Mortdecai (review should go here)

As you can see by the title of this post, I was supposed to be reviewing Mortdecai in this spot. So what happened?

Theater/camera issues that caused the place to refund us (all 7 people) our money and give us a free pass for a movie in the next year (I’m saving mine for one of the big ones in the summer, rather than going back and try to watch this again).

While I was able to catch bits and pieces, I don’t feel I saw enough to give a quality review, so the review for this film will have to wait until it comes on Netflix, HBO, or DVD.

I apologize to any of you that were looking forward to hearing what I had to say about this film that has already been trashed by just about everyone that has seen it.

Trailer Thursday 1/29

It’s Trailer Thursday!!!

Someone suggested that I go back and visit the B-movie horror of the 50s and 60s. Not sure if I’m going to do that, but I can give you a shot at one of the most recognizable genre films of that era, The Blob.

Take a look at the trailer and enjoy!

 

Revisited: 300

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

One year after the famed Battle of Thermopylae, Dilios, a hoplite in the Spartan Army, begins his story by depicting the life of Leonidas I from childhood to kingship via Spartan doctrine. Dilios’s story continues and Persian messengers arrive at the gates of Sparta demanding “earth and water” as a token of submission to King Xerxes; the Spartans reply by killing and kicking the messengers into a well. Leonidas then visits the Ephors, proposing a strategy to drive back the numerically superior Persians through the Hot Gates; his plan involves building a wall in order to funnel the Persians into a narrow pass between the rocks and the sea. The Ephors consult the Oracle, who decrees that Sparta will not go to war during the Carneia. As Leonidas angrily departs, a messenger from Xerxes appears, rewarding them for their covert support.

Although the Ephors have denied him permission to mobilize Sparta’s army, Leonidas gathers three hundred of his best soldiers in the guise of his personal bodyguard; they are joined along the way by Arcadians. At Thermopylae, they construct the wall made up of stones and slain Persian scouts as mortar, angering the Persian Emissary. Stelios, an elite Spartan soldier, orders him to go back to the Persian lines and warn Xerxes after cutting off his whipping arm. Meanwhile, Leonidas encounters Ephialtes, a deformed Spartan whose parents fled Sparta to spare him certain infanticide. Ephialtes asks to redeem his father’s name by joining Leonidas’ army, warning him of a secret (goat) path the Persians could use to outflank and surround the Spartans. Though sympathetic, Leonidas rejects him since his deformity physically prevents him from properly holding his shield; this could compromise the phalanx formation. Ephialtes is enraged.

The battle begins soon after the Spartans’ refusal to lay down their weapons. Using the Hot Gates to their advantage, plus their superior fighting skills, the Spartans repel wave upon wave of the advancing Persian army. During a lull in the battle, Xerxes personally approaches Leonidas to persuade him to surrender, offering him wealth and power in exchange for his allegiance; Leonidas declines and mocks Xerxes for the inferior quality of his fanatical warriors. In response, Xerxes sends in his elite guard, the Immortals later that night. Despite some Spartans being killed, they heroically defeat the Immortals (with slight help from the Arcadians). On the second day, Xerxes sends in new waves of armies from Asia and other Persian city-states, including war elephants, to crush the Spartans once and for all, but to no avail. Meanwhile, Ephialtes defects to Xerxes to whom he reveals the secret path in exchange for wealth, luxury, and (especially) a uniform. The Arcadians retreat upon learning of Ephialtes’ betrayal, but the Spartans stay. Leonidas orders an injured but reluctant Dilios to return to Sparta and tell them of what has happened, a “tale of victory”.

In Sparta, Queen Gorgo is persuaded by the Spartan Council to send reinforcements to aid the 300. Theron, a corrupt politician, claims that he “owns” the Council and threatens the Queen, who reluctantly submits to his sexual demands in return for his help. When Theron disgraces her in front of the Council, Gorgo kills him out of rage, revealing within his robe a bag of Xerxes’ gold. Marking his betrayal, the Council unanimously agrees to send reinforcements. On the third day, the Persians, led by Ephialtes, traverse the secret path, encircling the Spartans. Xerxes’ general again demands their surrender. Leonidas seemingly kneels in submission, allowing Stelios to leap over him and kill the general. A furious Xerxes orders his troops to attack. Leonidas rises and throws his spear at Xerxes; barely missing him, the spear cuts across and wounds his face, proving the God-King’s mortality. Leonidas and the remaining Spartans fight to the last man until they finally succumb to an arrow barrage.

Dilios, now back at Sparta, concludes his tale before the Council. Inspired by their King’s sacrifice, the Persians will now face a larger Greek army 40,000 strong, led by 10,000 Spartans. After one final speech commemorating the 300, Dilios, now head of the Spartan Army, leads them into battle against the Persians across the fields of Plataea, ending the film.

REVIEW:

Sword and sandal epics are a dime a dozen, especially if you go back to the mid-late 60s or so. Those things came out like every weekend. In order to stand out in a genre that is clouded with masterpieces, flops, and mediocrity, something innovative must be done. Does 300 do this? I don’t know about all that, but one thing is for certain, it does have a unique look.

What is this about?

In a conflict pitting the ancient Greeks against the Persians in 480 B.C., Spartan King Leonidas leads his small band of 300 soldiers against an army of more than 1 million during the Battle of Thermopylae.

What did I like?

Elegant in its simplicity. Please don’t go into this film with any kind of expectations for an epic story, because it is just not there. While it is based on actual events from history, the true source material for this film is a comic book that took liberties with those facts. Does that make this a bad film? No, for someone like me, taking out all the drama and exposition in favor of action was a brilliant decision. Others may feel the opposite, so it is a matter of personal opinion.

Distinctive look. Despite your stance on the plot, you cannot deny that this flick has a distinctive look. Well, it did at the time it was released. Now it has been copied to death, much like the bullet time effect from The Matrix. What do I think of the look? Well, the fact that is not in full color, but rather some sepia tones and red is an interesting choice. Given the graphic nature of this film, though, it works very well, not to mention puts you in the mindset of watching the comic on screen.

The Butler. Gerard Butler is an actor that perplexes me. In all the action films I’ve seen him in, he seems to be a perfect fit (this includes the much reviled Gamer). However, I think this was the last action film he did before he went to rom-coms. I’m not saying the guy shouldn’t branch out, but every one of those films just felt like he was itching to do something more. Eventually he did get back into action with one of those movies about the White House being taken over that came out last year or the year before. I forgot which one he was in. At any rate, Butler as King Leonidas deliver a performance that is, well worthy of a king. He is eloquent and moving in his speech, showing that he is indeed a great actor, but also kicks ass in the fighting scenes.

What didn’t I like?

Queen. A king must have a queen. This is why we have Lena Headey. For her role, she does a decent job. I’ve never really been a fan of her, even today when I watch Game of Thrones, though. If I recall, she isn’t a major factor in the books, which means that some screenwriter beefed up her role to give us a strong female character. Ok, that would be fine, except for the fact that she in the only female character, save for some whores and concubines the Persians have. So, why do this? Just cast some random hot chick to fawn all over Butler as his doting queen and save the powerful women for the sequel. This is not a film aimed at women, at least in that way, so no real reason to attempt to give them someone to relate to, I’m sorry.

Sparta = Scotland. I don’t know what it is with me and accents, but I have to point this out. Gerard Butler uses his natural Scottish accent as the king of Sparta, a country in Greece. I could overlook that, except none of the other Spartans spoke with the same accent. I think Michael Fassbender’s character might have had his Irish come out, but I think he was doing his American, like everybody else. The Spartans weren’t the only one with accent issues. Over on the Persian side, Xerxes has a vaguely Hispanic accent, while the other are a gumbo of everything from British to ebonics. If nothing else, you major characters should agree on the dialect, right?

Darkness falls. This is a dark film. Not because of the subject matter, but because of the lighting…or lack thereof. Throw in the way they decided to use color and it makes it very hard to know what is going on. I can imagine that this looked even worse sitting in theaters with 3D glasses on. Should the darkness be taken away? No, this is a war film, after all, but I do think turning the brightness up a hair would help.

Much has been said about 300 since its release. Some good and some bad. I find that you either love or hate this movie. What side am I on? I love it! The action, the sword and sandal epicness, the blood…all come together to make a fun watch. Is this a film for everyone? No, not by a longshot, but for the audience that this appeals to, we will all love and enjoy it. Give it a shot and see which side you fall on!

4 out of 5 stars

The Living Daylights

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

James Bond—Agent 007—is assigned to aid the defection of a KGB officer, General Georgi Koskov, covering his escape from a concert hall in Bratislava, Czechoslovakia during the orchestra’s intermission. During the mission, Bond notices that the KGB sniper assigned to prevent Koskov’s escape is a female cellist from the orchestra. Disobeying his orders to kill the sniper, he instead shoots the rifle from her hands, then uses the Trans-Siberian Pipeline to smuggle Koskov across the border into Austria and then on to Britain.

