Team America: World Police

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Team America exists to stop terrorists from committing world crimes. With a home base within Mount Rushmore, the team consists of: Lisa, a psychologist; Carson, Lisa’s love interest; Sarah, an alleged psychic; Joe, an all-American jock who is in love with Sarah; and Chris, a technological and martial arts expert who harbors a mistrust of actors. The team is led by Spottswoode, a United States government agent. I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. is their highly-advanced supercomputer. The team stops a terrorist attack on Paris, France, destroying the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, and the Louvre in the process, and Carson proposes to Lisa afterwards, but is killed by a dying terrorist. In search of a new member, Spottswoode recruits Gary Johnston, a Broadway actor who is to use his acting talents to infiltrate terrorist organizations. Both Lisa and Sarah become romantically attracted to him. but Chris hates him due to his past as an actor. Unbeknownst to the team, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il is supplying international terrorists with weapons of mass destruction, planning a worldwide attack.

I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. is informed of a terrorist meeting in Cairo, Egypt, and Gary goes in undercover, infiltrating their group by feigning fluency in Arabic, which he speaks as gibberish and randomly inserting “derka”, “jihad” and “Muhammad”. The team captures the terrorists, but their actions again leave most of the city in ruins. The group is criticized by the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.), a union of liberal Hollywood actors. The group includes Gary’s favorite actor, Alec Baldwin, and his heavy criticism is discouraging to Gary. Gary confesses to Lisa that his acting talent caused his brother to be killed by gorillas, and they consummate their relationship while a group of terrorists blow up the Panama Canal. The terrorists claim this is retaliation for Team America’s attack in Egypt, and the Film Actors Guild blames the team. Gary, realizing his acting talents have once again resulted in tragedy, abandons the team. The team is attacked and captured by North Koreans while investigating a terrorist base, and meanwhile Michael Moore infiltrates the team’s base and suicide bombs the area. Kim Jong-il, upset with the terrorists’ actions, expresses his frustration and despair by singing “I’m So Ronery, and meanwhile Gary slips into alcoholism.

In North Korea, Kim Jong-il plans to host an elaborate peace ceremony with Alec Baldwin as the host, inviting not only the Film Actors Guild, but also the world’s political leaders. During the celebration, a series of bombs will be detonated throughout the world, reducing every nation to a Third World country. Gary returns to the Team’s headquarters in Mount Rushmore and finds only ruins, although Spottswoode and I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. have survived. After regaining Spottswoode’s trust by performing oral sex on him, and undergoing a one-day training course (shown as a montage for comic effect), Gary is sent to North Korea. Gray frees the team and a battle ensues with the Film Actors Guild, during which Chris confesses to Gary that his mistrust of actors is due to the fact that he was raped by the cast of Cats at the age of nineteen. Gary convinces the world leaders that people like Team America are needed to keep worse people like Kim Jong-il at bay, reciting a speech he heard from a drifter. Kim Jong-il then kills Alec with an assault rifle, but is defeated by Lisa and impaled on a Pickelhaube. Kim’s bombs are disarmed, and he is revealed to be a cockroach from another planet, departing in a miniature spaceship promising to return. The team reunites to fight terrorists worldwide once again

REVIEW:

South Park is one of my favorite shows and Parker and Stone have shown that they are comic geniuses, at times. When Team America: World Police was released I wasn’t able to see it, mainly because the girl I was dating at the time was about as hard core pro-war as one can be without joining the military and would defend any and everything that had to do it while discounting anything that was against it. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last very long. Finally, after all these years, I’m finally getting around to watch this in its entirety.

What is this about?

“South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone apply their acerbic wit to global crime-fighting in this musical satire about an all-marionette police force that takes on the challenging role of keeping peace on a troubled planet. Wherever there’s a dictator itching to rule the world, Team America flies in to dismantle the government. The team’s newest recruit is Gary Johnston, a Broadway star who just may have found his true calling.

What did I like?

Puppets. I’m an avid supporter of hand-drawn and stop-motion animation, as they have proven time and time again to be the most entertaining, but these marionettes could be an overlooked medium. Yes, you can say it looked a little sloppy, but take a moment and think about the kind of humor that Parker and Stone are known for. The fact that the strings are so obvious is part of their vision.

Tongue-in-cheek. The acronyms used, more specifically what they ended up spelling out. I won’t spoil either, you just have to watch and see for yourself, but I will say that it goes back to the kind of humor we have come to expect from these two.

Sex. Yes, there is a sex scene, and it involves two puppets. Puppets sex is a strange thing, and it does seem to be rather oddly placed in here, but like a car wreck, one can’t help but keep looking. There is a reason this is listed as one of the all-time best sex scene in cinema. Can you believe they actually had to cut it down to avoid an NC-17 rating?

What didn’t I like?

Story. I don’t know what it is about the actual plot of this flick, but I just didn’t connect with it. For a big screen motion picture, this really should have been something…I don’t want to say special, but better. The silliness of it all was fine and dandy, and actually kept my interest, but there’s only so far that can go.

Political. I am no fan of politics, and let’s face it, even thought this is a satirical look at how America seems to think they are the world police, hence the title, I just didn’t seem to care for it. No, it isn’t because it differed from my viewpoint, I just wasn’t a fan of all the political stuff.

No Bush. It seems as if this film did everything but bash Bush. I have to wonder why, though. It seems as if this would have been the perfect opportunity to spoof the then President. It doesn’t seem as if Parker and Stone are exactly pro-Bush, but I could be wrong.

Team America: World Police is notable for the use of marionettes, but in terms of film, I sort of felt it was overrated. With the lack of actual voice actors here, this could have very well have been used as an episode of South Park. That being said, this isn’t a film that should be avoided, but something you should check out at least once.

3 1/4 out of 5 stars

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

When Rainbow Brite (Bettina Bush) and her magical horse Starlite (Andre Stojka), go to Earth to start spring, they meet Stormy (Marissa Mendenhall), another magical girl who controls the season of winter with her horse Skydancer (Peter Cullen). Stormy, however, doesn’t want to end her winter fun, so Rainbow battles her for control over the season. Stormy proves to be no match for Rainbow and Starlite, who outrun her and head off to Earth. When they arrive, they meet up with Brian (Scott Menville), the only boy on Earth who can “see” Rainbow and Starlite.

Once Rainbow tries to start spring, however, her power weakens and winter remains. Brian becomes worried that spring will never come and senses that all of humanity is losing hope. Even Stormy is confused. Reassuring Brian that they will do what they can to return spring, Rainbow and Starlite return to Rainbowland.

Rainbow is paid a visit by a strange robotic horse with rockets for legs named On-X (Pat Fraley). He presents an urgent message from a legendary Sprite named Orin (Les Tremayne) who explains the luminous and magical planet Spectra, a planet of pure diamond that “all light in the universe has to pass through,” has grown dark. If it dims completely, all life in the universe will die.

Rainbow takes the mission to find Orin and later learns that Spectra is dimming as the result of a massive net being woven around the surface. The net is being made so that a selfish princess (Rhonda Aldrich), known only as the “Dark Princess,” can steal Spectra, “the greatest diamond in all the universe,” for herself, and tow it back to her world with her massive spaceship. The native Sprites of Spectra, enslaved by Glitterbots under the Princess’s control, are being forced to weave the net. Now Rainbow has to stop the Princess’s plan before all life on Earth is frozen solid by an endless winter.

Helping Rainbow and Starlite is Krys (David Mendenhall), a boy from Spectra. Krys believes he can take on the evil Princess and save his home world himself without the help of a “dumb girl.” When they meet Orin, the wise Sprite tries to make the two children get along and work together to stop the evil Princess. Orin tells them that they can only destroy her by combining their own powers against her.

Getting in the way of their mission is the sinister Murky Dismal (Peter Cullen) and his bumbling assistant Lurky (Pat Fraley) who, as usual, are lavishing in the new gloom created by the darkening of Spectra, as well as trying to steal Rainbow’s magical color belt.

After dodging Murky, Rainbow and Krys enter the Dark Princess’s castle and try to convince her that what she is doing will destroy the universe, but the spoiled and uncaring Princess is determined to have the diamond planet for herself and traps the children instead. Working together, Rainbow and Krys escape and use their powers to destroy the Princess’ spaceship, which extends an array of robotic claws to grab the net around Spectra. (It is often assumed that Princess herself is also destroyed in this scene, but she actually returns in the Rainbow Brite animated series’ 1986 episode “The Queen of the Sprites”.)

Once the Princess is defeated, the enslaved Sprites are freed and immediately destroy the net so that Spectra radiates its magical light once again. On Earth, a warm spring finally arrives as life returns to the planet and Rainbow returns to Rainbowland finding her friends are back to normal.

REVIEW:

Growing up in the 80s, it was nigh impossible to escape the barrage of Rainbow Brite commercials that aired. Strangely enough, though, I don’t think there were any during little girl cartoons like Jem or My Little Pony. I was not planning on watching this, even in my wildest dreams, but a certain person in this house insisted on watching Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer.

What is this about?

The dark princess is up to no good! She’s snatched the Spectra — the universe’s sole source of light. Without Spectra in its rightful place, all will be plunged into gloom and dreariness unless Rainbow Brite and her friends can defeat the princess. In an animated cosmos of enchanted worlds, spunky Rainbow Brite and her magical horse, Starlite, confront evil by using color, magic, cleverness and joy as ammunition.

What did I like?

Nostalgia. The animation and voices brought back lots of memory from my childhood, as the company that produced this is responsible for many of the hit cartoons of the 80s, and the voices are some of the most popular and recognizable of the time, including Peter Cullen.

Happy. Let’s see here, we have little girls, shiny things, and rainbows. The default recipe for supposed happiness, something that has been sorely missing from any and everything anymore these days. Yeah, it could be construed as too sugary sweet, but that is the point on Rainbow Brite, from what I can tell.

What didn’t I like?

Princess. From what I gather, Murky and Lurky are actually Rainbow Brite’s arch-nesmeses, but here they are nothing more than a couple of second-rate stooges trying to appear as if they’ve accomplished an evil feat of grand proportions. For some reason, whenever a cartoon in the 80s got a movie, it barely resembled the show, going so far as to introduce new characters and downplay old ones. This is how we get Princess, who has to be one of the most annoying antagonists I’ve ever come across in my lifetime!

