The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Three years after the events of Prince Caspian, Lucy and Edmund Pevensie are staying with their cousin Eustace Scrubb. When water pours from a painting of a ship on the ocean hanging in Lucy’s bedroom, Lucy, Edmund and Eustace are transported into an ocean in Narnia.

They are rescued by Caspian and Reepicheep, and taken aboard the Dawn Treader, the ship featured on the painting. Caspian invites them on a voyage to rescue the seven Lords of Narnia whom his uncle Miraz banished.

They first visit the Lone Islands, where people are sold as slaves. Caspian and Edmund are captured and imprisoned while Lucy and Eustace were sold as slaves. Caspian meets one of the lost lords, who reveals that the slaves who are not sold, are sacrificed to a mysterious green mist. The Dawn Treader crew rescues them, battles the slave traders and reclaims the Lone Islands. The lord, who becomes the new governor, gives Caspian a sword originally given by Aslan from the Golden age.

At another island Lucy is abducted by invisible Dufflepuds who force her to enter the manor of Coriakin, a magician. Lucy finds a book of incantations and recites a visibility spell after discovering different incantations such as beauty and snow. They later meet Coriakin who encourages them to defeat the mist by laying seven swords at Aslan’s Table, but warns them that they are all about to be tested. While journeying, Lucy casts the beauty incantation, entering a dream in which she has transformed into Susan. She finds herself with Edmund and Peter and finds that neither Lucy nor Narnia exist. Aslan reveals himself to Lucy and explains the consequences of self-doubt and that her siblings only know of Narnia because of her.

They later visit a volcanic island. Edmund, Lucy and Caspian recover another sword from within a magical pool that turns anything that enters it into gold, and has turned one of the lost lords into gold as well. Edmund feels that this pool holds the key to limitless wealth, and he and Caspian argue about it before Lucy stops them. Meanwhile, Eustace discovers and steals some treasure, and finds the skeleton of another lord who perished on the island. While Edmund and Caspian look for him, a dragon approaches and is driven away from the Dawn Treader. The dragon turns out to be Eustace, who has been transformed by the enchanted treasure after succumbing to its temptations. Reepicheep later tries to amend the situation and befriends Eustace.

Then they later arrive at Aslan’s Table with three lost lords asleep around it. As they place the swords on the table they realise one is still missing. The star descends from the sky and turns into Lilliandil, a beautiful woman who guides them to the Dark Island, lair of the mist. The crew voyages to the island and discovers the last surviving Lord. He warns them not to think of their fears but Edmund fails, his fear manifesting as a monstrous sea serpent that attacks the ship. In the following fight between Eustace and the serpent, the last sword is thrown at Eustace, stabbing him. Wounded, Eustace flies away, landing on a sandy island and encountering Aslan, who transforms him back into a boy and sends him to Ramandu’s island with the last sword. The mist tries distracting Edmund by appearing as Jadis, the White Witch. Eustace overcomes the mist and puts the sword on the table, awaking the three sleeping lords and destroying the mist and the Dark Island; Edmund slays the sea serpent and they rescue the sacrificed people.

Eustace rejoins Lucy, Edmund, Caspian and Reepicheep and they sail to a sea covered in lilies, eventually finding a shore before a massive wave. Aslan appears to them and tells them that his country lies beyond, although if they go they may never return. Caspian refuses, acknowledging that he still has duties and responsibilities as Narnia’s king, but Reepicheep reveals that it has been his intention to enter, and Aslan blesses him before he paddles above the wave. Aslan opens a portal in the wave to send Lucy, Edmund and Eustace home, telling them that Lucy and Edmund have grown up and will never return to Narnia. Aslan encourages them to know him in their world by another name, and tells Eustace that he may return (having changed his ways throughout his journey). Edmund and Lucy bid farewell to Caspian and Aslan before entering the portal with Eustace. The three are returned to the bedroom as the ship disappears behind the waves where Eustace is called by his mother saying he has a visitor Jill Pole.

REVIEW:

Yes, I know that I have not reviewed the previous films in this series. Rest assured, they will be forthcoming.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader picks up a few years after the previous film, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.

The Pevensie children are older now. As a matter of fact, Peter and Susan have reached the age where they are not allowed in Narnia. This leaves the film to focus on Edmund and Lucy, as well as the annoying cousin Eustace.

So, the plot of this film starts with Edmund trying to join the British military, but he is too young. I’m not sure which war is going on at this time, but I want to say WW I. He and Lucy return to where they are staying…a house shared with their cousin Eustace.

After some heated exchanges about Narnia, the painting on the wall begins to come to life and floods the room, transporting the three of them to Narnia.

Upon arrival, they are picked up by the crew of the Dawn Treader, which includes old friends Caspian and Repicheep.

During their time  on the ship, it is learned that Narnia is being overrun by slave traders and the unsold slaves are being sacrificed to the green mist. This gives way to the major plot of the film, recovering the seven swords that open up Aslan’s country.

Somewhere along the way, before reaching Aslan’s country, Eustace get turned into a dragon (which actually was an upgrade, if you ask me), but after a sever injury, he is turned back by the magic of Aslan.

At film’s end, no surprise, but Eustace becomes a better person and Edmund and Lucy learn that this was their last adventure in Narnia, as they have grown up.

This has to be the best of the series, so far. Funny enough, it took them leaving Disney to become interesting, or maybe this was just a more interesting book than the last two.

The action scenes here are pretty good, but I think they could have done better. I felt as if they were trying to go for the swashbuckler thing here, and then switched over to medieval fantasy, and while it may have worked in the books, on film it didn’t translate or mesh as well. Still, it was entertaining.

The effects could have been better, but at least they didn’t look homemade.

One thing I didn’t particularly care for was how Lucy kept trying to be her sister. I think this is in the book, but  on film, it seemed as if they were doing as some sort of self-image thing, rather than her trying capture her own individuality or something like that.

Edmund also had a bit of a similar issue trying t live up to his brother Peter, but it is just brushed upon, which was fine with me.

I think if there in one franchise that can really capitalize on the completion of the Harry Potter films, it would be The Chronicles of Narnia. That is, if they are done right. While the first two films were alright, they weren’t particularly memorable. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is a step in the right direction and I highly recommend this to everyone.

4 out of 5 stars

Police Academy 3: Back in Training

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The movie begins in a large garage structure, where Capt. Proctor (Lance Kinsey) and Commandant Mauser (Art Metrano) meet up with former Police Academy cadets, (now Sgts.) Chad Copeland (Scott Thomson) and Kyle Blankes (Brant van Hoffman). It seems one of the two Police Academy schools is getting the axe, and Mauser wants Copeland and Blankes to make sure Lassard screws up.

After the governor’s speech in which he will appoint a committee to evaluate which of the two schools should remain open, Mauser starts getting an edge by kissing up to the governor (offering the committee an escort, showing governor pages of useful tactics, etc.), Commandant Lassard (George Gaynes) gets an idea on how to win: along with now Sgt. Jones (Michael Winslow) and Lt. Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook), he calls back Sgt. Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), Sgt. Hightower (Bubba Smith), and Sgt. Tackleberry (David Graf) to help train the new recruits. Among the new recruits are Sgt. Fackler’s wife (Debralee Scott), Sweetchuck (Tim Kazurinsky), Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait), Karen Adams (Shawn Weatherly), and Tackleberry’s brother-in-law Bud Kirkland (Andrew Paris). Tomoko Nogata (Brian Tochi) is a recruit of Mauser’s academy, but decides to put him in with Lassard’s academy instead.

After a few weeks of recruiting, Nogata is lovestruck over Callahan, and Sweetchuck contemplates quitting after his roommate Zed drives him crazy (although Tackleberry talks him out of it). Copeland and Blankes make the recruits do stuff that would make the committee think they were hopeless. Mauser wants them out on the field soon, knowing the committee will be there. The recruits fail, and are teased by Mauser and Proctor. However, Mahoney gets back at them by taping Mauser’s eyes closed while doing a taste test. Proctor succeeds in removing the tape, but the tape pulls off Mauser’s eyebrows.

Both Lassard and Mahoney give a pep talk to each of the cadets before training resumes. At the policeperson’s ball, Mahoney meets up with his hooker friend from the first film and has her do a favor on Proctor after he insults Mahoney and Adams. Copeland accidentally spills punch on Mrs. Hurst, and Mauser tries to inferfere. Meanwhile, the hooker tricks Proctor into removing all his clothes and then locking him out of the hotel room (much to the dismay of onlookers). He goes out and steals a car and drives to the academy. The car is out of gas, however, and Proctor enters a building. However, the building he walks into is the Blue Oyster Bar. Mauser insults Lassard in front of the recruits by telling him that he is winning (after he pestered Hurst so much that Hurst made him believe he was winning), so Mahoney gets him back by giving a speech at the ball and then putting the microphone in a pitcher of water. When Mauser grabs it, it electrocutes him.

On the final day of the cadet training/evaluation competition, one person from each school attends the governor’s ball. (Proctor misunderstands and sends in two, one of whom portrayed by David James Elliott) Copeland and Blankes play with the computer system as cars are sent to wrong locations, but are caught by Hooks who punches them out cold. At the governor’s party, a gang of thieves dressed as busboys kidnap Hedges and take the governor hostage but the squad arrives in time to save the day and rescue the governor.

Lassard’s school stays open, and the epilogue shows Lassard making a speech on how the academy is grateful for the “many, many” recruits. The graduating class salutes to the camera before the movie ends.

REVIEW:

Please excuse the briefness of this review, I’m in a bit of a rush.

Police Academy 3: Back in Training picks up where the previous films left off, this time with the characters we met in the first film now assuming the mantle of teachers at the academy. The plot thickens when it is learned that the state only has the fundage to keep one police academy open, but the other academy is run by Commandant Mauser, who was the antagonist is the last film. As you can imagine, there are many hijinks and pranks leading to some oddly placed mission and culminating in the ceremony at the end.

