Archive for October, 2010

Airplane!

Posted in Classics, Comedy, Movie Reviews, Spoofs & Satire with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

Ex-fighter pilot Ted Striker (Robert Hays) became traumatized after an incident during the “war”, leading to his fear of flying and his “drinking problem” (implying alcoholism, but specifically the “problem” refers to the fact that he misses his mouth every time). Recovering his courage, Striker attempts to regain the love of his life from the war, Elaine Dickinson (Julie Hagerty), now a stewardess. In order to win her love, Striker overcomes his fear and buys a ticket on a flight she is serving on, from Los Angeles to Chicago. However, during the flight, Elaine rebuffs his attempts.

After dinner is served, many of the passengers fall ill, and fellow passenger Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen) quickly realizes that one of the meal options, which was fish, gave the passengers food poisoning. The stewards discover that the pilot crew, including pilot Clarence Oveur (Peter Graves) and co-pilot Roger Murdock (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar), have all come down with food poisoning, leaving no one aboard to fly the plane. Elaine informs the passengers that everything is fine. She then asks everyone on the plane if anyone knows how to fly a plane. Elaine then contacts the Chicago control tower for help, and is instructed by tower supervisor Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges) to activate the plane’s autopilot, a large blow-up doll named “Otto”, which will get them to Chicago but will not be able to land the plane. Elaine realizes that Striker, being the only pilot on board who has not succumbed to food poisoning, is their only chance, and he is convinced to fly the plane, though he still feels his trauma will prevent him from safely landing it.

McCroskey knows that he must get someone else to help take the plane down and calls Rex Kramer (Robert Stack). Striker and Kramer served together in the war and must overcome their negative history. As the plane nears Chicago, Striker becomes increasingly stressed and can only land the plane after a pep talk from Dr. Rumack. With Kramer’s endless stream of advice, Striker is able to overcome his fears and safely land the plane with only minor injuries to some passengers, and damage to the landing gear. Striker’s courage rekindles Elaine’s love for him, and the two share a kiss while Otto takes off in the evacuated plane after inflating a female companion.

REVIEW:

 For quite some time, I’ve been meaning to watch this classic film, and arguably the greatest spoof/satire picture not to be made by Mel Brooks. Finally, I got around to it this weekend, and boy was it worth the wait!

Airplane! takes aim at all those disaster movies that were so prevalent in the late 70s (this film was released in 1980). Some people don’t care for the humor, but I happen to love it. This type of toungue-in-cheek humor is perfect. Granted, some of the jokes  didn’t get, since I was still a baby at the time this film was released, but that didn’t make them any less hilarious.

The plot…if you can call it that…is qite entertaining, especially the way it unfolds. Even with the hilarious jokes and whatnot, one is still on their edge of their seat wondering what is going to happen to the plane and all the passengers.

The casting is genius. At the time, Leslie Nielsen was still a serious actor, so getting him to be in the farce was coup de gras, for sure. As was roping in Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Lloyd Bridges, and NBA superstar Kareem Abdul-Jabar.

Airplane! is hands down one of the funniest films I’ve seen in quite some time. I was literally on the ground, rolling around laughing. I highly recommend this to everyone. We all need a laugh, right?