In his post-defection debriefing, Koskov informs MI6 that the KGB’s old policy of Smiert Spionom, meaning Death to Spies, has been revived by General Leonid Pushkin, the new head of the KGB. Koskov is later abducted from the safe-house and assumed to have been taken back to Moscow. Bond is directed to track down Pushkin in Tangier and kill him in order to forestall further killings of agents and escalation of tensions between the Soviet Union and the West. Although Bond’s prior knowledge of Pushkin initially leads him to doubt Koskov’s claims, he agrees to carry out the mission when he learns that the assassin who killed 004 (as depicted in the pre-title sequence) left a note bearing the same message, “Smiert Spionom.”

Bond returns to Bratislava to track down the cellist, Kara Milovy. He determines that Koskov’s entire defection was staged, and that Milovy is actually Koskov’s girlfriend. Bond convinces Milovy that he is a friend of Koskov’s and persuades her to accompany him to Vienna, supposedly to be reunited with him. Meanwhile, Pushkin meets with arms dealer Brad Whitaker in Tangier, informing him that the KGB is cancelling an arms deal previously arranged between Koskov and Whitaker.

During his brief tryst with Milovy in Vienna, Bond meets his MI6 ally, Saunders, who discovers a history of financial dealings between Koskov and Whitaker. As he leaves their meeting, Saunders is killed by Necros (Koskov and Whitaker’s henchman), who again leaves the message “Smiert Spionom.”

Bond and Milovy promptly leave for Tangier, where Bond confronts Pushkin. Pushkin disavows any knowledge of “Smiert Spionom”, and reveals that Koskov is evading arrest for embezzlement of government funds. Bond and Pushkin then join forces and Bond fakes Pushkin’s assassination, inducing Whitaker and Koskov to progress with their scheme. Meanwhile, Milovy contacts Koskov, who tells her that Bond is actually a KGB agent and convinces her to drug him so he can be captured.

Koskov, Necros, Milovy, and the captive Bond fly to a Soviet air base in Afghanistan—part of the Soviet war in Afghanistan—where Koskov betrays Milovy and imprisons her along with Bond. The pair escape and in doing so free a condemned prisoner, Kamran Shah, leader of the local Mujahideen. Bond and Milovy discover that Koskov is using Soviet funds to buy a massive shipment of opium from the Mujahideen, intending to keep the profits with enough left over to supply the Soviets with their arms.

With the Mujahideen’s help, Bond plants a bomb aboard the cargo plane carrying the opium, but is spotted and has no choice but to barricade himself in the plane. Meanwhile the Mujahideen attack the air base on horseback and engage the Soviets in a gun battle. During the battle, Milovy drives a jeep into the back of the plane as Bond takes off, and Necros also leaps aboard at the last second. After a struggle, Bond throws Necros to his death and deactivates the bomb. Bond then notices Shah and his men being pursued by Soviet forces. He re-activates the bomb and drops it out of the plane and onto a bridge, blowing it up and helping Shah and his men gain an important victory over the Soviets. Bond returns to Tangier to kill Whitaker, as Pushkin arrests Koskov, sending him back to Moscow.

Some time later, Milovy is the lead cellist in a known London performance, her music career solidified by newfound cooperation between the British government and the Soviets providing Kara with travel expenses and allowing her to perform in both countries. After her performance, Bond surprises her in her dressing room and they romantically share their mutual success together.

REVIEW:

A new era in the James Bond franchise is upon me, as Roger Moore steps down and Timothy Dalton takes on the mantle of the suave superspy in The Living Daylights. Will this change affect the character? What about the tone of the film? How will this be received? Let’s find out!

What is this about?

In this turbo-charged action-adventure, suave superspy James Bond is tasked with protecting a Soviet general from a beautiful sniper.

What did I like?

Music makes the world go ’round. As a musician, I will always be more critical and notice things having to do with music than the common movie viewer. The Bond films are well-known for the opening themes and the unmistakable James Bond motif, but this film also throws in a bit of class. You can’t have a Bond girl who is a cello player without having her playing some Mozart, can you? I just can’t see a world-renown musician of her caliber playing some hair band hit on her instrument, even if it might have sounded cool.

Time for a change. Roger Moore was nearly 60 when A View to a Kill was finished, and it showed. The man gave us I believe 7 films over 12 years, so he earned his rest. With a new Bond comes new ways to write for the actor. Take for instance when David Tennant left Doctor Who and was replaced with Matt Smith, who has now been replaced with Peter Capaldi. All have different interpretations of the same character, but each is their own, separate entity. Timothy Dalton, who is going for a darker, more realistic Bond is a far cry from Roger Moore, but perhaps that is what’s needed.

Go go gadget. Bond is known for his gadgetry, but in the films that I’ve seen, they haven’t really been a big part of the film, save for submarine Lotus in The Spy Who Loved Me. While nothing as grand as that appears in this picture, we do get to see a few more of the gadgets and gizmos than I believe we have seen before, which is a big plus for me.

What didn’t I like?

Moneypenny. This is the first film in the franchise to feature a new actress as Ms. Moneypenny. I can’t really say that I like her or not, based on her performance, but I can say that I am not a fan of what they have done, or not done with her character. In the previous films, she had a flirtatious relationship with 007, but here everything is business. WTF?!?

Climax. In the supposed climax, a confrontation with Bond and Whitaker, one would expect there to have been some sort of long, exciting battle, complete with witty repartee and such, right? Wrong! What we get is a few shots, gas, a statue falling down, and some more shots. Seriously, how is this the climax? The stuff with opium was more exciting!!!

Ho-hum. I was warned that Timothy Dalton’s Bond films weren’t going to appeal to me, but I at least thought this would be interesting. I had to catch myself twice from falling asleep! Dalton just doesn’t do it for me as a Bond. I think he does his best work as a villain, anyway. Perhaps the next film will change my mind.

Final verdict on The Living Daylights? It is a definite departure from the Roger Moore era 007. We get a darker Bond, more realistic plot, and the return of the Aston Martin. Does this make this a good film? No, but it doesn’t hurt. What does hurt, though, is the fact that there is no real excitement in this picture. For a good chunk of it, things just seem to be going along with no rhyme or reason. How can the audience get invested in that? With that in mind, I cannot recommend this, unless you are a completest who must see all the films in the franchise.

3 out of 5 stars

Winter’s Tale

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1895, a young immigrant couple is refused entry into Manhattan because they have consumption. When their infant son is not allowed entry to the country without them, the couple place him in a model sailboat named “City of Justice,” in which the baby floats to the New York City shoreline.

In 1916, the baby boy has grown up to become Peter Lake (Colin Farrell), a thief raised by a supernatural demon posing as the gangster Pearly Soames (Russell Crowe). Peter is marked for death when he decides to leave Pearly’s gang. In a confrontation, he is rescued by a mysterious (winged at times) white horse, his guardian angel. Although Peter hopes to move to Florida and come back in the summer, the horse encourages him to steal from one last mansion. The mansion is the home where Beverly Penn lives, a young woman dying of consumption, whose fever is so high she sleeps outside in a tent in the winter cold. While her publisher father Isaac, and younger sister Willa, are not home, Beverly discovers Peter Lake preparing to rob the house. When Peter assures her that he no longer wishes to commit robbery, Beverly offers to make him a cup of tea. They tell each other their stories and fall in love.

Pearly orders his men to Beverly’s home, believing that saving her is Peter’s “miracle” and spiritual destiny and that he can destroy Peter by preventing it. Peter rescues Beverly from being knifed by Pearly, and they escape to the Lake of the Coheeries, where Pearly, who is supernaturally limited to the five boroughs of New York, cannot follow. Peter meets Beverly’s family at their summer home and wins their respect. While on a walk, Beverly explains to Peter that everyone is born with a miracle inside, where they are ultimately destined to become stars when they die.

Pearly asks the devil, Lucifer (Will Smith), for access to the lake home, but his request is denied. Instead, Pearly, who refers to himself as a Knight among Lucifer’s angels, calls in a debt owed to him by another of Lucifer’s angels. At a ball, a man poisons Beverly’s drink. When Peter and Beverly return home from the ball, Peter watches the shadows she casts upon the sides of her lighted tent, joins her, and the two make love. Her pulse racing ever faster due to the poison her heart, she dies.

After the funeral, as Peter and his mysterious white Horse return to the city, Pearly and his men surround them on the Brooklyn Bridge. To save its life, Peter orders his mysterious winged Horse to fly away, and Pearly gives Peter five vicious head-butts, pushing him off the bridge. Peter miraculously survives but wanders around the city with amnesia for a century, drawing chalk art of a red-headed girl on the pavements.

In 2014, the century old, but not physically aged, Peter bumps into a girl named Abby and meets her mother, Virginia Gamely. He rediscovers the brass name plate of the “City of Justice,” the toy sailboat his parents placed him in. Peter then discovers the Theatre of the Coheeries, founded by Isaac who has dedicated it to Beverly. He goes to the Isaac Penn Reading Room where Virginia works, and she helps him get his memory back using historical photographs archived at the library. While there, he meets Beverly’s now elderly sister Willa (Eva Marie Saint), who is the boss of Virginia’s newspaper. Abby has a seizure, revealing that she has cancer. Realizing that Abby, who is wearing a red scarf (like his sketches) and has red hair, not Beverly, is his “miracle” and spiritual destiny, Peter convinces Virginia that he can save Abby.