So, here are 3 films into this series, and there hasn’t been anything to really capture my attention. Sure, the same characters are there, as are the quirks that made them interesting in the original Police Academy, but after a while they are at the risk of getting stale.

This wouldn’t be such an issue if not for the fact that none of the new cadets don’t bring anything to the table. Sure, you can make the case for Bobcat Goldwaith’s Zed, but other than just being some kind of maniac with an annoying voice, he doesn’t do much, honestly.

Critics apparently gave this film negative reviews. I won’t go that far, but it is definitely weaker than Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment. Having said that, it isn’t a necessarily bad film, but it isn’t one I would recommend unless you’re trying to watch the whole series.

3 out of 5 stars

Black Swan

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) is a young dancer with a prestigious New York City ballet company. She lives with her mother, Erica (Barbara Hershey), a former dancer, now amateur artist, who stopped her career at 28 when she became pregnant with Nina.

The ballet company is preparing for a production of Swan Lake. The director, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), has to cast a new principal dancer as he has forced his present principal dancer, Beth Macintyre (Winona Ryder), into retirement. The lead must be able to portray both the innocent, fragile White Swan and her dark, sensual, evil twin, the Black Swan. Nina is selected to compete for the part alongside several other dancers. After her audition goes badly, she visits Thomas to ask him to reconsider and give her the role. He tells her that her rigid technique makes her ideal for the White Swan, but she lacks the passion to dance the Black Swan. He then forces a kiss on her until she bites him. Later, she is chosen for the Swan Queen. An intoxicated Beth angrily confronts Thomas and Nina, and she is later hit by a car and seriously injured in what Thomas believes was a suicide attempt.

Nina begins to witness strange happenings around her. Thomas, meanwhile, becomes increasingly critical of Nina’s “frigid” dancing as the Black Swan and tells her she should stop being such a perfectionist and simply lose herself in the role. She makes the acquaintance of another dancer in the company, Lily (Mila Kunis), whom Thomas described as having the qualities Nina lacks. The relationship between the two dancers cools because of Lily’s indiscretions, but to make up for it, Lily appears at Nina’s door and invites her for a night out. Nina is hesitant at first, but decides to join Lily against her mother’s wishes. While out, Lily offers Nina a capsule of Ecstasy. Upon returning to the apartment, Nina has another fight with her mother. She barricades herself in her room and has sex with Lily. Next morning, Nina wakes up alone and late for rehearsal. When she arrives at the studio, she finds Lily dancing as the Swan Queen. Furious, she confronts Lily and asks her why she did not wake her up in the morning. Lily states that she spent the night with a man whom she met at the club, and it is revealed that Nina imagined the whole sex episode.

Nina’s hallucinations become stronger during rehearsals and at home, which culminates in a violent fight with her mother after which she passes out. Concerned about Nina’s erratic behavior, her mother tries to prevent her from attending the opening performance, but Nina forces her way through and insists that she can dance. Lily and Thomas are puzzled about her appearance since Nina’s mother had called saying she was sick.

The first act goes well until Nina is distracted during a lift by a hallucination and the Prince drops her. Distraught, she returns to her dressing room and finds Lily dressed as the Black Swan. As Lily announces her intention to play the Black Swan, she transforms into Nina herself. Nina and her double struggle, and Nina shoves her double into the mirror shattering it. She grabs a shard of glass and stabs her double in the stomach. Nina sees that the body is Lily’s. She hides the body, returns to the stage, and dances the Black Swan passionately and sensually. Growing black feathers, her arms become black wings as she finally loses herself and is transformed into a black swan. At the end of the act, she receives a standing ovation from the audience. When she leaves the stage, she finds Thomas and the rest of the cast congratulating her on her stunning performance. Nina takes him by surprise and kisses him.

Back in her dressing room preparing for the final act, the dying of the White Swan, there is a knock on her door. She opens it to see Lily, who has come to congratulate her on her performance as the Black Swan. Nina realizes her fight with Lily, just as all the strange visions she had experienced, were hallucinations, but sees the mirror is still shattered. She notices a wound on her body and realizes that she stabbed herself, not Lily. Back on stage, she dances passionately and seamlessly as the White Swan. In the last moments of the ballet, when the White Swan throws herself off a cliff, she spots her mother weeping in the audience. The theater erupts in thunderous applause as Nina falls. As Thomas and the rest of the cast enthusiastically congratulate her on her performance, Lily gasps in horror to see that Nina is bleeding. As Nina lies wounded, the film closes with her staring up at the stage lights, whispering, “I felt it – Perfect – It was perfect,” as the screen fades to white and the audience chants her name.

REVIEW:

In college, I was forced to take a Fine Arts class, during which we spent quite a fair amount of time on Swan Lake. Black Swan isn’t necessarily a film version of that ballet, but the ballet is a major plot point.

This is one of those film that one could not get around hearing about during awards season. Many had it picked to sweep the awards (until they saw The King’s Speech). Now, I’m not one to get too involved with who should or should not have won this or that awards, but in comparison to the film that were nominated, this one and …Speech are nearly neck and neck.

So, what is this highly acclaimed film about? Well, we have this ballet dancer, Nina, who is a hot young dancer trying to get her big break at the ballet company she dances for. The new season brings about the company’s production of Swan Lake, which will feature a new face, according to the director. Eventually, this turns out to be Nina, bit seriously has problem embracing both the white and black swans, unlike her frenemy, Lily, who appears to be primed to take her spot.

As the film progresses, we see the decline in Nina’s mental health, until she finally does something before she takes the stage for the finale of her performance that one would never have guessed she was able to do when we first met her.

The ballet scenes are quite breathtaking. It is no secret that most of us could care less about ballet, but this is one of those films that could make you convert. The director did a great job of filming these scenes and conveying the atmosphere to the audience.

The hallucination scenes are quite interesting, but they do cause the viewer to get a bit confused, if they’re not ready for it.

Natalie Portman as Nina is awesome! No wonder, she was nominated for so many awards.

Mila Kunis made for the perfect foil to Portman, as well as gave us some nice eye candy (just wait until you see the lesbian scene.)

Black Swan is far from the most interesting thing on film, but it has its moments. Great film often fall into this category. If you were to ask me, if I agreed with the awards and accolades this film has received. This year, though, too many folk don’t. Having said that, I did enjoy this film thoroughly, and I trust that you will, as well.

5 out of 5 stars

Cowboys & Aliens

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1873 Arizona, a loner named Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) awakens with no memory of his past and a mysterious shackle around his wrist. He enters the town of Absolution where he learns that he is a notorious criminal wanted by many people, including Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), who rules the town with an iron fist. Absolution soon faces an even greater threat when alien spaceships attack the town. While his shackle holds the key to defeating the aliens, Lonergan must ally with Dolarhyde and other former enemies to make a stand against them.

It is eventually revealed that Ella (Olivia Wilde), a mysterious woman Lonergan has fallen in love with, is an alien warrior who was sent to Earth to help resist the invaders because they destroyed her homeworld. She explains that the aliens are a group of lowly space pirates, though very technologically advanced by Earth standards, who value our gold and wish to exterminate humanity to take it. However the alien pirates are not invulnerable: Lonergan’s gauntlet weapon can kill them, and stabbing them or shooting them can as well, though they are far stronger and better armed than any humans.

Armed with this knowledge the group, now led by Colonel Dolarhyde and including a group of Indians whose families were kidnapped by the space pirates, attack their grounded mothership. In a sneak attack they destroy the alien speeders, forcing the space pirates to fight them on the ground where they are eventually, after a prolonged battle, defeated. The remaining alien pirates attempt to flee in their damaged mothership but Ella sacrifices herself to detonate the ship’s engine core with Lonergan’s gauntlet.

Lonergan, now somewhat able to recall his past, leaves the town, now with Colonel Dolarhyde, a changed man due to the incident, in charge.

REVIEW:

For those of you that keep up with this blog, then you are more than aware that two of my favorite genres are westerns and sci-fi, so when a picture comes along called Cowboys & Aliens, you can all but imagine my overabundance of joy.

The mixture of genres, surprisingly, has not been done…as far as I know, up to now, but for some reason, I believe we’ll be seeing more in the future.

Cowboys & Aliens is based on a cult comic. I have never read the comic, so I can’t rightly say that this is a loose or accurate interpretation of the source material, but judging by how well Jon Favreau did with bringing a faithful interpretation of  Iron Man from the comic book pages to the big screen.

The plot of this picture takes us along for the ride with Jake Lonergan who wakes up in the middle of the western desert with no memory of who he is and a highly advanced technological something or other on his arm, upon making it to town, Jake learns that he is a wanted man.

Just as the Federal Marshall is about to take him and another prisoner away, here come the aliens. You’ve all seen this scene before.

Following the attack, the major characters and some others trek into the woods to track don the aliens and stop them. While out there, they meet up with some Apache indians and learn of Ellen’s secret, not to mention setup for the final confrontation with the aliens.

A lot of people hear the title to this film and assume it is going to be something like Mars Attacks, but that is not the case. As a matter of fact, they actually play it straight.

I don’t really know why with a cast that includes Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, and Daniel Craig, I expected some light moments, but I did. I wasn’t really disappointed that they were few and fast between, but it would have breathed a different bit of life into the film.

The aliens aren’t going to go down in history as the best looking or smarted we’ve ever seen, but they were pretty good. I was reminded of the aliens from the Alien franchise when I saw them.

I can’t say that I cared much for the pacing of this film. It was very old school in its development early on, just like an old western. However, you’d think they’d have been able to come up with something more interesting. Maybe it’s just me, though.

This is another one of those pictures that has caused a disconnect between the casual viewer and the critic. The critics have been doing nothing short of ripping this one apart. The casual viewer, however, has been thoroughly enjoying it, as have I. Sure, there are moments here and there that should have been tuned up a bit more ,but overall this is a very enjoyable summer blockbuster. I highly recommend it !