5 out of 5 stars

Fright Night

Posted in Classics, Horror, Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

Charley Brewster is a huge fan of horror films until he discovers that his new next door neighbor Jerry is a blood sucking vampire. Upon discovering this new fact,Charley tries and turns every which way he can for help. Including telling his mom, asking his friends for their help, calling the police and turning to vampire-hunting hero, actor Peter Vincent. All of them turn him down until Peter Vincent discovers that Charley’s cries for help were real and now Jerry is becoming aware of the fact that Charley knows what he truly is. His girlfriend Amy hires the money-desperate Peter Vincent to “prove” Jerry is not a vampire by having him ingest holy water (really tap water.) Charley, Amy and Peter arrive at Jerry’s house with their friend, “Evil” Edward. The plan works perfectly, but fails to convince Charley. In fact, Peter Vincent accidentally discovers Jerry’s true nature after noting his lack of a reflection in his pocket mirror. With this new information, Peter flees – but Jerry already learns of Peter’s discovery after finding a piece of his pocket mirror on the floor. He hunts down and converts Edward into a vampire, who unsuccessfully tries to attack Peter. Jerry then enchants and spirits away Amy – who bears a resemblance to Jerry’s lost love. With nowhere left to turn, Charley goes to Peter Vincent a second time. Peter initially refuses but then reluctantly brandishes his “Vampire Killer” role as Charley approaches his neighbor’s house. Despite a rough start, the two are able to repel Jerry’s attack using a cross – though only Charley’s work, since he – unlike burned-out Peter Vincent – has faith. Peter seemingly kills Edward after leaving him with a stake in the heart, while Charley finds Amy already in the throes of a vampire transformation. Peter is sure the process can be reversed – but only if they kill Jerry before dawn. The two kill Jerry’s carpenter – revealed to be a Frankenstein’s Monster-like creature complete with green blood and sand. Brandishing a cross without faith a second time, Peter is able to lure an overconfident Jerry in front of a window – just before the morning sun lights him ablaze. Jerry flees to his coffin in the basement, while Amy completes her transformation and attacks Charley. By breaking the windows in the basement, however, Peter and Charley are able to kill Jerry once and for all in a monstrous explosion. Amy returns to normal, and later that night, Amy and Charley finally make love. Peter Vincent comes on the TV and announces a break from vampires, instead selecting an alien slasher movie. Charley takes one wary eye out his window before returning to Amy. The last shot shows two red eyes in the darkness, followed by Evil Ed laughing sarcastically “Oh, Brewster, you’re so cool!”

REVIEW:

 I remember being in elementary school, going to a friend’s house one weekend and watching this film. Back then, the gross out effects that occur at the film’s end did scare me a bit. However, years later, now that I’m in my adult years, it didn’t phase me one bit, but I do have a nostalgic yearning for this film. Maybe it’ll become a Halloween tradition for me, along with The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

The plot here is your typical vampire moves in next door, so the nerdy next door kid gets all paranoid. This puts his friends and family in danger. If only he would have left well-enough alone. Some people never learn, do they?

While I didn’t care for the story, it did have its moments. However, it seems as if this has all been done before. I was just hoping for more.

I applaud their choice to not have the vampire, Jerry (what kind of name for a vampire, is that?), use all his forms…bat, mist, wolf…although, I didn’t quite get what was up with the ridged Klingon face. Now that I think about it, I remember the vampires on Angel and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer having that same look, so maybe this is where they got it from?

The effects are great for a film of this era. The green slime is very reminiscent of the good old days of Nickelodeon.

The cast is nothing special, but if there is one that stood out, it has to be Jonathan Stark as the mysterious henchman/carpenter. The whole film, we wonder what this guy is, since he’s obviously not a vampire, based on his ability to be out during the day. I read somewhere that he was supposed to be some sort of Frankenstein-type monster, but I still wonder.

Steven Geoffreys’ character, “Evil” Ed wasn’t bad, but that voice got on my nerves.

Amanda Bearse was almost hot here…a far cry from her Married…with Children days.

Fright Night is a nice bit of nostalgia. It really is a shame they’re bastardizing it by doing a remake. On this Halloween, though, I figured it would be the perfect time to revisit an old memory, and it did not disappoint. No, it isn’t a great film, but it is a fun flick to watch. Why not check it out sometime?

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Shutter Island

Posted in Horror, Movie Reviews, Thrillers/Mystery with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

In 1954, U.S. Marshal Edward “Teddy” Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his newly assigned partner Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo), go to the Ashecliff Hospital for the criminally insane on Shutter Island located in Boston Harbor. They are investigating the disappearance of Rachel Solando, a patient who apparently vanished from a locked room. Dr. John Cawley (Ben Kingsley), the head psychiatrist, explains that Rachel was institutionalized after drowning her three children.

During the search for Rachel, Teddy sees a lighthouse but is told it has already been searched. He asks to see the hospital personnel files; Cawley refuses, but allows the Marshals to question the staff. They are frustrated to learn that Rachel’s psychiatrist, Dr. Sheehan, left on vacation after her disappearance. That night, Teddy has a strange dream in which he sees his wife Dolores Chanal (Michelle Williams), who was killed in a fire two years earlier. She tells Teddy that Rachel is still on the island, as is Andrew Laeddis, the arsonist responsible for her own death.

In the morning, they interview patients from Rachel’s group therapy sessions, one of whom distracts Chuck and warns Teddy to run. Later, Teddy reveals to Chuck his ulterior motive for taking the investigation. Andrew Laeddis was sent to Ashecliff for his crime and then disappeared, motivating Teddy to investigate the institution. He met a former patient, George Noyce, who claimed that Ashecliff experimented on patients. Teddy is determined to bring the institution down.

Cawley informs Teddy that Rachel has been found and presents her to him. The delusional Rachel (Emily Mortimer) mistakes Teddy for her husband who died in World War II, and then becomes very agitated. Later, Teddy develops increasingly severe migraine headaches accompanied by hypersensitivity to light. In his sleep he has more strange dreams, followed by waking hallucinations. He is now determined to search for Laeddis in Ward C, which houses the most dangerous patients. There he finds Noyce (Jackie Earle Haley) who is afraid of being taken to the lighthouse, where lobotomies are performed, and tells Teddy that the entire investigation is a game constructed for him.

Teddy rejoins Chuck and they head to the cliffs surrounding the island, intending to reach the lighthouse. Eventually, Chuck suggests that continuing is too dangerous and Teddy goes to the lighthouse alone. He is unable to reach it, and when he returns, Chuck has disappeared. Looking for him at the foot of the cliff, Teddy finds a woman hiding in a cave who confirms his suspicions by revealing that she is the real Rachel Solando (Patricia Clarkson). She says that she was a psychiatrist at Ashecliff until she found out about the experiments. She was forcibly committed to ensure her silence. She explains that the hospital is using psychotropic medication in an attempt to develop mind control techniques and create “sleeper agent” spies. She says that Teddy has been similarly drugged since he arrived on the island.

Teddy returns to Ashecliff, where Dr. Cawley tells him that he came to the island without a partner – nobody seems to know Chuck. Teddy eventually makes it to the lighthouse but finds nothing unusual on his way up the stairs, contrary to what he expected. At the top of the lighthouse, he finds Dr. Cawley who reveals that Teddy is not Edward Daniels, but ex-Marshal Andrew Laeddis. Cawley says that he has been a patient at Ashecliff for two years since he murdered his manic depressive wife in a fit of rage after discovering she had drowned their children. Cawley explains that Rachel Solando never existed, neither as patient nor psychiatrist. “Chuck” then arrives and reveals himself as Dr. Sheehan, Andrew’s psychiatrist; the woman who was presented as Solando the patient turns out to be a nurse. Sheehan and Cawley state that Andrew lived the fantasy of still being an active U.S. Marshal, searching for Andrew Laeddis as a means to disassociate himself from what he had done. They show him that the names “Edward Daniels” and “Rachel Solando” are anagrams of “Andrew Laeddis” and “Dolores Chanal”, respectively.

Cawley explains that Andrew has gone through repeated cycles of realizing the truth, only to regress into his fantasy again, during which he has injured multiple orderlies and patients, leading the administrative board to demand a lobotomy as a permanent solution to his problem. Sheehan and Cawley explain that they decided to try an experimental therapy, in which they created the role play of “Rachel’s” disappearance based on Andrew’s fantasy. They say they hoped that by failing to uncover his mind-control conspiracy, Andrew would see reality and return to it permanently. Andrew appears to accept Sheehan’s and Cawley’s explanations, blaming himself for ignoring Dolores’ mental illness until she killed their children. Experiencing yet another migraine, which causes a flashback of the traumatic event of his wife’s and children’s death, Andrew faints.

The next morning, Andrew once again calls Sheehan “Chuck” and mentions exposing the Island’s doings to the outside world. Sheehan silently signals to Cawley, and orderlies approach to take Andrew to the lighthouse. Andrew asks Sheehan whether it is better to “live as a monster, or die as a good man”. He then walks off calmly with the orderlies.

REVIEW:

 First, let me say that I was nodding on and off during this picture, so my opinion of it may be a bit skewered by the fact that I missed part of it. Still, it wasn’t bad from what I saw.

Shutter Island is based on the novel of the same name. It tells the story of a couple of U.S. Marshalls investigating the escape of a dangerous patient/criminal at a mental institution in 1954…or does it?

There are many twists and turns in this film that you really do have to watch it more than once, (even if you aren’t dead tired from a long day that started at 4 am). Martin Scorsese rivals M. Night Shamylan here with the sudden suprise twist that he pulls. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it does take the audience by surprise, that’s for sure.

The cast is great. DiCaprio has come a long way as an actor since those days on Growing Pains and Michelle Williams is doing all she can to make people forget her Dawson’s Creek background.

While I didn’t really get to watch the entire film that way I would have liked, the parts I did see were pretty impressive. I look forward to the chance I get to watch this again and get the full understanding of what really went on. Based on the parts I was awake for, do I recommend this film? Yes, especially if you’re into these psychological thrillers. You’ll be very satisfied.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Blacula

Posted in Classics, Horror, Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , , , on October 28, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

In 1780, Prince Mamuwalde (William Marshall), the ruler of an African nation, seeks the help of Count Dracula (Charles Macaulay) in suppressing the slave trade. Dracula, who along with his other evils is revealed as a racist, not only refuses to help but also transforms Mamuwalde into a vampire (denigrating him with the name “Blacula” into the bargain) and imprisons him in a sealed coffin to suffer the un-ending thirst of the damned. Mamuwalde’s wife, Luva (Vonetta McGee), is also imprisoned but, not being a vampire, dies in captivity.

Almost two centuries later, in 1972, the coffin has been purchased as part of an estate by two gay interior decorators, Bobby McCoy (Ted Harris) and Billy Schaffer (Rick Metzler), and shipped to Los Angeles. Bobby and Billy open the coffin and become the vampire’s first victims. Blacula then travels around the city and soon encounters Tina (also McGee), who appears to be a reincarnation of his deceased wife, and begins stalking her. This brings the vampire to the attention of Dr. Gordon Thomas (Thalmus Rasulala), who is helping Lt. Peters (Gordon Pinsent) with the investigation of the series of strange murders that is occurring, and whose girlfriend, Michelle (Denise Nicholas), is Tina’s sister (by an unlikely coincidence Tina and Michelle are also friends of Bobby, one of the murdered gay men).

The film continues as the vampire kills several more victims and hypnotizes Tina into falling in love with him. Meanwhile, Thomas, Peters, and Michelle are following the trail of victims and come to realize that a vampire is responsible and Mamuwalde is their culprit. In the final scenes, the police shoot at Blacula and Tina; he is unharmed but she is mortally wounded. He saves her by turning her into a vampire, but Thomas, Peters, and Michelle find Tina and kill her with a stake through her heart. Distraught, Mamuwalde climbs up a staircase and onto a rooftop, into the sun to kill himself. Blacula melts in the light, and maggots suck his bones, and eat his flesh.

REVIEW:

 Blacula is one of the vampire films I have been patiently awaiting to see for many years now. Finally, thanks to Netflix instant play, I was able to watch it. Trust me, it was well worth the wait.

I’ve heard some people who have never seen this film think that it basically a retelling of all the other Dracula films, just with an African-American cast. Admittedly, I thought so too, but turns out that Dracula turned an African prince into a vampire, though I don’t remember seeing him bite him.

This has to be the fastest moving vampire film I’ve seen in a long time. Blacula is freed from his coffin and strikes fast. At the same time he is creating the proverbial reign of terror, he is a smooth “brother” getting his mack on with a woman who looks like his lost love.

As with most films of this nature, there has to be some goody goody cop who takes it on himself to save the city, even if it cost someone close to him, their happiness, and in this case, her life. I can’t tell you how annoyed I am with these kind of characters, but apparently they existed even back in the 70s, so chances are they’ll still be around for quite some time.

If you’ve ever seen any blaxploitation flick, then you know that one of the highlights of these film is the funky music. Sadly, Blacula only has that in the opening credits, and a brief appearance by the Hues Corporation, but that is enough to make it truly funky.

Blacula is played by William Marshall. Most people will recognize him as the King of Cartoons from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. Once you get past the realization of who he is, he does a masterful job with this character, although I do wish he wold have made him a bit more separated from Dracula. What I mean by that is that he seemed to be playing his version of Dracula, rather than making Blacula an entity into himself. At least that’s how I saw it.

When all the dust settles, Blacula is really an enjoyable film. I’m sure some out there are going to say it is cheesy and that there wasn’t enough gore…blah, blah, blah! Whatever! What works for some vampire films, doesn’t work for others. At least he isn’t walking around with glitter on his chest in the sunlight like those wannabe vampires in the Twilight franchise. I highly recommend this film to everyone. It is a good watch, and a nice warm-up to the heavier, scary stuff you’ll probably be watching in a few days for Halloween.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

River of No Return

Posted in Classics, Drama, Movie Reviews, Westerns with tags , , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

Set in the Northwestern United States in 1875, the film focuses on taciturn widower Matt Calder (Mitchum), who recently has been released from prison after serving time for killing a man while defending another one. He arrives in a tent city in search of his ten-year-old son Mark (Tommy Rettig), who was left in the care of dance hall singer Kay (Monroe) during his absence. Matt promises Mark, a virtual stranger to him, the two will enjoy a life of hunting, fishing and farming on their homestead.

Kay’s fiancé, gambler Harry Weston (Rory Calhoun), tells her they must go to Council City to file the deed on a gold mine he won in a poker game. They head downriver on their flimsy log raft, and when they encounter trouble in the rapids near the Calder farm, Matt and Mark rescue them. Harry offers to buy Matt’s rifle and horse so that reach Council City by land, and when Matt refuses, Harry steals both, leaving Kay, Matt, and Mark stranded in the wilderness.

When hostile Indians threaten the farm, the three are forced to escape down the river on Harry’s raft. That night they set up camp by the river, and Matt and Kay argue about the wisdom of pursuing Harry. Matt questions why she would choose to marry a man who had endangered a child, and she reminds him Harry never killed a man like he did. Mark overhears their discussion, and Matt is forced to reveal the truth about his past to his son, who is unable to comprehend why his father acted as he did.

As the three continue their journey, Kay comes to appreciate Matt’s bravery and the tender way he cares for both her and Mark. As time passes, they are forced to deal with a series of trials and tribulations, including a mountain lion attack; prospectors Sam Benson and Dave Colby, who are pursing Harry for stealing their gold claim; and another group of Indians.

After a difficult ride through the worst of the rapids, the three arrive in Council City and confront Harry. Harry shoots at Matt, forcing Mark to kill Harry with a rifle he is inspecting in the general store, and the boy finally understands why his father shot a man so many years before. Kay heads to the local saloon, and while she is singing there, Matt arrives to take her back to his farm with Mark.

REVIEW:

 I’ve read some reviews of River of No Return, most of which can’t decide which scenery is better…the wonderous nature, or Marilyn Monroe! To be honest, I had trouble focusing, myself.

This is a film about a man who has recently returned from prison, sent for his son, and wants to settle down on his farm and live a quiet life. Unfortunately for him, he saves Monroe and her shifty husband from being swept down the river. To make matters worse, the husband “borrows” his gun and horse (two things one would need living in those days, especially with the Indians just waiting to pounce when given the chance). So, the man, his son, and Monroe take off down the dangerous river after him.

A pretty nice story drives this film along, make no mistake about that, but it is Marilyn Monroe that keep audiences interested. First off, she’s in tight jeans, that show off her ample posterior (especially when wet). Most of the film, she is in some sort of white shirt. Do I really need to say how much of a distraction that can be when mixed with water?

All this aside, though, one has to be impressed with Monroe’s performance. She doesn’t play a total ditz here. She is just a normal, compassionate woman, who happens to be blonde. It is on record that she thinks this is her worst film. As I haven’t seen all of her films, I can’t fully comment on that, but judging the ones I have seen, I have to respectfully disagree.

Robert Mitchum plays a hardened, rugged anti-hero type. This seems to be the kind of role he was meant to play, as it fits him like a glove. Not quite sure what got into him when all but raped Marilyn out there in the woods, though. The compassion and love he shows for his son in unmatched, though…even if he always calls him “the boy”.

There is a little bit of action here and there, but this more of a drama when all is said and done. I wold have liked for there to have been more of the Indians than the 2 1/2 scenes they had, but that’s just me.

While our trio is headed down the river, though, is quite action-packed, complete with fainting, people falling off the raft, Indian attacks and your basic death-defying peril that usually accompanies such a trek.

River of No Return may not be Marilyn’s best work, but it worth watching if for nothing else than the scenery and a decent plot. I highly recommend it to all of you that love Marilyn and classic cinema. You won’t come away disappointed!

4 out of 5 stars

Vampire Killers

Posted in Comedy, Horror, Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

After Jimmy (Matthew Horne) is dumped by his girlfriend and Fletch (James Corden) is fired from his job as a clown, they decide to escape their woes and hike to a remote village they find on an old map. As they arrive at a pub in the village, with Jimmy upset about Fletch destroying his phone, they see a number of attractive foreign female history students leaving. Hoping to find more beautiful women inside, they are greeted by a morose crowd of men and approached by a seemingly crazed vicar (Paul McGann) who believes Jimmy is a long lost descendant of a local vampire slayer. As the barman offers the two men free ale as an apology for the vicar, they learn the students they saw earlier are going to a cottage – where they are to stay the night. Jimmy and Fletch pursue the students’ bus, catching up to it as the engine has broken down, and are introduced to four girls (Heidi, Lotte, Anke and Trudi). They are invited to join a party on the bus.

The group arrives at their destination, only to learn that a curse rests over the village and that every female child turns into a lesbian vampire on her eighteenth birthday. There is an old legend stating that the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, descended on the village, killed its menfolk and seduced its women to her evil. When the ruler of the land, Baron Wolfgang Mclaren (Jimmy’s great ancestor) returned from the Crusades, he discovered one of the women corrupted by Carmilla was his wife, Eva. The baron forged a sacred sword, then defeated Carmilla, but before dying Carmilla cursed the village, adding that when the blood of the last of Mclaren’s bloodline mixed with a virgin girl’s blood, Carmilla would be resurrected.

Fletch and Jimmy spend the night with the women. Heidi, Anke and Trudi are turned into vampires. After Lotte insists that the others try to find her missing friends, they witness Trudi being turned. Eva, Carmilla’s mistress, tries to draw Lotte to her growing clan of lesbian vampires. The trio runs back into the cottage after killing Heidi and Anke, and barricade themselves in after the vampires destroy the bus. Judi arrives at the door and Jimmy, not ready to give up on the relationship, takes her into the bedroom. Lotte reveals to Fletch that she is a virgin and wants to sleep with Jimmy.

At the church, the Vicar researches the vampire slayer who killed Carmilla, before arming himself and setting off to find Jimmy. Judi reveals herself to be a vampire, and after a struggle Fletch and Jimmy kill her. The vampires approach the cottage and Jimmy inadvertently invites them in. Eva discovers that Jimmy is the descendant of the baron who killed Carmilla and that Lotte is a virgin and kidnaps them.

The Vicar saves Fletch from Trudi and tells Fletch the truth about the village and Jimmy’s identity. They go after Jimmy and Lotte in the Vicar’s crucifix-covered car. As the vampires prepare to sacrifice Lotte and Jimmy, Fletch and the Vicar try to recover the sword of Daeldo, the sword that killed Carmilla, from the baron’s tomb. While Fletch works to open the tomb, the Vicar checks on his daughter Rebecca, but does not notice that she has been turned. Rebecca attempts to seduce Fletch, who does not know what she is. When she attacks him, she is inadvertently impaled on the sword. Fletch decides not to tell the Vicar of his daughter’s death.

