Cat Run

PLOT:

The Andorran hooker and single mother Catalina “Cat” Rona is hired to participate in an orgy in Montenegro with other escorts and powerful men and the American Senator William Krebb. Something goes wrong with the politician and all the girls are murdered by the security of the host to avoid witnesses. However, Cat escapes and brings a hard disk drive with classified information with her. There is a manhunt for Cat and the cruel assassin Helen Bingham is hired to retrieve the HDD and kill Cat. Meanwhile, the Americans Julian Simms and Anthony Hester decide to open a detective agency to raise money. When they read in the newspaper that Cat is being chased, they decide to seek her out, expecting to receive a reward. However, they cross the path of Helen and they end protecting Cat from the killer. When Helen is betrayed by those who hired her, she decides to help Anthony, Julian, and Cat retrieve the HDD and their freedom.

REVIEW:

Well, I am finally getting around to Cat Run after quite a while of it just festering on my instant queue. After quite a few recommendations from friends and Netflix, I finally got the hint and hit play on this little known Paz Vega film. However, I have to pose the question, is there a reason that no one has ever heard of this flick?

What is this about?

A pair of private dicks find themselves caught up in a suspected government conspiracy when they take on an uncommon case: helping a high-class call girl fight off a sexy assassin who’s already torn her pimp to pieces.

What did I like?

Nothing is true, everything is permitted. Janet McTeer plays a cold-hearted, highly skilled assassin that is not to be messed with. Watch what she does to that pimp when in the early scenes involving her if you have any questions. When it comes to assassins, this is the kind that I like to see on film. She gets the job done and gets it done efficiently.

Not scared. A film like this seems tailor made to not be a violent adventure flick, but rather one of these adventure dramas that are very popular in many markets. Yes, this film follows that formula, but there is also some glorious bloody violent scenes, such as a guy getting his head blown off. I’m not one to generally gush over blood and gore, but sometimes its just what one wants to see, just not in the way horror films seem to be obsesses with doing these days.

My buddy. The buddy cops “stars” of this film, who have just started a detective agency to make money since the restaurant one of them came to Europe to open isn’t panning out. What I enjoyed was how the two of these guys served as a sort of avatar for the audience, giving us a balance of funny and nevish moments that are quite entertaining.

What didn’t I like?

Vega. The titular character, Cat, is played by the beautiful Paz Vega. One would think that she would be in nearly every scene, but that isn’t the case, as we get the two guys who are trying to solve their first case. Once they catch up to her, we get more, but it still doesn’t make up for the fact that Vega isn’t featured in the way the marketing for this film led us to believe.

Amputee. When D.L. Hughley appeared, I figured he was just going to be in that one scene, but it turns out that he was a somewhat major character. I believe he’s still doing stand-up, but one has to wonder how bad things are for him to take this role. The part itself was bad enough, but throw in the fact that he is an amputee (I believe he said there was accident that left him that way), and you are really left scratching your head.

Leading man. In direct to DVD films, there usually is a guy who happens to be the best audition, related to someone with connections, etc., but they aren’t good actors. Well, the leading man in this film, Scott Mechlowicz is just as bad as those guys, if not worse. The term wooden acting is tossed around like salad, but there is absolutely no charisma, life, or anything, really with this guy. How or why he was chosen to lead this picture is beyond me. Thanks goodness Alphonso McAuley was so over the top with his comic relief and made watching this guy bearable.

For all the excitement I had when I hit play on Cat Run this afternoon, it quickly dissipated as the film progressed. I was hoping for something to reach out and grab me, but it didn’t. As I sit here writing this review, the only thing I remember about this flick is that it starts with an orgy and is quite violent masterpiece. So, as you can imagine, I don’t recommend this film. Spend you time elsewhere.

2 3/4 out of 5 stars

 

Last Vegas

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Billy, Paddy, Archie and Sam are childhood friends from Flatbush, Brooklyn, who are living in their senior years. Sam and his wife Miriam are living mundane lives in a retirement village in Naples,_Florida. Archie, twice-divorced and retired from the Air Force, lives with his overprotective son Ezra and his family in New Jersey after suffering a stroke. Paddy lives alone in his Brooklyn apartment, a curmudgeon in grief since the death of his wife, Sophie, over a year ago. Billy is a successful entrepreneur in Malibu, California, who lives with his 31-year-old girlfriend Lisa. Shortly after proposing to Lisa, Billy finds an old bottle of scotch he and his friends stole in their childhood days and calls Sam and Archie, who immediately propose a bachelor party for Billy in Las Vegas before his wedding that weekend. After being given permission by Miriam to cheat on her, Sam flies to New Jersey to pick up Archie in secret. They drive Brooklyn to collect Paddy and fly off to rendezvous with Billy in Vegas.

The quartet meet up at the airport, where Billy and Paddy get into a heated argument. They had a falling-out when Billy failed to attend Sophie’s funeral. Archie breaks up the fight and demands they stop and enjoy the weekend for a change and to celebrate Billy’s wedding with a little fun because “they need this.” They head to Binion’s Gambling Hall and Hotel to check in, only to realize that the hotel is closed for renovations. Billy gets his assistant to find them a room at the Aria Resort and Casino, since that is where the wedding will be held. While taking a break in the casino, they meet Diana, a lounge singer who charms the guys as they joke about Sam’s sex life, Archie’s medical issues and Billy’s young bride. Paddy begins to express his anger toward Billy for not attending Sophie’s funeral and is eventually charmed by Diana into rejoining the group over some martinis. They convince Diana to join them at The Aria where they get stuck in a traffic jam and walk down The Las Vegas Strip. While waiting for their rooms, Archie goes to a blackjack table and has a brief altercation with a cocky gambler named Dean. After Dean leaves the table, Archie buys chips with $15,000 (half of his pension funds), much to Sam and Paddy’s surprise. Later, Paddy warns Sam that Archie is on a losing streak and has lost nearly $9,000. They rush to pull him off the table, only to discover that he is actually up $102,000. The trio are noticed by the pit boss and they reluctantly leave the table in fear of being accused of cheating. Meanwhile, as Billy tours the wedding chapel with Diana, he becomes charmed with her as she explains to him that she moved to Vegas because she was recently laid off as a tax attorney in Atlanta and always wanted to sing despite being a divorced single mother.

Later, the quartet become judges of a wild swimsuit competition. They are then confronted by the casino manager, who was impressed with Archie’s blackjack game; he happily gives them the best penthouse suite to stay in with their own host, Lonnie, who reluctantly accepts the job as the original guest was supposed to be 50 Cent. Upon entering the suite, Billy suggests they open the old bottle of scotch to celebrate the gang’s reunion, but Paddy confronts him about his absence from Sophie’s funeral and leaves the group. That night, the remaining three go to Haze where they cut the line after waiting for over an hour where the bouncer stops them and tells them that they can only enter if they buy bottle service, which they eventually agree to after seeing more women enter the club. There, Billy and Sam talk with the bride-to-be and maid-of-honor from a bachelorette party while Archie goes dancing. Dean comes by and begins groping the bachelorette and is stopped by Archie, Billy and Sam. Dean attempts to throw a punch at Billy but is knocked down by Paddy, who stopped by to give Archie his cell phone due to several missed calls by Ezra.

The next day, while the others are hungover and recovering, Paddy visits Diana and tells her that he and Billy were both in love with Sophie when they were younger and she picked Paddy to be hers. Diana catches his eye while she tries to convince him to stop grieving and move on with life because Sophie would want it. Afterwards, Paddy joins Billy at their pool cabana and admits he needs to move on from Sophie’s passing while also showing concern for Billy about marrying a younger woman. The others join in and discuss throwing a big party in their suite. Later, Dean is brought in by Lonnie to the cabana to apologize for his behavior and is tricked into believing the quartet are four mafia members from the East Coast called “The Flatbush Four.” As Billy relaxes, the other three get fancy suits and (with help from Dean) prepare for the bachelor party and invite several people including the bachelorette party, exotic dancers, a band of transvestites, and cast members of Zarkana. Billy later visits Diana at her job, where she tells him she is fond of him. As they walk along The Strip, Billy tells Diana that Paddy gave Sophie an ultimatum to choose either Billy or him and she secretly chose Billy first, but Billy felt Sophie was meant to be with Paddy so she went with Paddy instead.

The bachelor party goes into full force as Paddy gets ready to be social again. Sam meets the maid of honor from the night before who begins flirting with him to his delight. Archie dances with the bachelorette and other female partygoers, gives advice to Dean on how to meet women properly, and is confronted by a surprise appearance from a worried Ezra, who is later told by Archie to simply enjoy this special time with his father. Ezra calms down and accepts. As Sam and the maid of honor head upstairs to be alone, he encourages and enjoys her seductive ways but eventually turns them down as he says while the experience of sex with her would be so spectacular, he has a tradition of telling Miriam about all the wonderful things that happen in his life. In order to stay wonderful, he’d have to tell his wife about what really happened in Vegas, which would be devastating to her. Paddy tells Billy he invited Diana to the party because he likes her and wants to start anew after Sophie’s passing, but realizes Billy likes her too. They rush to meet her as she enters the party and Billy pushes Paddy into the decorative pool and takes Diana upstairs to tell her that Paddy likes her and to give him a chance. She gets embarrassed and feels like she is being treated like Sophie and “gifted” by Billy when Paddy walks in and hears the whole story about Sophie and Billy for the first time. Paddy is devastated and finds the old bottle of scotch, throws it in the trash and leaves the party.