4 out of 5 stars

Sucker Punch

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the 1960s, a 20-year-old woman nicknamed “Babydoll” (Emily Browning), is institutionalized by her sexually abusive stepfather (Gerard Plunkett) at the Lennox House for the Mentally Insane in Brattleboro, Vermont after she is blamed for the death of her younger sister. Blue Jones (Oscar Isaac), one of the asylum’s orderlies, is bribed by Babydoll’s stepfather into forging the signature of the asylum’s psychiatrist, Dr. Vera Gorski (Carla Gugino), to have Babydoll lobotomized, so she can neither inform the authorities of the true circumstances leading to her sister’s death, nor reclaim her recently deceased mother’s fortune. As Babydoll enters the institution, she takes note of several items that would be integral if she were to attempt an escape.

In the days prior to being lobotomized, Babydoll retreats to a fantasy world in which she is newly arrived in a brothel owned by Blue, whom she envisions as a mobster. She befriends four other dancers — Amber (Jamie Chung), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), Rocket (Jena Malone), and Rocket’s older sister, Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish). Dr. Gorski is envisioned as the girls’ dance instructor, informing Babydoll that her virginity would be sold to a client known as “The High Roller” (Jon Hamm). Gorski encourages Babydoll to perform an erotic dance, during which Babydoll fantasizes that she is in feudal Japan, meeting the Wise Man (Scott Glenn). After she expresses her desire to “escape,” the Wise Man presents Babydoll with weapons. He tells her that she would need to collect five items for an escape: a map, fire, a knife, a key, and a fifth, unrevealed item that would require “a deep sacrifice”. Before parting ways, he instructs her to “defend herself,” and she is confronted by three demonic samurai, which she defeats. As her fantasy ends, she finds herself back in the brothel, her dance impressing Blue and other onlookers.

Inspired by her vision of the Wise Man, Babydoll convinces her friends to prepare an escape. She plots to use her dances as a distraction while the other girls obtain the necessary tools. During each of her dances, she imagines adventurous events that mirror the secretly ongoing efforts. These episodes include infiltrating a bunker protected by steam-powered World War I zombie German soldiers to gain the map (mirrored by Sweet Pea entering Blue’s office and copying a map of the brothel-institution); storming an Orc-infested castle to cut two fire-producing crystals from the throat of a baby dragon (mirrored by Amber stealing a lighter from the breast-pocket of a client); and boarding a train and combating mechanized guards to disarm a bomb (mirrored by Sweet Pea stealing a kitchen knife from the belt of the brothel’s cook). During the last of these fantasies, Rocket sacrifices herself to save Sweet Pea and is killed when the bomb detonates, which is paralleled in a fight between the cook and the other girls in the brothel, ending with the cook fatally stabbing Rocket.

Blue overhears Blondie relaying Babydoll’s plan to Madam Gorski. After discovering the gruesome scene around the cook in the kitchen, he has the grieving Sweet Pea locked in a utility closet and confronts the remainder of the girls backstage, proceeding to “make examples” by shooting Amber and Blondie. He then attempts to rape Babydoll, but she stabs him with the kitchen knife and steals his master key. Babydoll frees Sweet Pea, and the two start a fire so that, as a result of the fire alarm, the institution’s checkpoint doors unlock. The two manage to escape into the courtyard, where they find their way out to be blocked by a throng of gentlemen. Babydoll deduces that the fifth item needed for the escape is in fact herself. Despite Sweet Pea’s protest, she insists on sacrificing herself by distracting the visitors, thus allowing her friend to slip away.

The scene cuts back to the asylum in which the surgeon (Hamm) has just performed Babydoll’s lobotomy. The surgeon is perturbed by Babydoll’s expression and starts to question Dr. Gorski as to why she authorized the procedure. It is also revealed that the happenings in her dream world also happened in the hospital (stabbing an orderly, starting a fire, and helping another girl escape). Gorski realizes that Blue has forged her signature, and summons the police, who apprehend Blue as he attempts to assault a catatonic Babydoll.

Sweet Pea is stopped by police at a bus station while in line to board a bus to Fort Wayne, Indiana, but she is rescued by the bus driver, who misleads the police; he is revealed to be the Wise Man from Babydoll’s fantasies.

The film ends with the screen going black and Sweet Pea saying that “you have all the weapons you need, now fight!”

REVIEW:

I initially thought this was based on a comic, but, as far as I know, it isn’t. Critics have been lambasting it as resembling a video game or music video. I have to wonder…is this really a bad thing? Can you just imagine if they made a game like God of War into a game and not change anything about it?

So, this film is one of those weird, twisted flicks that messes with your head. I say that because just as you think you’re understanding what’s going on, it goes off in another direction and leaves you wondering WTF?!?

The plot revolves around a girl who is committed for accidentally killing her sister. Her stepfather, who is the typical douchebag stepfather one would expect, wants her to be lobotomized so that she doesn’t remember the sexual abuse she endured after the death of her mother, and so that he could get the inheritance.

Somehow, right before the lobotomy happens, we end up at some whorehouse of the 50s or 60s, which is where the majority of the film takes place. While here, Babydoll meets the other girls, Amber, Blondie, Rocket, and Sweet Pea. Together, they form a pact to follow the plan to escape we that is this brothel.

There are various fantasy sequences (which I think are the best part of the film) created by Babydoll when she dances tat apparently sends the people around her into a state of shock and awe, though it is never explained how or why this happens.

After the next to final part of the plan goes awry and there are some casualties, the remaining girls figure out what must be done and that only one of them can escape, which she does. following the exposition, we see Babydoll getting her lobotomy and we have to wonder…was it all a dream and more importantly, did she really find a way to keep her memories intact through the lobotomy?

On would think with all these sexy girl in this film, that it would be a true feast of eye candy, but that isn’t the cast. Truth be told, it was like they used them to bring in make viewers, but never really did anything with them. For goodness sakes, these girls are in a brothel! Is it too much to ask for a lap dance or something?

The highlight of this film has to be the fantasy sequences. One in particular sticks out in my mind, and that is the one with the demonic samurai. Granted, I love all things samurai, so I may be a little biased, but this scene just seemed to work so much better than the others and was definitely more interesting.

Sure, the action in the film was great, but it came off as secondary to the unnecessary, drawn out, forced drama (some may say plot).

The cast is comprised of mostly young actresses, but none of them are really that good. If anything, it should be noticed that Emily Browning, who was Violet in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, has grown up (and gotten a bit hot!!!). If this film is any indication, we should expect big things from her in the future, as long as she doesn’t get boggled down with the likes of her co-stars and their bad choices.

Seriously, can you think of a good film that Jamie Hung or Vanessa Hudgens was in? Neither can I!

So, what did I think of Sucker Punch? Well, it is different, that’s for sure. Is it different in a good way? Well, see, that’s the problem…I’m not sure if I liked this or not. I didn’t hate it, but I’m not going to go buy the DVD, either. It was just one of those odd films that  left me with a strange feeling afterward. I recommend it, but tread lightly, it may not be what you think.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Soren (Jim Sturgess), a young barn owl, lives peacefully in the forest of Tyto with his family; his father, Noctus (Hugo Weaving); his mother, Marella (Essie Davis); his older brother, Kludd (Ryan Kwanten), his younger sister, Eglantine (Adrienne DeFaria) and Ms. P the family’s nest maid. Soren enjoys hearing stories of the Guardians of Ga’Hoole, a mythical group of warrior owls, who once saved all owlkind from the evil “Pure Ones” in a great battle in which the Guardians’ leader, Lyze of Kiel, defeated the Pure Ones’ leader Metal Beak. Kludd, however, thinks Soren soft-headed for believing in such stories. One night, while branching, a jealous Kludd pushes Soren and loses his balance in the process, and they both fall to the ground below. They are attacked by a Tasmanian devil but are saved , and also kidnapped by a pair of long-eared owls named Jatt (Leigh Whannell) and Jutt (Angus Sampson).

They are taken to St. Aegolious, a dark and forbidden canyon, home to the Pure Ones, where Soren meets an elf owl named Gylfie (Emily Barclay) and her captor, a boreal owl named Grimble (Hugo Weaving). Nyra (Helen Mirren), second-in-command of the Pure Ones and the mate of Metal Beak, claims that the owlets now work for the Pure Ones as slaves. Soren and Gylfie protest, and are sent to be pickers, along with most of the captive owls. Kludd denies his brother, and goes away to be a soldier with other selected owls. They are tutored by Nyra in the ways of the Pure Ones, who believe that Tyto owls (barn owls and their relatives) are the strongest owls and that, because of this, they have the right to rule the owl kingdoms. The other captured owls are forced to sleep under the full moon. Gylfie informs Soren that this will cause “moon-blinking”, a trancelike state in which owls lose all sense of will and individuality. Soren and Gylfie manage to stay awake, which means that they are not moon-blinked. They are brought to a large cavern to pick through owl pellets for small metal flecks. Soren discovers that the flecks en masse cause weakening pain in owls, when he is ordered to deliver a fleck to the bag they are kept in. Metal Beak (Joel Edgerton) and an unknown owl making a bargain in which the unknown owl will receive a portion of the owl kingdoms and the Tree in return for laying a trap for the Pure Ones’ enemies, the Guardians of Ga’Hoole. Grimble secretly takes Soren and Gylfie to his library, where he reveals that he is not truly a Pure One. He also tells the two owlets that his family was captured by the Pure Ones and forced into their service. He teaches Soren and Gylfie to fly, so they can warn the Guardians of the Pure Ones’ plans.

Kludd has become a strong soldier, and his promise prompts Nyra to ask him about Soren’s similar potential. Hoping to recruit him, the Pure Ones go to the library, only to find Grimble teching Soren and Gylfie to fly. Nyra attacks Grimble, Soren and Gylfie. Kludd joins the fray on Nyra’s side, ignoring Soren’s pleas. Grimble sacrifices himself to hold them back, and Soren and Gylfie just barely escape to begin their quest. On their journeys, they meet a burrowing owl named Digger (David Wenham); a Great Grey owl named Twilight (Anthony LaPaglia); and Soren’s old nestmaid, a snake named Mrs. P (Miriam Margolyes). They join Soren with the promise of leading him to the Sea of Hoolemere, the location of the Great Tree and the home of the Guardians.