At Carmilla’s tomb, Lotte reveals her love for Jimmy. The vampires begin draining the two of their blood to resurrect Carmilla. With the sword, Fletch and the Vicar drive to Carmilla’s tomb. When they enter the woods they bring various weapons, but forget the sword. Despite not having the sword, the pair reach Jimmy and Lotte. The Vicar releases them, but not before enough blood gathers to resurrect Carmilla. He sacrifices himself so the others can get back to the car and the sword. Eva separates Lotte from the men, attacking and seducing her. Lotte fights back while Fletch and Jimmy fetch weapons. Lotte kills Eva with her cross necklace, infuriating Carmilla. Fletch tries to kill Carmilla before Lotte is turned, but is captured himself. Jimmy saves them by hurling the sword at Carmilla, piercing her heart and destroying her for good. With the curse lifted, the three survivors decide to continue ridding the world of evil.

The film ends with the shot of a “Gay Werewolf” howling before the full moon, suggesting a sequel.

REVIEW:

 Ok…let’s get one thing out of the way…how can a film with the original (British) title Lesbian Vampire Killers be such a dud in the T & A department.

I mean, I wasn’t expecting this thing to turn out to be some sort of soft core porn or anything, but I was at least expecting some kind of lesbionic something or other, and didn’t get it.

I don’t understand how this thing was rated R when there isn’t really anything bad. Sure, there is some language, bt that’s about it. They said there was nudity, but I didn’t see it, except for maybe 1 scene, and that wasn’t enough to garner an R, in my opinion.

That wasn’t the only problem I had with this flick. When the vampires were killed, stabbed, or what-have-you, they had this white goop instead of regular blood. I’m sure there is some reason for this, but I didn’t get it. In the back of my mind, I was thinking this was some kind of…shall we say, male fluids…that they were filled with.

As bad as this film is, and trust me on the fact that it is bad, there are some good things. For instance, the opening segment and initial plot are awesome. It is a shame that they dropped the ball afterwards, casing this crash and burn.

The women are quite hot, even if the closest they came to lesbianism on-screen were some kissing and petting.

The comedy aspect of this flick wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t as funny as it could/should have been.

So, what do I ultimately think about Vampire Killers? Well, I would say that this thing isn’t worth your time. The story about Carmilla, the vampire queen is better told in many other films, and if you just want to see lesbian vampires, I’m sure there are plenty of porns that use that as their “plot”, not to mention that in most vampire films, Dracula’s wives seem to have lesbian tendencies. My final verdict is this is better than other vampire spoof-type films such as Transylmania, but you’d do best to avoid this film if you can.

2 out of 5 stars

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Posted in Action/Adventure, Classics, Movie Reviews, Sci-Fi/Fantasy with tags , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Mystery Man

PLOT:

Police Detective Shindo (Yosuke Natsuki) is assigned to guard Princess Selina Salno of Selgina (Akiko Wakabayashi) during the Princess’ visit to Japan, due to a suspected assassination plot. Although Shindo is smitten with Selina’s photograph, her plane never makes it to Japan, as it is destroyed by a bomb en route. At exactly the same time a meteorite shower draws the attention of Professor Murai (Hiroshi Koizumi), who along with his team of scientists strikes out into the wilderness to examine the largest of the meteors, which has strange magnetic properties.

To Shindo’s surprise, the supposedly deceased Selina turns up in Japan, without her royal garb (including the golden bracelet which proves she is heir to the throne of Selgina), claiming to be from the planet Mars, and preaching to skeptical crowds of forthcoming disaster. To their surprise however, her prophecies begin coming true. First she predicts Rodan, thought dead in the eruption of Mt. Aso, will emerge from Aso’s crater. Subsequently, none other than Godzilla will arise from the sea and destroy a ship. Both of these events transpire.

In the meantime, Selina’s uncle (Shin Otomo), who was behind the assassination attempt, learns of her survival and sends his best assassin Malness (Hisaya Ito) to Japan to dispatch the Princess and steal the golden bracelet. Malness and his henchmen are stopped by Shindo, who was warned of their attempt by the Shobijin (Emi and Yumi Ito), who were in Japan appearing on a television show. The Shobijin had been scheduled to return to Infant Island aboard the ship sunk by Godzilla, but opted not to go after overhearing Selina’s prophecy. A further attempt by the assassins is thwarted when both Godzilla and Rodan attack the city and engage in battle, forcing everyone to flee.