On-X. This is one cool looking horse, definitely an upgrade from Starlite. For all the props I give to his design and powers, his stuttering/short circuit thing didn’t make sense to me. Perhaps there is something I missed or don’t know in Rainbow Brite lore, but this ended up being nothing more than a distraction for me.

Music. This is an 80s film, so the music isn’t going to be the greatest in world, but it should be at least entertaining, and cheesy. However, I wasn’t feeling these songs. I bring to mind that episode of Family Guy where Brian and Stewie are in the multiverse and end up in a world that resembles a Disney cartoon. That 20 second song was better than the 2 or 3 that populate this soundtrack.

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer obviously was not meant for male viewers, even though they tried to force that boy, Krys down our throats. This is a cartoon just for the girls, and they can have it. I think my gender severely biased me against this film from the beginning and I just couldn’t get over it, but I just didn’t find this film entertaining, even for an 80s cartoon. If you were a fan of the cartoon as a child, then that would be the only reason to watch this, otherwise it is best to forget this even exists, if you know what’s good for you, that is.

2 1/3 out of 5 stars

Revisited #5: The Day the Earth Stood Still

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

An extraterrestrial flying saucer is tracked flying around the Earth until it lands on the President’s Park Ellipse in Washington, D.C.. Klaatu (Michael Rennie) emerges, announcing that he has come from outer space on a goodwill mission. When he takes out and opens a small device, Klaatu is shot and wounded by a nervous soldier. In response, Gort, a large humanoid robot, emerges from the ship and begins disintegrating the weapons present with a ray coming from a visor-like structure on its head. Gort continues until Klaatu orders him to stop. Klaatu explains that the now destroyed object was a viewing device, a gift for the President.

Klaatu is taken to an army hospital, where he is found to be physically human, but stuns the doctors with the quickness of his healing. Meanwhile the military attempts to enter Klaatu’s ship, finding it impregnable. Gort stands by, mute and unmoving.

Klaatu reveals to the President’s secretary, Harley (Frank Conroy), that he bears a message so momentous and urgent that it must be revealed to all the world’s leaders simultaneously. Harley tells him that it would be impossible to get all of the world leaders to agree to meet. Klaatu wants to get to know the ordinary people. Harley forbids it and leaves Klaatu locked up under guard.

Klaatu escapes and lodges at a boarding house, assuming the alias “Mr. Carpenter,” the name he finds on the cleaners tag on the suit he “borrowed.” Among the residents are Helen Benson (Patricia Neal), a World War II widow, and her son Bobby (Billy Gray). At breakfast the next morning, during alarming radio reports, Klaatu takes in his fellow boarders’ suspicions and speculations about the alien visit.

While Helen and her boyfriend Tom Stephens (Hugh Marlowe) go on a day trip, Klaatu babysits Bobby. The boy takes Klaatu on a tour of the city, including a visit to his father’s grave in Arlington National Cemetery, where Klaatu is dismayed to learn that most of those buried there were killed in wars. The two visit the heavily guarded spaceship and the Lincoln Memorial. Klaatu, impressed by the Gettysburg Address inscription, queries Bobby for the greatest person living in the world. Bobby suggests a leading American scientist, Professor Jacob Barnhardt (Sam Jaffe), who lives in Washington, D.C. Bobby takes Klaatu to Barnhardt’s home, but the professor is absent. Klaatu enters and adds a key mathematical equation to an advanced problem on the professor’s blackboard, and then leaves his contact information with the suspicious housekeeper who attempts to rub out the equation with an eraser although is told not to by Klaatu.

Later, government agents escort Klaatu to see Barnhardt. Klaatu introduces himself and warns the professor that the people of the other planets have become concerned for their own safety after human beings developed atomic power. Klaatu declares that if his message goes unheeded, “Planet Earth will be eliminated.” Barnhardt agrees to arrange a meeting of scientists at Klaatu’s ship and suggests that Klaatu give a demonstration of his power. Klaatu returns to his spaceship the next evening to implement the idea, unaware that Bobby has followed him.

Bobby tells the unbelieving Helen and Tom what has transpired, but not until Tom finds a diamond on the floor of Klaatu’s room do they begin to accept his story. When Tom takes the diamond for appraisal, the jeweler informs him it is unlike any other on Earth.

Klaatu finds Helen at her workplace. She leads him to an unoccupied elevator which mysteriously stops at noon, trapping them together. Klaatu admits he is responsible, tells Helen his true identity, and asks for her help. A montage sequence shows that Klaatu has neutralized all electric power everywhere around the planet except in situations that would compromise human safety, such as hospitals and airplanes.

After the thirty-minute blackout ends, the manhunt for Klaatu intensifies and Tom informs authorities of his suspicions. Helen is very upset by Tom’s betrayal of Klaatu and breaks off their relationship. Helen and Klaatu take a taxi to Barnhardt’s home; en route, Klaatu instructs Helen that, should anything happen to him, she must tell Gort “Klaatu barada nikto”. When they are spotted, Klaatu is shot by military personnel. Helen heads to the spaceship. Gort awakens and kills two guards before Helen can relay Klaatu’s message. Gort gently deposits her in the spaceship, then goes to fetch Klaatu’s corpse. Gort then revives Klaatu while the amazed Helen watches. Klaatu explains that his revival is only temporary; even with their advanced technology, they cannot truly overcome death, that power being reserved for the “Almighty Spirit.”

Klaatu steps out of the spaceship and addresses the assembled scientists, explaining that humanity’s penchant for violence and first steps into space have caused concern among other inhabitants of the universe who have created and empowered a race of robot enforcers including Gort to deter such aggression. He warns that if the people of Earth threaten to extend their violence into space, the robots will destroy Earth, adding, “The decision rests with you.” He enters the spaceship and departs.

REVIEW:

My favorite classic sci-fi film of all time, outside of the holy trilogy, is The Day the Earth Stood Still. Some dumbkopf had the brilliant idea to remake this sparkling gem and accomplished nothing but tarnishing its legacy, prove why remakes should never be made, and making one of my top 5 worst films of all time, and I’ve seen some really bad ones!  As far as I’m concerned, the remake doesn’t exist, but how about the original?

What is this about?

A humanoid envoy (Michael Rennie) from another world lands in Washington, D.C., with a warning to Earth’s people to cease their violent behavior. But panic erupts when a nervous soldier shoots the messenger, and his robot companion tries to destroy the capital. A sci-fi hallmark that offers wry commentary on the political climate of the 1950s, this Golden Globe-winning classic is less concerned with special effects than with its potent message.

What did I like?

Message. Violent ways will be the end of us all, and we need to all get along. That is the basic message of this great film, in my summation. Klaatu gives a great speech at the end that says the same thing ,but I’m not nearly as eloquent or articulate. Much like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, this film is a commentary on the attitudes of the era. Sad thing is, both films were released the same year and here it is 61 years later and these attitudes and actions haven’t changed very much. It really is sad when you think about it.

Age ain’t nothin’ but a number. It is often mentioned how actors from this era seemed to be ageless. Well, look at Klaatuu. It is stated rather early in the flick that he is 75, but looks to be in his late 30s, this is because his planet’s science and medicine has advanced so far beyond ours. Michael Rennie, who plays Klaatu, was nearly 50 when this was made and released, yet looked to be in his 30s, whether that was coincidental or not, it is a nice little factoid.

Music. You know that eerie sound you hear in some horror movies and golden age sci films, such as this? That is called a theremin. I believe that it was created as a burglar alarm in Russia. This mysterious instrument is featured heavily in the score, especially the theme. Bernard Hermann’s masterful score really sets the mood for this film.

What didn’t I like?

Hugh. It seems that Hugh Marlowe is always playing the suspicious boyfriend in every film I’ve seen him in. Sure, it may work for him, but I don’t particularly care for it, especially in this film. Yeah, he may have thought he was protecting his prospective fiancée’, but as we see later in the film, he is more out for #1, a feat that is something we see all too often.

Gort. I love Gort. How can you not like a giant robot enforcer with the power to destroy an entire planet? The thing I don’t like about him, though, is that he seems to lumber around like a bad version of Frankenstein. I am taking into consideration this era and all that, but there are Godzilla puppets that moved better than Gort, in my opinion.

Stranger. After escaping from the hospital,Klaatu appears in the doorway of a boarding house. Seeing as how this is the 50s and a boarding house, that wasn’t an issue, but the fact that he doesn’t know much about Earth culture and acts as if he has never seen any of it ever before should have tipped someone off that he might very well have been the alien that everyone was after. A small complaint, though.

Military. When Klaatu arrives, the military is there to meet him, complete with tanks, guns and everything. As he is coming out of his ship, he produces what can be assumed to be a weapon, but turns out to be a present for the president. Without warning, some trigger-happy soldier shoots it out of his hand injuring him in the process. As it is said later in the film, the slightest act of aggression will send Gort into action. Basically, it comes down to this…that stupid soldier could very well have caused the end of the world. He’s just lucky Klaatu was able to stop Gort. This is a common problem with military in alien movies. They act way too soon!

The Day the Earth Stood Still is an immortal sci-fi classic, proven so by the fact that its central them still resonates today. Yes, you can say its a bit  dated, but come on people, this was made in the early 50s. The technology wasn’t there back then, so get over it! This is a film that I highly recommend you see ASAP. It is most definitely in my top films of all time, and I’m sure you will feel the same!

5 out of 5 stars

Dark Shadows

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1760, the Collins family migrates to America from Liverpool and sets up a fishing port in Maine, naming it Collinsport. Some years later, the son, Barnabas (Johnny Depp), seduces his family’s maid, Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green), who is a witch. When he tells her he doesn’t love or want her, Angelique kills Barnabas’ parents. Barnabas then falls in love with Josette du Pres (Bella Heathcote). In a fit of jealousy, Angelique bewitches Josette into leaping from a cliff to her death. Barnabas leaps after her in grief, but he survives because Angelique turns him into an immortal vampire. She rouses a mob to capture and bury Barnabas alive in a chained coffin in the woods and curses his family.

One hundred ninety-six years later, in the year 1972, construction workers accidentally free Barnabas from his coffin, who slakes his two-century hunger by feeding on and killing his rescuers. He makes his way back to his manor to find it inhabited by his dysfunctional descendants and their servants—the family matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer); her brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller); her 15-year-old daughter Carolyn (Chloë Grace Moretz); Roger’s 10-year-old son David (Gulliver McGrath); Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter), David’s psychiatrist; Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley), the manor’s caretaker; and Victoria Winters (Heathcote), David’s newly-hired governess and Josette’s reincarnation. Upon convincing Elizabeth of his identity by revealing a secret treasure room behind the fireplace, Barnabas is allowed to stay under the condition that he never reveal either the room or the fact that he is a vampire to the rest of the family. He must also pretend to be a distant relative from England who has come to restore the family’s business and reputation in town. He soon becomes very deeply attracted to Victoria, whom he briefly mistakes for his lost Josette, and immediately begins to pursue her.

As Barnabas helps revitalize the Collins’ fishery and manor, he is approached by Angelique, who has used her powers to establish a successful rival fishery called Angel Bay. She tries to win him back, later convincing him to make wild, passionate love with her, but he still rejects her, telling her that he loves Victoria instead. He restores his family’s name by inviting the entire town to a party at the manor featuring Alice Cooper, where Victoria reveals to Barnabas that her parents committed her to an insane asylum as a child because she could see and talk to Josette’s ghost. They kiss and confess their feelings to each other, unknowingly enraging Angelique who has witnessed the scene. Meanwhile, Dr. Hoffman has discovered Barnabas’ true nature after hypnotizing him. She convinces him to try to turn himself back to a regular human via blood transfusions, but her real intent is to use his blood to turn herself into a vampire to avoid aging. Upon discovering this betrayal, Barnabas drains her to death and dumps her body into the ocean. Barnabas catches Roger trying to find the secret room and exposes Roger’s lack of interest in his son. Barnabas then gives him a choice of either staying and being a good father to David or leaving the family. Roger chooses to leave, deeply wounding his son’s feelings. Soon afterward, Barnabas rescues David from a falling disco ball and stumbles into a beam of sunlight, burning his skin and exposing his secret to the horrified children and Victoria.

Later that night, Angelique calls Barnabas into her office, coaxes him into confessing Dr. Hoffman’s murder, and traps him in another coffin that she leaves in his family’s crypt. She then burns down the Collins’ canning factory and plays a recording of the murder confession to the police and gathered townsfolk, once more turning them against the family. Angelique leads the mob to Collinwood manor to arrest the family, but Barnabas is rescued from the coffin by David and he shows up at the manor and attacks Angelique in front of the mob, thereby exposing both his and her true natures. As the townspeople disperse, Angelique sets fire to the manor and admits her role in the family’s curse, including turning Carolyn into a werewolf and killing David’s mother at sea. Barnabas and the Collins family fight Angelique until David summons his mother’s vengeful ghost. The ghost gives a single scream which knocks Angelique into a chandelier. Before she dies she pulls out her heart and offers it to Barnabas; he refuses the heart and it shatters as Angelique dies. Barnabas then discovers that Angelique has bewitched Victoria into jumping off the same cliff Josette did. Barnabas arrives moments before Victoria is about to jump and breaks her hypnosis, but she reveals she wanted to fall. She pleads with him to make her a vampire so that they can remain together forever, but he refuses. She then casts herself off, forcing him to follow and bite her to save her life, and Victoria wakes up as a vampire. As the two kiss on the rocks in the waves, the film ends with an underwater scene showing a school of fish swimming away from Hoffman, who suddenly revives because she’s a vampire .

REVIEW:

In the 60s, Dark Shadows was a cult soap opera with supernatural themes, similar to one we had not that long ago called Passions. I don’t believe the soap was terribly popular, but it did last a few seasons and has gone on to become a cult favorite. If you are a fan of the series, you have my deepest sympathies for what Tim Burton has done.

What is this about?

Tim Burton’s take on the cult gothic soap follows a centuries-old vampire as he returns to his now-crumbling estate to meet his modern descendants. But what he finds is a house full of secrets and shadows.

What did I like?

Vision. I don’t think that there is a Tim Burton flick that I don’t instantly fall in love with the contrast of light and dark. Well, maybe Alice in Wonderland, but the rest are a nice mix of bright-colored backgrounds with dark stories and characters. This contrast even goes as far as the makeup. The ruby-red lips that Dr. Hoffman and Angelique are sporting, as well as Hoffman’s red hair really stand out in this macabre, dreary town.

Depp. I have to give it up to Johnny Depp, he really creates a vampire that could be frightening, and yet likable. He’s an unapologetic, bloodthirsty, vengeful, lecherous member of the undead and makes no apologies for it. This is a stark contrast to the vampires that have been polluting the screens the past few years. Depp also knocks it out of the park with his acting. I was expecting another character with that same British accent he uses eveyrtime he plays someone from across the pond, such as Jack Sparrow or Sweeny Todd.

70s and new blood. The 70s setting makes for quite some interesting experiences for someone who lived in the 19th century. It is quite the culture shock, especially when you see someone names Alice Cooper, who turns out to be “one ugly woman”. The infusion of two new, extremely attractive actresses, as opposed to the same ones we’ve seen over and over again, Eva Green (Angelique) and Bella Heathcote (Maggie/Victoria/Josette), not to mention the growing star of Chloe Grace Moertz.

What didn’t I like?

Change. I’m torn as to what I think of the change in tone from the original series. On one hand, I enjoyed it, as a film by itself. However, I did watch some episodes of the series this summer, and there were very few things that resembled this film, or vice versa. As I said before, if you’re a fan of the series, I feel your pain for what Burton did to something you truly love. At least they kept the supernatural aspect intact, and the comedy bits add a little spice to it.

Angelique. As much as I was drooling over Eva Green, I wasn’t too fond of the character, Angelique. She is one of those that does nothing but use her feminine wiles and witchcraft to manipulate the town into loving her and doing her bidding, but when Barnabas returns from the grave, she knows it could all very well end, ironically by one of her “creations”. The cracking porcelain face was a nice touch, though.

Pick a genre. One critic said that this film couldn’t decide what genre it wanted to be, horror, comedy, drama, etc. I have to agree, though it wasn’t as much of a distraction for me. I would have liked for it to go full on comedy since that is the direction they chose to go, with a few horror and dram a elements. This is based on a soap opera and deals with vampires, after all.

Ending. I won’t spoil the ending, but I will say that it sets up very nicely for a sequel. The problem is, they kind of tip their hat a little early by showing something they shouldn’t have while this particular character is getting killed. I guess that is more of a goof than a complaint…for now.

Dark Shadows provides some nice entertainment and will probably go on to be a cult favorite in years to come. The film was labeled as a flop this summer, but it came out the week after The Avengers, which went on to be #1 for like close to two months. I think this would have done better being released around Halloween. Do I recommend it? Yeah, this is one of those film you can start off your scary movie parties with as a warm-up, or if you’re into the horror comedy thing, couple this with something like Fido, This definitely worth checking out and is better than people give it credit for. Admittedly, I think I liked it more than I should have!

4 out of 5 stars

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Psychiatrist Dr. Hill is called to the emergency ward of a hospital, where a frantically screaming man is held in custody. Dr. Hill agrees to listen to his story. The man identifies himself as Dr. Miles Bennell, and recounts the events leading to his arrest in the flashback that follows.

In the fictional town of Santa Mira, California, Miles Bennell, a local doctor, has a number of patients accusing their loved ones of being impostors. Another patient is a former girlfriend of his, the recently divorced Becky Driscoll, who tells him that her cousin Wilma, has the same fear about Uncle Ira. Dr. Dan Kauffman, a psychiatrist in the town, assures Bennell that the cases are nothing but “epidemic mass hysteria”.

That same evening Bennell’s friend Jack Belicec finds a body with what appear to be his features, though it’s not yet fully developed. The next body found is a copy of Becky in the cellar of her house. When Bennell calls Kauffman to the scene, the bodies have mysteriously disappeared and Kauffman suspects Bennell of falling for the same hysteria. The following night Bennell, Becky, Jack and Jack’s wife Teddy again find duplicates of themselves, emerging from giant pods. They conclude that the townspeople are being replaced in their sleep by perfect physical copies. Miles tries to call long distance for help from outside resources, but the phone operator claims that no long-distance calls are possible. Jack and Teddy drive away to get help. Bennell and Becky discover that most inhabitants have already been replaced, and are now devoid of any humanity. They flee to Bennell’s office to hide for the night.

The next morning they see that truckloads of pods are being sent to neighboring towns, to replace even more humans. Kauffman and Jack, both of whom are now “pod people”, reveal that an extraterrestrial life form is responsible for the invasion. After the takeover, they explain, life loses its frustrating complexity because all emotions and sense of individuality have vanished. Bennell and Becky manage to escape and hide in a mine outside of town. While Bennell inspects a near-by farm where more pods are bred, Becky falls asleep and is instantly taken over. She informs the “pod people” where to find Bennell, who runs onto the next highway, frantically screaming to passing motorists, “They’re here already! You’re next! You’re next!”

Bennell finishes his story. Dr. Hill and the doctor on duty doubt his account until a highway accident victim is hospitalized, who had been found under a load of giant pods. The men realize that Bennell’s story is fact and begin to alert the authorities.

REVIEW:

Thinking about some of the great sci-fi flicks from the 50s, Invasion of the Body Snatchers is one that almost immediately comes to mind. This is my first time ever watching it, though.

What is this about?

Evil-intentioned extraterrestrials capable of replicating humans and assuming their identities invade the sleepy California hamlet of Santa Mira. It’s up to the local doctor to sound the alarm and almost single-handedly battle the alien forces.

What did I like?

Test of time. Nearly 60 years after its initial release, this film is still relevant. You can make the case for the visuals, but you can do that for stuff that came out just last year, if you think about it. The horror aspect of this film though is quite freaky, especially since we have the technology (but don’t use it) to clone humans. Think about what it would be like to have a “perfect” version of yourself replace you!

Body snatchers. You know, they never really say that these alien pod people are body snatchers. However, once you see the pods spit out these clones, you know that something is going on that really shouldn’t be allowed to happen. I also really liked the foamy bubbles that were coming out of the pods. It was something different. If this were made today, those bubbles would be replaced with some kind of gross slime. Bubbly foam>slime, if you ask me.

Downtime. Movies of this era aren’t as fast paced as today’s faire because they actually took the time and care to put out a film people want to see and not to just make a buck. For this reason, there are a couple of moments of downtime, but they are very brief, and serve to show the audience a bit of the proverbial “calm before the storm”, as well as develop some characters before they get snatched.

What didn’t I like?

Aliens. A few weeks back, I reviewed The Brain from Planet Arous, which was another alien possession film. I bring that up because the brains actually showed their true form. I don’t recall these aliens showing what they actually look like, unless the pods are their true form, which I highly doubt. No, we don’t need this to be some giant alien flick, but at some point it would have been nice to see what we were up against.

Flashback and ending. Films that use flashbacks as a way to set up the plot are hit and miss with me. I’m not so sure what I think about this one, I was on board with it at first, then we get to the ending, and it just seems as if this should have ended more on a down note. Perhaps there is an alternate ending that is more of what I was looking for. Unfortunately, though, the ending they used didn’t work for me.

Small town. I like that, for once, the aliens decided to not invade Washington, L.A., or New York, but the small town of Santa Mira. That was actually a good idea to start an alien invasion. Unfortunately, I wasn’t a fan of how long it took them to get things moving, especially since it took up until the last scene to start moving to other towns/cities.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers has a well deserved reputation as one of the gold standards of sci-fi. I enjoyed this film immensely, but I can’t say that it is one that will be on my must-see list. That being said, I highly recommend it to everyone. It is a great film that everyone should see before they die!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Animals

PLOT:

Syd Jarrett is an unsuspecting, down-and-out man in a washed-up hick town whose life is turned upside down when the drop-dead gorgeous Nora walks through the door of the local bar. Jarrett’s passion for Nora leads him peripherally into a sub-culture of animals where he encounters Vic, a renegade whose animal instincts are stronger than his human ones. As things begin to get even worse, Jarrett realizes that his best chance for happiness, and survival, lies in his true love for Jane

REVIEW:

Sometimes Netflix suggests films that it assumes I am going to like. Animals is such film, but I am afraid to say that they were off the mark with this suggestion.

What is this about?

After sleeping with Nora (Nicki Aycox), a sexy stranger passing through town, Syd Jarrett (Marc Blucas) undergoes a supernatural transformation that plunges him into a new reality and sparks conflict with Vic (Naveen Andrews), Nora’s angry ex-lover who behaves more like an animal than a man.

What did I like?

Different. The last werewolf I saw on film looked more like a teddy bear in their werewolf forms and in their human forms couldn’t keep their shirts on. Even though the werewolves here are some kind of CG astral projection. The first time I saw it I wasn’t a fan, but then I got to thinking…how often do we see something different that doesn’t alienate purists? I still don’t love it, but I give the flick all the props for trying to be innovative.

Eva. Ever since Saved!, I have been in love with Eva Amurri. I was loving her being the girl being ignored for the “hot girl”. Something tells me that before she became a star, this was her life. Although I didn’t quite get the special powers of hers. Maybe if I ever watch this again, I can catch a line or two I missed that might explain that little mystery.

What didn’t I like?

Jealous much. The antagonist of this flick is basically a jealous, abusive, controlling boyfriend of the chick that turns Marc Blucas’ character into a werewolf. The problem is that he doesn’t get any real kind of build up. We are introduced to him in the beginning, he appears here and there pissed off, and then he shows up for the climax. He has the look to pull off the “villain”, but without some background, he comes off as nothing more than a bully.

Blood. For a film that has werewolves feeding on people, there sure is an extreme lack of blood. I don’t need to see buckets and buckets of it, but for goodness sakes there needs to be something that lets us feel that the werewolves are going around slaughtering, and other than the climax, we really don’t get much.

Plot. This whole film really makes no attempt at moving nay kind of story along. One minute we’re flashing to the woods, next thing we’re in a bar, then a construction site. It was too herky jerky for my taste. I guess that it the reason this went straight to DVD.  At least I believe it never made it to theaters. The fact that this was actually greenlit and released though should have cost some jobs.

Animals is the kind of flick that you’ll forget as soon as the credits roll. Is it a bad film? Not really, but it certainly isn’t good. I can’t really recommend it, but I won’t dissuade anyone from seeing it. There are a couple of moments that are worth watching, but not enough to gush over. Feel free to watch at your own risk!

2 3/4 out of 5 stars

Prometheus

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

As a hovering spacecraft departs an Earth-like world, a humanoid alien drinks a dark bubbling liquid, then starts to disintegrate. The alien’s remains cascade into a waterfall. His DNA triggers a biogenetic reaction.

In 2089, archaeologists Elizabeth Shaw and Charlie Holloway discover a star map in Scotland that matches others from several unconnected ancient cultures. They interpret this as an invitation from humanity’s forerunners, the “Engineers”. Peter Weyland, the elderly CEO of Weyland Corporation, funds an expedition to follow the map to the distant moon LV-223 aboard the scientific vessel Prometheus. The ship’s crew travels in stasis while the android David monitors their voyage. Arriving in 2093, they are informed of their mission to find the Engineers. Mission director Meredith Vickers orders the crew to avoid making contact without her permission.

The Prometheus lands near a large artificial structure, which a team explores. Inside they find numerous stone cylinders, a large, monolithic statue of a humanoid head, and the decapitated corpse of a large alien, thought to be an Engineer. They find other bodies and presume the species is extinct. David secretly takes a cylinder, while the remaining ones begin leaking a dark liquid. A rapidly approaching storm forces the crew to return to Prometheus; Shaw takes the Engineer’s head. Crew members Millburn and Fifield are left stranded in the structure. In the ship’s lab, the Engineer’s DNA is found to match that of humans. David investigates the cylinder and the dark liquid inside. He then intentionally taints a drink with the substance and gives it to an unsuspecting Holloway. Shortly after, Shaw and Holloway have sex.

Inside the structure, a snake-like creature kills Millburn, and sprays a corrosive fluid that melts Fifield’s helmet. Fifield falls face-first into a puddle of dark liquid. When the crew return, they find Millburn’s corpse. David separately discovers a control room containing a surviving Engineer in stasis, and a star map highlighting Earth. Meanwhile, Holloway sickens rapidly. He is rushed back to Prometheus, but Vickers refuses to let him aboard, and at his urging, burns him to death with a flamethrower. Later, a medical scan reveals that Shaw, despite being sterile, is pregnant. Fearing the worst, she uses an automated surgery table to extract a squid-like creature from her abdomen. Shaw then discovers that Weyland has been in stasis aboard Prometheus. He explains that he wants to ask the Engineers to prevent his death from old age. As Weyland prepares to leave for the structure, Vickers addresses him as “Father”.

A mutated Fifield attacks the Prometheus’s hangar bay and kills several crew members before he is killed. The Prometheus’s captain, Janek, speculates that the structure was an Engineer military installation that lost control of a virulent biological weapon, the dark liquid. He also determines that the structure houses a spacecraft. Weyland and a team return to the structure. David speaks to the Engineer after waking him from stasis. The Engineer responds by decapitating him and killing Weyland and his team. Shaw escapes from the spacecraft as the Engineer activates it. Shaw warns Janek that the Engineer is planning to release the liquid on Earth and convinces Janek to stop the spacecraft. Janek ejects the lifeboat and rams Prometheus into the alien craft, while Vickers escapes in an escape pod. The Engineer’s disabled spacecraft crashes onto the ground; its wreckage crushes Vickers. Shaw goes to the lifeboat and finds her alien offspring is alive and has grown to gigantic size. David’s still-active head warns Shaw that the Engineer has survived. The Engineer forces open the lifeboat’s airlock and attacks Shaw, who releases her alien offspring onto the Engineer; it thrusts a tentacle down the Engineer’s throat, subduing him. Shaw recovers David’s remains, and with his help, launches another Engineer spacecraft. She intends to reach the Engineers’ homeworld in an attempt to understand why they wanted to destroy humanity.

In the lifeboat, an alien creature bursts out of the Engineer’s chest.

REVIEW:

This was hyped as one of the best films of the summer, but Prometheus came off as nothing more than a generic sci-fi flick filled with over-prices special effects, half asleep actors, and a subpar script. The mythos of the Alien franchise is also lost on me, as I have never seen any of them in their entirety, to my recollection.

What is this about?

When scientific explorers unearth an artifact that points to the origins of humankind, they’re pulled into the unexpected adventure of a lifetime. But if they falter, the very future of their species is at stake.

What did I like?

Breathtaking. The opening scene in this film is sure to take you breath away with the sheer beauty of the scenery. It reminds me alot of the first time we see Pandora in Avatar. I have to believe that those few moments with this gorgeous bit of nature were meant to be longer, but cut down to get the film going. That really is a shame, because once it does, there is nothing that even resembles this again, thanks to the barren wasteland it becomes.

New-mi. If you are going to reboot a franchise like this, then you sure as heck better get someone who can fill the shoes of Sigourney Weaver. I’m not so sure that Noomi Rapace accomplished that small feat, but she did etch her own path. Her character gives us that mixture of feminine love and affection, while being able to show she’s not afraid to mix it up with some alien creatures.

Refresh. I’m no fan of reboots, but I can at least stomach them, as opposed to remakes. Let’s face it, the alien in this franchise doesn’t have the same shocking impact that it once was. If you were to suddenly see this thing jumping out at you in a dark alley, I don’t think you would be as scared, if at all, as you were back when the franchise started. That is a product of the oversaturation these films have received. Think about how many sequels there have been! With all that said, it is good to know that we are getting the beginning of said creature. Maybe that will bring the intimidation factor back?

What didn’t I like?

Common sense. I fund it odd that these people, some of which are highly intelligent, seemed to have no common sense. For instance, why in the bloody blue hell would you go into a place filled with some kind of strange egg-type structures and then start messing with things? That is a sure-fire recipe for disaster, as this film shows us.

Real boy. I was not a fan of Charlize Theron before this film, and I think afterwards, I’m even less of one. This character she plays was more robotic than David, the android. She isn’t necessarily the villain, but she sure isn’t our hero. I felt she could have brought something more to the table. As it is, her character is just there to be there. Hell, she even interferes in a couple of missions, so you just know she’s such a nice lady now, right? On the other hand, David was totally likable, even though he doesn’t particularly fall into the role of being a good guy, either, but he’s just following his program. What I found odd about him, besides Fassbender trying to make him sound like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, is that he may very well have been the most human character in the entire film.

Aliens. There is some debate as to whether this is or isn’t a direct prequel to the Alien franchise. As I said earlier, I haven’t seen any of them, so I can’t really comment on how this relates or doesn’t relate, but one thing is for certain, there is a definite lack of alien life forms in here. I’m not saying this needed to be some kind of alien infestation…yet, but it would have been nice to actually see a few species rather than this oozing liquid and the engineers.

When the smoke clears, Prometheus puts the viewers in one of two camps. You’re either going to love to hate this flick. For me, I didn’t totally hate it, but I’m far from loving it, that’s for sure. As a matter of fact, I was bored through more than half of it. That being said, I can see how people would be interested in it. I’m just not the one. For me, this was just an average outing, nothing more, nothing less.

3 out of 5 stars

Wreck-It Ralph

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

When Litwak’s Arcade closes at night, the various video game characters leave their normal in-game roles and are free to travel to other games. Within the game Fix-It Felix, Jr., the characters celebrate its titular hero but shun the villain, Wreck-It Ralph. At a support group for video game villains, Ralph reveals his desire to stop being a bad guy. Returning to his own game, Ralph finds the other characters celebrating their game’s 30th anniversary without inviting him. Felix reluctantly invites Ralph to join them, but the others refuse to accept him, prompting Ralph to leave in search of a medal to prove he is as worthy as Felix.

While visiting Tapper’s, Ralph meets a soldier from the first-person shooter Hero’s Duty, who tells him the game’s winner receives a medal. Ralph enters the game and encounters Sergeant Calhoun, its no-nonsense leader. Between game sessions, Ralph climbs the game’s central beacon and collects the medal, accidentally hatching a Cy-Bug, one of the game’s enemies. The Cy-Bug clings to Ralph as he stumbles into an escape pod that launches him out of the game. Meanwhile, with Ralph missing, a girl reports to Litwak that Fix-It Felix, Jr. is malfunctioning. Since broken games get unplugged, leaving their characters homeless, Felix sets off to find Ralph.

Ralph crash-lands in Sugar Rush, a kart-racing game. As he searches for his medal, he meets Vanellope von Schweetz, a glitchy character who makes off with the medal, planning to use it to buy entry into an after-hours race. King Candy and the other racers refuse to let Vanellope participate, claiming that she is not really part of the game. Ralph helps Vanellope build a kart and plans on teaching her how to drive. When she takes them to her home, Diet Cola Mountain, Ralph makes a track for her and discovers that she is a natural.

Back in Hero’s Duty, Felix meets Calhoun, who warns that the Cy-Bugs are capable of taking over any game they enter. As the pair searches for Ralph and the Cy-Bug in Sugar Rush, they separate when Felix, enamored with Calhoun, inadvertently reminds her of her previous romantic relationship, which ended tragically. Calhoun finds hundreds of Cy-Bug eggs underground, and Felix becomes imprisoned in King Candy’s castle. King Candy finds Ralph’s medal and offers it to Ralph in exchange for keeping Vanellope out of the race, claiming that allowing her would be disastrous for both her and the game. Fearing for Vanellope’s safety, Ralph wrecks the kart and returns to his own game, but finds it deserted, as everyone has evacuated in expectation that it will be unplugged in the morning. Ralph then notices Vanellope’s image on the Sugar Rush cabinet and realizes she is an intended part of the game, not a glitch.

Ralph returns to Sugar Rush, finds Felix and Vanellope, and asks Felix to fix the wrecked kart. As the race proceeds, the hatched Cy-Bugs attack and Felix, Calhoun, and Ralph battle them. When Vanellope catches up to King Candy, her glitching reveals that he is actually Turbo—a character from an old game who is notorious for having sabotaged a newer game, causing both to be unplugged, and has since taken control of Sugar Rush. Vanellope escapes from Turbo, who is consumed by a Cy-Bug. The group flees the doomed game, but Vanellope cannot pass through the exit. Calhoun says the game cannot be saved without a beacon to attract and kill the Cy-Bugs.

Ralph heads to Diet Cola Mountain, where he plans on collapsing its Mentos stalactites into the cola at the bottom, causing a blinding eruption that would attract the bugs. Before he can finish, Turbo, merged with the Cy-Bug that had consumed him, carries him away. Ralph breaks free and dives toward the mountain, hoping his impact will start the eruption. Vanellope in turn uses her glitching abilities to save Ralph. The eruption starts and draws all the Cy-Bugs to their destruction, including Turbo. Vanellope crosses the finish line, restoring her memory and status as the game’s lead character while keeping her advantageous glitching ability. Felix and Ralph return to their game in time for Litwak to see that it still works, sparing it from being unplugged. Felix marries Calhoun and the characters of Fix-It Felix, Jr. gain a new respect for Ralph.

REVIEW:

For many of us, we have been waiting patiently for the perfect video game movie. If I’m not mistaken, the current gold-standard is still Mortal Kombat which, while I liked it, really isn’t that great. So, that tells you the kind of product Hollywood has been throwing at us in terms of video game cinema. Hopefully, the forthcoming Assassin’s Creed film will be the game changer. In the meantime, I do believe I have seen a truly great video game flick, Wreck-It Ralph. The only problem is that it isn’t a real video game.

What is this about?

Wreck-It Ralph longs to be the good guy instead of the villain in an old-school video game. He sees his chance and sneaks into the arcade’s newest game, a flashy first-person shooter. But in doing the forbidden, he unleashes a deadly enemy.

What did I like?

After the game is over. Have you ever wondered what you favorite characters do after the you stop playing the game? I don’t know if this true for our home game systems, but apparently in arcades, they go to various other games, have a drink, go to meetings, hang out, etc. Much in the same way Toy Story taught us what happened with our toys when we leave the room. I can’t believe no one thought to bring our video game character to life before.

Old meets new. As a child of the 80s, I grew up playing games lile Pac-Man, Q-Bert, Street Fighter, etc. I can imagine that, with the exception of maybe the Sonic and Mario references, younger viewers had no idea who these classic video game icons are. However, the games that the film is based around are sure to be of interest to them, especially the Hero’s Duty game.

Arcade. I remember when I was in school how often I would run off to the arcade. Nowadays, I can’t say that any of them really exist, and if they do they are hanging on for dear life. I fear that the arcade is set to be our generation’s drive-in movie. Big fun when we were young, but nothing more than a memory now. Chuck E. Cheese is sort of an arcade, though, if that matters. Anyway, it was good to see an arcade still alive and kicking…even after it closed.

Voice. Today, it seems as if people aren’t cast unless they resemble the characters they are voicing, or the character takes on their features. This film keeps that tradition going. As a matter of fact, Fix-It Felix, Vanellope,  Sgt. Jane, and Wreck-It Ralph all could easily have been played in live action by the actors who gave them voices. I also have to give a tip of y hat to Alan Tudyk as King Candy. You wouldn’t know it is him, because he’s doing a spot on impression of Ed Wynn (you probably know him best from his scene in Mary Poppins or as the Mad Hatter in Disney’s Alice in Wonderland), and nails it!

Design. I have to give it up to these animators. Not only did they do a good job with these characters, but they also gave each game a different way of movement. For instance the people in Ralph’s game move totally different from those in Vanillope’s for instance. This is a small detail, but when you see it executed, it makes much more sense than my sad explanation.

What didn’t I like?

Jump, man, jump. The trailers for this film advertised it as if Ralph was going to do some major game hopping, yet the majority of the game is spent in the land of Sugar Rush. I hear that they are already talking sequel, which is great, but I would like for them to go to more games, especially if they paid all this money for the rights to certain characters like Sonic, Bowser, Q-Bert, etc.

Annoyance. Vanellope was nothing more than an annoyance, as can be seen in the trailer. If you think she is bad in those couple of clips, just wait until you get a full dose of her. Man, this little girl is the sum of everything that is annoying about kids today. I’m going to leave it at that before I go off on some expletive-laden tangent.

Sap. It is kind of ironic that the typical sappy scene that sets up the moral learning at the end of the film happens in the diabetic nightmare that is Sugar Rush. Wish some treachery from King Candy, Ralph and Vanellope have a fight which results in her running away and getting caught only to have Ralph come back and rescue her. Thanks goodness the sappy interchange between these two isn’t that bad or long. I’m not sure my teeth could take all that sugary sweetness.

I had a great time watching Wreck-It Ralph, despite the Mother Hubbard and her 8 kids that came in not long after the film started and walked right in front of me. I guess people just don’t have move courtesy, anymore. I’m sure that this would have been a treat for the eyes in 3D. The candy cart racing scenes reminded me alot of Speed Racer. With game references to games both old and new, characters that are very relatable, and great story, this is one of those must-see flicks. I highly recommed it!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, pt. I

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In a dystopian near-future version of Gotham City, 55-year-old Bruce Wayne has retired from being Batman following the death of his former sidekick, Jason Todd. Criminals now run amok and the city is constantly terrorized by a gang known as the Mutants. Bruce Wayne is now something of a recluse, despite his continuous philanthropic endeavors and friendship with Commissioner James Gordon (who now knows Bruce’s former identity as Batman).

The escalating brutality of the Mutants prompts Bruce to take up the mantle of Batman again, but the public opinion over Batman and his methods is sharply divided. While the public generally approve of Batman’s return, richer and more powerful people such as the unnamed Mayor of Gotham City and Dr. Bartholomew Wolper (head psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum) brand Batman as a fascist. Bruce’s old friend Harvey Dent (formerly Two-Face) undergoes plastic surgery and his face is repaired but at the high cost of eradicating Dent’s good side forever. Batman confronts Two-Face and stops him from holding the city ransom with a bomb.

Inspired by Batman’s actions, 13-year-old girl Carrie Kelley buys herself a Robin costume and searches for Batman to aid him. She finds him at the city dump where the Mutant gang is gathering. Onboard a tank-like Batmobile, Batman defeats most of the gang (shooting them with rubber bullets) before confronting the Mutant Leader in hand to hand combat where he is overpowered, but Kelley distracts the Leader long enough for Batman to subdue him. She then rescues the injured Batman and tends to his wounds as the vehicle drives toward the Batcave while the Mutant Leader is apprehended by the police. Once home, Batman takes Carrie on as the new Robin despite the objections of his butler Alfred Pennyworth. Batman instructs Carrie to disguise herself as a Mutant and spread the word of a meeting at Gotham Pipe starting with Mutant members Rob and Don. Batman also arranges the Mutant Leader’s escape from Gotham City Police Headquarters.

At Gotham City Police Headquarters, the Mayor attempts to negotiate with the Mutant Leader in his cell, but the Mutant Leader brutally mauls him to death. Gordon then “accidentally” allows the Leader out of his cell and he makes his way through the ventilation system leading him to Gotham Pipe where he finds his entire army waiting. Batman appears and engages the Mutant Leader in battle again. Only this time, Batman manages to outsmart the Leader’s moves and eventually subdues him, breaking several of his bones in front of his army. Accepting defeat, the Mutants disband where some of them form smaller gangs while the others were arrested by the police. One gang in particular operates under the name of “The Sons of Batman” where they work to purge Gotham of crime with questionable methods.

Batman’s return and victory over the Mutants becomes public news. Following the death of the Mayor, Deputy Mayor Stevenson has been sworn in as the new Mayor of Gotham City. Nearing retirement, Gordon meets with his successor Police Captain Ellen Yindel who also voices her doubts over Batman’s methods. Meanwhile in Arkham Asylum, a catatonic patient sees a report about Batman on the news and gives off a disturbing grin

REVIEW:

Batman has long been portrayed as a dark, brooding antihero, with the exception of the time of the Dick Grayson Robin. Have you ever wondered what it would be like in the future when Batman was a bitter, old man and crime in Gotham City and crime had taken a new form of criminal? Well, that is what Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, pt. I brings to the table.

What is this about?

In this animated adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel, 55-year-old Bruce Wayne comes out of retirement to protect Gotham and face both the Joker and a battalion of new foes. But does he still have what it takes to be the Caped Crusader?

What did I like?

Show some love. While watching this, I could really see and feel that the artists and animators really had some love for the source material. In many other comic adaptations, so much is changed that one can hardly tell that it is the same story anymore. The fact that they chose to keep it as close to the source material as possible earns major kudos from me and I hope that future comic book films, both animated and live-action, take note.

Ratchet. I won’t lie and say this film is nothing but action from start to finish. As a matter of fact, there are more scenes on non-action, but when we do get some kick butt scenes, it is totally worth it. This group of animators make it feel like a live action film, which is something that we really haven’t seen in this medium, to date.

Robin. Think about all the Robins we have seen in every incarnation of Batman. Obviously, there is the Dick Grayson Robin, occasionally we get the Tim Drake Robin, and I think there are a one or two versions that actually use Jason Todd, but when have we seen the female Robin? Sure she isn’t the most popular character, but in this day when heaven forbid there not be a strong female influence, it is good to see her.

What didn’t I like?

Animation. I cannot say that I was a fan of the way these characters were animated. It isn’t as if they were bad, but rather not my cup of tea. I long for the days of the immaculate animation of Batman: The Animated Series. Back then everything was hand drawn and not so reliant on computers. There are moments in this flick that are obviously done strictly by computers which, at least for me, is offensive. Can no one draw by hand anymore?!?

Voice acting. Let’s get this out of the way right now. No one is going to live up to Kevin Conroy’s Batman. There is a reason they brought him back from the latest video games. Peter Weller didn’t sell Batman for me. I actually felt he was more human back in his Robocop days, which is pretty sad when you think about it.

Spirit. While this flick does manage to stick as close to the source material as possible, I didn’t feel it conveyed the different tone of this alternate future. It definitely didn’t portray the mutants as a major threat, as they actually are, save for the leader, and even that was nothing more than a way to justify breaking this up into two films.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, pt. I is just another dark Batman flick that, personally, I am growing weary of. It has plenty of moments that are worth watching, but I’m not so sure it would be worth buying, let alone justifying that this had to be split up into two films. I guess that is a query that will be answered next year when part 2 is released. In the meantime, check this out if you’re a Batman fan.

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

 

Eddie Murphy Raw

PLOT:

After the initial sketch and into the live show itself Murphy begins by saying how various people he referenced responded to their mention in his previous stand-up show, Delirious, specifically Mr. T and Michael Jackson. Murphy also talks about a phone call he received from Bill Cosby in which he said that his son, Ennis, heard his profanity and requested that Murphy not say the word “fuck” on stage again, and began chastising him for his offensive material. Murphy then went on to say that he called Richard Pryor and told him about what Cosby said Pryor responded angrily, calling Cosby a “Jell-O-puddin’ eatin’ motherfucka”, and that if Murphy’s fans think it was funny, then Cosby has no business telling him how to do his act. Murphy also talks about how Pryor was an inspiration to Murphy. Bolstered by Pryor’s encouragement, Murphy stood up to Cosby in a profane manner, and as a result Murphy said that Cosby ‘got raw’, possibly the inspiration for the show’s title.

Murphy makes jokes about relationships; notably of the practice that developed during the 80’s of wives divorcing their husbands and taking ‘half!’, as well as about the faults of both men and women and how the opposite sex exploit those weaknesses, basing it on the message in the song “What Have You Done for Me Lately”. He jokes that he intends to go deep into Africa to find a ‘bush bitch’ who has no concept of Western culture in order to get a wife who (he hopes) will not divorce him. He also makes passing references to Japanese women who are supposedly very obedient to their husbands.

Murphy delivers a well-received segment on Italian-Americans, on their stereotypical behavior, especially how they behave after seeing a Rocky movie. He then talks about white people’s apparent inability to dance. He later talks about his experience in a nightclub where an Italian-American started a fight with Murphy, causing a large brawl, the end result of which saw Murphy getting sued for millions of dollars by all involved and even a few who weren’t.

Murphy also talks about his rude mother making him a biggest homemade onion-and-green-pepper hamburger that shaped like a meatball on Wonder Bread and an exaggerated account on how poor his family was, eventually going into a routine impersonating his father drunk, which follows on from the nightclub brawl segment.

REVIEW:

I think we all long for the time when Eddie Murphy was hilarious, right? Some of the younger generation I have talked to don’t even know of a time when he was anything but “this weird old guy who tries too hard”. Well, Eddie Murphy Raw is sure to take us all back and/or introduce new fans to the genius of Eddie.

What is this about?

Filmed live during two concerts at Madison Square Garden, this stand-up comedy classic showcases Eddie Murphy in a series of uproarious celebrity impressions, observations about the 1980s, remembrances of his childhood and much more.

Since this isn’t really a film with a beginning, middle, and end, but rather a stand-up comedy routine, I can’t really review it that way I do everything else.

Murphy’s routine had me cracking up from start to finish, especially the bit about Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor. Being a fan of all 3 comedians, it would have been hard for me to not enjoy that bit. Maybe it is just a sign of the times, but this kind of humor probably would not work today, at least not as well.

In Murphy’s previous stand-up film, he wears a Michael Jackson-esque red leather suit. This time around he dons similar garb by wearing a Prince-esque paisley purple and black leather suit, complete with black biker gloves. I’m not really one to comment on a man’s fashion, but I have to wonder what was up with this choice of wardrobe. I suppose it could have been worse, though.

This routine had its ups and downs. It started off great, but the last couple of bits fell a bit flat for me. I think it might have something to do with the way he segues to them that didn’t work, but these sequences about his family almost garnered this film a lower rating.

Quick little tidbit, or warning…the word “fuck” is used 223 times in this film, which was a record for a full-length film for quite some time. So, for those of you that have issues with language, you have been warned. I do wonder why you’re watching an R-rated Eddie Murphy comedy routine from the 80s, though, if you’re that easily offended by language.

Eddie Murphy Raw is the perfect film for those of us nostalgic for the days when Murphy could make us laugh. Whatever this man has mutated into, it can’t be denied that he was hilarious back in the day. Certain people in this house hate stand-up comedy and were laughing harder than ever, so what does that tell you. I highly recommend this to any and everyone. If you don’t nearly die laughing, then you just don’t have a sense of humor!

4 3/4 out of 5 stars

The Raven

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The film opens in 19th century Maryland, where several Baltimore policemen are chasing after the screams of a woman in an apartment. The police arrive at the apartment to discover a woman sprawled on the floor. Detective Emmett Fields is called to assist in the investigation and discovers that the crime resembles a fictional murder in the short story “The Murders in the Rue Morgue”.

Poe has fallen in love with the beautiful young Emily Hamilton and desires to marry her but faces opposition from her father Captain Hamilton. Poe is brought to see Fields for questioning and is horrified to learn someone is using his stories as the backdrop for a series of murders. Fields then proposes that Poe volunteer his services.

The two men are called to investigate the murder of literary critic Ludwig Griswold. Poe realizes the gruesome crime resembles a scene from “The Pit and the Pendulum” as Fields notices a red demon mask near the corpse. The two then deduce that the scene of the next crime will take place at Captain Hamilton’s annual masquerade ball.

Fields assigns several members of the Baltimore Police to go undercover as guests at the Masked Ball. A man on horseback dressed in a skeleton costume appears. Fields shoots the man only to learn he was an actor hired for the entertainment and receives an anonymous note. Poe then realizes Emily has been kidnapped. It’s revealed in the killer’s note that he will continue to commit murders and leave clues to Emily’s location. The killer then threatens to kill Emily if Poe does not start writing columns for the newspaper that describe the brutal combination of fact and fiction.

The local Medical School’s anatomy class discovers a live raven and the corpse of a prostitute in theatrical clothing. Poe and Fields investigate and deduce the scene resembles “The Mystery of Marie Rogêt” except for one detail – the blood on the corpse’s hands was not an element of Poe’s story. The two soon learn the woman was an actress in costume as Lady Macbeth and rush to the theatre where the victim worked, demanding to see all the stage hands. All the stage hands are accounted for except for Maurice, a sailor on leave after his ship landed in Baltimore. Poe and Fields notice a mysterious figure running along the catwalks and pursue him but the figure escapes. Fields later makes an off-handed comment that the name of the ship Maurice arrived on is the Fortunato – which prompts Poe to realize the next murder will resemble “The Cask of Amontillado”.

Poe and Fields search tunnels under the city with several policemen and discover an area with fresh brickwork, an area that might be where Emily is being held. The officers smash through the brick and discover what appears to be a woman with blonde hair in the costume Emily wore the night she was kidnapped. But the body is revealed to be that of the sailor Maurice, who was dressed to resemble Emily after he was killed and buried in the niche.

Two clues are found on Maurice: a pocket watch that was stopped at 12:27 and then stuffed into his mouth, and a compass tattoo on his back with a mark on a certain point. Poe and Fields deduce these clues will give the location of Emily, and Poe realizes a church in Baltimore called Holy Cross is where Emily must be. Everyone races to the church but they find it locked. While attempting to break in, one policeman whose name is PC Cantrell shoots at the killer but the latter jumps from the roof and slits PC Cantrell’s throat. Poe and Fields hear the shooting and race to catch the killer who shoots Fields and incapacitates him. Poe takes after the killer in a horse race but the killer escapes. Poe walks back to the church where he meets up with Captain Hamilton, who finally apologizes for his treatment of Poe. Fields discovers an empty grave at the church that has Emily’s name written on a wooden cross.

Poe then decides to write a new column in which he tells the killer that he’s tired of this. People in Baltimore, while still enjoying the excitement of the murders, decide to burn down Poe’s house because they blame his stories for inspiring this bloodshed.

Poe then moves in with Fields because he no longer has lodgings. In the morning, the maid gives Poe both the newspaper and a letter from the killer. Poe deduces that the killer left the note on the doorstep the night before. Then, the paper boy came by and put the newspaper on top of the note after it stopped raining. Poe therefore deduces that the killer is someone who read his new column before it was published. Poe then assumes the killer is the newspaper editor.

Fields, meanwhile, is having surgery with no anesthetic to remove a bullet from his shoulder. The doctor uses a magnet to find the bullet in his flesh, an experience Fields later uses to realize that the ink the killer used in all his notes was magnetic. Since this is the type of ink used in newspaper printing, Fields later independently realizes that someone at the paper is the killer.

Poe reaches the newspaper office and finds the editor dead, with his hands separated from his arms and his body arranged at his desk as if writing a letter. In front of the editor is a note that reads, “Getting Warmer!”. Ivan congratulates him on finding him, and the typesetter explains that he missed Poe’s writing so much that he decided to make up a story of his own and then act it out in real life so that Poe would have to write about it.

Poe pulls out a gun but Ivan reminds him that Emily will die if he pulls the trigger. So Poe hands the gun over to Ivan and tells him that he can kill him if he will release Emily. Ivan gives Poe a vial of poison and tells him to drink it, so that he can keep talking to his “favorite writer” while the poison slowly kills him. Once Poe is too weak to go for help, Ivan tells Poe that he’s moving to Paris because he wants to do the same to Jules Verne. Poe learns that Ivan will be traveling under the name “Reynolds”.

Before Ivan leaves, he makes a reference to “The Tell-Tale Heart” and Poe realizes that Emily is buried under the floor beneath him. He breaks through the floor into the cellar and digs Emily out. The police get there and put Emily in an ambulance. Poe wanders off to a park bench to die. While he’s sitting there, a bearded man comes over and says he recognizes him as “Edgar Poe” the famous writer. That pleases Poe, but the poison has him so addled, all he can say to the man is “tell Fields his name is Reynolds”, which the man interprets as nonsense. Later, at the hospital where Poe is pronounced dead, the doctor tells Fields that Poe’s last words were unintelligible, that he had “said that Fields’ last name was Reynolds”.

Ivan is seen exiting a train station in France, and as he enters a carriage Fields greets him with a pistol. Then, Ivan jumps at Fields and a gunshot is heard.

REVIEW:

I can remember sitting in English Lit class and cursing the teacher for assigning us “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe. I look back on that time now and relish the fact that I was able to read them, because it, and some of Poe’s other works,  actually allowed me to understand some of the references made in The Raven. 

What is this film about?

After discovering that a string of baffling murders seems to be inspired by the macabre short stories of Edgar Allan Poe, Baltimore cop Emmett Fields turns to the brilliant-but-boozy author to help solve the crimes.

What did I like?

Setting. Some films can have you hooked from the first image you see. This film did a good job of catching the audience’s attention with the dark, steamy streets, horse-drawn carriages, and moonlight backdrop. That was just the beginning, though. With the added bonus of being set in this rather gothic time, it could really capitalize on the apparent dark tone.

Source. Kudos to the filmmaker for making Poe a totally different character than the real man was, while keeping a good part of biography intact. For all we know, this is what really happened in the final days of Poe, though I doubt it. I was also a fan of how the killer used Poe’s works as a basis for his murders. One has to really know your stuff to pull that off!

Thank you. In so many thrillers, it is obvious pretty much from the opening credits who the killer is. This film doesn’t make it so obvious. As a matter of fact, there were times when I thought it was someone who wasn’t even close to being the killer, nor did I pinpoint what I believed to be his motives. It isn’t very often that I say this, but it was good to be wrong!

What didn’t I like?

Poe. I give all the credit in the world to the screenwriters for keeping this version of Poe close to what is known about him, while leaving room for this guy to be a character. However, I can sit here and take John Cusack’s performance. I can’t comment on the Baltimore accent, because I don’t really know that there is one, but I can say something about his Nic Cage impression. Almost the whole film, I found myself pondering why they just didn’t get Cage if they were going to let him get away with this impersonation. Cusack even does some of Cage’s mannerisms. It is fascinating, yet disturbing.

Genre jumping. Remember those old Mounds/Almond Joy commercials where the jingle was “Sometime you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t?” Well, this film kind of has that with its genres. One minute it is a drama, the next it dabbles in horror, then it goes into thriller mode. At one point, it even tries a bit of comedy, but it quickly drops that, wisely.

Nevermore. Realizing that Edgar Allan Poe is best known for his poem “The Raven”, I can’t help but notice that with the exception of some fairly cool graphics going on the end credits, and a recitation in the early goings, there is no mention of that infamous work. I don’t recall seeing a raven past the early goings, which brings to question, why not just call this something else like Poe, for instance?

The Raven surprised me in that it was actually watchable. If this was just a thriller, I’d probably give it an enthusiastic rating, but the fact of the matter is, this is a thriller loosely based on the last days of Edgar Allan Poe. Anytime you use a historical figure, there is going be that extra bit of scrutiny. Other critics have said that this is like a 7 course meal, but the main course never gets there, which leaves you unsatisfied. I don’t totally agree with them, but I see the logic. I felt like this could have been so much more, but I will still recommend it as something that should be watched at some point in time, but no rush.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

South Pacific

PLOT:

Producer/director Joshua Logan’s long-awaited filmization of Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Pulitzer Prize winning musical South Pacific was not the classic that everyone hoped it would be, principally because of some curious creative choices made by the production personnel. Adapted from James A. Michener’s best-selling novel Tales of the South Pacific, the film stars Mitzi Gaynor as WAVE officer Nellie Forbush, who while stationed overseas during World War II falls in love with wealthy French planter Emile De Becque (Rosanno Brazzi). The Navy would like DeBecque to help them in a reconnaissance mission against the Japanese, but he refuses; having run away from the outside world after killing a man in his home town, De Becque sees no reason to become involved in a war which he did not start and in which he has no interest. But when Nellie, her inbred bigotry aroused when she discovers that Emile has two mixed-race children, refuses his proposal of marriage, DeBecque, having nothing to lose, agrees to go on the mission. His partner in this venture is Lt. Joseph Cable (John Kerr), who like Nellie is a victim of prejudicial feelings; Cable has previously thrown away a chance at lasting happiness by refusing to marry Liat (France Nuyen), the dark-skinned daughter of Tokinese trader Bloody Mary (Juanita Hall). When Cable is killed and DeBecque is seemingly lost in battle, Nellie, realizing the stupidity of her racism, prays for Emile’s safe return.

REVIEW:

Rodgers & Hammerstein are known as arguably the greatest team to ever pen musicals. You can make valid arguments for the likes of Cole Porter, George & Ira Gershwin, Sondheim & Schwartz, etc., but the fact remains that these two have had the most success, especially when it comes to taking their works from the Broadway stage to the big screen and into cinematic legend. South Pacific is just part of their legendary career.

What is this about?

Sparks fly when Nellie (Mitzi Gaynor), a naive Navy nurse stationed in the South Seas, meets worldly French plantation owner Emile (Rossano Brazzi), in this Oscar-winning Rodgers and Hammerstein musical set in a tropical paradise. Meanwhile, in a then-daring depiction of interracial relationships, a young American officer falls for a beautiful island native. The two couples from worlds apart grapple with love at a time of war.

What did I like?

Music. When one watches a musical, it is expected that there be decent music. This film does a real good job of taking that expectation and running with it. Most of them are catchy, some are gorgeous, and a few are forgettable, which makes this the perfect collection of songs. Surely everyone will find a song or two that will appeal to your sensibilities. For me, my favorite was “Some Enchanted Evening”.

Scenery. There are places that look like nothing but green screen. Even so, the scenery here is great, but seriously, can you name a film that is based on a tropical island that doesn’t have some breathtaking scenery. The gorgeous blue waters around the island makes you really wish you were there, not to mention the beach, even if they are cluttered with war stuffs.

Love is all around. True, most musicals have some kind of love story at their core, but there is something extra special when that love story has to do with our boys in wartime. The love that takes center stage is a bit of a May/December romance that takes some weird turns when the children are introduced, but when all the smoke clears and Nellie realizes she loves Emile, there is a certain feeling of schmultz, in a good way, that takes over the film. That is as long as we don’t get forget the other story with Lt. Cable and Liat, a romance that, I believe, could have had some more screen time.

What didn’t I like?

Framing. In certain scenes, there is this kind of framing that goes on. At first, I thought it was just for romantic scenes, but as it turns out, this was setting up the songs. I think it would have worked better had they have done it for the romantic scenes instead of the songs. It was kind of distracting, at least to me, anyway.

Cardboard cut-outs. While Nellie is singing the catchy “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair”, she is flanked by her fellow nurses/other females. The thing is, they don’t seem to be doing anything but posing. Seriously, if you watch them, they might as well have been mannequins or card board cut outs rather than actual flesh and blood.

French fry. Rossano Brazzi is competent enough as Emile, but I didn’t feel like he was French. His accent sounded more like his native Italian and not so much like he was from France. At the time this was made, it isn’t like filmmakers were going for 100% authenticity, but good grief! They could have at least gotten the right accent.

South Pacific may be the weakest of the Rodgers & Hammerstein classics that I’ve seen, but that is like saying a 500lb lineman is the skinniest guy on an offensive line full of rhinos and elephants. This is still a good film that musical and romance buffs will more than enjoy. I highly recommend it and, since we’re coming to the end of the year, think this will be a contender for a couple of awards (on this blog), including Best Musical. Check it out sometime!

4 out of 5 stars

Revisited #4: Bean: The Movie

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson) is a well-meaning, but hopelessly clumsy and destructive guard at the Royal National Gallery in London. Attempts by the gallery’s board of directors to fire Bean are thwarted by the chairman who, for unspecified reasons, is very fond of him. Desperate to rid themselves of the turmoil Bean unintentionally causes, the board members send him to the United States to represent them at the unveiling of the portrait Whistler’s Mother, which has been purchased for $50 million by the fictional Grierson Art Gallery in Los Angeles. Bean’s visit has been arranged by the gallery’s curator, David Langley (Peter MacNicol), who is very impressed by the National Gallery’s fabricated praise of “Dr. Bean”, and decides to board him in his house. On his flight to Los Angeles, Bean attempts to amuse a child with air sickness by blowing up his M&M’s bag and popping it to wake up the man in front of him, but without success. After the child throws up into an air sickness bag, Bean takes the bag from him and repeats the bag popping over the man’s face, only to splatter him with vomit. He hides from the man upon his arrival to Los Angeles, where he is detained at the airport due to pretending to have a gun. His arrival at David’s house is initially met with subtle hostility from David’s wife Alison (Pamela Reed), son Kevin (Andrew Lawrence), and daughter Jennifer (Tricia Vessey). Unfortunely, Alison refuses David’s request to allow Bean to live with them for two months, and David promises Alison that he will talk to Bean and take him to a hotel after their meeting at the gallery.

Bean’s unorthodox arrival at the gallery worries many of David’s colleagues, particularly his boss, George Grierson (Harris Yulin), who subtly warns David that he will be responsible for Bean’s actions at the unveiling of the painting, but David promises that he can handle Bean, convinced that he is merely a little eccentric. When David takes Bean back to his house, Alison departs for her mother’s home, unwilling to live with Bean. With his family gone, David decides to take Bean on a tour of the Los Angeles art galleries before Whistler’s Mother arrives. However, Bean decides that he and David should go to Pacific Park instead, but lands in police detainment for the second time after tampering with the controls of a motion simulator ride, making it go dangerously fast after deeming that his first ride earlier was too slow. This prompts Lieutenant Brutus (Richard Gant), who dealt with Bean at the airport, makes David accountable for Bean and threatening to arrest Bean if he ever steps out of line again.

Following a miserable dinner with Grierson which David had forgotten about, where Bean accidentally blows up the microwave after attempting to cook their Thanksgiving turkey in it, David finally realises that Bean is not a doctor and knows nothing about art. David is obliged to continue with the deception, however, as he has already staked his professional career on Bean’s supposed reputation as a noted art scholar. The next day, Whistler’s Mother arrives at the Grierson Art Gallery, and Bean is given a few minutes alone to study it, in an effort to keep him out of trouble. While dusting the frame, Bean accidentally sneezes on the painting and wipes it with a handkerchief, not knowing that it is covered in blue ink from a broken pen, and therefore the painting is stained. Terrified, Bean takes it to a supply room to get some agent by which to remove the ink. He uses lacquer thinner, which also dissolves the painted face from the painting. Much to his horror, Bean attempts to patch it up with an extremely unconvincing cartoon face. Upon seeing it, David is also horrified and hides the painting behind its metal security shutters. Fearing that David will lose his job and possibly face criminal proceedings for his vandalism, he and Bean head off to a bar to drown their sorrows.

During the night, Bean hatches his plan to restore Whistler’s Mother. Bean gathers a few items from David’s house and makes his way to the Grierson Art Gallery. Bean distracts the only security guard on duty by putting laxative in his coffee, followed by switching the men’s bathroom keys with some other set. He removes the destroyed painting from its frame and replaces it with a poster version of itself, glossing it with an egg and varnish mix to make it appear authentic. At the unveiling of Whistler’s Mother the next day, David is overjoyed to see Bean finally restore the painting, but expects Bean, who has totally forgotten to come up with a speech, to make a fool of himself on national television when he takes the podium at the press conference. However, Bean’s brief but effective off-the-cuff speech regarding the work is both very simple and very deep, cementing the public’s perception of him as a scholarly virtuoso. Despite initial doubts, the officials and hierarchy appear to take his words to heart and enjoy the speech. After the unveiling, Brutus finds David and informs him that Jennifer has been involved in a motorcycle accident because she rebelled against David for not getting rid of Bean and is in intensive care. Bean and David are given a police escort to the hospital to see Jennifer, but Brutus stops on his way to deal with an armed robber, who shot Brutus in his stomach before being arrested.

Due to a mix-up at the hospital, Bean is mistaken for a doctor and pushed into an operating theatre containing Brutus, who is still barely alive. While the other doctors and nurses are distracted, Bean unconventionally retrieves the bullet and eventually rescues Brutus, earning the admiration of his colleagues. Bean is again mistaken for a doctor and this time, David takes him to see Jennifer, who is unconscious. Bean, unsure what to do, attempts to use a defibrillator to bring Jennifer back to life, but accidentally shocks himself and is sent flying across the room and lands on Jennifer in her bed and waking her up in the process. Still not recognising Bean, David and Alison tells him that they will offer him anything. Bean reveals himself and later asks if he can stay with them for another week before returning to London. Though baffled, the Langleys gladly accept. After another week in Los Angeles with the Langleys, for which he gives the family gifts, and explores the city, a biker shows him his middle finger, Bean thinks it is a sign of good luck and heads to the airport to return to London. Before leaving, David tells Bean that he is welcome to come back and visit any time he likes. In his flat, Bean, getting ready to bed for the night, turns off the light and looks at the original vandalised Whistler’s Mother, which now has pride-of-place on his wall, and shows it to his Teddy before closing his eyes and going to sleep.

REVIEW:

One of the first films that I reviewed on this site was Bean: The Movie. After watching the Mr. Bean, the TV series earlier this year, I was in the mood to watch this again, but Netflix didn’t have it on instant and I wasn’t going to waste an actual DVD spot watching something I had already seen. That being said, I see nothing wrong with going back and revisiting it.

What is this about?

Rowan Atkinson brings his TV-based nincompoop Mr. Bean to the big screen. He arrives in Los Angeles to guard a famous painting, but as Mr. Bean is unfit for any physical task, everything goes hilariously wrong. A master of physical comedy, Atkinson pits the Brit Bean against his suspicious American hosts in a culture clash that makes for side-splitting comedy.

What did I like?

Classic Bean. If you know anything about Mr. Bean, then you are more than aware of how clumsy this man is and the ridiculous situation he finds himself getting into and thus ruining people’s lives/good time around him. The film keep that spirit of the character alive and well, which, when you get down to it, is the most important thing they had to do.

Touching. Without spoiling the ending for you, I will say that the way this family reacts to Mr. Bean is quite touching. I guess maybe I do have a heart, after all. Considering the way they had all but kicked him back across the pond because he was “different”, it was nice to see them perform a 180, even if it did take a near death experience.

Art. I have to say that it was nice to see some grand art be the main focus, as opposed to something more trivial like a diamond or some kind of jewelry. Whenever a work fo art, music, or what have you takes center stage, it is always more appealing to me, as opposed to some fleeting piece of overpriced jewelry. Throw in what Bean does to this poor painting, and you can’t help but know that they made a good choice in going with it instead of rubies, pearls, etc.

What didn’t I like?

Character. In the TV series, Bean is a bit less talkative. As a matter of fact, in the 13 or so episodes, I belive someone counted him as saying a grand total of 5 complete words! So, will someone please fill me in on why it is that when he gets on the big screen, he all of a sudden becomes a bit of a chatterbox. I read somewhere that this was the “Americanization” of what the film was originally meant to be. All I can do is shake my head at the fact that had to be done.

Comedy. The episodes had me cracking up. I haven’t seen the cartoon, yet, but it looked pretty funny, too. This film, though, has its moments, but seems to be taking itself too seriously for its own good. There is no reason that this flick should be anything but funny. Why all the drama with the family, job, etc? I just didn’t get it!

Oh. This is a very small complaint. Actually, it isn’t even a complaint, as much as it is an observation, but what in the bloody blue hell is up with Sandra Oh’s hair? She has this whole dual colored thing going that doesn’t seem to be working for her and is more of a distraction than if she were to show up to the museum butt naked. Whoever gave her that look needs to have their head examined!

Bean: The Movie is good for the fact that it brought Mr. Bean out of the cult realm and into the mainstream, if you will. However, it didn’t stay true to the character in doing so, so there is bad there as well. The film itself is about what you would expect from a short comedy such as thing. Nothing that is going to blow you away, but nothing just obscenely horrible. Personally, I wish there would have been more nods to the TV series, or if they would have stayed true to it, but that’s just me. This is a good film to check out, but I’m not going to recommend or not recommend it.

3 3/4 out of 5 stars