The next morning, Paddy confronts Billy at the pool and tells him he does not know women like he loved Sophie for all the years they were together and that the wedding must be stopped. As Lisa and her bridesmaids arrive, Paddy pushes Billy into the pool and as a return favor for his being with Sophie, Paddy tells Lisa the wedding is off. Billy and Lisa talk it over while the guys have small talk with the bridesmaids who are now prepared for a sloppy drunken time with an angry Lisa. As the guys pack up to leave, Billy comes to terms with his age and admits his fear of getting old and being alone. They come together as friends again and tell Billy to go see Diana. Billy shows up at Diana’s job and reveals his feelings for her. The guys say their goodbyes to Dean and Lonnie and finally decide to crack open the old bottle of scotch for a final toast.

A few months later, Billy and Diana call Archie and Paddy to announce they are getting married. They try to call Sam but he is unable to answer the phone as he is busy in bed with Miriam.

REVIEW:

I feel kind of guilty about watching Last Vegas because my best friend has been dying to see thing and hasn’t had the chance, yet. I did invite her over to watch with me, though. This is a film that wasn’t very well received by critics, and yet many moviegoers actually liked it. So, which side of the coin do I fall on?

What is this about?

Four sixtysomething pals — Billy, Paddy, Archie and Sam — gather in Las Vegas to celebrate Billy’s upcoming nuptials with the intention of running wild for four straight days. But Sin City has gotten a lot crazier than they could’ve ever imagined.

What did I like?

2 wild and crazy guys. Kevin Kline and Morgan Freeman are the funny guys of this foursome, especially Kline. With all the drama going on between Michael Douglas and Robert De Niro’s character, it was a great change of pace to get some comedy in a comedy film. With Freeman, we get comedy based mostly on his age, which works for this film, since that is part of the running joke. Kline partly uses the same formula but, being a bit of a comedic actor, he uses his own talents to become the film’s standout character…and he does it without his Viagra pill and condom!

Bachelors. Cinema history is littered with bachelor parties that take place in Vegas, most recently The Hangover (before it spiraled down into an unnecessary trilogy). The thing about all these films is that they are usually a bunch of guys in their 20s or 30s, maybe a couple in their 40s, but never do we see the older generation in a bachelor party. A major draw for this film is the fact that we have these sixty something year old guys in Vegas for a bachelor party. The gags and adventures are about the same as they are with the 20 and 30 somethings, but from the view of older guys. Gags such as club music sounding all the same, which it does, being old enough to be girls’ grandfathers, etc. surprisingly had me laughing out loud.

Party Rock. I didn’t catch how they ended up doing this, but somehow the guys were able to judge a bikini contest. It seemed like they just walked up and started judging, but it is possible that might have been one of the perks of the stay at their hotel. More on that later, though. As a red-blooded, straight man, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the bikini contest and the gorgeous ladies they were prancing out there. Perhaps they weren’t all 10s, but they were lookers. Of course, the one I liked the best is the one De Niro’s character gave the lowest rating to. Go figure!

What didn’t I like?

Liberace. I’m not sure, but I think Michael Douglas was either filming this at the same time or right after Behind the Candelabara. I say that because he is a distinct shade of orange and isn’t in the film as much as the other three guys. I’d say this is because he is the biggest star, but you have Robert De Niro and Morgan Freeman in the cast, both Oscar winners in their own right, and Kevin Kline who is better known that we give him credit for. Douglas just seems to not be fully invested in this film until the penultimate scene, where he actually gets to flex his acting chops, and that just wasn’t working for me, making his character, who actually is a somewhat likable guy, just meh for me.

Fiancee. I realize this is a bachelor party film, but Douglas’ fiancée seems to be forgotten. She is mentioned a couple of times, but until she shows up before the wedding, we totally forgot about her. Maybe I’m just spoiled by other films in this vein, but shouldn’t she have at least gotten more than a couple of mentions? Ironically, the one that brings her up, is the singer that Douglas was hitting on during the weekend.

Drama. There is some bad blood between Michael Douglas and Robert De Niro’s characters. The conflict between the two of them festers so long that it nearly costs what is left of their friendship and ruins the weekend for all four guys. All of it apparently because Douglas didn’t come to the funeral of De Niro’s wife. Perhaps I’m just a cold-hearted bastard, but that just doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to throw out a friendship and/or hold a grudge for all these years. Sure, you can be disappointed, but get over it and move on, I say.

If there is anything that one can get out of Last Vegas, it is that old people can have just as much fun, if not more, than younger folks. This comedy showcases that and even shows that they can still get with the ladies (for lack of a more appropriate phrase) like the jazz/lounge singer played by Joanna Cassidy, something we don’t normally see on film, at least in a more “realistic” sense. Do I recommend this film? Yes, very highly. I had no idea that I would enjoy this film as much as I did. This has definitely been one of the best surprises of the year. Check it out!

4 out of 5 stars

The Nines

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Gary is a troubled actor who is wearing a green bracelet on his wrist, under house arrest living in another person’s house because he burned down his own. The owner of the house is described as a TV writer away on work. While living in the house he is befriended by both a P.R. ‘handler’, Margaret, and the single mom next door, Sarah, who may or may not be interested in him romantically. Over the course of his house arrest, Gary becomes convinced that he is being haunted by the number nine, including finding a note saying “Look for the nines” in his handwriting. He encounters many occurrences of the number nine, while playing backgammon he rolls nines, while reading newspaper advertisements he becomes obsessed with finding nines. Asking Sarah about the number 9 worries her and she cryptically tells him “I can get you out of here”. He also sees different versions of himself around the house, which unsettles him, causing him to break out of his house arrest barrier, which in turn causes a blip in reality.

A television writer, Gavin, trying to get his pilot produced. He leaves home to work on his TV show, Knowing, about a mother and daughter who are lost, which stars his friend Melissa as the lead actress. In a conversation about reviews and critics Susan, a television executive and producer of the show, tells Gavin to look for the nines which he then writes on a piece of paper, the same piece which Gary found in Part One. He also tells Melissa he thinks he is haunted by himself. During the process of post production, Susan pushes for Gavin to ditch his friend Melissa as the unconventional lead of his project in favor of a more attractive, well-known actress. This causes an argument between him and Melissa. He then finds out that the well-known actress was actually cast in another show which Susan knew of before suggesting her. Since she is now unavailable and Melissa won’t answer Gavin’s calls, he confronts Susan about her knowing his show would never get picked up and about him only being a subject on a reality television show. After a heated exchange, he snaps and slaps her. Insulting his manhood for hitting a woman, she scoffs “Do you think you are a man?” and walks away, which leads to him telling the reality TV cameraman to leave him alone. A pedestrian then asks him who he is talking to, and it is shown that the reality television cameraman does not exist. He looks around and notices that everyone has a 7 floating above their heads and also that he has a 9 floating above his head.

A flashback from Part One shows Gary’s P.R. handler, Margaret, telling him he is a God-like being and that God is a 10, humans are a 7 and that he is a 9, therefore he can destroy the world with a single thought, and that he exists in many different forms and that none of them are real. Gary does not believe this and flips out, which is revealed to be the real reason for his breaking his house arrest barrier in Part One.

Acclaimed video game designer Gabriel, whose car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, leaves his wife, Mary, and young daughter, Noelle, to try to get a better signal on his phone. He meets a woman, Sierra (Davis), who leads him off into the woods to her car, so she can give him a lift to the gas station. Meanwhile back at the car Noelle watches a video on a digital camera showing Gavin talking to Melissa from Part Two and Margaret talking to Gary in Part One. She is confused and shows her mom, who appears confused as well.

Meanwhile, Gabriel shows signs of intoxication, as Sierra had drugged water she was giving him with GHB. She has been trying all along as Sarah, Sierra, Susan to separate the other three incarnations of “G” from Mary. That poisoning him with GHB was the only way to get him to stop long enough to reason with him. She calms Gabriel by telling him that this is an intervention and they (the Prostitute from part 1, and parole officer/agitated man), were trying to help him come home. She likens Gabriel’s addiction to video game addiction. That Gabriel has been playing for 4,000 years reincarnating into different roles to play with the humans. The 3 nines plead with him to come back home.

Back at the car, Noelle has gone missing. Gabriel then returns to the car with Noelle in his arms and the family goes home. Mary, who realizes that he is not who he seems, tells Gabriel he needs to go and that the world is not real. Gabriel tells her that there were ninety different variations of the universe and this is the last one. Gabriel then realizes he must go and removes the green bracelet from his wrist, at which point the universe peels away into nothing. The film ends with the woman from all three parts married to Ben, whom she is married to in Part Two, and Noelle as their daughter. Noelle tells her mother that “he’s not coming back” and that “all the pieces have been put together” and her mother finishes her sentence that this is “the best of all possible worlds.”