Soren and his allies are mobbed by crows on the way to the Sea and they nearly lose Twilight’s lute, in which Mrs. P is riding. The battle brings them to the shore of the Sea of Hoolemere and the home of an echidna mystic (Barry Otto). The crows deliberately led them to the meeting so that the Echidna could give them their bearings to the Great Tree. Far out over the ocean the group encounters a fierce hurricane, and Digger falls towards the sea. Soren dives to save him, only to find Digger being rescued by an enormous snowy owl with an armored mask – a Guardian of Ga’hoole. The Guardian leads Soren and his friends through the storm to the Great Tree. Digger’s saviors are Boron and Barran, the king and the queen of the Tree. The king and queen, as well as the ranking officers of Ga’hoole, hear Soren’s tale. The search-and-rescue squadron leader, a great grey owl named Allomere (Sam Neill), expresses doubts about Soren’s story. But battle-scarred whiskered screech owl Ezylryb (Geoffrey Rush) defends Soren. Boron decides to send a scouting party, led by Allomere, to St. Aegolious.

Soren, Gylfie, Twilight, and Digger begin their training in the different trades of the Tree. During one lesson, Ezylryb takes them out to learn how to “really fly,” using a powerful storm to teach the young owls how to use the wind currents instead of fighting them. Soren briefly masters the technique of flying by instinct, only to lose control and to be saved by Ezylryb. After the lesson, Soren converses with Ezylryb in his hollow tree and learns that Ezylryb is, in fact, Lyze of Kiel. Soren is disillusioned with the seemingly heroic stories when he sees his hero’s disfigurements and hears that the battle in the stories wasn’t as heroic as he thought.

Allomere returns without his scouts. He tells King Boron that they were ambushed; that the scouts were killed; and that he barely managed to return with two moon-blinked owlets. One of the moon-blinked owlets is Eglantine, who was kidnapped by Kludd. Outraged, the Guardians go to war. At the urging of Ezlyryb, Soren reluctantly stays to tend to Eglantine. She soon awakes, but with shocking news: she wasn’t rescued, but given to Allomere by Kludd. Allomere is revealed to be a traitor, and Soren and his friends rush to the Guardians’ aid. When the Guardians arrive at St. Aegolious, they are drawn into a trap. Allomere peels off at the last moment and the Pure Ones unleash the power of the flecks against the Guardians, leaving the owls helpless on the ground. Soren and his friends arrive minutes too late, just as Metal Beak and Nyra send the bats to finish off the defenseless Guardians. Soren sends Twilight, Digger and Gylfie to hold back the bats. He plunges into the burning forest fire, carrying an oil lamp that becomes engulfed in flames after flying through the fire. The band’s arrival causes Metal Beak to distrust Allomere. Believing that he has been betrayed, Metal Beak orders a group of bats to viciously kill Allomere.

Soren plunges into the flecks’ magnetic field to drop the flaming oil lamp on the mechanism which holds open the lids over the flecks. The fire spreads across the machine and burns through the ropes. The lids slam down, freeing the Guardians. With his plan disrupted, Metal Beak orders the Pure Ones to fight the Guardians. Ezylryb and Metal Beak square off, as do Soren and Kludd. Their fight leads to them ending up in the burning forest. Soren tries to talk some sense into Kludd, who tells his younger brother that the Pure Ones believed in him when no one else did. He attacks Soren with renewed vigor, sending them both tumbling over a fallen tree and causing Kludd to break a wing. He convinces Soren to save him, only to attempt to pull his younger brother into the flames. Soren dodges the attack, and Kludd falls into the flames instead. Soren sees that Ezylryb, Metal Beak, and Nyra are engaged in fierce combat. Filled with rage, he snaps off a burning branch and flies off to help Ezylryb. He takes Metal Beak by surprise, arriving in time to save Ezylryb. Metal Beak easily overpowers Soren and throws his branch away. Soren regains his weapon, just as Metal Beak moves in for the kill. Metal Beak impales himself on the branch, and Nyra retreats with the remaining Pure Ones. Soren and his friends return to the Great Tree with the owlets, and Soren is greeted by Eglantine and his parents. Soren, Gylfie, Twilight, and Digger are made Guardians of Ga’Hoole.

In the epilogue, Soren reveals that Kludd’s body was never found and Nyra is still out there with a contingent of Pure Ones. Kludd is then shown to be alive, now with the glowing red eyes of the other Pure Ones. He walks around and stares down at Metal Beak’s body and mask, hinting at a sequel with Kludd as the new Metal Beak. After being interrupted by an owlet, Soren states he doesn’t want to give him “daymares”. Ezylyryb insists on taking flight into another storm, and they all fly towards the sea.

REVIEW:

I’ve seen some beautifully animated film in my day, but Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole has to be up there with the best of them. Now, I didn’t see this in theaters, but I can only imagine how beautiful this looked on the big screen, because it sure was impressive on my tv screen.

On that note, I’ve made it no secret that I have a great disdain for 3D, but if there was a film that could have used it the way it should have been, this is it. The flying and action scenes were breathtaking, and of course the detail on the owls made them look almost real!

All that said, you could wrap up dog poop in a shiny little box, but that won’t make it any more enjoyable, just a prettier picture. Now, I’m not saying this film is dog poop, but as much energy and hard work that they put into the animation and detail, one would think they would have made a more interesting story.

Yes, that’s right, this is one boring flick. If you read the plot up there, you would think it would be a lot more interesting, but you’d be wrong. I can’t really put my finger on what it is that makes this film such a snoozefest, but it just wasn’t interesting.

That point aside, along with the animation, the voice casting is pretty top-notch. Featuring the likes of Helen Mirren, Geoffrey Rush, Hugo Weaving, and Sam Neill, there is a certain sense of sophistication that emanates from this film and really sets the tone.

When all the dust settles, this is not a bad film, it just isn’t what I thought it would be. That is not a good or bad thing. Yes, this is far from your average film, but it just doesn’t seem to add up to a great one. I still think you should all see this at your earliest convenience. It truly is a work of art!

4 out of 5 stars

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

After a random attack the night before by a local gang known as “The Scullions” and their infantile leader Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait) (he steals $8 from Mr. Sweetchuck), Chief Henry Hurst (George G. Robertson) arrives at the 16th precinct and notifies its captain, Pete Lassard (Howard Hesseman) that the precinct is the worst in the city. Nevertheless, Hurst gives him 30 days or else Lassard is out. Before he leaves, Mauser (Art Metrano) schemes his way into talking to Hurst. Hurst promises him the rank of captain should Lassard fail. Pete calls his brother Eric (George Gaynes) and asks him for six new recruits, as was promised by Hurst. Throughout the movie, Mauser is seen scheming with his dim-witted partner Sgt. Proctor (Lance Kinsey) as he attempts to take control of the precinct.

Carey Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), Larvell Jones (Michael Winslow), Eugene Tackleberry (David Graf), Moses Hightower (Bubba Smith), Laverne Hooks (Marion Ramsey), and Douglas Fackler (Bruce Mahler) join the 16th precinct, and some are assigned a veteran officer partner since they are rookies: Fackler has Dooley (Ed Herihly), Mahoney has Vinnie Schtulman (Peter van Norden), and Tackleberry has Sgt. Kathleen Kirkland (Colleen Camp). At first, Tackleberry disapproves that his partner, Kirkland, carries stigmatized faults because of the fact she’s a woman, but they later hit it off when they compare their preference of gun choices. Tackleberry later confides to Mahoney that he may have fallen in love with her.

Mahoney and Schtulman spot a robbery at a merchant’s place (“Schewchuk’s Lighting” a chandelier store owned by Mr. Sweetchuck – Tim Kazurinsky), but the robbers escape through a back door before Mahoney and Schtulman even enter the shop. Eventually Fackler, Tackleberry and Kirkland arrived, each one contributing in his own characteristic way to the destruction of the store.

Mauser is ready to suspend them, but Mahoney makes a passionate plea that convinces Lassard to give them another chance. While all this is going on, Zed and his gang go shopping in a supermarket. They cause havoc as they go, leaving the store with wagon-loads without paying and Mr. Sweetchuck is already at hand in the supermarket to be further tormented this time by Zed & co.

Mauser gives Mahoney a new assignment; patrolling a tunnel, covering him and his partner with soot in the process. He gets revenge on Mauser by switching his shampoo with Tackleberry’s epoxy resin solution, which glues his hands to his hair. He ends up embarrassing himself in front of the station, and has to wear a wig through the remainder of the film. On his morning drive to the station the next day, Pete Lassard spots some of Zed’s men and tries to deal with them, but is eventually over-powered and spray-painted. After his rousing speech to finish what they started, the whole gang is riled up. Progress is made and most of the gang is captured (leading to 42 arrests), but Mauser informs the captain that most of the charges were dropped. Mahoney sees that Mauser did this deliberately on purpose, so as revenge has a full body cavity search done on him (the search was supposed to go to one of the arrested gangmembers).

Tackleberry goes on a date with Kirkland, where they stay out late dancing. They profess their love for each other and have sex (but removing their concealed weapons first before clothes). Pete goes to see his brother Eric at a Japanese steakhouse, and Eric comes out with an idea to hold a fair. At the night of the fair though, Zed’s men trash the place. Lassard is out of a job the next day, while Mauser is promoted Captain. His first act is to remove Mahoney and Schtulman, who is quick to object to Mahoney’s dismissal.