When Pearly learns that Peter is still alive and with Virginia, he is so enraged that he gives up his immortality for a chance to destroy him. Pearly and his men arrive at Virginia’s apartment, causing Peter and Virginia to flee to the rooftop with Abby. The mysterious winged horse flies them to the Lake of the Coheeries, but Pearly, now mortal, can pursue Peter beyond the Five Burroughs. After Horse dispatches Pearly’s men by crashing the ice so they all drown, Peter and Pearly engage in a fistfight and Peter stabs Pearly with the name plate from the “City of Justice.” Pearly turns to snow, and Peter is able to save Abby on the princess bed after his tear falls on her.

After visiting Beverly’s grave one last time, Peter mounts the horse to be carried away to the stars

REVIEW:

Sunday, I was surfing YouTube and across a few “worst of 2014” lists. Winter’s Tale was one most of those lists, but still looked interesting to me. Just like a curious cat, I had to see and hope I haven’t made a huge mistake.

What is this about?

Mark Helprin’s novel provides the basis for this film starring Colin Farrell as a thief who breaks into an ill girl’s home and then falls for her. As the action shifts between past and present, the burglar also acquires a flying-horse guardian angel.

What did I like?

Eat Crowe. Russell Crowe is not an actor that I will go out of my way to see. The guy just doesn’t impress me, I’m sorry. However, it is nice to see that the guy is getting a bit of a career resurgence. There was a time where he sort of fell off the radar. I think that was after a recording of him having some sort of meltdown, though. Also, it appears that Crowe is getting back into shape and not letting “age weight” take over.

Feelings. Much has been made of me and my lack of feelings and emotions. Hey, I’m proud of the “giant black hole where I should have a heart”, as it doesn’t cloud my judgment, theoretically. That being said, I can tell when something is supposed to be all about the “feels”, and this picture seems to scream that it wants you to turn into a ball of tears after at least 3 or 4 scenes, not to mention all the romantic elements. While this is not the kind of thing I go for, there is audience out there for it, and this film appeals to them implicitly.

Fantasy. Time travel. Flying horses. Angels and demons. Immortality. These are elements that appeal to me, as they fall in with the fantasy element that I am more interested in. While taking a backseat to the serious drama of the plot, these elements keep those watching that aren’t doing so for the love story, interested.

What didn’t I like?

Pick your genre. Mixing genres is something that works nine times out of ten, but when it doesn’t, boy howdy is it a flop. This film tries to mix to serious, romantic drama elements with a fantasy subplot. On their own, these elements work, but interspersed, not so much. I cannot tell you why, though. Perhaps it is because so much time is spent on the drama that the fantasy seems tacked on as a way to bring in a male audience. Maybe it is because the use of CG made it seem as if the flying horse or Will Smith as Lucifer, yes I said Will Smith as Lucifer, were nothing more than some sort of hallucination. At any rate, someone dropped the ball in blending these together, and the result is this film that doesn’t quite get a solid footing in either genre.

Saint Eva Marie. I hate to say this, but I actually thought Eva Marie Saint was dead. Who is Eva Marie Saint? Well, I know her best from North By Northwest, which might be her biggest claim to fame, but I could be wrong. This woman has to be in her 80s or 90s, which is the right age for the character, but one has to wonder what grave they dug her out from. Actually, I take that back, for the small scene she’s in, she gives a good performance, just hate that they dragged her out for a couple of scenes and then sent her back to wherever she came from.

Big names, small roles. Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe are the pro- and antagonist for this film. Both are A-list stars, I think we would all agree on, right? Well, there are a couple of other big name stars in here that have actual parts, not cameos, but leave you scratching your head as to why they are there in such a small, meaningless role. First, there is Will Smith. When was the last time he played a bad guy? The closest that I can think of is Hancock, so maybe this was just his way of testing the waters to see if people would accept him on the other side of the law (audiences will need to if that Suicide Squad flick is going to work). He has two scenes, and in one he gets mad and we see some bad CGI teeth, which again make you wonder why? The other big star is Jennifer Connelly. Her character makes sense in the grand scheme of things, but with such a small part of the film, it makes you wonder how much she liked this material, if the casting director got lucky when they called her, or if she owed someone a favor. There is no reason to cast someone as major as Connelly in this role when an up and coming actress such as Ginnifer Goodwin, for example, would have worked just as well. Maybe I’m just being nitpicky, though.

About 15 minutes into Winter’s Tale, I knew this wasn’t for me, but I was hoping something would change my mind. It didn’t, though. I will say that this doesn’t deserve to be one of the worst films of 2014, at least of the films that I saw. I would say it is teetering on the bottom half, but not down there. Final verdict? There is an audience for this film and it consists of hopeless romantics and Colin Ferrell fans. For everyone else this is a complete snoozefest. Your best bet is to avoid it, if you can.

2 3/4 out of 5 stars

The Golden Child

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In a temple in an unknown location in northeastern Tibet, a young boy with mystical abilities — the Golden Child — receives badges of station and demonstrates his power to the monks of the temple by reviving a dead bird, which becomes a constant companion. However, a band of villains led by a mysterious man, Sardo Numspa (Charles Dance), breaks into the hidden temple, slaughters the monks and abducts the boy.

Some time afterwards, a young woman named Kee Nang (Charlotte Lewis) watches a Los Angeles TV show in which social worker Chandler Jarrell (Eddie Murphy) talks about his latest case, a missing girl named Cheryll Mosley. She seeks him out the next day and informs him of the kidnapping of the Golden Child and that he is the ‘Chosen One’ who would save the Child. Chandler does not take this seriously, even after the astral form of the Child and his bird familiar begin following him.

Soon Cheryll Mosley is found, dead from blood loss, near an abandoned house smeared with Tibetan graffiti and a pot full of blood-soaked oatmeal. Kee Nang reveals to him that this house was a holding place for the Child and introduces Chandler to Doctor Hong, a mystic expert, and Kala (a creature half dragon, half woman, who remains hidden behind a screen). The three track down a motorcycle gang, the Yellow Dragons, which Cheryll had joined, and Chinese restaurant owner Tommy Tong, a henchman of Numspa, to whom Cheryll had been ‘sold’ for her blood, used to make the Child vulnerable to earthly harm. Tong, however, is killed by Numspa as a potential traitor. Still not taking the case too seriously, Chandler is drawn by Numspa—whom Chandler begins to continuously call “Numsy”—into a controlled dream, where he receives a burn mark on his arm. Numspa also presents his demands: the Ajanti Dagger (a mystic weapon which is capable of killing the Golden Child) in exchange for the boy. Chandler finally agrees to help, and he and Kee Nang spend the night together.

Chandler and Kee travel to Tibet, where Chandler is apparently swindled by an old amulet seller, who is revealed as the High Priest of the temple where the dagger is kept hidden and, subsequently, Kee’s father (Chandler calls him “Monty Hall” or “Monty”). In order to obtain the blade, Chandler has to pass a test: an obstacle course in a bottomless cavern whilst carrying a glass of water without spilling a drop. With luck and wits, Chandler recovers the blade and even manages to bring it past customs into the United States.

Numspa and his henchmen attack Chandler and Kee. The Ajanti Dagger is lost to the villains, and Kee takes a crossbow bolt meant for Chandler, and dies in his arms confessing her love for him. Doctor Hong and Kala offers him hope, for as long as the sun shines upon Kee, the Child might be able to save her. Driven now by a personal motive, Chandler — with the help of the Child’s familiar — locates Numspa’s hideout, and retrieves the dagger with the help of Til, one of Numspa’s men converted to good by the Child, and frees the boy. But when Chandler attempts to confront Numspa, the latter reveals his true face as a demon from hell. Chandler and the Child escape the hideout, only to be tracked down by the demon in a warehouse. Chandler loses the dagger when the warehouse collapses, but Sardo is buried under a chunk of falling masonry. Chandler and the Child escape and head to Doctor Hong’s shop where Kee is being kept.

As the two approach Kee’s body, a badly injured but berserk Numspa attacks Chandler but the amulet the Old Man sold Chandler blasts the dagger from Numspa’s hand. The Child uses his magic to place the dagger back into Chandler’s hands, and Chandler pierces Numspa through the heart with it, destroying him. The Child then uses the last ray of sunlight and his powers to bring Kee back from the dead. As the movie ends, the three take a walk discussing the Child’s return to Tibet and (as Chandler jokingly suggests) the boy’s prospective fame as a stage magician.

REVIEW:

There seemed to be a point where action films could not be successful without an Asian child in the cast. Following in that tradition, we have The Golden Child, a forgotten Eddie Murphy flick that many assume it part of the Beverly Hills Cop franchise.

What is this about?

A fast-talking L.A. social worker goes through a series of traps and terrors to find a kidnapped Tibetan child with mystical powers.

What did I like?

Melting pot. They say that America is a melting pot of all races, creeds, colors, and religions (despite the fact that if you are something different from “the norm” you live in fear of the out of control cops). In a way, this film mirrors that mixture. It has elements of action, romance, drama, sci-fi, comedy, and fantasy. Not only that, but it mixes them in such a way that all are given ample screen to make them effective in the long term and not give the short end of the stick to the other genres. That, my friends, is good writing.