REVIEW:

The Nines is one of those films that no one really knows much about, and yet it has major stars like Ryan Reynolds and Melissa McCarthy. When I heard about this film, I was intrigued…and confused. Watching the film, makes me even more confused, but is it enjoyable is the bigger question, correct?

What is this about? Three stories converge in this indie thriller. In “The Prisoner,” an actor is under house arrest; in “Reality Television,” a TV producer struggles to launch a new series; and in “Knowing,” a video-game designer seeks help for his stranded family. What is this about?

Molly. These days, Melissa McCarthy is best known for her comedic chops (good and bad), but it wasn’t that long ago, apparently, that she was actually a decent actress. Remember when she was on Gilmore Girls? Well, in this role, she shines as a dramatic actress, something we never would have expected from her watching her current work. I should also mention that, while she is still a beautiful woman, for some reason, she was absolutely radiant in this flick.

On your toes. Man, oh man, this is a film that keeps you on your toes. Yes, it can be a bit slow in parts, but it keeps you interested and invested in what is going on in the film. As confusing as this film is, it doesn’t lose your interests because you are drawn in with the intrigue of how these three stories eventually intertwine.

Sex appeal. In just about every film that I’ve seen Ryan Reynolds in, at least the ones where he’s doing his sarcastic guy schtick, he seems to find some way to play up the sex appeal angle. This film, much like he did in Buried, he lets his acting do the talking for him, rather than his abs. Give the string of box office bombs the guy has had lately, maybe he needs to go back to this formula, especially since it works so well. Reynolds, much like McCarthy, is quite the competent actor, but we just don’t know it because of the roles he takes these days.

What didn’t I like?

Hope. A good leading actress can make or break a film, sometimes by their talent, sometimes by their looks, other times by a mixture of both. In the case of Hope Davis, however, she doesn’t do anything but bring this film down with her bitchiness and wooden acting. Perhaps this is because I am a little biased with my love for Melissa McCarthy and the way this chick treated her didn’t sit right with me, but there was no hope for me liking Hope in this flick. From other reviews that I’ve read, she doesn’t really resonate with audiences, either.

Being. Not to spoil anything, but there is a higher plane of existence that is the driving force behind this film. It is just something that has to be seen to understand. I’m not going to even make a sad attempt to explain that, especially without spoiling anything. I actually like that plot point, but the fact that it isn’t revealed until the very end didn’t sit well with me. I’m not saying the twist should have been revealed in the first 10 minutes, but there had to be a better place to do so than in the last few minutes, or at the very lease give us a better build up!

Weight. In section two, as with every other film she’s in, Melissa McCarthy’s weight is brought up. Unlike in her current films, though, this makes sense. McCarthy is portrayed as a caricature of herself (she’s playing herself). She is excited about a new show her friend, played by Reynolds, has hired her for, even going so far as to buy a house. Of course, the powers that be, and Hope Davis’ character, push for her to be replaced because she “doesn’t have the conventional look”. I don’t need to tell you what means, do I? In the scene where she gets the news, she gives a bit of an over emotional performance, in my eyes. At the same time, this is just another way for Davis’ character to make her life hell, as she seems to be doing the entire film.

There was a film that starred Will Ferrell, I can’t remember what the name of it is right now, in which he was seeing things that he created. The Nines, a film that probably should have been released the year that every other film with the number 9 in it was released, took me back to that for some reason. As I was watching this flick, there wasn’t anything to get excited about. This is just another weird thriller that was made for the sake of being made. After the credits roll, you are sure to forget it, so no, I do not recommend it.

3 out of 5 stars

Blade Runner (Director’s Cut)

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In Los Angeles, November 2019, retired police officer Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford) is detained by officer Gaff (Edward James Olmos) and brought to meet with his former supervisor, Bryant (M. Emmet Walsh). Deckard, whose job as a “Blade Runner” was to track down bioengineered beings known as replicants and “retire” (euphemism for the killing of replicants) them, is told by Bryant that several have come to Earth illegally. As Tyrell Corporation Nexus-6 models, they have only a four year lifespan and may have come to Earth to try to extend their lives.

Deckard watches a video of a Blade Runner named Holden (Morgan Paull) administering a “Voight-Kampff” test designed to distinguish replicants from humans based on their empathic response to questions. The subject of the test, Leon (Brion James), shoots Holden after Holden asks about Leon’s mother. Bryant wants Deckard to retire Leon and three other replicants; Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer), Zhora (Joanna Cassidy), and Pris (Daryl Hannah). Deckard initially refuses, but after Bryant ambiguously threatens him, he reluctantly agrees.

Deckard begins his investigation at the Tyrell Corporation to ensure that the test works on Nexus-6 models. While there, he discovers that Dr. Eldon Tyrell’s (Joe Turkel) assistant Rachael (Sean Young) is an experimental replicant who believes herself to be human. Rachael has been given false memories to provide an “emotional cushion”. As a result, a more extensive test is required to determine whether she is a replicant.

Events are then set into motion that pit Deckard’s search for the replicants against their search for Tyrell to force him to extend their lives. Roy and Leon go to the eye-manufacturing laboratory of Chew (James Hong) to find a way to meet with Tyrell. Although he is unable to give them access to Tyrell directly, he divulges, in fear of his life, the identity of J.F. Sebastian (William Sanderson), a gifted designer who works closely with Tyrell. Rachael visits Deckard at his apartment to prove her humanity by showing him a family photo, but after Deckard reveals that her memories are only implants taken from a real person, she drops the photograph and leaves his apartment in tears. Pris then follows the lead obtained from Chew and gains the confidence of Sebastian outside his apartment, where he lives with manufactured companions. He asks if she is hungry and offers food and shelter for the night. She accepts.

While searching Leon’s apartment, Deckard finds a photo of Zhora and a synthetic snake scale that leads him to a strip club where Zhora works. Deckard retires Zhora and shortly after is told by Bryant to add Rachael to his list of retirements because she has disappeared from the Tyrell Corporation headquarters. Deckard spots Rachael in a crowd but is attacked by Leon. Rachael kills Leon using Deckard’s gun, and the two return to Deckard’s apartment, where he promises not to hunt her. Later they share an intimate moment; Rachael then tries to leave, but Deckard physically restrains her.

Arriving at Sebastian’s apartment, Roy tells Pris the others are dead. Sympathetic to their plight, Sebastian reveals that because of a genetic disorder that accelerates his aging, his life will also be cut short. Sebastian and Roy gain entrance into Tyrell’s secure penthouse, where Roy demands more life from his maker. Tyrell tells him that it is impossible. Roy confesses that he has done “questionable things” which Tyrell dismisses, praising Roy’s advanced design and accomplishments in his short life. Roy responds with “nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn’t let you into heaven for” and kisses Tyrell, then kills him. Sebastian runs for the elevator followed by Roy, who then rides the elevator down alone.

Upon entering Sebastian’s apartment, Deckard is ambushed by Pris, but manages to kill her just as Roy returns. Roy fights Deckard without using his full strength, chasing him through the building and ending up on the roof. In an attempt to escape, Deckard tries to jump to another roof, but ends up hanging from the rooftop. Roy makes the same jump with ease, and as Deckard’s grip loosens, Roy hoists him onto the roof, saving him. As his life runs out, Roy delivers a monologue about how his memories are about to be lost. Then he dies in front of Deckard, who watches silently. Gaff arrives and, referring to Rachael, shouts to Deckard, “It’s too bad she won’t live, but then again, who does?” Deckard returns to his apartment to find Rachael sleeping in his bed. As they leave, Deckard finds a small tin-foil unicorn, a calling card left by his origami-making partner Gaff. Depending on the version, Deckard and Rachael either leave the apartment block to an uncertain future, or drive through an idyllic pastoral landscape.

REVIEW:

I’m probably going to get my sci-fi fan card revoked for saying this, but before tonight, I had never seen Blade Runner. Critics and fans alike hold this film in high esteem, even the book which it based on, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep? by Philip K. Dick, has been called great. As we all know, sometimes great books don’t necessarily translate into great film, especially in alternate cuts, such as the director’s cut of this film.

What is this about?

In a smog-choked dystopian Los Angeles, blade runner Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford) is called out of retirement to snuff a quartet of escaped “replicants” — androids consigned to slave labor on remote planets — seeking to extend their short life spans. This version,  director Ridley Scott’s cut,  comes with a different ending and the omission of Ford’s narration, giving the film a different tone.

What did I like?

Plausability. Here we are in the year 2014, as many time travel and futuristic films have led us to believe, by now we should be getting ready to be overtaken by robot overlords who will scorch the earth and leave us with nothing but rations (the scenario that I think will happen sooner than we all think), or we’ll have flying cars, 80s cafes, and $10 gas. The jury is still out on that one. This film though, takes a more realistic approach to the future, 2019 is the exact year, as the robots, or replicants, aren’t shiny metal housekeepers, but rather synthetic human beings that feel many of the same things we do. I have always envisioned robots as this type of being, and I believe that when we finally get them, that’s what they’ll be.

