other. Harry cannot afford to pay for a police investigation, so he takes the girl back to his apartment. That night, the girl strips, climbs into his bed, and they have sex. Harry awakens alone the next morning when the cops bust into the apartment looking for the girl, whose existence he denies. One of his fares that day is the fat gangster, who threatens Harry if he doesn’t cooperate. Later, the girl contacts Harry and offers to sell the Loc-Nar and split the proceeds with him. He agrees to take her to the exchange. When the gangster gets the Loc-Nar, he takes it out of its isolation case, and he disintegrates. Meanwhile, the girl pulls a gun on Harry, who is forced to use his self-defense ray to evaporate her, after which he keeps the money.

• Den: Based on the original story by Richard Corben. Dan, a nerdy teenager (voiced by John Candy) finds a round “green meteorite” and puts it in his rock collection at home. Weeks later, during a lightning experiment, the orb hurls the boy into the world of Neverwhere, where he changes into a naked bald muscle man called Den. Landing on a giant idol, he witnesses a strange ritual and rescues a nubile young woman who was about to be sacrificed to “Uhluht’c” (“C’thulhu” spelled backwards). Reaching safety, she tells him that she is from the British colony of Gibraltar, on Earth, and that her name is Katherine Wells. While she demonstrates her gratitude with sexual favours, they are interrupted by the minions of Ard, an immortal man who wants to obtain the Loc-Nar and use it to rule the world. He puts Katherine in suspended animation and orders Den to get the Loc-Nar from the Queen (the woman who performed the ritual). Den agrees after Ard tells him “If you refuse, you die, she dies, everybody dies!”, and infiltrates the Queen’s palace with some of Ard’s warriors. He is promptly caught by the Queen’s guard, but she offers leniency if he has sex with her. He complies, while the raiding party steals the Loc-Nar. Den escapes and, with the Queen and her forces in pursuit, races back to the idol, where Ard is attempting to recreate the sacrifice himself. Den rescues Katherine, and the Queen’s arrival sparks a bloody battle between her and Ard (backed by their respective armies). Den ends the battle by recreating the incident that drew him to Neverwhere, banishing Ard and the Queen. Refusing the opportunity to rule, Den and Katherine ride into the sunset, content to remain in Neverwhere as heroes with idealized bodies.

• Captain Sternn: Based on the original story by Bernie Wrightson. On a space station, a square jawed space captain named Lincoln F. Sternn (voice by Eugene Levy) is on trial on numerous serious charges (and one moving violation) presented by the prosecutor (voiced by John Vernon). Pleading “not guilty” against the advice of his rat-faced lawyer (voiced by Joe Flaherty), Sternn explains to his astonished lawyer that he expects to be acquitted because he bribed a witness, Hanover Fiste, to praise his character. Fiste takes the stand, but his perjury is subverted when the Loc-Nar, now the size of a marble, causes him to blurt out the truth about Sternn’s evil deeds until he angrily denounces Sternn to the point of suggesting gruesome execution methods (Sternn is nothin’ but a lyin’, cheatin’, back-stabbin’, double-dealin’, larcenous perverted WORM!! Hanging’s too good for him! Burning’s too good for him! He should be torn into little-bitty pieces and buried alive!). Fiste rants with such fury that he changes into a muscled giant like the Incredible Hulk, and chases Sternn throughout the station, breaking through bulkheads and wreaking havoc. Eventually, Fiste corners Sternn, receives his promised payoff for his part in Sternn’s plan to escape, and promptly shrinks back to his gangly original form (this may indicate that, rather than the Loc-Nar’s prompting, the whole event, complete with Hanover’s ability to grow and go insane, was planned ahead of time, to allow Sternn the chaos necessary to escape or fake his own death. Or, it may have played on Fiste’s suspicion that, having paid only part of the bribe, Sternn would renege on the rest). Sternn then adds a bonus: he pulls a lever opening a trapdoor under Fiste, and the Loc-Nar reenters an atmosphere with Fiste’s bodyless flaming hand still clinging to it.

• B-17: A World War II bomber makes a difficult bombing run with heavy damage and casualties. As the bomber limps home, the Loc-Nar rams itself into the plane, and raises the dead crewmembers as rampaging, flesh-hungry zombies. The pilot is the lone survivor. After the Loc-Nar rams the plane, the pilot puts the plane on auto pilot and leaves the cockpit to survey the damage. While at the rear of the plane, the zombie crew attack the pilot who runs back into the cockpit and locks the door. When it becomes obvious that the zombies will defeat the cockpit door, the pilot dons a parachute and barely escapes through a trap door in the deck of the cockpit. Unfortunately the pilot lands on a desert island populated by more zombified airmen.