Charlotte’s web. There have been some truly beautiful women to grace the Silver Screen. Many have gone to be recognized as the total goddesses they are, and others have appeared in a film or two, only to then fade into obscurity. In this film, we have Charlotte Lewis, a total vision of beauty, who I think did stick around for a while, but this was her biggest project. Not only does she command the audience’s attention with her looks, but her character is intriguing. Not exactly one of those characters that dwells in the gray areas, we still wonder what her intentions are and what her relationship with Eddie Murphy’s character will ultimately turn into.

A Lannister always repays his debts. Any Game of Thrones fans out there? For many of the “older” actors and actresses on that show, we can be certain that they had a career, albeit not exactly the most stellar, before joining the cast. I was surprised to see Charles Dance, perhaps better known as Tywin Lannister, appear in this film. Again he is playing a diabolical villain, and he does it so well. Thing is, much like many of our favorite villains from the 80s, there is a higher power pulling his strings that we never see, but that doesn’t make him any less evil. Whilst keeping his cool, he manages to get into Murphy’s head and play mind games as he sleeps, as well as leave a mark on his arm. It isn’t until the climax that the guy loses it and shows his true colors. Personally, I would have liked for him to show more evil power, but you can’t deny this guy has a talent for bringing bad guys to life on the screen.

What didn’t I like?

Cop or not. The whole time I’m watching this film, I can’t help but wonder if this was originally meant to be Beverly Hills Cop II, the next 48 Hours, or something along those lines. I say this because of Eddie Murphy. Look, we all know this was the time when Murphy was at his best, but looking back at his films, he seems to be very one-dimensional. His characters all seems to be carbon copies of each other, at least the cops do. The same goes for this detective-type person he in this film. The only different between him and Axel Foley is that he seems to be more mature, but they still both crack jokes at every opportunity. I would have just liked to have seen more of a line a delineation between this guy and other in the similar field which Murphy has played.

Blue herring. The Golden Child is such a non-character in this film, he might as well have been a red herring, except that we actually see him, so let’s call him a blue herring, shall we? Nothing against the kid, he did what he had to do and I’m just fine with that, but to make such a fuss over him and then to not use him for anything more than some parlor tricks? What fun was that? Honestly, its like Murphy’s character say in the last scenes, maybe he should be a magician. They way they treat him in this film, he might as well have been. If he was the one meant to save the world, or whatever, I hardly believe they wouldn’t send more than just some random private dick to fetch him.

Behind the screen. A mysterious mystical woman behind a screen, and because this is some Asian stuff, surely she’s either old or not human. Well, she is revealed, but I won’t spoil what she is. I will take a couple of moments to say that for someone as wise and, I’m assuming, powerful, she sure was forgotten quickly after the reveal. I mean, as soon as the screen is removed, we see her for a couple of seconds, and that’s it. She’s never heard from again. Seems to me she would have at least had a few words to say about being revealed, but I guess I’m wrong.

The Golden Child is one of those pictures that Netflix just won’t stop bugging me about. I finally took the time to give it a go this afternoon and must say that I wasn’t disappointed in the outcome. Now, that is not to say that this is a cinematic masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a fun little watch. Try pairing it with Big Trouble in Little China, which coincidentally, was directed by the man who was set to direct this picture. Do I recommend it? Yes, what harm can it do to watch a fun film? Just don’t expect anything life changing.

3 1/2 out of stars

I, Frankenstein

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1795, Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Aden Young) creates a monster (Aaron Eckhart), a soulless creature patched together from corpses, and then rejects it. In a fit of rage, the creature kills Victor’s wife Elizabeth (Virginie Le Brun) and Victor chases it to the Arctic to get revenge, but succumbs to the weather. The creature buries his creator and is then attacked by demons before being rescued by the gargoyles Ophir (Mahesh Jadu) and Keziah (Caitlin Stasey), who bring it before the gargoyle queen Leonore (Miranda Otto) and their commander Gideon (Jai Courtney). Leonore explains that they were created by the Archangel Michael to battle demons on Earth and protect humanity. They name the creature “Adam” and invite him to join them, but he declines and departs after being given blade-like weapons that allow him to “descend” demons (destroying their bodies and trapping their souls in Hell) as they have the symbol of the Gargoyle Order carved on them.

Throughout the centuries, Adam fends off the demons that pursue him. During a modern-day confrontation at a nightclub, a human police officer is killed. While Adam is summoned by the gargoyles once more, the demon Helek (Steve Mouzakis) reports that Adam is alive to his leader, the demon-prince Naberius (Bill Nighy), who is disguised as billionaire businessman Charles Wessex, and his right-hand man, Dekar (Kevin Grevioux). Wessex has employed scientist Terra Wade (Yvonne Strahovski) to conduct experiments with reanimated corpses, and sends a group of demons led by his most formidable warrior, Zuriel (Socratis Otto), to attack the gargoyles’ cathedral and capture Adam so he can unlock the secret to giving life.

Before Leonore can punish Adam for the police officer’s death, the cathedral is attacked, and Adam convinces Ophir to release him. In the ensuing battle, a number of gargoyles, including Ophir and Keziah, are “ascended” (returned to and trapped in Heaven) while Leonore is captured and brought to an abandoned theater. Adam and Gideon head there where Gideon exchanges Leonore for Victor Frankenstein’s journal, containing the secrets of the experiment. Adam follows Zuriel to the Wessex Institute, where he learns that Naberius plans to recreate Frankenstein’s experiment and create thousands of reanimated corpses as the souls of the descended demons will be able to return from Hell if they have soulless bodies to possess. Adam retrieves the journal and escapes and later confronts Terra before they are attacked by Zuriel. Adam manages to “descend” Zuriel.

Adam warns the remaining gargoyles of Naberius’ plan and Lenore sends Gideon to kill him and retrieve the journal. After a violent fight, Adam is forced to “ascend” Gideon and then decides to burn Frankenstein’s journal and destroy its secrets before the gargoyles come after him. Adam evades them, leading them to the Wessex Institute where they join battle with Naberius’ demons, descending Dekar early in the fight. While the battle progresses, Adam ventures into the Institute to rescue Terra, who had been kidnapped by Naberius, who takes his true demonic form and activates the machine. Naberius overpowers Adam, and tries to have one of the demon spirits possess him, but Adam proves immune as he has grown his own soul. As the gargoyles attempt to stop the reanimated demons, Adam carves the symbol of the Gargoyle Order on Naberius, sanctifying his very body and utterly destroying it, descending Naberius alongside all the other demons in his army, and causing the entire building to collapse.

Recognizing Adam’s bravery, Leonore rescues him and Terra and forgives Adam for Gideon’s death. Adam retrieves his weapons. After bidding farewell to Terra, Adam departs to begin an immortal quest to protect the humans of the world and hunt demons for selfless reasons, the attitude that had earned him his soul in the first place. In so doing, he embraces his role and his true name of “Frankenstein”.

REVIEW:

In the 40s and 50s, monster movies were all the rage because people wanted to be scared and it didn’t take much. Today, for a monster movie to work it has to be deep, dark, complex, etc. As I said in my review of Dracula Untold, there is a rumor of a rebooted monster universe on the horizon. I’m not quite sure if I, Frankenstein will fit in there, but supposedly it has the ball rolling.

What is this about?

Adam Frankenstein is still hunted decades after his creation, although now his pursuers are opposing demons seeking the mystery of his longevity.

What did I like?

Bill Nighy, the evil guy. I was just thinking, lately Bill Nighy has been taking nice guy roles, which he has been doing fine in, but he does so much better as the villain. If I’m not mistaken, his last big screen villainous role was Davy Jones in the Pirates of Caribbean franchise. As evil as an undead pirate who trades shipwrecked sailors’ lives for time working on his ship, as well as his own control over the Kraken, I don’t think that compares to the evils of being a demon prince. Granted, we don’t really seem him do much more than be the head of a company for most of the film, but there is just something about the way he carries himself and commands your attention that lets the audience know at a moment’s notice, this guy could rain down hellfire.

Action. The selling point of this flick is the action. After the opening flashback and once the film gets going we are enthralled in a major action scene with angels(gargoyles) and demons fighting each other. Once the monster joins in, you know there will be death, blood, and destruction. Well, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Nomenclature. A common mistake that is made is what to call the monster. He is not Frankenstein, that is the scientist’s name. The creature is simply known as Frankenstein’s monster. In this film, the Gargoyle queen gives him the name Adam, which seems to have stuck.

What didn’t I like?

Angels and Demons. Someone please tell me what Frankenstein has to do with gargoyles and demons, because I am still trying to figure it out. All of a sudden, after 200 years oh hiding, he becomes a demon hunter. Is there any reason behind this? No, not really. It isn’t like they know hot to make him forget the wrongs he’s done in the past, such as kill Frankenstein’s wife. I applaud them fir giving him a chance, but this was just an element that left me scratching my head.

Why the hate? As one can imagine, there is a bit of hate and vitriol towards Adam. Thing is, it isn’t coming from the demons. They seem to just be doing the their jobs. It is the head of the Gargoyle security, Gideon, that is a hater. Why is this? He says it is because Adam is an unnatural being that was not created by God, so he must be destroyed, but why? Aren’t all creatures to be loved? I guess I just felt his anger as a cheap plot point that allowed Jai Courtney to be the dick that this character asked for.

Pretty fly for a dead guy. I’m sorry, but when I think of Frankenstein’s monster, the first thing that pops in my head is a hideously deformed creature spliced and stitched together, as I’m sure most people do. So, who was it that thought having good looking guy like Aaron Eckhart, with some stitches and scars on is a “realistic” attempt to convince the audience that…oh, who am I kidding? The reason they did this was to have a marketable name on the marquis and bring in the ladies. I don’t believe it worked.

Final verdict on I, Frankenstein? Well, it tries, I’ll give it that. The problem is that it takes itself too seriously. By all accounts, this should be a fun action-horror flick with some comedic elements  thrown in, but instead they took this material and tried to make it dark and brooding at a time when audiences are getting past dark and brooding and want fun and action packed. This was a good afternoon flick to watch, but it is something I’ll have forgotten come this time tomorrow. My recommendation, give it a shot, if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Trailer Thursday 1/22

It’s Trailer Thursday!!!

This week, let’s go back and take a look at one of the first (and biggest) films of my favorite sex symbol from the 60s, Jayne Mansfield, Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?

I’m just going to let the trailer speak for this cheesy 60s goodness!

The Lego Movie

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the Lego universe, the wizard Vitruvius attempts to protect a superweapon called the “Kragle” from the evil Lord Business. He fails to do so, but prophesies that a person called “the Special” will find the Piece of Resistance capable of stopping the Kragle.

Eight and a half years later, a construction worker named Emmet Brickowski comes across a woman named Wyldstyle, who searches for something after hours at Emmet’s construction site. When he investigates, Emmet falls into a hole and finds the Piece of Resistance. Compelled to touch it, Emmet experiences vivid visions and passes out. He awakens with the Piece of Resistance attached to his back in the custody of Bad Cop, Business’ lieutenant. There, Emmet learns of Business’ plans to freeze the world with the Kragle, a tube of Krazy Glue with the label partially rubbed out. Wyldstyle rescues Emmet, believing him to be the Special, and takes him to meet Vitruvius. Emmet learns that she and the wizard are Master Builders—people capable of building anything they need without instruction manuals—who oppose Business’ attempts to suppress their creativity. Though disappointed to find Emmet is not a Master Builder, Wyldstyle and Vitruvius are convinced of his potential when he recalls visions of a humanoid deity called “the Man Upstairs”.

Emmet, Wyldstyle, and Vitruvius evade Bad Cop’s forces with the aid of Batman. They attend a council of Master Builders, who are unimpressed with Emmet and refuse to fight Business. Bad Cop’s forces attack and capture everyone except for Emmet and a few others. Emmet devises a team plan to infiltrate Business’ headquarters and disarm the Kragle. However, he and his allies are captured and imprisoned, and Vitruvius is killed by Lord Business, who sets his headquarters to self-destruct and leaves everyone to die. Vitruvius reveals he made up the prophecy as he dies, but soon reappears to Emmet as a ghost and tells him it is his self-belief that makes him the Special. Strapped to the self-destruct mechanism’s battery, Emmet flings himself off the edge of the universe and saves his friends. Inspired by Emmet’s sacrifice, Wyldstyle rallies the Lego people across the universe to use whatever creativity they have to build machines and weapons to fight Business’ forces.

Emmet finds himself in the real world, where the events of the story are being played out in a basement by a boy, Finn, on his father’s Lego set. The father—revealed as “the Man Upstairs”—chastises his son for ruining the set by creating hodgepodges of different playsets, and proceeds to permanently glue his perceived perfect creations together. Realizing the danger his friends are in, Emmet wills himself to move and gains Finn’s attention. Finn returns Emmet and the Piece of Resistance to the set, where Emmet now possesses the powers of a Master Builder and confronts Business. Meanwhile, Finn’s father looks at his son’s creations and realizes that Finn had based the villainous Business on him. Through a speech Emmet gives Business, Finn tells his father that he is special and has the power to change everything. Finn’s father reconciles with his son, which plays out as Business having a change of heart, capping the Kragle with the Piece of Resistance, and ungluing his victims with mineral spirits. As a result of the father allowing Finn’s younger sister to join them in playing with his Lego sets, aliens from the planet Duplo beam down and announce their plans to destroy everyone.

REVIEW:

Like most kids, especially boys, I grew up playing with Legos. I think when I finally stopped playing with them, my parents and sister’s feet were the happiest since they could finally stop stepping on them. Back then, who would have ever thought that those little toys would become a feature length motion-picture that took the box office by surprise, even earning an Oscar nod (more on that later)? I’ve been poked, prodded, coerced, and every other adjective you can possibly imagine to check this out, so let’s see what I thought about it, shall we?

What is this about?

After being mistaken for the LEGO Master Builder, ordinary mini-guy Emmet is swept up in an urgent quest to thwart the evil plans of Lord Business. Emmet’s adventures include daunting challenges and hilarious missteps in this computer-animated epic.

What did I like?

Boy, what an imagination. Watching this film, two things are sure to pop in your head. First, to create all these worlds, inventions, and effects out of Legos is impressive, even going so far as using Legos for water! More importantly, though, is the second thing that may pop in your brain. This plot seems a bit juvenile in its executions. Almost as if it were being done by a little boy playing with Legos, but we find out in the end that is exactly what it is. These filmmakers made the masterful decision of bringing a child’s imagination to the big screen, and with tremendous results!

Animation. The animation in this flick is far above what it has any right to be. I say that because there are a few Lego brand animated series on television and DVD right now and they are utter crap, but to turn around and see this and you have to be taken aback. This animation is so good that at times you totally forget you’re watching Legos! Hell, I’ll go one further and say that I wished I would’ve seen this in theaters…in 3D no less (and you know that’s saying something, coming from me!!!)

Nothing is safe. These days Lego playsets can be anything from the Batcave, to the Wild West, to Mordor, to NY City, and all points between and beyond. This film takes note of that and uses it to its advantage. We get scenes with many of the most popular sets, as well as some satirical skewering of pretty much any and everyone. Here’s the thing, though. The pop culture references made throughout the film are just enough to whet your whistle, as opposed to the complete drowning that happens in films like the Shrek franchise.

What didn’t I like?

Dark moment. This is a fun movie, full of light-hearted innocence and childlike imagination, but there is one scene that is as dark as you can get. The character Lord Business has kidnapped the parents of his security chief, Bad Cop, and is about to Kragle them, but just as he is about to he changes his mind, holds Bad Cop down, erases the Good Cop side of him, and tells Bad Cop to Kragle his own parents! I remind you this is a film aimed at kids!

Live action. For all the great animation and innovation this film shows, they decide to have an extended live-action segment at the end. I can understand having a short scene showing a kid playing with Legos. That makes sense, but this went on into some father/son issues that I felt was just unnecessary. No one is watching this film to see a father and son mend fences. We want to see Lego stuffs!

Green Lantern. One of my favorite DC superheroes is Green Lantern, so I may be a little biased in saying this, but it has to be said. WTF did they do to Green Lantern in this film?!? First off, Jonah Hill as GL? What kind of bass acwards casting is that? Second, why was he so needy? I didn’t get it? When has Green Lantern ever been looked at as needy and such? If anything, this should have been Aquaman (although if you play the game Injustice: Gods Among Us you’ll see Aquaman is no joke), Cyborg, or maybe Robin/Nightwing in some mini-plot involving Batman leaving him. I know some out there probably enjoyed this, but I was not one of them.

Who would have expected that something like The Lego Movie would be such an enjoyable film, let alone be as successful as it turned out to be? I know I didn’t, but after watching this tonight, I was pleasantly surprised. All the praise and hype that has been hoisted on this picture is well-deserved. I do wonder what it would have been like had they used stop-motion Legos as opposed to CGI, but that’s a personal preference. So, what did I think of this film? Well, there is a song in the film that will be stuck in your head once you hear it and sums up everything perfectly, “Everything is Awesome.”

5 out of 5 stars

The Fast Lady

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Murdoch Troon (Stanley Baxter) is a dour Scot living and working for a local government authority somewhere in the south of London. A shy young man, his main excitement comes from cycling. After he’s forced off the road by an impatient car driver, he tracks down the owner, only to find that he is Commander Chingford (James Robertson Justice), the domineering and acerbic owner of a sportscar distributorship.

Chingford reluctantly pays for the damage to Troon’s cycle, but more significantly, Troon meets Claire (Julie Christie), Chingford’s beautiful blonde daughter. He is smitten with her and determines to buy a car so that he can take her out.

Enter Troon’s friend and fellow lodger, Freddie Fox (Leslie Phillips), a used car salesman and serial cad. He sees a chance to ingratiate himself with Chingford, and also sell Troon a car. The car is a 1927 vintage Bentley Four and a half litre engined Red Label Speed Model, painted in British Racing Green and named The Fast Lady.

Troon has his first driving lesson in a less exciting car, an Austin A40 Farina, which proves to be a comedy of disasters, with a nervous instructor (Eric Barker), but Fox then offers to teach him. The results are equally disastrous.

Unwilling to give up, and determined to prove his love for Claire, Troon bets her father that he can drive the car. An experienced racing driver, Chingford is convinced that Troon has no hope of achieving this — and bets him that he cannot.

Troon takes Chingford for a drive in the Bentley and, as expected, loses the bet. But the tables are turned when Chingford loses Troon’s counter-bet that he (Chingford) can drive back home in less than 30 minutes. He reluctantly allows Claire to go out with Troon in the car.

The day comes for Troon’s driving test. Fox has set him up with a “bent” examiner, but Troon draws the “wrong” examiner. As the test comes to an end (and the examiner is almost certainly going to fail Troon), the car is commandeered by police to chase a Jaguar car driven by escaping bank robbers. The high speed chase takes them through town and country, across a golf course (leaving in its wake, a trail of disasters) and eventually the robbers are (of course) caught. Chingford so admires his driving skill that he allows the couple to get engaged.

REVIEW:

In high school, or maybe it was college, we had a term for the, shall we say more sexual active girls (or those rumored to have been that way). They were known as fast girls. Using that knowledge, one would think that The Fast Lady is some sort of film about slutty girls in school, but that is not the case with this 60s British comedy.

What is this about?

When an angry cyclist finds the motorist who ran him off the road, he falls for the man’s daughter. Now he must reconsider his mode of transportation.

What did I like?

Driver’s ed. Remember the horror of driver’s ed back in school. Mine wasn’t that bad, I just hated driving…and still do. As an adult, I can imagine taking driver’s ed is a living hell, and yet if you move to another state I believe they make you do so to get a new license. Watching Stanley Baxter’s character go through all the rigamoro of learning how to drive and then taking the test with a very unkind instructor, let alone the pressure from his girl’s father and the unusual circumstances that occur just as the test is finishing was just a delight to watch.

Roomie. Baxter is more of the straight-laced type. All of his ducks are in a row, as they say, so you know there has to be some chaos in his life somewhere, right? Enter his housemate, a man who is a total womanizer and a car salesman. It seems more often than not, those two aspects go together. Leslie Phillips gives a character that isn’t as bad as we think. Sure, he tricks his roommate into buying the Fast Lady so that he can make a sale, but he also does everything in his power to help him out. What a guy, right?

Downtown Julie Christie. Leading the romantic aspect of this film is an up and coming actress by the name of Julie Christie, who would go on to big things following her role in Dr. Zhivago. Christie turns on the charm as the rich daughter of the antagonistic Commander Chingford, but with her looks, she didn’t really need to do that. This isn’t a meaty role, and she really is there to just look pretty, flirty, and be a daughter, but she does it very well. One would think she is the Fast Lady.

What didn’t I like?

Grumpy old man. This picture does some things right, such as cast Julie Christie in a role that was suited for her at the time and finding two leading men that have workable chemistry. When it came to find the antagonist, though, I think they just found someone who could look menacing and would go around huffing and puffing all over the place like he was the Big Bad Wolf. James Robertson Justice seems like he is a very competent actor, maybe even an accomplished Thespian, but this is a role that was either beneath him or he was just doing as a favor to someone. I felt like this character should have been more along the lines of Captain von Trapp from The Sound of Music in that he starts off gruff, but is swayed as the film progresses. This was not to be the case, though. I will say he was rather calm and collected during his drive with Baxter.

Bet on it. In most films, when men bet on circumstances involving a female, the woman in question goes off in a huff vowing to never speak to either again. Luckily, this is not a romantic comedy. Julie Christie’s character seems to embrace being the object of this bet, which seems to always be changing terms. Why is this I wonder? Some flaw in the script? A piece of info I happened to miss? Who knows?

Going somewhere? Pacing in this 95 minute flick is fairly decent, but the plot itself is what bring it down. From the start of the film, it feels as if it doesn’t know where it is going, at times feeling like a Keystone cops adventure spliced with any of the Disney car movies that were popular at the time. Personally, I think a little focus would have made this a much more enjoyable outing.

Final verdict on The Fast Lady? Well, it is enjoyable enough, but the main draws are British comedy and old cars. If you’re not into either of these, then this will not appeal to you. That being said, as a casual viewer you may get a kick out of something here and there, but over all this is just an average flick. No reason to rush and watch.

3 out of 5 stars

Revisited: RoboCop

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the near future, Detroit, Michigan, is a dystopia and on the verge of total collapse and anarchy due to financial ruin and a high crime rate, higher than any large American city. To avoid mass collapse, the city mayor has signed a deal with the mega-corporation Omni Consumer Products (OCP), allowing them to run and control the underfunded police force in exchange for giving OCP the freedom to demolish the poor run-down sections of Detroit and construct a high-end utopia called “Delta City,” to be managed by OCP as an independent city-state free of the United States. However, OCP must clean the city of crime in order for the plan to be put in effect.

This move angers the police officers as they are now forced to obey OCP instead of the city, and they threaten to strike, but OCP evaluates other options for law enforcement. OCP senior president Dick Jones (Ronny Cox) offers the prototype ED-209 enforcement droid, but when it accidentally kills a board member during a demonstration, the OCP chairman, nicknamed “The Old Man” (Dan O’Herlihy), decides to go with the experimental cyborg design titled “RoboCop” as suggested by the younger Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer). His decision disgusts Jones, who objects to the idea of a human having robotic parts.

Because a recently-deceased officer is needed for the RoboCop prototype, OCP reassigns police officers to more crime-ridden districts, expecting officers to be killed in the line of duty. One such officer is Alex J. Murphy (Peter Weller), who is teamed with Anne Lewis (Nancy Allen), a rookie police officer. On their first patrol, they chase down a gang led by the ruthless criminal Clarence Boddicker (Kurtwood Smith), tailing them to an abandoned steel mill. When Murphy and Lewis are separated, Boddicker’s gang corner him, then gun him down with shotguns.

Murphy is pronounced dead and is chosen by Morton for the RoboCop program. As RoboCop, he is given three primary directives: serve the public trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law, as well as a fourth classified directive that Morton doesn’t know of. He single-handedly and efficiently cleans Detroit of crime, and Morton is given praise for his success. This draws Jones’ anger with Morton’s plan working perfectly while Jones’s ED-209 is ridiculed. Lewis eventually discovers that RoboCop is really Murphy. Murphy experiences past events from his life and, at one point, returns to his former home, finding out that his wife and son have long since moved away, thinking that Murphy has died.

Later on, as Morton shares cocaine with two prostitutes, Boddicker arrives, forces the prostitutes to leave, then shoots Morton’s legs, crippling him. He then shows him the message from Jones, explaining that he hired the killer to execute him for going over his head and not going through the proper channels of OCP. Boddicker then places a grenade on the table and abandons the crippled executive, leaving him to die after Jones tells him he is ‘cashing him out’.

Murphy tracks down Boddicker to a cocaine factory and threatens to kill him, but Boddicker admits his affiliation with Jones, and is able to verbally trigger RoboCop’s law-abiding directive. Murphy finds he cannot kill Boddicker and arrests him instead. He approaches Jones at OCP headquarters and attempts to make an arrest, but Jones reveals he planted the hidden fourth directive that prevents Murphy from taking any action against an OCP executive. Jones explains his larger goal of taking over OCP, and confesses to Morton’s murder. Although he orders his personal ED-209 to kill Murphy, Lewis is able to help Murphy escape and takes him to the same steel mill at which he was murdered to repair himself and recover. There, Lewis learns that much of his personality still exists intact.

Meanwhile, the police force, under further duress by OCP and fearing their replacement by the RoboCop program, finally goes on strike and crime runs rampant. Boddicker regroups his gang to take out Murphy using anti-tank rifles and a tracking device provided by Jones. They converge on the steel mill, but Murphy and Lewis are able to fend off the attack and kill the gang, although Lewis is wounded. Murphy assures her that medical help is on the way, and heads back to OCP, easily destroying the ED-209 guarding Jones using one of the anti-tank rifles.

He arrives at the board room where Jones is offering his ED-209 to replace the Detroit Police Department, which is still out on strike. Murphy replays Jones’s confession, which reveals his duplicity to the board, and explains that he is unable to act against an OCP officer. Jones threatens to kill The Old Man unless he’s given a helicopter. The Old Man immediately fires Jones, which gives RoboCop clearance to kill him by shooting him out the window. The Old Man thanks RoboCop and asks for his name, to which RoboCop replies, “Murphy.”

REVIEW:

The city of Detroit has fallen on some hard times of late, but if there is one thing they haven’t lost it is that they are the city in which RoboCop was based. Ironically, this film was set in the future and now “old Detroit” resembles actual Detroit. As a staple of 80s R-rated action, this is surely worth a viewing, right? Especially since I’m not in the most pleasant of moods right now since the President has taken over the airwaves and I’m missing Agent Carter and I already missed The Flash thanks to traffic. Let’s hope this cheers me up.

What is this about?

A monolithic corporation controlling a futuristic, crime-riddled Detroit transforms a dead cop into a cybernetic law-enforcement unit called Robocop.

What did I like?

Commercials. I hate commercials. When they come on, that’s when I flip through channels. When ads pop up on YouTube, I press the skip button, or open another window and do some random surfing. However, the commercials that are interspersed throughout this film caught my attention, mainly because they are just random cutaways and the products they are advertising are just plain ridiculous, such as a Battleship-type game called “Nuke ‘Em” that the whole family can enjoy. You know, I was watching these things and started pondering whether or not this is where Cowboy Bebop got the idea for their random broadcasts.

Satire. When you look at this film, the last thing you think of is that it is a comedy, unless you count the 80s cheesiness of it, of course, but truth be told, there is so much satirical material in here that a few tweaks to the script would have totally changed its genre. For instance, the big corporation running everything was supposed to be an allegory for how “big brother” was going to look out for us in the future. Debate whether that happened or not. Some theories have compared the death and “resurrection” of Officer Murphy to Jesus. Yes, you read that right! Apparently, this was the director’s intent, going even further by having the idea of him walking through water at one point in the film symbolize Jesus’ walk on water. Of course, there are the aforementioned commercials which take consumer culture at the time and turn it on its head with how ridiculous they are. Who would have thought this little action movie would have such a message hidden underneath, right?

Hemoglobin. Ah, good ol’ 80s R-rated action flicks! There truly is nothing like them. Why? Well, just look at the death scenes! They are bloody as hell. Peter Weller’s character gets his hand shot off, then has a firing squad of shotgun shells put in him, followed by a show from a pistol, and we see all this bloody goodness. In an earlier scene, the ED-209 shoots up a guy in the office and the blood gushes like no one’s business. This is not to forget the guy at the end who crashes into a vat of toxic waste, has his skin melting and then is smashed by his bosses car. Back then this kind of stuff was allowed, and it was awesome! Today, well the fact that horror movies are rated PG-13 and don’t have killing in them most of the time, even if they are a slasher flick, should tell you something.

What didn’t I like?

Partner. The main character of this film is Peter Weller’s Robocop and he is mostly a solo act, but for some reason I wanted more from his partner. Granted, this is a woman who watched her brand new partner get brutally gunned down, and there really wasn’t much of a connection developed between them beforehand. That being said, a partner is a partner, and in the world of 80s cinema, females either have extreme compassion or develop feelings for their male counterparts, sometimes both. In Allen’s case, she does the former, but there is no reason for her to be in the film past the shooting, other than to tell Weller that his wife and kid are gone.

Wife and son. Speaking of the wife and son, we never really see them, other than in flashbacks. When Weller, as Robocop, returns to his home, they are gone, it is up for sale, and everything looks like it survived a mini house fire. What is wrong with this, you ask? Well, the duration of the film where Weller is a cyborg, he is struggling to find his humanity. What is more human that the two most important things in a man’s life? Surely, they would have helped him with that. On another point, I can’t see the wife just letting her husband’s body be donated to an experiment like this and then just packing up and leaving town, even if it is Detroit and they just moved there.

Mr. Ed. There is no bigger proponent of stop-motion animation than I, and the fact that they used this technique on a mechanical creature, the ED-209, rather than dinosaurs and mythical creatures was something that I appreciated (the dinosaur in one of the commercials is stop-motion, now that I think about it). While I appreciated it, that doesn’t mean it worked. Maybe this is just something that hasn’t stood the test of time, but there is a look to the film that is sleek and sophisticated, dare I say modern or even futuristic (for the time that this was released), and then there is ED-209, who is supposed to be even more futuristic looking, but comes off as more of a cartoon. Making matters worse is that this is supposed to be a giant killing machine that is meant to uphold the law. How can you take something like this seriously when it can’t walk down stairs without falling and then squealing like a pig? For comic relief, that was fine, but it didn’t fit in with what this thing was supposed to do.

With all the police issue going around these days, RoboCop is just what we need. I highly doubt he would have choked a guy to death for just standing there, or killed a guy who hadn’t committed a crime, or any of the other things that have been reported (and not reported) involving police and their killing the public. This is a good 80s escape film. What I mean by that is you will be transported back to the 80s when you watch this, and that isn’t a bad thing. Unfortunately, there is a remake that was released which I’m sure just defecated all over the legacy of this film, but you can never go wrong with the original! So, do I recommend this picture? Yes, very highly!

4 out of 5 stars

A View to a Kill

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

MI6 agent James Bond is sent to Siberia to locate the body of 003 and recover a microchip originating from the Soviet Union. Upon his return Q analyses the microchip, establishing it to be a copy of one designed to withstand an electromagnetic pulse and made by government contractor Zorin Industries.

Bond visits Ascot Racecourse to observe the company’s owner, Max Zorin. Zorin’s horse wins a race but proves hard to control. Sir Godfrey Tibbett, a racehorse trainer and MI6 agent, believes Zorin’s horse was drugged, although tests proved negative. Through Tibbett, Bond meets French private detective Achille Aubergine who informs Bond that Zorin is holding a horse sale later in the month. During their dinner at the Eiffel Tower, Aubergine is assassinated by Zorin’s bodyguard May Day, who subsequently escapes, despite being chased by Bond.

Bond and Tibbett travel to Zorin’s estate for the horse sale. Bond is puzzled by a woman who rebuffs him and finds out that Zorin has written her a cheque for $5 million. At night, Bond and Tibbett break into Zorin’s laboratory learning that he is implanting adrenaline-releasing devices in his horses. Zorin identifies Bond as an agent, has May Day assassinate Tibbett and attempts to have Bond killed too.

General Gogol of the KGB confronts Zorin for killing Bond without permission revealing that Zorin was initially trained and financed by the KGB, but has now gone rogue. Later, Zorin unveils to a group of investors his plan to destroy Silicon Valley which will give him—and the potential investors—a monopoly over microchip manufacture.

Bond goes to San Francisco where he learns from CIA agent Chuck Lee that Zorin could be the product of medical experimentation with steroids performed by a Nazi scientist, now Zorin’s physician Dr. Carl Mortner. He then investigates a nearby oil rig owned by Zorin and while there finds KGB agent Pola Ivanova recording conversations and her partner placing explosives on the rig. Ivanova’s partner is caught and killed, but Ivanova and Bond escape. Later Ivanova takes the recording, but finds that Bond had switched tapes, leaving her with a recording of Japanese music. Bond tracks down the woman Zorin attempted to pay off, State Geologist Stacey Sutton, and discovers that Zorin is trying to buy her family oil business.

The two travel to San Francisco City Hall to check Zorin’s submitted plans. However, Zorin is alerted to their presence and arrives, killing the Chief Geologist with Bond’s gun and setting fire to the building in order to both frame Bond for the murder and kill him at the same time. Bond and Sutton escape from the fire, but when the police try to arrest Bond, they escape in a fire engine.

Bond and Sutton infiltrate Zorin’s mine, discovering his plot to detonate explosives beneath the lakes along the Hayward and San Andreas faults, which will cause them to flood, resulting in Silicon Valley and everything within to be submerged underwater forever. A larger bomb is also in the mine to destroy a “geological lock” that prevents the two faults from moving at the same time. Once in place, Zorin and his security chief Scarpine flood the mines and kill the mine workers. Sutton escapes while Bond fights May Day; when she realises Zorin abandoned her, she helps Bond remove the larger bomb, putting the device onto a handcar and pushing it out of the mine, where it explodes, killing her.

Zorin, who had escaped in his airship with Scarpine and Mortner, abducts Sutton as Bond grabs hold of the airship’s mooring rope. Zorin tries to kill Bond, but he manages to moor the airship to the framework of the Golden Gate Bridge. Sutton attacks Zorin and in the fracas, Mortner and Scarpine are temporarily knocked out. Sutton flees and joins Bond out on the bridge, but Zorin follows them out with an axe. The ensuing fight culminates with Zorin falling to his death, whereupon Mortner attacks Bond using sticks of dynamite, but drops a stick in the cabin, blowing up the airship and killing himself and Scarpine. General Gogol awards Bond the Order of Lenin for foiling Zorin’s scheme.

REVIEW:

This is a little bittersweet for me, as we say goodbye to Roger Moore as James Bond in A View to a Kill. That’s right people, the next Bond flick will have a new actor in the lead role. Before we get to that, though, let’s see if this film lives up to the lofty standards of the 007 franchise and sends Moore out with a bang.

What is this about?

Agent 007 must stop a French industrialist aiming to corner the world’s microchip supply by triggering a massive quake in California’s Silicon Valley.

What did I like?

Duran Duran. My boss and I have been talking Bond lately and actually have had a bit of a disagreement over some of the music that has been selected for these films. He really hates the 80s stuff, saying it feels dated. This coming from a child of the 80s. Me, I like it. To me, yes it is dated, but that is what makes it so special. If this were made with today’s music, it would be crap. HAHA Seriously, though, it would probably be that dubstep stuff that gives me a headache. Thank goodness that wasn’t around when this was made and we had the greatness of Duran Duran to deliver a worthy theme that screams 80s theme song. It was the perfect choice for this film.

Aged like fine wine. When this was made, Roger Moore was getting on up there in age. Not to be mean, but it shows. However, you really cannot tell with all the action. Yes, those are stuntmen, but the point is that Bond is ageless and despite Moore’s advancing years, James bond is still able to be a kick-ass, suave spy who all the guys envy and the ladies want to be with.

Diabolical. I cannot recall a villain as diabolical as Christopher Walken’s Max Zorin that Bond has had to face. Wait, there was the one played by Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun. Excuse me for not remembering his character name at the moment. Walken gives a new brand of villain in this franchise. One that is has no regard for other lives, as shown when he is flooding the mines, which are filled with his own workers, and then proceeds to gun them down. Zorin is a villain for the changing times, as I’m sure the villains that follow him will be, as well.

What didn’t I like?

Forget the horses. What seems to be a big plot point in the first half of the film, horses achieving far beyond their potential, seems to be forgotten in the second half. Now, if you have the choice between horses on some kind of steroid or some madman who wants to destroy Silicon Valley so that he can be the only producer of microchips (in my estimation), you choose the latter. It would have been different to see something with the horses, though. It seems that every Bond flick involves world domination through technology, but what if someone used animals to accomplish this goal? Just a  thought.

One-liners. Bond is known for one liners. These add a bit of levity to these films and make them more enjoyable. At least that is what they are intended to do, but something in this film went awry. The one-liners here just don’t work or feel forced. The worst culprit comes from Walken and/or Grace Jones’ character when they are flying over the Golden Gate Bridge and are say something about it being a beautiful view…a view to a kill. *SIGH*

Young Walken. Christopher Walken is on up there in age now and, much like I did with Sean Connery, I find it weird to see his younger self. I really shouldn’t since he looks about the same as he does in Batman Returns, but for some reason it just wasn’t right to see his younger self. The guy does a fantastic job playing the evil Zorin, that’s not my issue. I just couldn’t get past the youth. Just a personal thing, I suppose.

Once again I find myself pondering whether I should continue with this franchise. A View to a Kill did nothing spectacular. It has a place in Bond lore as the last picture with Roger Moore as 007 and is considered the weakest entry in the franchise. For me, I found it average entertainment. There are ups and downs but, truth be told, I’m already starting to forget what I just watched. Do I recommend this? If you’re a Bond fan, then this obviously is a must-see. For those just looking for a random Bond flick, this isn’t the one to watch, unless you’re into mediocrity and disappointment.

3 out of 5 stars

Paddington

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the deep jungles of darkest Peru, an explorer named Montgomery Clyde locates a family of semi intelligent bears, who he realises can learn English and have a deep appetite for marmalade. He tells them they are always welcome should they wish to go to Britain. The bears, Lucy and Pastuzo, live in harmony with their nephew. One day, an earthquake strikes their home, forcing them to seek shelter underground. Pastuzo is unable to reach the shelter and disappears (Paddington retrieves his hat), and Lucy encourages her nephew to go and find solace in London while she moves into a retirement home for old bears.

The young bear reaches London but fails to find a home, until he is taken in briefly by the Brown family, who name him Paddington. Henry Brown is adamant that Paddington stay only one night while they find a place for him to live permanently. Paddington causes a series of accidents across the house which lead the family to further ostracise him. Paddington believes he can find a home with the explorer who found them, Montgomery Clyde. The Browns find out that Paddington’s hat, given to him by Pastuzo, is in fact Clyde’s hat and valuable artifact, and thus they take it to an antique store to locate Clyde.

Meanwhile, a sadistic museum taxidermist Millicent captures and stuffs exotic animals to house in the Natural History Museum. When she becomes aware of Paddington, she immediately tries to hunt him down. With the help of Mr. Brown, Paddington locates archives that reveal a series of names that match “M Clyde”, and they use phone books to track the addresses of each one. While Paddington remains home alone, Millicent, scheming with the Browns’ neighbour Reginald Curry, sneaks in and tries to capture Paddington; he inadvertently repels her, but also sets part of the house on fire. The Browns disbelieve his story of Millicent’s attempt to capture him and assume that he must move into a new home as soon as possible.

Paddington, feeling unwanted at the Browns, leaves and tries to locate Montgomery Clyde himself. When he finally locates the house, he finds out Clyde died many years ago, and that Millicent is actually his daughter – who was bitter towards her father for failing to capture a specimen of the bears he claimed to have found, an act which also granted him disdain from the museum itself. She manages to tranquillise Paddington and prepare him for stuffing, but Mr. Curry betrays her when discovering her true intentions and informs the Brown family of the events. They immediately rush to save Paddington, who is detained in the museum. They manage to rescue him, and Paddington subdues Millicent by throwing a marmalade sandwich at her, which attracts a huge flock of pigeons.

In the end, the Browns adopt Paddington into their family and Millicent is sentenced to community service at an animal shelter. Paddington writes to Aunt Lucy saying he is happy and has found a home at last.

REVIEW:

I believe it was the summer before 5th, 6th, or 7th grade that I happened across Paddington on PBS (episodes are on YouTube, if you’re curious) during my random flipping amongst the 3 or 4 channels we had. After a couple of episodes I was hooked but wouldn’t you know it that right when I got into the groove of watching it every day, it suddenly disappeared and that was the last I heard of Paddington until I saw the first trailer for Paddington. Initially, I was furious that they had made this film, considering what studios have done with other beloved characters from yesteryear, but something tells me this one is going to be different.

What is this about?

This family tale chronicles the adventures of Paddington Bear, who’s rescued at a train station and taken home by a young boy. Paddington adapts quickly to city life, but there’s an evil taxidermist in town with her eye on the lovable bruin.

What did I like?

He’s a bear. For those that haven’t figured it out yet, Paddington is a bear. What this film does with that bit of information is something that others in this sub-genre, I guess you would call it, have failed to do, and that it they made him an animal, just one that talks. What I mean by that is he has all his bear instincts and such, having been raised in the wilds of darkest Peru, but he can talk, quite well for that matter. So, when you bring a well-mannered, talking bear from the wild into your home, some things are going to be odd to him, as it will be his first time seeing them. Kudos to the film for showing that sense of first time wonder, as opposed to something like Alvin & the Chipmunks which has us belive that they have been listening to the radio their whole lives and can automatically sing, are just accepted into high school, despite their stature, and doesn’t even bother to explain how they can talk!

Sweet ‘n low. You know how in many family films these days there is a mean, sarcastic tone that seems to be a reflection of how kids today act towards everyone? Well, this picture thankfully did not fall into that trap. As a matter of fact, this morning I watched a couple of episodes of Leave it to Beaver and the tones are very similar in that the main characters just want to be liked and do the right thing, as well as show respect to others. There are other factors that make this a very sweet film, but that is what stuck out to me.

True. As I said earlier, my knowledge of Paddington stems from little 5 minute segment that would air on PBS. I think we may have read a story or two in elementary somewhere, but there were so many characters that we read about a bear that lives on marmalade sounded a bit too much like one that lives off of honey. At any rate, as far as I can tell, this film keeps to the source material very closely, making changes when needed to fit modern-day. At least I think its modern-day. It never really is said, but the computers look to be a bit outdated, so maybe this is in the 90s somewhere? Why can’t more films take this hint and keep things close to the source material, rather than go off on some random tangent that ruins things for the audience and, in turn, the studios.

What didn’t I like?

Over to the dark side. The fun and bright nature of this is brought down by a villain who, at first reminds us of Cruella de Ville, in some respects. Nicole Kidman shows she can do comedy and not just dramatic roles. However, when the film reveals her backstory, it takes a dark turn that I don’t think was really necessary. Perhaps it is just the whole taxidermy thing that wasn’t sitting right with me. Why couldn’t she have been a zookeeper, scientist, or bear skin rug enthusiast?

Strict. Are all British fathers such stern taskmasters? I mean, the father in this film, played by Hugh Bonneville, is nothing more than someone who plays by the strictest of rules, doesn’t take any chances, but was at one time a free spirit. Kids change a man, I suppose. I seem to recall the father in the book/TV show being a bit more lenient when it came to these things, though. Perhaps I am mistaken, though, or perhaps they changed the characterization of Mr. Brown for “entertainment purposes”.

British actors. When the Harry Potter films started, I remember J.K. Rowling specifically making a point that she wanted “only Bristish actors”. That was her preference, and I think it actually worked out for the better. Can’t you just imagine if us Americans were thrown in the mix? Well, ever since those films have ended, you may have noticed that whenever you run across something British, it has the same few actors (Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Jim Broadbent, Imelda Staunton, Rupert Grint, etc.). Starring roles are reserved for the likes of Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, and ironically, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe. This isn’t really a complaint, but Michael Gambon and Imelda Staunton are reunited as the voices of Paddington’s aunt and uncle and when you see their names in the credits, you think there is some curse on the Potter cast or these two have amazing chemistry.

Paddington was originally supposed to have been released around the holidays, but there had to be some re-shoots and Colin Firth’s voice was found unsuitable for Paddington, so they replaced him with Ben Whishaw. Personally, I think Firth’s voice would have worked just fine, but he could also have worked as Mr. Brown. I’m not a fan of changing voices like that, especially after the trailer has been released, but what can you do. Remember on Thursday when I said nothing good is released in the month of January? Well, this film is one of the exceptions to that rule. With its comedy, heart, great use of CG, and faithfulness and respect to the source material, it is sure to be a tasty marmalade treat for years to come. Gather up the family and go check this out ASAP! I very highly recommend it!

4 3/4 out of 5 stars