Tme to die. Philip K. Dick called Rutger Hauer’s portrayal of Roy Batty as “the perfect Batty—cold, Aryan, flawless”. To get that kind of praise from the author is not something that every actor in a film can accomplish. As I watched Hauer’s performance, I can see how Dick was impressed. He gives a great performance, conveying the tragic figure as well as the charismatic, and psychotic, leader of the Nexus 6 group.

Creepy. There is just something about a dilapidated house overrun by toys that is just creepy. Everytime the film returned to this house there were more toys and the creep factor was multiplied even more. With the added pans over to this one Pinocchio-nose having toy, this thing was almost like a horror film, and a good one at that. Such a shame the toys weren’t really part of the plot, though.

What didn’t I like?

Pacing. I went into this dreading the runtime. Netflix led me to believe this was a 4 hr film, but apparently they just combined the runtime of the original and director’s cuts to come up with that figure. At just under 2 hrs, this still felt like it was nearly 4 because it moved along so slow and didn’t really seem like it as going anywhere. Eventually, it did, but that doesn’t change my mind about the pacing.

Unicorn. Apparently, unicorns play a pretty big role in the psyche of Harrison Ford’s character. In the director’s cut of the film, that point isn’t emphasized as much as it is said to be in the original. I am not really sure why this was cut out for the director’s cut, but it was, and not for the better. It is so rare that we get unicorns in film these days, it would have been nice to just get a regular unicorn hallucination, if you ask me.

It all comes to an ending. Again, it should be noted that I watched the director’s cut has a totally different ending than the original. This ending leaves the audience with questions. Given the tone of this edit of the film, the argument can be made about whether it fits or not, but for me, I guess I just need some kind of resolution from my movies, rather than an open ended ending.

As Blade Runner came to a close, I immediately thought to myself, should I watch the original? I believe the answer is yes. From what I’ve read, it makes more sense, has a better ending, and is easier to follow. That isn’t to say the director’s cut isn’t without its positive marks. It is well known how different, and superior, the Richard Donner cut of Superman II differs from the theatrical release. This film follows a similar pattern. Do I recommend it? Well, I do, but not this version. I believe that the original version would work better for general audiences. That being said, this is still a great picture.

4 out of 5 stars

Trailer Thursday 3/27

Welcome to another edition of “Trailer Thursday”

This week, we go back to the year 1981 (thanks, Kasey)

I love Mel Brooks’ movies, and History of the World, part I has been considered one of his funniest outings. Take a gander and see if you’d be interested in checking it out sometime (whether you’ve seen it or not)

Moonraker

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

A Drax Industries Moonraker space shuttle on loan to the United Kingdom is hijacked in mid-air and MI6 operative, James Bond, agent 007, is assigned to investigate. En route to England in a small charter plane, Bond is attacked by the pilot and crew and pushed out of the plane by the mercenary assassin Jaws. Bond survives by stealing a parachute from the pilot, whilst Jaws lands on a circus tent.

Bond proceeds to the Drax Industries shuttle-manufacturing complex where he meets the owner of the company, Hugo Drax, and henchman Chang. Bond also meets an astronaut, Dr. Holly Goodhead and survives an assassination attempt via a centrifuge chamber. Bond is later aided by Drax’s personal pilot, Corinne Dufour, as he finds blueprints for a glass vial made in Venice. Bond then foils another attempt on his life, using a hunting shotgun to shoot a sniper. Upon discovering that Dufour assisted Bond’s investigations, Drax has her killed.

Bond again encounters Goodhead in Venice where he is chased through the canals by Drax’s henchmen. He discovers a secret biological laboratory, and by accidentally poisoning the scientists there, he learns that the glass vials are to hold a nerve gas deadly to humans, but harmless to animals. Chang attacks Bond and is killed, but during the fight, Bond finds evidence that Drax is moving his operation to Rio de Janeiro. Rejoining Goodhead, he deduces that she is a CIA agent spying on Drax. They promise to work together, but quickly dispense with the truce. Bond has saved one of the vials he found earlier, as the only evidence of the now-empty laboratory, giving it to M for analysis, who permits him to go to Rio de Janeiro under the pretence of being on leave.

In Rio, Bond meets his Brazilian contact Manuela. Drax hires Jaws to finish Chang’s job of eliminating Bond. Bond meets Goodhead at the top of Sugarloaf Mountain, where they are attacked by Jaws on a cable car. After Jaws’ car crashes he is rescued from the rubble by Dolly, and the two fall in love. Bond and Goodhead are captured by henchmen, but Bond escapes and reports to an MI6 base in Brazil and learns that the toxin comes from a rare orchid indigenous to the Amazon jungle. Bond travels the Amazon River looking for Drax’s research facility and again encounters Jaws and other henchmen. Bond escapes from his boat just before it hits the Iguazu Falls, and finds Drax’s base. Captured by Jaws again, Bond is taken to Drax and witnesses four Moonrakers lifting off. Drax explains that he stole the Moonraker because another in the fleet had developed a fault during assembly. Bond is reunited with Goodhead; they escape and successfully pose as pilots on the sixth shuttle. The shuttles dock with Drax’s space station, hidden from radar by a cloaking device.

Once on board the station, Bond and Holly disable the radar jamming cloaking device, resulting in the United States sending a platoon of Marines to intercept the now-visible space station. Jaws captures Bond and Holly and brings them to Drax.

Drax plans to destroy human life by launching fifty globes containing the nerve gas into the Earth’s atmosphere. Before launching them, Drax also transported several dozen genetically perfect young men and women of varying races, to the space station. They would live there until Earth was safe again for human life; their descendants would be the seed for a “new master race”. Bond persuades Jaws and Dolly to switch their allegiance by getting Drax to admit that anyone not measuring up to his physical standards would be exterminated and Jaws attacks Drax’s guards.

A laser battle ensues both inside and outside the space station, in which Drax’s guards and his master race are all killed. During the battle, Bond shoots Drax with a cyanide-tipped dart, then pushes him into an airlock and ejects him into space.

In order to destroy the three already launched globes and return to Earth, Goodhead and Bond use Drax’s personal shuttle, while at the same time observing Jaws and Dolly escape from the disintegrating space station.

REVIEW:

As the 70s were coming to a close, it seems as if films were changing to show the influence of a little film you may have heard of, Star Wars. Moonraker features James Bond…in space. Given that Bond is a spy, going to space isn’t something that seems plausible, at least to me, but perhaps this film could offer some entertaining surprises.

What is this about?

Agent 007 blasts into orbit in this action-packed adventure that takes him to not only Venice, Italy, and Rio de Janeiro but to outer space as he investigates the hijacking of an American space shuttle by a power-mad industrialist.

What did I like?

I go to Rio. The Bond films that I’ve seen up to this point have all be showcases for great locations, but I think this one takes the cake. Ever since I got into Assassin’s Creed, I’ve been noticing how accurate the locations are. Part of this film takes place in Italy, which doesn’t seem to have changed any since the 15th century. Also, there is Rio during Carnival. The party atmosphere is captured, as well as some of the natural beauty of the country when they aren’t enjoying the festivities.

Tone. When the film began, it seems as if this was going to be a more serious film…then we get to boat chase in Venice. If you’ve ever seen a chase in pretty much any 60s sitcom, then you know there is a comedic look to them. Well, the boat chase, while exciting, has a comedic tone to it, including some Scooby-Doo-type gags with gondola drivers (or whatever they’re called). The rest of film follow through with this shift in tone from serious to over-the-top, and I was eating it up, much in the same way that I hear it does in The Spy Who Loved Me. (somehow I skipped that one in chronological order).

Musical cues. Out of nowhere, some popular scores were used throughout the film. First, there is 5 note sequence from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which is used as a lab entrance code. Quite inspired use of the theme if you ask me. Also used is “Also Sprach Zarathustra”, perhaps best known as the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Finally, and this one came out of the blue, the theme to The Magnificent Seven is used as Bond is riding up to MI6 headquarters, strangely enough looking like Clint Eastwood’s “Man with No Name”. As a film and music fan, I appreciated the homages to earlier masterpieces.

What didn’t I like?

Girls. If there is one thing that James Bond has consistently been known for, it is the super hotties known as Bond Girls. For some odd reason, I didn’t find the girls in this film to be anything more than above average, at best. No, they weren’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but they just felt rather plain. The only one that was memorable was the girl in Rio, and that was only because of her exotic beauty.

Villainous wood. With a name like Hugo Drax and the prerequisite Van Dyke style of facial hair that often signifies the villain, one would imagine that this guy would be a great villain. I don’t believe any statement could be further from the truth. Of all the Bond baddies I’ve come across up to this point, this guy is the most wooden, and he is upstaged by his replacement bodyguard, Jaws, who really isn’t on screen for more than 5 minutes, tops.