• So Beautiful, So Dangerous: Based on the original story by Angus McKie. A scientist (Dr. Anrack) arrives at the Pentagon for a meeting about mysterious mutations that are plaguing the United States. At the meeting, Dr. Anrack tries to dismiss the occurrences, but when he sees the green stone (Loc-Nar) in the buxom stenographer’s (Gloria’s) locket, he starts behaving erratically, goes berserk, and attempts to sexually assault her. In the sky above, a colossal starship with a smiley face design breaks through the roof with a transport tube and sucks up the berserk Dr. Anrack and by accident, Gloria. The ship’s robot is irritated at Anrack, who is actually a malfunctioning android, but his mood changes when Gloria arrives. Supprisingly Gloria is not shocked at being sucked up by the ship and instead is annoyed by the encounter, commenting “who is going to pay for my dry cleaning?” With the help of the ship’s crew of burn-outs (the pilot and co-pilot) the robot convinces Gloria to stay on board and talks her into having “robot” sex. She even reluctanly agrees to marry him (provided they have a Jewish wedding). Meanwhile, the burn-outs snort a massive amount of plutonian nyborg and fly home completely stoned, zoning out on the cosmos and passing space junk. Too stoned to fly straight, they crash land in a huge space station, though they think it was a nice landing.
• Taarna: Inspired by Moebius’ Arzachstories. The Loc-Nar crashes onto a planet and into a volcano. At the base of the volcano, a religious leader and his followers have assembled to worship. The Loc-Nar causes the volcano to erupt a green, foamy substance that flows down volcano and swallows the worshipers and their leader. The leader changes and his followers are corrupted by the green slime and change into mutated murderous barbarians. The leader organizes the mutants into an army who ravage a peaceful, prosperous city. The city elders, who consist of scientists and statesmen and lack an army, desperately try to summon the last of a warrior race, the Taarakians. Taarna, a strong, beautiful warrior maiden (the last of the Taarakians), receives the summons and goes to an ancient temple where she swims across a pool and collects a sword and a tight fitting, revealing leather uniform. She arrives too late to stop the massacre and resolves to avenge the city. After leaving the city, she stops at a tavern and orders a drink. The tavern’s patrons of mostly mutants see her as easy prey and try to gang up on her so they can sexually assault her. She decapitates them with a single swing of her sword, giving the rest of the mutant patrons a message. Her search leads to the barbarians’ stronghold, where she is captured, stripped naked, tortured and left for dead by the leader. With the help of her avian mount, she escapes and confronts the barbarian leader. Though wounded, she defeats him and in one last effort, then flies into the Loc-Nar, destroying it.

As the final story ends, the Loc-Nar terrorizing the girl is similarly destroyed, blowing the mansion to pieces. Taarna’s mount, reborn into a younger form, appears outside and the girl happily flies away on it. It is then revealed that Taarna’s soul has been transferred across the universe and through time to her. This is further signified by the change in hair color the girl now exhibits and the appearance of the Taarakian crest on her skin. Thus the girl is revealed to be the next Taarakian herself.

REVIEW:

I can remember seeing the box for this film in the video stores when I was younger and passing it up, thinking it was some sort of concert film. Man, was I mistaken!

Each of these short features is a clinic in animation that can only be surpassed by those at Disney. There is, of course, the obvious early 80s style of drawing that I really like.

With a title like Heavy Metal, you better have a killer soundtrack, and of course, this film delivers with a bang. Granted the music, isn’t pure heavy metal, but hard rock rocks just as hard!

If this was a live action film, it would be a porn, what with all the naked women flouncing around, but you don’t hear me complaining, just warning the females and conservative family readers out there. Then again, this is rater ‘R’, so it’s not going to be a bunch of rabbits searching for Easter Eggs.

Now that I’ve watched this film, an episode from South Park that came on a few months back makes more sense, as it was an homage to this film.

This is beautifully animated, with a rocking soundtrack, and has garnered cult status. For many of you, like me, that isn’t enough and you have to see for yourself how good this film is. Well, let me tell you, it’s worth the 90 minutes.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars