Revisited: How to Marry a Millionaire

PLOT:

Resourceful Schatze Page (Lauren Bacall), spunky Loco Dempsey (Betty Grable), and ditzy Pola Debevoise (Marilyn Monroe) rent a luxurious Sutton Place penthouse in New York City from Freddie Denmark (David Wayne), who is avoiding the IRS by living in Europe. The women plan to use the apartment to attract rich men and marry them. When money is tight, Schatze pawns some of Freddie’s furniture, without his knowledge. To their dismay, as winter approaches, the furnishings continue to be sold off as they have no luck.

One day, Loco carries in some groceries, assisted by Tom Brookman (Cameron Mitchell). Tom is very interested in Schatze, but she dismisses him, thinking he is poor. She tries repeatedly to brush him off as she sets her sights on the charming, classy widower J.D. Hanley (William Powell) whose worth is irreproachably large. All the while she’s stalking the older J.D., Tom, who is actually very wealthy, keeps after her. After every one of their dates, she tells him she never wants to see him again. She refuses to marry a poor man again.

Meanwhile, Loco (Grable) becomes acquainted with a grumpy businessman (Fred Clark). He is married, but she agrees to go with him to his lodge in Maine, mistakenly thinking she’s going to meet a bunch of Elks Club members. When they arrive, Loco is disappointed to find that the businessman was hoping to have an affair with her and set them up in a dingy lodge instead of the glamorous one she was expecting. She attempts to leave but unfortunately comes down with the measles and has to stay in the lodge until cured. She is nursed back to health with the help of a strapping young man named Eben (Rory Calhoun), whom she thinks owns most of the surrounding land. She has no trouble transferring her affections to the handsome outdoorsman and they become engaged. When she finds out that he’s just a forest ranger, she is very disappointed, but Loco realizes that she loves him and is willing to overlook his financial shortcomings.

The third member of the group, Pola (Monroe), is extremely nearsighted, but hates to wear her glasses where any man might see her. As she puts it, “Men aren’t attentive to girls who wear glasses.” (a takeoff of Dorothy Parker’s “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”) She falls for a phony Arab oil tycoon, not knowing he’s really a crooked speculator. Luckily, when she takes a plane from La Guardia airport to meet him, she misreads Kansas City for Atlantic City on an airport sign and ends up on the wrong plane. She sits next to a man, also wearing glasses, who thinks she’s “quite a strudel” and encourages her to put hers on. It turns out that he is the mysterious Freddie Denmark on his way to Kansas City to find the crooked accountant who got him into trouble with the IRS. He doesn’t have much luck when he tracks the man down, but he and Pola become enamored with each other and eventually marry.

Loco, and Pola are reunited with Schatze just before her wedding to J.D. Schatze finds herself unable to go through with the wedding and confesses to J.D. that she is in love with Tom. He graciously understands and agrees to call off the wedding. Tom is among the wedding attendees and the two reconcile and marry, with Schatze still not knowing that he is rich.

Afterwards, the three happy couples end up at a greasy spoon, dining on hamburgers. Schatze jokingly asks Eben and Freddie about their financial prospects – which are slim. When she finally gets around to Tom, he casually admits a net worth around $200 million, and lists an array of holdings, which none of the others appear to take seriously. He then calls for the bill, pulling out an enormous wad of money and pays with a $1,000 note, telling the chef to keep the change. The three astonished women faint dead away onto the floor. Tom then proposes the men drink a toast to their unconscious wives.

REVIEW:

Robin Williams wasn’t the only legend we lost this week. Tuesday evening, Lauren Bacall passed away, as well. Admittedly, I’m not as familiar with Bacall’s work as I should be, save for her affair with Humphrey Bogart, a mention in that song “Key Largo”, and this film, How to Marry a Millionaire.

What is this about?

Three New York models, Shatze, Pola and Loco set-up in an exclusive apartment with a plan: tired of cheap men and a lack of money they intend to use all their talents to trap and marry three millionaires. The trouble is that’s it’s not so easy to tell the rich men from the huxters and even when they can, is the money really worth it?

What did I like?

A little personality. Each of these actresses is knows for a certain demeanor in their films. For instance, Marilyn Monroe plays the ditzy blonde in 95% of the films she is in (and you can argue that way in her life, as well). Her character here is no different. It is the personality cues of each of the women that makes this film work. The characters were almost written for them, or so it seems. Can you really imagine Lauren Bacall as a ditz? I know that I can’t!

Subtle references. I noticed a couple of little references to these ladies other works and personal lives. There may have been more that I just didn’t catch and/or know about, but I liked how they were able to have fun with themselves. For instance, Betty Grable’s character is trapped in the lodge and her accomplices turn on the radio to listen to some music, which she insists is Harry James. At the time this was made, I believe she had just divorced him. I forgot the exact situation, but there is a line where Marilyn’s character says, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” Obviously, this is a reference to a line from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. One has to enjoy that fact that this film is able to have such fun with its cast.

Outrageous. The premise of this film is so over the top, one can only laugh at it. Three extremely attractive, single women move into an apartment they can’t afford with the sole purpose but to fall in love and marry rich husbands. Wow! You just can’t make this stuff up! On paper, one would imagine this being unwatchable, but it is surprisingly entertaining, especially when it gets to the last 15-20 minutes or so, which I will not spoil.

What didn’t I like?

Hits a little too close to home. I cannot let this go unmentioned. These women want nothing more than a guy’s money. Now, as someone who has literally had women break up with me because I don’t make enough money (my chosen profession is grossly underpaid) , this hits close to home. Much in the same way guys are chastised for looking at women with bigger and better curves, women should be the same way when all they look at is the size of a man’s bank account. Sorry to get on the soapbox there for a bit.

Forgotten theme. After the lavish and lush opening featuring the orchestra, we are treated to the theme of the film sung for the first few scenes of the film, and then we don’t ever hear it again. I am not saying that we needed to hear the thing for the entire picture, but it would have been nice to hear it recapitulated here and there and then maybe have it come in as the credits roll. To me, it made no sense to go out of the way to introduce the theme, and then toss it aside.

Models that don’t model. So, these women are models. They have the look for it, that’s for sure. Here’s the problem, though. With the exception of a mention of what Betty Grable’s character does in the early scenes, and one fashion show type scene, they don’t model. All they do it chase guys. It just seems to me that either there should have been more modeling scenes or these ladies should have had another profession.

My complaints with How to Marry a Millionaire are few, but that doesn’t mean this is a film that can be called a tour de force. With the problems that I have with this film, there is also the slight issue of pacing. Sure, it moves along at a nice pace, until it slows down and gets all “mushy and dramatic”, as one of my friends said. Truer words were never spoken, as the film comes to a near halt during that segment. Still, this is a film that most can enjoy and it is good clean fun without the affliction of today’s comedy where it apparently isn’t funny without being raunchy, mean, and/or dirty. Why not give this a shot and see what you think?

3 3/4 out of 5 stars