Pew. Pew. One of the most made fun of tropes in movies and television is the sound and look of lasers. Well, guess who decided to have henchmen in space shooting lasers? If you said this film, then you would be correct. I can’t believe they sunk to that level, but they did, and it wasn’t done effectively, either. This didn’t even looked like they tried and was almost offensive it was so bad, but at the same time, I can appreciate the cheesiness.

How does Moonraker stack up to the rest of the Bond franchise that I’ve seen so far? It is somewhat enjoyable, but I can’t get over the fact that they “jumped the shark” and put Bond into space. Thankfully, this didn’t last long, and Bond returns to normal in the next film, from my understanding. Not surprisingly, this film was not well-received by critics and fans, but still ended up being the highest grossing of the films until the release of GoldenEye. Do I recommend this film? Yes, even though it is a bit over the top and the space stuff just doesn’t fit a character like James Bond, it is still an enjoyable film. Check it out if you get the chance!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Captains Courageous

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Harvey Cheyne (Freddie Bartholomew) is the spoiled son of an indulgent absentee father, business tycoon Frank Burton Cheyne (Melvyn Douglas). He is shunned by his classmates at a private boarding school, and eventually suspended for the remainder of the term due to bad behavior. His father realizes that the boy needs closer attention and guidance, so he takes his son with him on a business trip to Europe via a trans-Atlantic steamship.

En route, Harvey, as a result of another display of arrogance, falls overboard in the area of the Grand Banks of Newfoundland. He is rescued by a Portuguese-American fisherman, Manuel Fidello (Spencer Tracy), and taken aboard the fishing schooner We’re Here. Harvey fails to persuade captain Disko Troop (Lionel Barrymore) to take him ashore, nor can he convince him of his wealth. However, the captain offers him a low-paid job as part of the crew until they return to port three months later. With no other choice, Harvey eventually accepts. Befriended by Captain Troop’s son, Dan (Mickey Rooney), he begins to learn the ways of working at sea.

Under the guidance of Manuel, and observing his equally tough crew-mates, Harvey thrives, coming to learn that his former practices of cheating, bragging and whining are not an acceptable way of life. He also finds the father figure in Manuel he never had with his own father, and pleads with Manuel to allow him to remain on the We’re Here after their return. In the climactic race back to the Gloucester, Massachusetts port against a rival schooner, the Jennie Cushman, Manuel volunteers to climb to the top of the mast to furl the sail, but is mortally injured when the mast cracks and he is plunged into the water, caught irreversibly in the tangled rope and the topsail canvas. Manuel is cut loose of the ropes to sink below the surface to his death, and Harvey loses his surrogate father and best friend.

Eventually, the schooner returns to port and Harvey is reunited with his father. Rushing to Gloucester, Harvey’s father is surprised to find that his self-centered child has become mature and considerate. Harvey refuses to be comforted by his father, preferring to mourn for Manuel alone, but eventually comes around.

REVIEW:

Back when I was in school, there was a list of books that teachers expected us to read. I think by the time I graduated high school, I believe only 5 or 6 off of that list of nearly 100. One of those that I didn’t get to but still caught my attention was Captains Courageous. To this day, I still haven’t read the book, but I was in a bit of a literary mood today, so I figured why not try the movie?

What is this about?

Based on a novel by Rudyard Kipling, this classic adventure tale stars Spencer Tracy in an Oscar-winning performance as Manuel, an old salt who fishes spoiled, rich brat Harvey Cheyne (Freddie Bartholomew) out of the drink. When the vessel’s skipper (Lionel Barrymore) puts Harvey to work, the boy chafes at the idea. But crusty Manuel takes the lad under his wing and teaches Harvey invaluable life lessons through patience, forgiveness and resolve.

What did I like?

The more you know. There is a lesson to be learned from watching this film. I won’t spoil what happens to the main character, but I will say that the change he goes through is a vast improvement from where starts the film and just goes to show that a little hard work and humility sometimes is all it takes to get ahead in life.

Rivalry. Amongst fishing boats, there is a rivalry to get the best spots out on the wide open sea to catch fish. As one can imagine, this leads to various captains forging a rivalry. What this film manages to do effectively is portray the friendly rivalry between two of the captains (and their crews), while not straying too far from the main plot to do so.

Father. Spencer Tracy should have been given star credit for this film. He steals the show with his character, Manuel. This guy is charismatic, funny, sympathetic, and takes in Freddie Bartholomew’s character after saving him from drowning. His relationship with the kid is very much like Jim and Mr. Silver in Treasure Planet. The father son dynamic that slowly grows as the film goes on is a feel good aspect of the film.

What didn’t I like?

Harvey. Again, I haven’t read the book, but my good gravy is this Harvey kid a horrible excuse for a human being for most of the film. Often, I have complained about how kids in film are the living embodiment of all that is wrong with our society. With most modern films, I stand by that statement. However, back in the Golden Era of Hollywood, when this was made, annoying kids weren’t the norm, which makes Freddie Bartholomew’s performance that much more ahead of its time, if you will.

Teach a man to fish. Blame my mother for eating almost nothing but fish when she was pregnant with me, but I cannot stand fish! Each time Spencer Tracy’s character said fish in that bad Portuguese accent, it started to grate on me. I appreciate his commitment to the character, but one can only take hearing fish pronounced incorrectly before it becomes too much.

Ethnic cleanse. I hate to bring this up, but it was more than obvious that Spencer Tracy was not Portuguese, and I’m not talking just about his accent. During this time in film history, studious weren’t exactly going out of their way to cast ethnically correct actors, when they can just take a big name actor and give them a tan. Of course, given some of the casting choices these days such as Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger or just about anyone that wasn’t a bad guy in that abhorrent The Last Airbender, it is apparent that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

A nice little classic film, Captains Courageous offers excitement, drama, and comedy, as well as some culture, as this is a film based on a book. However, there are quite a few moments where this flick fails to capture and keep my attention, perhaps because I have become so used to seeing some kind of sea monster or other nautical danger when I watch a film set mostly at sea. Do I recommend this film? Yes, it is a solid classic film. When I read the book, I will be returning to watch this film again in search of the differences, additions, and subtractions. I suggest you try the same.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Tomcats

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

The story concerns a group of guys who have made a deal to each invest in a fund, which would be paid to the last remaining bachelor of the group. Michael Delaney, a cartoonist, attempts to get the other remaining bachelor, Kyle Brenner, married to a statuesque policewoman who Kyle said was the one that got away, so Michael can claim the fund to pay off a gambling debt. Unfortunately, the statuesque policewoman Kyle is trying to marry is the woman Michael has fallen in love with, Officer Natalie Parker. Michael then gets himself into all sorts of misadventures, from getting captured by a young woman and her grandmother with a bizarre BDSM fetish (the young woman seems like a quiet librarian at first glance) to trying to retrieve Kyle’s surgically removed testicle, all the while attempting to pay off his gambling debt to the honked-off mobster menacing through selling his possessions, relieving himself of his “Tomcat” status, overcoming his fear of commitment, and finding true love.

REVIEW:

Hey! Look down here! Now that I’ve drawn your attention away from that poster, how about we talk about Tomcats. For some unexplained reason, the film I had planned to watch today, well this weekend, came in the mail broken in half, so as a way to calm my nerves I turned to comedy…mindless, raunchy comedy.

What is this about?

Several years after a group of buddies antes up money for a pot that will go to the last remaining bachelor among them, only two are left — and one of them is scheming to get his competitor married … to a former girlfriend.

What did I like?

Pact. In American Pie, the guys make a pact to get laid before prom. In a way this film follows a similar plot, as this group of guys makes a pact, or rather a bet, for who ends up being the last remaining bachelor of the group. Conventional thinking would lead one to assume that the last two guys would end up at each other’s throats for the money. That would be an easy cop out, if you ask me. The film doesn’t go that route, though, using a totally different angle.

Joy. I normally am not a fan of Jaime Pressly. As much as I actually liked her in My Name is Earl and D.O.A.: Dead or Alive, everything else she has been in, just hasn’t struck a chord with me. Maybe it is because she has such a small role, or that she actually wasn’t a bitch, but I did enjoy her in the role, especially when in came to the implied lesbian scenes to drive Horatio Sanz’ character crazy.

Library learning. A somewhat short scene involving the a kinky, BDSM mistress librarian was a lot more entertaining that it had any business being. First off, she was this frumpy little librarian who turned into a mistress of kink, even handcuffing Jerry O’Conner to her bed with stuffed animals on the bedposts! Second, the collection of whips, chains and paddles she had was quite interesting, but the most interesting and weird part was that her grandmother also got in on the act. For comedic effect this was great, but if this happened to some poor soul, I feel so sorry for him.

What didn’t I like?

Balls deep. I didn’t really understand why there was a need to make light of testicular cancer. Granted, the gag with O’Connell going after the bouncing “ball”, which was eventually eaten (ironically by the doctor who removed it), was a bit funny, but the subject matter didn’t sit well with me. There had to have been something else that would have worked, like expanding on the sperm bank gag, for instance.

Plausible. Jerry O’Connell’s character ends up losing at a casino, thanks to his failed attempt at flirting with a buxom redhead, which leads to his being taken to the guy in charge, played by Bill Maher. This brings us to the debt of $51,000 which he owes and must pay within one month. The “pot” of all the friends who are married now, is up to $475,000, now, if I’m not mistaken. So, while O’Connell is trying to get the last guy, Jake Bussey, married off so he can collect the money. Everything he owns is getting taken to pay off his debt. I don’t know about gambling debts and such, but this just seems a bit extreme and unbelievable. Not to mention the little tidbit about them taking his drawing boards, pencils, etc. How is a cartoonist supposed to work, and possibly pay his debt, if he can’t draw?

Justice. Shannon Elizabeth is gorgeous, but my goodness can she not act! No wonder we haven’t seen her since Dancing with the Stars. I guess the fact that she was on there, should say something, right? At any rate, I can tell she was trying, but I just didn’t buy her as a hardened cop and scorned lover. Well, the scorned lover I can buy a little, but I wonder who would toss her to the side, seriously?!? Luckily for Elizabeth, she went back to the ditzy, hottie roles that made her famous in the first place.

As far as raunchy comedies go, Tomcats is actually pretty tame. Sure, it has moments that will gross you out and some sexy scenes, but in comparison to similar films released around the same time and since this hit theaters, this might as well have been an episode of The Care Bears. That being said, there are some laughs to be had here, which is the main reason this film was made, to entertain the audience, not impress some stuffed shirt critics. Do I recommend it? Yes, but only as something to brighten your day, not as a quality flick. Watch at your own risk!

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

Escape Plan

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Ray Breslin is a former prosecutor who co-owns Breslin-Clark, a Los Angeles–based security firm specializing in testing the reliability of maximum security prisons. He spends his life getting into prisons to study their designs and the guards’ habits to find and exploit their weaknesses, thus enabling him to escape without a hitch or a victim. He claims his goal is to ensure that criminals sent to prison stay inside by eliminating the weakness of every prison.

One day, he and his business partner Lester Clark are offered a multimillion dollar deal by CIA agent Jessica Miller to test a top-secret prison and see if it is escape-proof. Breslin goes against all his own rules and chooses the money. He agrees to the deal and gets himself captured in New Orleans, Louisiana, under the guise of a Spanish terrorist named “Anthony Portos”, but the plan goes awry when his captors remove the tracking microchip from his arm and drug him on the way to the prison, which thus disables him from ending the experiment by proving his identity.

Breslin wakes up in a complex of glass cells with no outside windows to indicate the prison’s location. He meets fellow inmate Emil Rottmayer, and they both stage a fight for Breslin to study the solitary confinement cell, which uses high-powered halogen lights to disorient and dehydrate prisoners. Seeing that the cell floors are made of aluminum, but the rivets are steel, Breslin has Rottmayer procure a metal plate from Warden Willard Hobbes’s office floor before the both of them and Muslim inmate Javed are once again thrown into solitary. Using the metal plate, Breslin focuses the reflection from the lights to heat the rivets and pop open the floor panel to reveal a passageway below.

He goes through the passageway and discovers that the prison is inside a cargo ship in the middle of the ocean, making a simple escape impossible in case of a possible break down. Breslin and Rottmayer continue to study the complex by learning the guards’ daily routines, and Breslin gives Hobbes false information about Rottmayer’s boss, Victor Mannheim. Meanwhile, Breslin’s colleagues Abigail Ross and Hush grow suspicious of Clark when Breslin’s paycheck for the job is frozen. They discover from hacked documents that the prison, codenamed “The Tomb”, is owned by a for-profit organization linked to an unnamed privately owned security provider, and Clark was offered a US$5 million annual salary from them in exchange for keeping Breslin behind bars.

Back in the prison, Hobbes reveals to Breslin that he is aware of his identity, and with chief security officer Drake watching him, he wants to ensure that Breslin stays for the rest of his life in prison. Rottmayer has Javed convince Hobbes to bring him on deck to do his nightly prayer when he actually uses a makeshift sextant to get the ship’s latitude. Using the latitude and observations of the weather, Breslin and Rottmayer deduce that they are in the Atlantic Ocean near Morocco. Breslin visits the infirmary of Dr. Kyrie and convinces him to help him and Rottmayer escape by sending an email to Mannheim. Breslin then transmits a false tap code message from his cell, giving Hobbes the impression that a riot will occur in cell block C. With majority of the security stationed at cell block C, Javed instigates a riot at cell block A, giving him, Breslin, and Rottmayer time to run toward the deck while a lockdown is initiated.

Breslin kills Drake, but Javed is shot dead by Hobbes and his men during their escape. Breslin goes to the engine room to reboot the electrical systems, giving Rottmayer time to open the deck hatch while a helicopter sent by Mannheim engages in a gunfight with the ship’s crew. Rottmayer boards the helicopter while Breslin is flushed to the bottom of the ship by the automated water system. The helicopter picks up Breslin, but when Hobbes starts shooting at them, Breslin kills the warden by shooting and blowing up a group of oil barrels in front of him.

They land on a beach in Morocco, where Rottmayer reveals that he is actually Mannheim, Miller is his daughter, “Portos” was a codeword used to alert Mannheim that Breslin was an ally, and Hobbes was originally unaware that Breslin’s cover story was fake. Later, at a Moroccan airfield, Ross informs Breslin that Clark had fled, but Hush tracked him in Miami, and locked him in a container aboard a cargo ship.

REVIEW:

For the longest time, action fans have been wishing for the ultimate team up of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, the two most bankable action stars  arguably of all time (although, if they don’t watch their backs, Liam Neeson is going to take that title away from them, especially if Bruce Willis hasn’t already). While they are both in their late 60s, Escape Plan finally gives action fans their wet dream team up, albeit in an action thriller, rather than a Rambo vs. Commando type film that we all were hoping for.

What is this about?

Framed and thrown into an escape-proof prison that he designed himself, structural security expert Ray must use all his know-how to break out. Ray and a fellow inmate dodge the jail’s corrupt warden and guard to track down who’s behind the setup.

What did I like?

Prison. The prison that Stallone’s character ends up in is built from the mistakes other prisons that he has escaped from have made. The warden even makes an effort to not let him escape using methods he’s used before. The guy did his homework, but the point I’m trying to make here is that the prison is an impressive sight when we first see it. Immediately, I was reminded of Magneto’s plastic cell from the X-Men movies. There seemed to be a similar design on display.

JC and the Crew. Normally, movies that star Jim Caviezel aren’t my cup of tea. He tends to do more heavy drama stuff that I just don’t go for. That being said, he makes for a great villainous warden. The snarling facial expressions and utter disdain he has for everyone, especially Stallone makes him an antagonist that you will remember, as his strength is in his intellect, rather than muscles.

Concept. Earlier this year, I watched Escape from Alcatraz, which was a true story about inmates breaking out of Alcatraz, which was supposedly impossible to escape from. Stallone’s job is to make sure prisons have airtight security. The problem is when you’re this good at your job, someone is going to come and take you down, and that is how Stallone ends up in prison with no apparent way out. That is the kind of plot that draws you in and give the audience a bit of suspense wondering if he’ll get out or not.

What didn’t I like?

Payoff. Earlier, I mentioned how there was a big hoopla about Sly and Arnold finally starring in a film together, excluding The Expendables franchise. Had this been made when both guys were in their prime, there would have been guns, fights, and pretty much anything else that you can attribute to films these guys have made. However, because they have gotten up there in age, the genre this film is placed in, and various other factors, this wasn’t the big blowout that people would have liked. What I mean by that is that everyone would have liked for these two to slug it out, much like Vin Diesel and the Rock in Fast Five, but that isn’t what we got, leaving us to wonder why not.

Twist. There is a twist in the plot that isn’t exactly obvious, but you can figure it out if you just think. That isn’t my problem though. I take issue with the fact that the twist isn’t really built up enough. It is as if you’re going along knowing something is bound to happen, but it doesn’t actually happen until you very least expect it. A better buildup would have worked better than a brief mention followed by nothing until the end.

Answer the question. More than a few times, Stallone is asked, “What kind of man spends his life in prison?” I don’t believe he answered the question, but we did get a bit of a back story involving his previous career as a lawyer and his client double-crossing him, if I’m not mistaken. This is more a complaint about character development than anything else, especially since we learned about Stallone’s history, and yet no answer as to why he wants to spend the rest of his life in and out of prisons. I almost want to say it would have been better to just let him stay a mystery.

If you were looking for an action packed team up between Sly and Arnold, Escape Plan is going to severely disappoint. The thriller aspect of this film takes center stage more than the action and we don’t get much action from Schwarzenegger (Stallone does do his fair share of stunts).  After all the dust settles, the best way to determine what one really thinks about this film is to take out the major draws and see what you have left, which is not much of anything. Do I recommend this film? Only if you’re a fan of the acting of these two guys and I don’t really know anyone that fits into that category. Your best bet with this flick is to just catch it on television one day, if at all.

3 out of 5 stars

Cheats

PLOT:

While other kids at the elite North Point Academy spend countless hours studying, Handsome Davis sees it as nothing more than a system of control over your mind. That’s why Handsome and his three best friends Sammy, Victor and the cribsheet genius Applebee have banded together and found ways to cheat on their tests all through their school years. Everything had been going along smoothly until the gang entered their final year of high school and the stakes were upped by the school’s principal, Mrs. Stark. If they get caught cheating again Stark will make a note in their permanent records and possibly kill their chances of getting into college. But can Handsome convince his pals to pull off one last, great cheat with him and outsmarting Stark and the system, even if it means possibly destroying their friendships?

REVIEW:

Another week, another high school movie. I really need to find some college and/or grad school themed flicks. I would really be surprised if you have heard of Cheats. I know that I hadn’t, but now I fine myself wishing I did. Question is, what will everyone who hasn’t seen this think of it, I wonder.

What is this about?

Why spend countless hours studying? Four friends — Handsome, Sammy, Victor and crib-sheet genius Applebee — have banded together and found ways to cheat on their tests all through their school years, elevating the process to an art form. They’re almost home free when, during their senior year, the school principal (Mary Tyler Moore) becomes suspicious and sets out on a mission to uncover their scheme.

What did I like?

Pillow pants. For those of you that have seen Clerks II, you will surely recall Elias. Well, Trevor Fehrman, who plays him does a complete 180 from that character, showing a range of talent that one would not expect. He has this Edward Norton vibe going that really works.

No love.  As someone posted on a message board, and I didn’t notice that this actually went down, there was no love story. Now, think about almost every film that you’ve watched over your time. Whether they are die hard action flicks, light animated fare, dark and brutal horror, or what have you, there seems to always be a love story thrust in there. Not the case with this film, as our main characters are fully immersed in their cheating, rather than trying to date, drink, and get laid (unlike other high school films.)

Sweetheart. For the longest time, Mary Tyler Moore was American’s sweetheart. She was squeaky clean, perfect embodiment of everything that we seem to not want females to have anymore. Well, this character that she plays is a total bitch of a headmistress/principal. They kind of meaty character that someone who wants to distance herself from being stereotypes, as Moore has been trying to do for much of her post Mary Tyler Moore Show career. I salute her for taking this role and making it her own.

What didn’t I like?

Extreme. Admittedly, I was a bit of a goodie two-shoes in high school. I never even thought of cheating on a test. So, the idea of these guys getting away with cheating on stuff, and getting away with it, since elementary school, is a little disturbing. How is it that these teachers kept falling for it and not catch on? When they finally do catch them, how do they not expel them? What is wrong with the system?!?

Bitter. The one girl who plays a somewhat major role in the film, Maggie Lawson, seems to be the typical overachieving pseudo-feminist we have come to expect in school films such as this. To me, it seems as if they could have done more with her hatred for our quartet of troublemakers, especially when she weasels her way into befriending one of them. Also, there is this angle of her not getting into Tufts University because of cheaters from her school Something like that is sure to create some antagonistic behavior. I will say, it was nice seeing her all sweaty an in her underwear. Forgive me, I am a guy, after all.

Pacing. I wasn’t a fan of the way this film was paced. It didn’t keep a steady pace, but rather jumped around in places. The tone of the film also did a few shift. At first, is has a real comedic tone, but as the film progresses, as film are known to do so much these days. I wish it would have kept a steady tone, throughout, as it would have worked better for the film, I believe.

After watching Cheats, will you feel cheated? I can’t say that, but it depends on your personal tastes. For me, while I have a few minor issues with the film, it isn’t enough for me to hate the thing. It has its highs and lows, but ultimately, this is an entertaining enough film. However, you’ll probably forget it shortly after you finish it.

3 1/3 out of 5 stars

Trailer Thursday 3/20

Welcome to this weeks edition of “Trailer Thursday”

I was thinking about what this week’s trailer should be and I chose one that many missed out on because it was such a small release. If you get the chance, check out the over-the-top blaxploitation stupidity (in a good way) of Black Dynamite (also check out the animated series when I comes back this summer).

The Family

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Mafia boss Giovanni Manzoni (Robert De Niro), who has somehow offended Don Luchese (Stan Carp), a rival mafia boss, survives an attempted hit on him and his family at a barbecue. After he snitches on Luchese (sending him to prison, where his influence allows him to live well), Manzoni and his family enter an FBI witness protection program under the supervision of Agent Robert Stansfield (Tommy Lee Jones). After the family’s criminal activities alert the kingpin to their new location, they are relocated to a small town in Normandy, France.

Adjusting to life in the village, each family member runs into trouble. Giovanni is being observed by two FBI agents across the street in a safe-house to ensure he doesn’t leave his house. Giovanni claims to be an author writing a historical novel on the Normandy landings, which is problematic as many citizens in the area are much more familiar with the event than he is. Giovanni finds ways to slip away and begins a quest to discover why the water in his house is brown, becoming irritated when no one he talks to will take responsibility. He savagely beats both a plumber who tries to shake him down and a local fertilizer factory owner who interrupts him while he is talking.

Virginal daughter Belle (Dianna Agron) falls in love with a college student who is working as a substitute math teacher. She pretends to need math lessons in order to start a relationship with him, which he rebuffs, but she eventually seduces him. Wife Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer) blows up a small grocery store when its owner spews stereotypical anti-American comments. She spends a lot of time at a church, where she and the local priest have an amicable relationship. This ends when she confesses the numerous crimes her family has committed and he tells her never to come back.

On the first day of class at the local school, son Warren (John D’Leo) is beaten up by a small gang, but he digs up information and uses it to curry favor with the most influential students, creating a mini-mafia within the school. This sway allows him to beat up the gang. Later he inadvertently alerts Don Luchese to their location when he quotes one of the kingpin’s sayings in a school paper, as an assignment, that makes its way back to Luchese through a series of chance events.

Giovanni is asked to attend an American film event due to his supposed historical expertise; he brings Agent Stansfield along, claiming to want to bond with him, but in reality it’s an alibi for a timed explosive he has rigged to destroy the structure causing his brown water. The film screening takes an unexpected turn when instead of Some Came Running, the scheduled film, they watch Goodfellas. Throughout the film, Giovanni expresses a desire to talk about his life as a mobster (seemingly expressing some guilt, though he always claims this is untrue), and the debate after the film prompts him to tell his story to the audience. Feeling his cover has been compromised, Agent Stansfield gives an order to relocate the family again.

Meanwhile, Warren decides to leave town with fake passports after the school detects his activities, afraid that the FBI will drop the family’s protection, but he returns to his family’s house after he sees a team of seven hitmen arriving on the train he was about to board. Belle decides to commit suicide after the college student rejects her, for family issues, but stops when she sees the hitmen entering the police station, where they kill several officers. As Giovanni returns home, Maggie arrives outside and notices the team of hitmen, who have already killed firemen and who proceed to kill their neighbors. She takes cover in the FBI safe-house across the street.

The hitmen blow up the family’s house, and soon an intense gunfight ensues which involves all family members. Giovanni and Maggie strangle and stab a hitman after he raids the safe-house, killing the two FBI agents, and tries to sexually abuse Maggie. Belle kills a hitman who went to look for new weapons in his car’s trunk. Belle, using weapons found in the trunk shoots one of the five hitmen near the burning house. Warren shoots two of the hitmen while being given cover fire by Belle. One hitman is killed by the family dog, which he was preparing to shoot. While chasing Belle, the lead hitman is killed by Stansfield’s car.

The family relocates again. Giovanni expresses his happiness at having had the chance to tell his story, saying that it brought the members of his family closer.

REVIEW:

When was the last time we saw Robert De Niro in a film involving the Mafia? What about one involving witness protection? The Family brings us a film that is supposed to deliver action and comedy, as well as some well-developed characters. Is it worth the time and energy, though?

What is this about?

The Manzonis, an infamous mob family, are relocated to Normandy, France, by the witness protection program, where they have some difficulty fitting in. When local problems arise, they respond the only way they know how: mafia style.

What did I like?

Camaraderie. Robert De Niro’s character is a gangster, a Mafia don, if I’m not mistaken. Tommy Lee Jones is a FBI agent in charge of keeping De Niro and his family safe. So, a gangster and a FBI agent, eh? You would think they’d be threatening each other, but that isn’t the case. As a matter of fact, they have a friendship that is something that comes off as endearing. You don’t normally see a FBI agent having a friendship with his protectee, so it was something nice to see.

The family that kills together. I guess living with a gangster boss changes a person. Michelle Pfeiffer, who plays De Niro’s wife, and the kids all have actions that reflect the fact that they have had to live a life where they have to keep on their toes and not take any stuff from anyone, even if it means blowing up a store, beating up a girl who stole your pencil case, etc. Call me sadistic, if you want, but I loved that they were borderline psychopaths and was wanting more.

Glee-ful performance. Dianna Agron, you know her best from Glee, actually gives the best performance of the film. Her character is the typical teenage girl, but a bit more mature than what we normally see in film and television. First off, she doesn’t disrespect her parents, have a bad attitude, etc. Second, the love story and heartbreak she suffers is where she really shines as an actress. We also can’t forget the gun-toting chick she becomes in the last scenes (while wearing an immaculately clean white dress, mind you).

What didn’t I like?

Pflirty Pfeiffer. Michelle Pfeiffer, in her advanced age, still thinks she’s as hot as she was when was wearing that Catwoman suit in Batman Returns, but that isn’t the case. Personally, I don’t think she has ever been that attractive, but that’s just me. However, if I was a FBI agent assigned to constant surveillance like the two FBI guys who were across the street, I’m sure I’d be looking at her through rose-colored glasses. I didn’t particularly care for her semi-flirting with the agents. It isn’t the fact that she was being nice to them, but the fact that it felt that the filmmakers wanted to have her do something more with the guys besides bring them food and hang out.

Pick and choose. For a film that is advertised as an action comedy, there sure is a lack of action and comedy. The only action we get is in the climactic shootout with the Mafia hitmen that come into town, hardly enough to be used as a way to define the genre. I give the comedy a little more leeway because there are a few funny scenes that make you chuckle but, again, hardly enough to define the film’s genre. To me, this comes off as more of a dramedy. I think if this film would have amped up the action and the comedy, it would have actually been 1000X better, though.

Career nod. Robert De Niro has been in a few films in his time. At a point in this film, his character is asked to speak at some kind of American film screening where they show Goodfellas. I appreciate the nod to one of, if not the best De Niro gangster film, but the whole scene just felt like a convenient way to get him away from the rest of his family and set up the film’s climax. Is there anything wrong with that? No, but it speaks to the audience that they didn’t really know what they wanted to do and put this in there to fill some space.

What can I say about The Family? Not much really. This is a film that has good and bad points that cancel each other out making this film, which has such promise, nothing more than an average flick. With major stars like Robert De Niro, Tommy Lee Jones, Michelle Pfeiffer and up and comer Dianna Agron, one would imagine this should have been a better flick, but it wasn’t. Do I recommend this film? Not really. I’m sure this will show up on TBS or Comedy Central one afternoon in the next couple of years. That is when you should watch this, if you must.

3 out of 5 stars

Stagecoach

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1880, a motley group of strangers boards the east-bound stagecoach from Tonto, Arizona Territory to Lordsburg, New Mexico Territory. These travelers are unremarkable and ordinary at first glance. Among them are Dallas (Claire Trevor), a prostitute who is being driven out of town by the members of the “Law and Order League”; an alcoholic doctor, Doc Boone (Thomas Mitchell); pregnant Lucy Mallory (Louise Platt), who is traveling to see her cavalry officer husband; and whiskey salesman Samuel Peacock (Donald Meek).

When the stage driver, Buck (Andy Devine), looks for his normal shotgun guard, Marshal Curly Wilcox (George Bancroft) tells him that the guard has gone searching for fugitive the Ringo Kid. Buck tells Marshal Wilcox that Luke Plummer (Tom Tyler) is in Lordsburg. Knowing that Kid has vowed to avenge the deaths of his father and brother at Plummer’s hands, the marshal decides to ride along as guard.

As they set out, U.S. cavalry Lieutenant Blanchard (Tim Holt) informs the group that Geronimo and his Apaches are on the warpath and his small troop will provide an escort until they reach Dry Fork. As they depart, the stagecoach is flagged down to pick up two more passenger, gambler and Southern gentleman Hatfield (John Carradine) as well as banker Henry Gatewood (Berton Churchill), who is absconding with $50,000 embezzled from his bank.

Along the way, they come across the Ringo Kid (John Wayne), whose horse became lame and left him afoot. Even though they are friends, Curly has no choice but to take Ringo into custody. As the trip progresses, Ringo takes a strong liking to Dallas. When Doc Boone tells Peacock that he served as a doctor in the Union Army during the “War of the Rebellion,” Hatfield quickly uses a Southern term, the “War for the Southern Confederacy.”

When the stage reaches Dry Fork, the group is informed that the expected cavalry detachment has gone to Apache Wells. Buck wants to turn back, but Curly demands that the group vote. With only Buck and Peacock objecting, they decide to proceed on to Apache Wells. At lunch before departing, the group is taken aback when Ringo invites Dallas to sit at the main table, and Mrs. Mallory is clearly uncomfortable having lunch with a prostitute. Mrs. Mallory later asks Hatfield whether he was ever in Virginia; he tells her he served in the Confederate Army under her father’s command. When they arrive, she faints and goes into labor when she hears that her husband had been wounded in battle and has left. Doc Boone is called upon to assist the delivery, and later Dallas emerges holding a healthy baby girl. Later that night, Ringo asks Dallas to marry him. She does not give him an immediate answer, afraid to reveal her checkered past, but the next morning, she agrees if he promises to give up his plan to fight the Plummers. He does so, but she tells him to go alone and will meet him later, as Dallas won’t leave Mrs. Mallory and the new baby. Encouraged by Dallas, Ringo escapes but returns when he sees smoke signals as signs of an Apache attack. The passengers quickly gather their belongings and leave to avoid any encounters with the Apache.

When the stagecoach reaches Lee’s Ferry, the passengers find that the station and ferry have been burned and those who were not killed have fled. Curly releases Ringo from his handcuffs to help tie large logs to the sides of the stagecoach and float it across the river. Just when they think that danger has passed, they are set upon by a band of Apaches. During a long chase, Peacock and Buck are hit and they all run out of ammunition. As Hatfield is about to use his last bullet to save Mrs. Mallory from being taken alive, he is fatally wounded. Just then, the 6th U.S. cavalry arrives to the rescue of the group.

When the stage finally arrives in Lordsburg, Gatewood is arrested by the local sheriff, and Mrs. Mallory is told that her husband’s wound is not serious. When Mrs. Mallory reconciles with Dallas, Dallas gives Mrs. Mallory her shawl to show no hard feelings. Dallas begs Ringo not to seek vengeance against the Plummers, but he is determined to settle matters. Curly grants him leave and his gun. In the ensuing shootout, Ringo dispatches Luke and his two brothers, then returns to Curly, expecting to return to jail. He asks the lawman to take Dallas to his ranch. However, when Ringo boards a wagon and says goodbye, Curly invites Dallas to ride to the edge of town. As she climbs aboard, Curly and Doc laugh and start the horses moving, letting Ringo “escape” with Dallas

REVIEW:

I don’t think anyone is more associated with westerns than John Wayne. Stagecoach is apparently one of his earlier films, as he is quite young and the flick is in black and white. Critics have hailed this as one of the best westerns of all time, but what did I think of this award-winning classic western?

What is this about?

With rumors buzzing about a potential Indian raid, a mélange of troubled passengers climbs aboard the Overland Stage headed for Lordsburg. En route they run into the Ringo Kid (John Wayne), a notorious outlaw who’s bolted from jail seeking vengeance on the men who framed him for murder. But the true threat looms down the road, where marauding Apaches could strike without warning. Will the travelers band together — or unravel under the pressure?

What did I like?

Location. As it turns out, this is one of the rare old westerns that is actually filmed on location, rather than on a soundstage. Personally, I appreciate it either way, but it is a nice change to see that they did go out on location at a time when not many films did such a thing.

The Duke. John Wayne is the epitome of a man’s man. I don’t think anyone is more associated with one genre of film, than Wayne. It all had to start somewhere. I don’t believe this was the beginning of Wayne’s career, but it is pretty early. Usually, Wayne is the one calling everyone else “kid” and other similar terms, but the script is flipped here and it is Wayne that is the youth. Young and talented John Wayne, what more can you ask for?

What didn’t I like?

Heavy. Perhaps you can chalk this up to the fact that I wasn’t really in the mindset to watch this film, or that I was being bother by everyone and their mama bothering me on-line as I was trying to watch, but I had a bit of trouble keeping up with what was going on in the film for a good chunk of the flick. Occasionally, I’d see what was happening, but it wasn’t enough to really tell you.  I was able to tell that this was some heavy material being played out.

Indian giver. With all the talk of Indians in this film, the one person that isn’t on the stagecoach is an Indian. As a matter of fact, we don’t see any of them until the end of the climactic shootout. If you’ve ever seen a western, or read a history book, then you know how big of a rivalry, for lack of a better term, there is between cowboys and Indians. Now, in a film like The Searchers, it makes sense for the Indians to not be seen, as it sets the tone, but this film, we should have seen them as soon as possible, if you ask me.

My apologies for this rushed review of Stagecoach. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I just have too many things going on at one time. From what I was able to discern from this film is that it has earned the credibility for being one of the greatest westerns of all time. However, I wasn’t supremely interested and it came off as just another drama in places. Do I recommend it? Yes, but only if you’re a fan of classic cinema. Otherwise, you’d do better with something like Tombstone. Still, if you’re up for it, give this one a shot.

3 out of 5 stars