Mahoney, Schtulman, and Lassard get together in an last-ditch attempt to stop the gang. They send in Mahoney undercover to find the leader of the gang. (Everybody at this point does not know Zed’s name or that he is the gang leader.) Lassard and Schtulman wire him, using duct tape and a radio microphone. Under the guise of “Jughead,” he is able to infiltrate the gang and find out both their hiding spot and the name of their leader. His cover is blown however due to the radio microphone cutting into a baseball game, which leads to Lassard calling every man to the location. Mauser intervenes, but takes Fackler through the air duct. However, Fackler accidentally bumps him and pushes him inside. The police arrive and arrest every gangmember there. Zed escapes with Mahoney, but Lassard arrives and prepares to shoot Zed with a loaded pistol. Mahoney punches him down a flight of stairs, while Hooks arrests him. It is then revealed that Lassard’s gun wasn’t loaded, as he “never carried live ammo since ’73”.

The movie ends with the officers attending Tackleberry and Kirkland’s wedding. They drive off the Police Academy lot in a monster truck.

REVIEW:

I apologize for he brifness of his review.

Those lovable misfits from Police Academy have returned for a second go-round. This time, they are full-fledged members of the police force. As rookies, they have to be partnered up with veteran police officers.

After some scenes showing how the new officers react with their new partners, we get to the meat of the plot, which involves Sgt. Mauser and his scheme to become captain. Along the way to scheming his way to the top, Mauser is the butt of many practical jokes.

A climactic plot element is the confrontation between the police and the Scjullions, a gang that existed sheerly to bring a criminal element to the film.

I won’t pretend to say that this is as good as its predecessor, but itis worth a viewing, so check out if you get the chance. You won’t be disappointed.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Captain America: The First Avenger

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In the present day, scientists in the Arctic uncover a mysterious object with a red, white and blue motif. In March 1942, Nazi officer Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving) and his men invade a castle in Tønsberg, Norway, to steal a mysterious tesseract which Schmidt calls “the jewel of Odin’s treasure room.” In New York City, Brooklyn native Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is rejected for World War II military duty as 4-F for the fifth time. Rogers’ friend, Sgt. James “Bucky” Barnes (Sebastian Stan), takes Rogers to the Modern Marvels of Tomorrow exhibition, where Rogers slips into a recruitment center for another attempt at enlisting. When Barnes attempts to dissuade him, Rogers’ fervent conviction about serving his country catches the ear of expatriate Bavarian scientist Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci), who is with the U.S. government’s Strategic Scientific Reserve. He recruits Rogers to a squad of soldiers at Camp Lehigh in New York state, where – under Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and SSR officer Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) – one will be chosen as the first in a “super-soldier” experiment. Phillips suggests Gilmore Hodge (Lex Shrapnel), but Rogers’ conscience, ingenuity and courage convince Erskine to use the sickly man. In Europe, Schmidt and scientist Arnim Zola (Toby Jones) attempt to harness the power of the cube-like tesseract. Schmidt then kills a few Nazi officials when they learn Schmidt and his private research group HYDRA are planning to take over every country in the world, including Germany.

Erskine tells Rogers about the super soldier serum he will be using, explaining that he was first forced to test the formula on Schmidt. However, as the serum had not been perfected, Schmidt experienced physical side effects and enhanced his sinister nature and intentions, causing Erskine to flee to the United States. Erskine, having now perfected the serum, tells Rogers he was chosen because his weak physical nature has given him humility. In a secret lab behind a Brooklyn antique store, Erskine and others gather with military inventor Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper), Senator Brandt (Michael Brandon) and U.S. State Department employee Fred Clemson. Rogers is given micro-injections of serum and then doused with what Erskine calls “vita-rays”, causing him to have a tall and muscular physique. Clemson is exposed as Schmidt’s assassin Heinz Kruger (Richard Armitage), and guns down Erskine before fleeing to his submarine. Rogers pursues and captures Kruger, but the spy commits suicide with a cyanide capsule.

Brandt has Rogers don a colorful costume for a War Bonds promotional stage show that has an unimpressed soldier audience in Italy, November 1943, jeering Rogers. When he hears Barnes is among a number of soldiers captured by Schmidt, Rogers convinces Carter and Stark to fly him behind enemy lines for a solo rescue mission. Breaking into what turns out to be a HYDRA base, Rogers frees Barnes and the others, memorizes a map of HYDRA bases, and briefly confronts Schmidt, who reveals himself as the Red Skull. The Skull and Zola retreat, and Rogers returns the men to his base, along with high-tech guns that use the tesseract’s energy.

To destroy HYDRA’s bases, Rogers recruits a team consisting of Barnes, Timothy “Dum Dum” Dugan (Neal McDonough), Gabe Jones (Derek Luke), Jim Morita (Kenneth Choi), James Montgomery Falsworth (J. J. Feild), and Jacques Dernier (Bruno Ricci). Using a circular shield made of a substance Stark calls vibranium, which absorbs vibrations, Rogers and his squad take out all but one base. Finally, Rogers and Barnes zipline onto a train transporting Zola; during the ensuing battle, Barnes falls to his death.

Rogers, using information Phillips has gleaned from Zola, leads the commandos to the Skull’s final redoubt. Rogers scrambles onto the Skull’s jet as it takes off on a mission to obliterate the U.S. using the tesseract energy, and eventually confronts the Skull. The Skull attempts to use the tesseract but instead disintegrates into light that shoots into space. The tesseract melts through the plane and falls to Earth. Rogers, as Carter listens on radio, crashes the plane into the ocean to prevent it from reaching the United States. Shortly after, the Allies celebrate V-E Day. Carter, Stark, and Phillips recover the tesseract, but are unable to locate Rogers.

In the present day, Rogers awakens in a room designed to appear as if he were still in the early 1940s. He hears a radio broadcast of a baseball game he attended in 1941. Deducing the truth and escaping to Times Square, Rogers learns from S.H.I.E.L.D. leader Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) that he has been asleep for nearly 70 years, and they had wanted to acclimate his reentry into modern times. Rogers’ only response is that he is late for a dance he had promised to Carter nearly 70 years ago.

In a post-credits scene, Rogers fights a punching bag before being approached by Fury, who assigns him to save the world. The scene then changes to a trailer for The Avengers.

REVIEW:

I’m sure we’ve all been made more than aware of how each if these Marvel Studio superhero flicks (Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, and Thor) have been leading up to The Avengers film set to be released next year. Well, this is the last one before that film, and trust me, you’ll want to stick around after the credits.

I’ve heard/read more than a few people rumbling how this summer has been a bit of overkill with all the superhero films this year (I believe this is #7). Truth be told, I’m a bit burned out as well, but I can’t say it hasn’t been fun, and this film is the icing on the cake.

The plot is, you guessed it, the origin of Captain America. We spend the first hour with him as a skinny kid in Brooklyn more or less whining about how he wants to serve his country, but they won’t let him.

While on a double date with his friend Bucky, he goes into an exhibit that honors the soldiers. Here, a scientist is impressed by his speech to Bucky and goes out of his way to make sure he is accepted into the military and sent to Strategic Scientific Reserve boot camp, where he is obviously a fish out of water.

After convincing the colonel he is worthy by jumping on a dead grenade (even though he all but failed every other test), he is selected for the experimental super soldier program.

Once he takes the serum, he is no longer the “90 lb weakling”, as he proves by chasing down a Nazi spy who was after Dr. Erskine’s formula.

Even though he has more than proven himself by doing this, the colonel wants him sent away for testing, but the senator says that he would do better as a propaganda tool. So, we get some USO-type shows, until some random soldier in Italy criticizes him, which turned out to be the turning point for him, as it was the catalyst that turned him into a true superhero, thanks to his rescue of the soldiers capture by the Red Skull and HYDRA.

The film goes on into some montage with Cap kicking some true butt with his new team, there’s a hint at romance with Peggy, jealousy with Howard Stark, blah, blah, blah, and then we get to the climactic showdown with the Red Skull that results in the Skull being warped away to some alternate dimension and Cap being frozen for 60 yrs.

Let me say that the thing that I love about this film, above all else, is that it is set in th 40s. I love that era. They did an excellent job capturing the mentality of the people back then, as well as re-creating 40s New York. I do with they would have included a bit more of the music from back then, but that’s a personal preference.

Action here is great. The second half of the film is fast and furious. Conversely, the first half seems to drag on a bit. I know they were building up Steve Rogers so that the audience would care and all, but that just went on too long. I found myself wishing they would hurry up and get on with it.

In my Thor review, I said that many superhero films suffer from origin-itis. Well, Captain America: The First Avenger actually doesn’t. Other than being sluggish at the beginning, the origin doesn’t slow down the film. Of course, the fact that Cap’s origin is in a different era than his modern-day self (remember he gets frozen), allows for this, so that may have been the reason.

One of the problems I had with this film is that they spent more than enough time on Captain America, but the supporting characters (especially his commandos) got the short end of the stick, and don’t even get me started on how little screen time the film’s villain, The Red Skull got. Sure, he got a nice chunk of it, but I just felt he should have received more.

There is a scene before Captain America becomes the superhero version of himself, and is just a propaganda item that, while is totally out of place, is really quite interesting. During WWII, the troops were entertained by USO shows, complete with scantily (or what passed for it at the time) clad showgirls. The song that was written for this scene is really quite good. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t mention it!

I had my reservations about Chris Evans playing Captain America. First of all, he was the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four films, a character that fit his personality. Cap is more serious and down to earth. I approved of Evans now, but I still don’t think this was the role for him.

The beautiful Hayley Atwell had me starstruck when I first saw her in The Duchess, but after seeing her here (just wait until you see her in the red dress), I think I have a new crush! Oh, and she’s not a bad actress, either.

Tommy Lee jones does his usual thing. It really works as a 40s colonel, though. Is it me, or does it look like he’s aged big time in the last few years?

Hugo Weaving is one of the most perfect villains ever to grace the screen. Some have said that he was put on this Earth to play the Red Skull. I won’t go that far. Something about his accent and the way the makeup was put on him didn’t sit well with me, but he still did an awesome job.

In the Iron Man movies, we know Tony Stark as a billionaire genius playboy. Well, here we see his dad, played by Dominic Cooper was the same way.

Now, about the 3D. No, I didn’t waste my money on it. I’ve said numerous times that I don’t support that gimmick, especially if it was converted post-production. Having said that, I really didn’t see any 3D moments, so why would you waste your money?

I also have to mention that when I heard they were doing Captain America, I immediately thought they were going to make it some sort of extreme propaganda piece with America this and America that.

I am so glad that they didn’t go that route, with the exception of the parts where Steve is trying to join the army. This was the 40s, after all!

Finally, I’m so tired of reading reviews that compare every superhero film to The Dark Knight. Look, Captain America, Wolverine, Iron Man, Green Lantern, Thor, Spider-Man, Flash, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc….they are not Batman. As such, they are all going to have films that are different in tone, scope, and pretty much every level you can think. The Dark Knight was not God’s gift to cinema, contrary to what many may think.

For those that think this is going to be another one of those, you will be sadly mistaken. Sure, this film isn’t as light as Green Lantern or Spider-Man, but it is far from that dark depression that is The Dark Knight. Seriously, can you imagine a dark Captain America? It just would not work. So, those that keep brining up the comparison need to get over it and move on!!!!

Captain America: The First Avenger is one of those films that you shouldn’t even think about not seeing. It has something for everyone…action, drama, comedy, intrigue, song and dance, etc. If you’re one of us unfortunate souls who watched the Captain America film from 1990, this will more than erase your memory of that one (if you haven’t already wiped it from your mind). I have but one question for you now. Why are you still sitting here reading? You should run…don’t walk…to see it RIGHT NOW!!!!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Red Riding Hood

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is a young woman living in the village of Daggerhorn. She is in love with the woodcutter Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), but her parents Cesaire (Billy Burke) and Suzette (Virginia Madsen) have promised the wealthy blacksmith Adrian Lazar (Michael Shanks) that Valerie will marry his son Henry (Max Irons).

Valerie plans to run away with Peter, but their plans are put on hold when the town’s church bells ring, telling the couple that the Wolf who terrorizes their village has struck again. The victim is found to be Valerie’s older sister Lucie (Alexandria Malliot). The townspeople have offered a monthly sacrifice to the Wolf and made it clear that people should stay away from the woods.

Adrian, Henry, Peter, Cesaire, and the other men venture out into the woods to hunt the Wolf. They manage to behead one, killing Adrian in the process. The men bring the dead wolf back to the village, thinking it was the one that had been terrorizing the village. While helping Suzette embalm Adrian’s body, Valerie discovers that Suzette and Adrian once had an affair. It is revealed that Lucie is actually his daughter, and therefore also Henry’s half-sister. Valerie also learns that Cesaire is unaware of this.

The townspeople decide to celebrate the death of the wolf, but their festivities are interrupted by the arrival of famous witch hunter Father Solomon (Gary Oldman). He reveals that the townspeople did not kill the real Wolf because, if they had, it would have changed back into its human form, meaning that the beast is a werewolf. The townspeople decide to continue the celebration but, once again, the festivities are interrupted; this time, however, by the arrival of the real Wolf. It is revealed that those bitten by the Wolf during the week of a blood moon shall receive the curse as well. Valerie and her friend Roxanne (Shauna Kain) are cornered by the Wolf while attempting to get to the Church, which, as a holy ground, is considered a place of safety. The Wolf then begins speaking to Valerie in growls that she can understand, much to her surprise. The two arrive back at the village to find that one of Father Solomon’s guards, though still alive, has been bitten by the Wolf. Despite protest from the guard’s brother, Father Solomon kills the guard in an attempt to save the town from another werewolf.

The following day, Roxanne’s autistic brother is arrested by Father Solomon, who believes him to be an accomplice of the Wolf due to the frantic state in which he was found after the attack, and put into a Brazen Bull. For her brother’s release, Roxanne tells Father Solomon that Valerie can communicate with the Wolf, only to find that her brother has already been released from the Brazen Bull, but rendered catatonic. Father Solomon then captures Valerie and uses her as bait to lure the Wolf out of hiding, but she is rescued by Peter and Henry.

Henry frees Valerie while Peter heads to the tower where Father Solomon has been overseeing the action. Peter sets the tower on fire, only to be caught in the act and thrown into the Brazen Bull, though the fire is not lit underneath it. Father Solomon’s men are about to shoot Valerie and Henry when the Wolf appears, killing several more people. The Wolf then follows Valerie to the church, only to burn its paw upon entering. Father Solomon attempts to kill the Wolf, but has his hand bitten off instead. Roxanne and the others shield her from the Wolf until the sun rises. Valerie later has a dream and becomes convinced that her Grandmother (Julie Christie), who lives in a cabin in the woods, is the Wolf. She sets out to destroy her Grandmother and save the village while Father Solomon is executed.

Valerie is about to leave the village when she makes a stop at the Church. Valerie meets Peter in the woods and notices he’s wearing a glove. When he doesn’t explain how he was able to get out of the bull, Valerie comes to the conclusion that he’s the Wolf and that he is attempting to hide his burned paw. Valerie slashes him with a knife and then flees. She arrives at her grandmother’s house only to find her Grandmother is acting strangely and will not reveal herself. The curtains are pulled back and it is revealed that the Wolf was neither Peter nor Valerie’s grandmother but Cesaire, who was faking her grandmother’s voice. Cesaire explains that he needed someone to pass his gift onto as the blood moon is almost over. He originally intended for it to be Lucie, but she saw him and remained frightened. Since any offspring of a Wolf is able to understand its language, Cesaire attempted to communicate with Lucie. However, when Lucie was unable to understand him, Cesaire realized Suzette’s infidelity. It was upon this revelation that Cesaire killed Lucie in an act of rage, later killing Adrian and clawing Valerie’s mother. He also reveals that he killed Valerie’s grandmother once she realized that he was the Wolf.

Cesaire is about to bite Valerie when Peter arrives to save her. Cesaire then fights Peter and bites him. As Cesaire attempts to bite Valerie again, Peter throws his axe into his back and Valerie stabs him with the silver fingernails of Father Solomon’s severed hand and kills him. Valerie and Peter then dispose of Cesaire’s body by filling him with rocks and dumping him into the middle of the river. When Peter rows Valerie back to the bank of the river he stays in the boat and tells her he has to leave because she is unsafe near him until he can learn to control himself. Valerie then has a vision of herself running away with Peter and wants to give in but instead tells him she will wait for him. Smiling, Peter says that he knew she would say that.

A year later the village has returned to normal and Suzette has finally come to realize that Cesaire will not return, never learning his true identity or fate. Henry is shown to have become a brave soldier, having called off his engagement to Valerie when he realized she loved Peter. Valerie now lives in her Grandmother’s house, away from the village. One night while outside the cottage, Valerie hears something calling her name. She turns to see a wolf coming out of the darkness and she smiles as Peter has returned to her. As the credits roll, Valerie and Peter are seen together on a snowy mountain.

In the alternate ending released with the DVD, the ending proceeds much the same. However when Peter returns to Valerie, at her Grandmother’s house in the woods she turns to reveal a newborn child in her arms wearing a red cloak.

REVIEW:

If ever there were proof that those Twilight films have ruined it for us all, this is it.

Red Riding Hood is not the typical telling that we all know. This version is more along the lines of the Grimm version

The plot actually has nothing to do with her going to her ailing grandmother’s house with goodies. As a matter of fact, the grandmother isn’t ailing at all, though she does visit. This has more to di with her personal life and how the wolf is actually a werewolf.

I haven’t read the Grimm version of this, bu the sheer fact that they had to bring a werewolf into this just shows you how messed up our culture is these days. I’m surprised they didn’t try to stick any vampires in, just for good measure.

The pacing of this film is frantic, and not in a good way. While it makes a sold attempt to keep the audience engaged and not veer off into the teen angst drama realm, it fails, especially when they keep going back to the relationship between Valerie and Peter.

Speaking of Peter, is that some sort of veiled reference to “Peter and the Wolf”, or just coincidence?

I can say that, while the wolf look just as fake as some other werewolves that have been seen on-screen lately, at least it didn’t look like a giant teddy bear.

The acting was very wooden throughout, but Amanda Seyfried sells her role very well and Gary Oldman’s over the top performance works for his character.

It should be said that Virginia Madsen is perfectly cast as Seyfried’s mom. Who else has such big eyes?

Yes, there is a scene in the film where red riding hood tells grandmother what big eyes, teeth, and nose she has, but it’s not in correlation with the wolf…at least we don’t know it at the time.

I don’t know. For me this seemed like they were just trying to make tween horror drama and failing. For goodness sakes, Peter’s hair is spiked up like he put a ton of product in it. Can you honestly tell me that had that stuff back then?

This film was directed by the woman who directed the original Twilight, and it shows. She obviously is trying to capture that “magic” again, and it just doesn’t work. Like I just said in Beastly, if they wouldn’t have tried so hard to make this a teeny-bopper flick, this would have been so much better. It has so much potential. Unfortunately, it is all wasted, and your time would be too, if you choose to watch it. Stay away, if you know what’s good for you.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Beastly

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Kyle Kingston (Alex Pettyfer) is the arrogant and vain son of wealthy and equally as arrogant and vain news anchor Rob Kingston (Peter Krause). When he wins Green Committee president, he bullies the eccentric Kendra Hilferty (Mary-Kate Olsen) for being ugly and strange at the after-party. Disgusted, Kendra magically transforms Kyle into a bald, tattooed and scarred shell of his once-handsome self. Kendra says Kyle has until the next spring to find someone who loves him or he stays this way forever. His father Rob takes Kyle to live in a private condo with their maid, Zola (Lisa Gay Hamilton), and Kyle’s blind tutor, Will Fratalli (Neil Patrick Harris). Rob initially promises to support his son, but gradually neglects his son over time and stops visiting him after work altogether. Angry and hurt, Kyle finds sympathy from Will and Zola.