Convinced that Selina is insane, Shindo takes the Princess to see a renowned psychiatrist, Dr. Tsukamoto (Takashi Shimura), in the hopes of curing her. However Tsukamoto can find nothing wrong with her, mentally or physically. He concludes she must therefore truly be possessed by a Venusian as she claims. As if emboldened by the doctor’s diagnosis, Selina reveals her final prophecy—that Venus’ once thriving civilization was destroyed by an evil, golden three-headed dragon named King Ghidorah, and furthermore that Ghidorah himself has already arrived on Earth. No sooner has she revealed this than Professor Murai and his colleagues at the meteor crash site receive a nasty surprise—the “meteor” is actually an egg, which hatches into the fearsome King Ghidorah. Ghidorah begins razing the countryside.

To combat the combined threats of the three monsters, the Japanese government enlists the aide of the Shobijin to summon Mothra. Upon arriving on the Japanese mainland, Mothra attempts to persuade the quarreling Godzilla and Rodan to team up against the evil alien (which is translated to the humans by the shobijin) but both refuse, with Godzilla stating they have no reason to save mankind as both he and Rodan “have always had trouble with men and men hate them” which Rodan agrees to. Despite Mothra stating that Earth belongs to them as well and that it is their duty to defend it, Godzilla and Rodan still refuse (with Godzilla apparently swearing at Mothra) and the pair refuse to forgive each other, wanting to continue their fight. Unable to convince them and despite being vastly overpowered, Mothra calls the pair of them “bullheaded” and resolves to fight Ghidorah by herself. Mothra engages Ghidorah and is continually blasted by his gravity beams. Luckily for Mothra, Godzilla and Rodan; impressed by her courage and selflessness; arrive to help and a titanic battle against Ghidorah begins. Meanwhile, Shindo and Dr. Tsukamoto are forced to protect Princess Selina as Malmess and his men converge on Tsukamoto’s clinic; they fend the killers off and escape into the mountains as the dueling monsters draw closer, so they can watch the battle from a safe distance.

The assassins attempt to follow, but a stray blast from Ghidorah buries their car in an avalanche. Only Malness remains uninjured enough to continue. He attempts to snipe the Princess from an elevated position, but only injures her. In her pain she regains her memory and is no longer possessed by the Venusian. Before Malness can take another shot, another stray blast from Ghidorah buries the assassin under a second avalanche. With the heroes thus saved from the human menace, they gather at a safe distance to watch the battle between earth’s monsters and Ghidorah. After not gaining a clear advantage over Ghidorah, the three monsters co-ordinate their attack; Godzilla grabs hold of Ghidorah’s tails while Mothra (riding on Rodan’s back) sprays the three headed dragon with her silk. Finally Godzilla throws the alien beast off the cliff and the battered dragon flies off, back into outer space.

As Mothra and the Shobijin return to Infant Island while Godzilla and Rodan go their separate ways. Selina, having retained the memories of her time with Shindo, bids farewell to her guardian as she meets her bodyguards at the airport to return home.

REVIEW:

 This film introduces us to Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster. Ghidorah will go on to challenge Godzilla on many occasion, with new powers each time. With the help of Rodan and Mothra, we are privy to an epic monster battle that really makes this film.

As with any entry into the Godzilla franchise, the film moves along at a snail-like pace, with more unnecessary human plot that, no matter how much they want to deny it, no one cares about it. Seriously, if you’re going to watch a film like this or say, Transformers, are you really concerned about the humans, or would you just rather hurry and get to that which the film is named for (and you paid your money to see)?

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster is the next entry in the Godzilla franchise, following Godzilla vs. Mothra. I can say that this film offers more action, it still is too bogged down with useless human stuff. These films would be awesome, if not for the humans. They are only good for getting squashed, if you ask me.

The special effects are on par with the norm for this era. Godzilla and Rodan still seem like they are guys in sits, especially in the scene where they are “talking”. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, Rodan reminded me of those old Chuck E. Cheese animatronics( that they don’t have anymore.)

Other than some minor issues, this is one of the best entries into this franchise. I look forward to watching it again, as well as seeing the sequels, and suggest you do the same.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars