Dracula 3000

PLOT:

Set in the year 3000, the film opens with the salvage ship Mother III, commanded by Captain van Helsing, (played by Casper Van Dien), traveling through space. The craft soon happens upon the derelict transport Demeter, a ship that has been missing for fifty years. Docking with the ship, van Helsing sends crew intern Mina Murry, (Alexandra Kamp), to board alone and check it out. She nervously conducts her search all the while a mysterious figure darts in the shadows behind her.

The rest of the crew boards where the wheelchair bound technician, Arthur “The Professor” Holmwood, (Grant Swanby), restarts the ship’s systems. They then explore the bridge finding a human corpse tied to a chair and clutching a makeshift crucifix – a sign unknown to most of the crew as religion was said to have been outlawed in the galaxy two centuries ago. Later, they learn the corpse is the Demeter’sCaptain Varna, (played by Udo Kier), whose video log entries are recurring feature throughout the film. Varna speaks of an “epidemic” and an “evil” loose aboard his ship. Despite the misgivings of Mina and vice-captain Aurora, (played by Erika Eleniak), van Helsing decides to tow the ship back to Earth hoping for a profitable salvage. As the crew get underway, their ship, Mother III, mysteriously uncouples from the Demeter and leaves them stranded aboard the mysterious ship, and with no means of communication.

Later, cargo specialist 187, (played by Coolio), and deckhand Humvee, (Tom Lister Jr.), explore the cargo bay discovering a room full of coffins. The marijuana-smoking 187 speculates that the coffins could contain smuggled goods, like more marijuana, and cracks one open cutting his hand in the process. He becomes further dismayed when he finds only sand inside the coffin. While Humvee starts to head back to the bridge, 187 stays to open more coffins, but is attacked by something. The others rush the 187 to a recreation room and tend to his injures, but 187 suddenly awakes as a vampire. He attacks the Captain and the Professor and then runs off chasing Aurora. 187 then confers with the mysterious figure, his “master”, who orders him to kill all the crew members. Mina eventually becomes 187’s first victim.

Meanwhile, Aurora runs into the master vampire who introduces himself as Count Orlock, (played by Langley Kirkwood), and apparently proceeds to bite her neck. When she returns to the recreation room, she reports about her encounter with Orlock who has revealed his intentions of returning to Earth to feed. She however, is unable to logically explain how she escaped Orlock unharmed. Thinking Aurora could be lying, the Captain has her tied up and guarded by Humvee. Through trickery, 187 gains entrance to the rec room and attacks Humvee. The Captain arrives, but his gunfire causes no harm to 187 until Humvee manages to stake him in the heart with a wooden cue stick from a pool table. Aurora, still tied up, confesses that she is in fact an android and an undercover cop investigating illegal salvage activities. Van Helsing and Humvee feel betrayed but nonetheless untie her.

Eventually, by searching the ship’s database, the Captain and the Professor discover that the legendary vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing is one of the Captain Van Helsing’s ancestors. The Professor believes that Orlock will want to seek revenge against the Captain. The Captain’s only concern is to destroy Orlock and learns from the computer how vampires can be stopped by wooden stakes, repelled by crosses and destroyed by sunlight. Van Helsing then decides to steer the Demeter on a course to what appears to be a binary star system.

The Captain and Aurora search the coffins for vampires and are confronted by Orlock. While Aurora leaves to get reinforcement, the Captain fights Orlock alone. Van Helsing is finally overcome, bitten and, as Aurora returns with Humvee, attacks the two. Aurora stakes him with another cue stick. Out of nowhere, Mina, (now a vampire herself), attacks but is staked by Humvee.

Elsewhere, the Professor despairs of his chances of surviving and wheels into Orlock who promises to free him from his disabled state. However, this scene is interrupted by the ongoing fighting and remains unresolved. After Aurora and Humvee return to the bridge, they find the Professor hiding but find bite marks on his neck. Just to be sure, Aurora stabs him with a cross, revealing the Professor was a vampire as well. A furious Orlock tries to enter the bridge but Humvee and Aurora manage to close the door on him, severing his arm.

Now, as the Demeterdraws closer to a star, Humvee nor Aurora confess to one another that neither know how to steer the ship, and a complete destruction of the ship is inevitable. The two surviving crew members then take comfort in the fact that this would foil Orlock’s plans to return to Earth. Aurora also reveals that from an earlier assignment she is programmed for sexual pleasure and two characters leave to spend their last hours making love.

The movie ends with another segment from Captain Varna, who announces his intention to sacrifice himself and his ship, and the Demeter exploding in space.

REVIEW:

Movies that are released directly to DVD are done so for a reason. Typically, they’re not that good. This is no exception.

I wish I could find something good about this, but I just can’t. The plot has holes in it big enough to drive a truck through. The acting is inferior. This is obviously a low budget film, but it looks like they didn’t even try! Count Orlock looks like he just came from a vampire costume party on Halloween and isn’t even remotely believable as a vampire.

Don’t waste your time on this, unless you’re a Coolio hater and want to see him get killed. Otherwise, there is no point!

1 out of 5 stars

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