As spring draws closer, Kyle finds himself infatuated with Lindy Taylor (Vanessa Hudgens), a girl from his former school who he had initially been as distant to as he was to Kendra. When Lindy and her father are about to be shot by two brothers on the street, Lindy’s father shoots one of the brothers, the surviving one vowing vengeance by taking Lindy’s life. Kyle saves Lindy and her father, and arranges for Lindy to move in with him for her own safety. Initially, Lindy is furious about hiding, since she was to go to Machu Picchu on a field trip – but after she claims she’s seen worse when Kyle reveals himself to her (now calling himself “Hunter” around her), they warm up to each other. Kyle writes a letter to Lindy professing his love to her, but he never plans to give it to her, in fear of Lindy not feeling the same way. Will and Zola continue to help Kyle win her over, as the two begin to fall in love. In time, he completely wins her over when they read Frank O’Hara’s poem “Having a Coke with You” together out loud. Closer to spring, Kyle goes to visit Kendra, begging for more time. Kendra refuses, but agrees to will restore Will’s vision and grant citizenship to Zola’s three children in Jamaica as well as restoring Kyle to his original self if he succeeds in winning Lindy’s heart.

Lindy receives a text message from her father that the criminal who threatened her life is in jail. She and Kyle spend an afternoon at one of Rob’s private cottages on a lake. As they are about to kiss, Lindy receives a call notifying her that her father overdosed and is in a hospital. Kyle gives permission for Lindy to leave and see her father. After driving Lindy to see the train station, Kyle gives her his letter, but regrets doing so when she tells him he’s a good friend before leaving. Heartbroken, Kyle does not answer Lindy’s phone calls, after she reads his letter. Inspired by Will and Zola, Kyle goes to meet Lindy one last time before she leaves for Machu Picchu, and explains he did not answer her calls because he thought she only liked him as a friend. Lindy professes her love, and departs for Machu Picchu. Kyle’s normal, handsome self is restored with Kendra’s spell broken, but Lindy decides against leaving and tries to find “Hunter” again. She initially ignores Kyle while searching for Hunter, only for Kyle’s phone to ring when she calls “Hunter”. Realizing Hunter was Kyle, the two share a kiss in the street.

Will wakes up one morning and to his delight can see again. Zola finds three green cards for her children in the mail from the government. Kendra is also seen approaching Rob Kingson’s office as a new intern, implying that Kendra will likely do the same thing to Rob as she did to Kyle. In the credits, a series of photographs show that Kyle and Lindy went around the world together – starting with Machu Picchu

REVIEW:

This is not your typical Beauty & the Beast telling, but you cannot make the mistake of not knowing what this tale is.

Beastly is a modern telling of the classic fairy tale. If you know the story (and who doesn’t?), then you pretty much know the plot, but there are some difference.

This film centers around Kyle, a each kid who has been taught that looks are everything. Because of his views on looks, a witch (in the form of a fellow student) named Kendra turns him into a horribly disfigured and tattooed freak. He has 1 year to find someone to love him. The tattoo of the tree on his body will bloom as time passes by.

During Kyle’s isolation, he actually fosters some strong relationships. The first is with his blind tutor, the second is with the housekeeper/maid, and the last (and arguably most important) is with the underrated cutie Lindy.

After a chance life saving event, Kyle, assuming the alias Hunter, brings Lindy to live with him in order to protect her from the murderers that are after her and her father. She initially protests, but as time passes she and Hunter grow close until she learns that her father is in the hospital after an overdose.

This causes Hunter to let her go, something he does not wish to do, especially since she is obviously the one who can break the curse, but her family is more important, and he understands this.

After some momentum halting drama, the film’s final scene is one where Hunter goes to see Lindy at school in and effort to reveal his true feelings for her and who he really is, hoping that the curse can be broken.

I guess this just wasn’t my film, because I found it to be nothing more than one long bore. Having said that, the story wasn’t bad. It just felt as if they were trying to hard to appeal to the teen audience and ignore everyone else. That, in all honesty, may be this film’s biggest downfall.

The modern take on Beauty & the Beast was nor my cup of tea. Call me a purist, but I think classic fairy tales should be left in their classic settings. I kept wishing that Kyle would just grow into a giant, hairy beast, but it never happened.

I say this because, apparently a full body tatoo, some giant pimples, and shaved head is enough to be considered ugly. What kind of madness is that? Truth be told, he does look different than normal, but not enough to be considered disfigured, as they claim he is.

No one really shines in this film, with the exception of Neil Patrick Harris. Obviously, he is meant to be comic relief, and his character seems to have some traits in common with Barney from How I Met Your Mother.

The other somewhat bright spot happens to be Mary-Kate Olsen. It isn’t so much that she’s a great addition to the cast, but rather than she isn’t attached at the hip with Ashley.

I also have to mention the fact that they felt the need to keep Alex Pettyfer, who was much better in I Am Number Four, shirtless throughout most of the film. First of all the guy is nothing but skin and bones, and secondly, this was just some shameless, gratuitous toplessness. Of course, had that have been a female shirtless for most of the film, you know I wouldn’t complain, so I guess I shouldn’t come off so hypocritical, but that just seemed odd. Once we saw the full tattoo, we got the picture. There really was no need to keep showing it, if you ask me.

Beastly is not for everyone. It surely wasn’t for me. Of course, I will see this again when I get the chance because I was being disturbed by a teenaged couple and their loud playing for most of the film. However, if given the option, I would go for the late 80s show or the Disney version of Beauty & the Beast. Both are infinitely superior and more entertaining than this snoozefest was. Such a shame, this had such potential, especially after reading what the alternate ending was. In the hands of a director who wasn’t trying to create some kind of tween sensation, this would have been awesome and received a much better rating.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Dog Eat Dog

PLOT:

It’s a dog-eat-dog world in this aptly titled thriller starring Hollywood icon Jayne Mansfield, Cameron Mitchell and Werner Peters. Thieves have purloined a million dollars and chosen to hide out on a remote Mediterranean island. But plenty of others want their mitts on that money, prompting a money-grubbing chase that ends in mayhem and murder.

REVIEW:

I was looking for a Jayne Mansfield flick to watch today, and lo and behold, Dog Eat Dog pops up in the mail. As faithful readers are more than aware, Jayne Mansfield is one of my favorite classic cinema actresses.

It would appear that this was one of those films she made on the downslope of her career when she US studios had seemingly given up on her. I say this because of the bad English dubbing, the obvious Italian language poster, and the fact that Jayne herself is voiced by someone else.

I wish I could tell you what this film was about but, honestly, I had a little bit of trouble figuring it out. I know it had something to with a couple who had somehow manged to pilfer quite a lot of money from somewhere with the help of a partner who was involved in a double cross. The hotel manager gets suspicious and somehow they all end up at this château.

Everyone says this flick is campy, but once you get past the first 30 minutes or so of it, it makes a drastic switch in tone to a dark, serious crime drama.

I don’t really have much to say about Dog Eat Dog, other than Jayne Mansifeld could have done better than this, but I guess everyone has to make that money somehow, right? Well, I guess if one wants to watch all of her works, this is one of those you have to suffer through. Unfortunately, got everyone else, this is one of those that you shouldn’t waste your time on.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Just Go With It

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Danny Maccabee (Adam Sandler) is a successful plastic surgeon in Los Angeles who feigns unhappy marriages to get women, after having been heartbroken on his wedding day 20 years ago. The only woman aware of his schemes is his office manager Katherine Murphy (Jennifer Aniston), a divorced mother of two. At a party, Danny meets Palmer (Brooklyn Decker), a sixth grade math teacher, without his wedding ring on, and they have a connection together. The next morning, she ends up finding the ring, and she assumes he was hiding the fact he was married. She refuses to date him because her parents divorced due to adultery and doesn’t want to be an adulteress herself.

Danny goes to Palmer’s school to try to woo Palmer back. Instead of telling her the truth, he tells her that he is getting divorced from a woman named Devlin, named after Devlin Adams, whom Katherine had mentioned was an old college sorority nemesis. Palmer then insists on meeting Devlin, and Danny agrees. Danny asks Katherine to pose for him, and they go shopping on Rodeo Drive to buy her clothes, so she can look like a trophy wife.

At a hotel having drinks, Danny and Palmer are greeted by a made-over Katherine, who gives them her blessing. However, after hearing Katherine talking on the phone with her kids, Palmer assumes that her kids are Danny’s as well, which Danny goes along with. Danny then privately meets with Katherine’s kids, Maggie (Bailee Madison) and Michael (Griffin Gluck), to get them to play along. Initially, Katherine is furious, but she reluctantly agrees.

Palmer meets the kids, with Maggie using a fake British accent. Michael blackmails Danny in front of Palmer to take them all to Hawaii. At the airport, they are all surprised by Danny’s cousin Eddie (Nick Swardson), who has adopted an Austrian disguise and claims to be “Devlin’s” lover, so he can jump in on their trip to Hawaii. To maintain the lies, Danny is forced to bring him, though their stories are under-prepared and he ends up being “Dolph Lundgren” (not the actor), an Austrian sheep salesman.

At the resort in Hawaii, Danny tells Eddie he’s considering asking Palmer to marry him. Katherine and Danny run into the real-life Devlin Adams (Nicole Kidman) and her husband Ian Maxtone-Jones (Dave Matthews), who allegedly invented the iPod. Because of Katherine and Devlin’s long-time rivalry, Katherine introduces Danny as her husband rather than admit she’s a single mother.

Danny and Palmer spend time with Maggie and Michael, during which Michael breaks down. He says that his (real) father won’t make time for him, causing Palmer to get upset because she assumes he’s sad about his relationship with Danny. Palmer resolves to spend time with Katherine, so Danny can spend time with the kids. Danny teaches Michael how to swim, and Katherine and Palmer look on in admiration at Danny winning the kids over.

Katherine again runs into Devlin, who invites her and Danny out to dinner. Eddie agrees to take Palmer out in the meantime. At dinner, Devlin asks Danny and Katherine to tell each other what they admire most about each other, since she believes that they’re married. Unable to make up that many lies on such short notice, they end up saying honest things to each other, and Danny and Katherine start to feel a connection. But when Palmer and Eddie return from their dinner date, Palmer suggests that she and Danny get married now, since a drunken Eddie had told her about Danny’s plans of engagement. Danny and Katherine are both surprised by her proposition, but Danny ultimately agrees. Danny later calls Katherine regarding his confusion, but Katherine says that she will be taking a job in New York City (that she mentioned to him earlier) to get a fresh start to her life.

The next day, Palmer confronts Katherine regarding getting married to Danny, as she has noticed Danny’s feelings for her, which Katherine dismisses. Katherine then runs into Devlin at a bar and admits that she made up being married to Danny to avoid embarrassment. Devlin confesses that she’s divorcing Ian because he’s gay and also that he didn’t really invent the iPod and made his money after suing the Los Angeles Dodgers after getting hit by a foul ball. Katherine confides in Devlin saying she’s in love with Danny even though they won’t be together. Danny, however, shows up behind her, telling her that he didn’t go through with marrying Palmer and that he’s in love with Katherine, and the two share a kiss.

Danny and Katherine continue their vacation without Palmer, who heads back to the mainland alone, meeting a professional tennis player (Andy Roddick — Brooklyn Decker’s real-life husband) on the plane ride back who shares her interests. Sometime later, Danny and Katherine get married.

REVIEW:

It has been awhile since I’ve watched a romantic comedy, and to be honest I actually had planned to watch something else, but I’ll get to that this weekend.

The plot of this is that Dr. Danny Maccabee is about to get married, but before he walks down the alter, he finds out that his bride wants nothing to do with him, but wants his money, on top of having affair after affair. Danny then goes out to the bar where he meets a highly attractive woman who sees his ring and believe he is married, yet still goes home with him. This begins 20 yrs of one-nigh stand lies that culminate in his meeting Palmer.

Once he meets Palmer, something clicks and he falls in love, but she actually has a good head on her shoulders and doesn’t fall for his lies. This causes Danny to coerce his assistant to be his fake wife, or soon to be ex-wife. Sound outrageous? Well, that’s only the beginning.

The lies keep adding up, including using Katherine’s children in this scheme, a brother with a very bad fake German accent who is some sort of sheep farmer, a trip to Hawaii (thanks to some creative blackmailing by one of the kids), and some confusing twisted lies to Katherine’s frenemy, Devlin.

For all my male readers out, admit it, there is only reason you even know about this film and that is Brooklyn Decker’s slow motion emergence from the water with her boobs bouncing ever so noticeably. Other than that scene being so short, it doesn’t disappoint, but hold on…there are other scenes of Brooklyn in various states of undress, including another swimming scene (including Jennifer Aniston).

On top of those two pieces of total hotness, we get Nicole Kidman (and her abs) as a bonus.

The story here is based on a Broadway play from the 60s, and I believe there was also a film, too, but don’t hold me to that.

The chemistry between all the characters is great.

Adam Sandler seems to get mellower and mellower with each of his films I see, which I guess is fine, but I yearn for the days he returns to his manchild roots.

Jennifer Aniston might as well have gone back to bein Rachel from Friends with this character. Heck, there is even a scene where she has the haircut again. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I actually think it works, especially when she becomes the trophy wife. I really liked her character here. Now, I’m curious to see her in Horrible Bosses.

Brooklyn Decker, in her first big screen role, doesn’t do half bad. She’s no thespian, but she does what she needs to, which is look hot, let her boobs bounce, and be the proverbial other woman. I think she would have been a better choice than what we got in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, though Rosie whats-her-name did ok.

Nick Swardson surprised me. When I saw that he was in this, I somehow knew that he was going to be that annoying character, which he was, but he knew when to capitalize on the annoyingness and when to hold back.

I do have a complaint. I think I said something like this about Forgetting Sarah Marshall and any other film that features hot women in Hawaii. Why, in the name of all that is good and holy, would you keep those amazing bodies of Brooklyn Decker, Jennifer Aniston, and Nicole Kidman (when she shows up) covered up for most of the time they’re down there. It just makes no sense!!!

Also, while the kids were interesting characters, especially the girl, but they seemed to be nothing more than supporting characters. While that was the intent, one would imagine they could have done something more with them. I may be alone in thinking that, though.

So, will Just Go With It cause you to fall in love with romantic comedies? Not really, but it actually is better than you might think, and I’m not just saying that because of the hotness of the ladies. This really is a good flick. Now, I’m not going to say go out and buy the DVD (unless you’re a total horndog and want to run the bikini scenes in slow-mo), but it is definitely worth watching.

4 out of 5 stars

Don’t Bother to Knock

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Lyn Lesley, the bar singer at New York’s McKinley Hotel, frets about the impending arrival of her boyfriend, airline pilot Jed Towers. Lyn had mailed Jed a letter ending their six-month relationship, and when Jed questions her, she explains that she is leaving him because he lacks an understanding heart.

Meanwhile, elevator operator Eddie introduces his shy niece, Nell Forbes, to guests Peter and Ruth Jones as the babysitter he has arranged for their daughter Bunny. The Joneses, who are dining in the hotel’s banquet hall, bid goodnight to Bunny.

Nell is worried about her lack of experience. After the child falls asleep, Nell goes into the other room and dons a lacy negligee belonging to Ruth, as well as some of her perfume and jewelry. Jed, whose room is across the courtyard, can see Nell through the window.

He calls the voluptuous blonde on the telephone. While she is intimidated by Jed’s seductive tone, Nell is also intrigued, but their conversation is interrupted by Eddie, who is checking on Nell. He orders her to remove Ruth’s apparel. When she protests, Eddie soothes her by saying that she can obtain such luxuries for herself by finding another boyfriend to replace the one who was killed. Eddie then leaves, and Nell invites Jed to come over.

Jed is bewildered by her hesitant, yet flirtatious demeanor, as well as by her inconsistent explanations about her presence in the hotel. Nell is startled when Jed states that he is a pilot. She confides that boyfriend Philip died while flying over the Pacific.

Bunny interrupts them, whereupon Nell shakes the child and orders her to return to bed. Feeling sorry for Nell, who has been in New York for only a month, Jed acquiesces to her plea for him to stay. He also comforts the crying Bunny, although when Bunny looks out the window, it appears that Nell is about to push her. Jed rescues the girl, the incident being witnessed by Emma Ballew, a nosy, long-term resident.

Nell escorts the child to bed, then accuses Bunny of spying on her and warns her not to make any noise. Jed has decided to seek Lyn’s forgiveness, but Nell again begs him not to leave. As he is refusing a kiss from her, Jed sees scars on her wrists. Nell confesses that after Philip died, she tried to kill herself with a razor.

Eddie again comes to check on Nell. Jed hides in the bathroom to avoid a confrontation. Eddie is irate that Nell is still wearing Ruth’s things. He chastises her, saying he had thought that Nell was “getting better.” Eddie orders her to change clothes, then harshly rubs off her lipstick. The action enrages Nell, who accuses Eddie of being just like her repressive parents, then hits him over the head with a heavy ashtray.

Almost in a trance, Nell goes into Bunny’s room as Jed tends to Eddie’s wound. Nell returns and is confronted by the Ballews, who are suspicious of the child’s cries they have heard. Fearing for his job, Eddie persuades Jed to hide in the bathroom, but while Nell is talking with the neighbors, Jed sneaks into Bunny’s room. He does not notice that Bunny is now bound and gagged. When the Ballews see him leave, they assume that Jed had forced his way in and was holding Nell captive.

The Ballews notify the hotel detective. Nell, who is now so deluded that she believes Jed is Philip, locks Eddie in the closet and goes into Bunny’s room. In the bar, Jed tells Lyn about Nell. She is surprised by his sympathetic reaction.

Suddenly realizing that Bunny was on the wrong bed, Jed rushes up to the room, where Nell, believing that Bunny drove Jed away, is about to hurt the girl. Ruth Jones arrives first to check on her daughter and is attacked by Nell. Jed rushes in and pulls Nell away from Ruth, but she slips away as he unties Bunny.

Jed releases Eddie from the closet, Eddie admits that Nell had spent the previous three years in a mental institution following her suicide attempt. Jed then searches for the missing Nell and finds her in the lobby, where she is threatening to kill herself with a razor. Still believing that he is Philip, Nell is baffled by Jed’s attempts to help her, but his soothing tone induces her to give him the razor. Seeing that Jed has an understanding heart after all, Lyn reconciles with him as Nell is led away to a hospital.

REVIEW:

There are very few Marilyn Monroe movies that show off her true acting ability. The last one that I saw where she showed what she could really do was River of No Return, which was a true departure from her normal ditzy blonde roles. Don’t Bother to Knock was an even further departure from her norm.

The picture is centered around an unhinged babysitter in New York who becomes the object of affection for a pilot who has just broken up with his girlfriend. During the course of the film, we learn just how detached from reality and disturbed the babysitter really is, not to mention the fact that she was recently committed for attempted suicide after the death of her beau. As with any film of this nature, the climax comes in trying to keep the child safe from this proverbial “psycho”.

As I said earlier, this is a true departure for Marilyn Monroe. I actually thought she was going to come off as trying too hard, but this really was a decent performance, especially for her. Now, I won’t go so far as to sa it was good, but she did make the character come to life, which is all we can ask for from an actor, right?

The story really had me riveted and not bored out of my like I thought I would be when I read the synopsis. Admittedly, though, there were parts that lagged, but that is to be expected.

When all is said and done, Don’t Bother to Knock isn’t the best piece of classic cinema I’ve seen, nor is it memorable, but it was worth a viewing and I think anyone would enjoy this flick, whether you’re a fan of the classics or not.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars