The Man with the Iron Fists

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In nineteenth century China, Jungle Village is home to several warring clans. The village blacksmith creates deadly weapons for the clans, intending to use his payments to purchase the freedom of his lover Lady Silk, and leave the village. The region’s governor tasks the Lion Clan’s leader Gold Lion with protecting a large shipment of gold that must pass through the village. Gold is betrayed by his lieutenants Silver Lion and Bronze Lion, who plan to steal the gold. They use the chaos ensuing from a fight with the Hyena Clan to allow their co-conspirator Poison Dagger—the governor’s aide—to assassinate Gold, after which Silver becomes the Lions’ leader. Gold’s son Zen-Yi learns of his father’s murder and sets off to the village to seek revenge.

The Emperor’s undercover emissary Jack Knife arrives in the village to monitor the gold and takes up residence in the Pink Blossom, a brothel run by Madam Blossom, Lady Silk’s madame. Silver sends members of the Rodent clan to kill Zen-Yi before he can reach the village, but Zen-Yi kills them. The mercenary Brass Body arrives in the village and meets with Silver; he is sent to kill Zen-Yi. The blacksmith meets with Silk in the brothel and delivers the final payment needed to free her. After arriving in the village, Zen-Yi and his men are confronted by Brass and find that they cannot physically harm him because his skin turns to metal on impact. Brass beats Zen-Yi and destroys his blade-laden armor. Zen-Yi’s last surviving man sacrifices himself to pull a canopy support beam loose, burying Brass under heavy stone. The blacksmith is watching the fight; he rescues Zen-Yi and helps him recover as penance for crafting the weapon that killed Zen-Yi’s father.

Meanwhile, the gold shipment arrives in the village, accompanied by two skilled warriors, the Geminis. The Lions soon confront the Geminis and their men, and in the ensuing fight, Poison Dagger assassinates the Geminis and the Lions capture the gold. Jack later arrives to investigate the incident and learns that the Geminis were poisoned with mercury-tipped weapons, leading him to the blacksmith. The Lions’ theft prompts the governor to send his Jackal troops to recover the shipment or destroy the village. Zen-Yi asks the blacksmith to craft him a new suit of weaponized armor. The Lions suspect that the blacksmith is helping Zen-Yi and have him tortured for information. The blacksmith refuses to talk, and Brass cuts off his forearms. Jack, who had been following the blacksmith, saves him. While the blacksmith recovers, he tells Jack of his past as an emancipated American slave who accidentally killed a white man who refused to let him go. He fled America by boat and went to China, where monks trained him to use his body’s energy to perform superhuman feats. Jack and the blacksmith craft his greatest weapon: a pair of iron forearms that he can animate using this energy.

Zen-Yi recovers and joins Jack and the blacksmith. Meanwhile, Blossom offers to let Silver hide the gold in a secret tomb beneath the brothel in return for payment. The gold is stored in a coffin which is raised up to the rafters. That night, Blossom has her girls serve the Lions, and Silk serves Brass. At Blossom’s signal, the girls use weapons hidden in their mouths to poison many of the Lions, and they join with Blossom as the Black Widows. When Silk tries to poison Brass, his skin protects him, and he beats and almost kills her. Zen-Yi, Jack, and the blacksmith arrive and join with the Black Widows to fight the remaining Lions while Blossom and Bronze fight and kill each other. While fighting Jack, Poison Dagger is crushed between large moving gears. Silver and Zen-Yi fight in the tomb; Zen-Yi cuts the coffin free, and it crushes Silver. The blacksmith finds Silk, who dies in his arms. He confronts Brass, and his iron fists prove capable of inflicting damage on Brass’ seemingly invincible body. While Brass is in metal form, a powerful punch from the blacksmith shatters him to pieces. Jack runs outside in time to stop the Jackals from decimating the building with a Gatling gun.

In the epilogue, Jack leaves the village to accompany the gold, and Zen-Yi tells the blacksmith that he has gained a brother. With the clans destroyed and the village safe, the blacksmith vows to keep it that way and destroys the sign pointing to his weapon shop.

REVIEW:

It would seem that the next genre of films that I am destined to come to love are martial arts flicks, though I’m long overdue to finally watch a James Bond picture. As it were, The Man with the Iron Fists is a sure-fire way to get one interested in those flicks from a time gone by, but whether it can stand up to them is not for me to answer at this present time.

What is this about?

Combining kung-fu action and hip-hop style, this martial arts thriller relates the saga of a Chinese blacksmith caught up in a battle between clans. Forced to defend his own village, the blacksmith channels primeval forces that make him invincible.

What did I like?

Familiar. There is a look and feel to this film that may seem very familiar to those that have seen Kill Bill, vol. I. That is, aside from both starring Lucy Liu, this film had Quentin Tarantino’s touch on it. Now, he doesn’t direct, produce, or appear, but he has been “mentoring” RZA, if you will. The resulting styles are obvious.

Over-the-top. 99.9% of the time, I’m all about over-the-top things, be it jokes, violence, sex, etc. The graphic violence that permeates thought this flick can be a bit much, but I don’t think anyone watching this is actually taking this seriously. If they are, then they seriously need help. Having said that, I think RZA could have just let the reins go and watch this thing go insane and it would have been a thing of beauty. Just the same, what you see is equal to your more bloody animes.

Batista. When we think of wrestlers that have made the jump to the big screen, immediately, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson comes to mind, as he’s had the most success, followed by more modest careers of “Stone Cold” Steven Austin, Chyna (yes, porn counts), The Great Khali, and the up and downs of Hulk Hogan. It appears as though Dave Bautista (Batista in his WWE days) is trying his hand at acting. They did a good job of giving him a major role, but with little speaking, much like The Rock in Be Cool. Not to forget that this character, Brass Body, is a pretty bad guy. That fight scene at the end is definitely worth the wait.

What didn’t I like?

Music. I realize that RZA is a hip hop artist. I also have respect for what he does. I love the beats he gave to Afro Samurai. With that in mind, I think they were a bit overkill in a 96 minute flick. Here and there was nice, but in almost every scene of importance, our ears are made to bleed with this mess. Tarantino did the same thing in Django Unchained, as I mentioned in that review. I guess this is just some bad teaching from Tarantino.

Not quite right. Something about this story just didn’t jive with me. I think it was the fact that it wasn’t coherent or interesting enough, perhaps even disjointed. I’m not sure what it was because, by all means, this story should have worked, it is decent enough, but RZA isn’t a strong enough to storyteller to engage the audience.

RZA. I cannot think of many actors who direct themselves that do a good job. RZA on his own isn’t that great of an actor, when he’s directing himself, he isn’t much better. I think this would have been a better film had he not used this as a vehicle for himself. This is a character that deserved much better than rookie acting chops, and this film could have used a full-time director. At least, RZA isn’t the worst actor in the film.

It may sound like I didn’t enjoy The Man with the Iron Fists, but that isn’t the case. I really did find this to be quite the enjoyable flick. As I mentioned earlier it has over-the-top violence but, at times it seems as if it is trying to be too serious. I would have liked to have seen the rumored crossover with this and Django. Initially, I had wanted to see this in theaters, but in hindsight, I am glad I didn’t waste the money. This is one of those shut your brain off and enjoy the ride type of films that is best seen from the comforts of home.

3 3/4 out of 5 stars

 

Fairy Tales

PLOT:

Little Bo Peep, Old King Cole, Little Tommy Tucker, Snow White and many other familiar characters are all grown up and ready for action. They sing, dance and lust their way through a series of naughty comic twists on their old familiar tales.

REVIEW:

There really isn’t much to say about Fairy Tales. This is one of those late night sex comedies that really doesn’t have sex.

Yes, there are naked women, fully frontal, I might add, but no raunchy sex scenes the way this film seems to advertise.

If that all sounds bad, then the fact that this is also a musical…well, that was just even worse. The songs, though, really aren’t too terrible. They aren’t great, but at least they don’t leave you wincing.

The song sung by Aunt La Voh, played by Martha Reeves, of Martha Reeves & the Vandellas fame, is probably the best tink about this flick besides the different takes on the characters.

As you can guess, I wasn’t a big fan of this flick. I thought it was going ot be something more when I chose it, and not something I could see late night on Cinemax. The music is ok, but the plot is about as corny as one can get. The acting is flat out bad, but the fact that they went this direction with these characters is interesting. I won’t recommend this, but it is something to keep in mind if you’re even in the mood for something in this vein.

2 out of 5 stars

Love Ranch

PLOT:

 Set in the late-1970s, depicting larger than life personalities living on the edge, ‘Love Ranch’ stars Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci as Grace Bontempo and Charlie Bontempo, the husband and wife team who own and run Nevada’s first legalized brothel.

Their lives are suddenly altered when Armando Bruza, a husky, world famous heavy weight boxer from South America, played by Spanish actor Sergio Peris-Mencheta, is brought to the Ranch to train as part of Charlie’s ever-expanding entrepreneurial empire. Plans quickly go awry when Bruza comes between Grace and Charlie as an unforeseen love triangle develops that erupts into uncontrollable passion and murder.

REVIEW:

 So, I just finished watching what very may have been one of the top 5 worst movies in my life, in The Last Airbender. Now it is time to turn my attention to a bit of drama. This can’t be anywhere near as bad as that was, right?

Apparently, Love Ranch is based on a true story about a brothel owner in Nevada and his wife who runs off with a prize-fighter.

That is the basic plot of this film, but there is also some other stuff going on here, such as the infidelity of the husband with various women in the brothel they own, the development of the relationship between the wife and the boxer, nad then the characterization of each of the girls, as well as the cat fights.

In theory, a film about a brothel, complete with infidelity and the like should be very interesting, right? Well, this one just didn’t seem to cut it. At times, it felt like it was making too hard of an effort to capture that indie vibe, and at others it seemed as if it were just trying to be something like Boogie Nights or 54, which it most definitely isn’t.

The development of these characters is slow, but at least we are allowed to feel or not feel for them, although it sort of feels as if we are forced to feel sorry for Helen Mirren’s character. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll love Helen Mirren no matter what, but the way the tone of this film was leaning, it was almost swayed more towards her side of the story. At least that’s how I saw it.

Speaking of Mirren, everyone is wondering how she ended up in this…a film that is obviously beneath her. Apparently, she is married to the director. So, I guess that explains it. Normally, I love Helen so much that I wold drink her dirty bathwater, but here she looked her age and this script didn’t even let her shine, which is something extremely hard to do, as she and Meryl Streep are arguably the two best actresses around today.

I read somewhere that Pesci look like Johnny Cash here. In the outfits they have him wearing here, as well as his aged face, I can’t argue. Also, his character seems to be very similar to the one he played in Goodfellas, though, arguably not as messed up in the head.

I wish we could have seen more of Gina Gershon. Her character seemed to have given this film a little something it needed, and that is a person of interest.

Love Ranch may sound like it should have been some sort of porn flick, but it is a serious drama. I didn’t have high expectation for this film. As a matter of fact, I didn’t have any, but considering the bas taste left in my mouth by The Last Airbender,  could have watched Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart take acting lessons and it would have been interesting. However, while this film has some moments here and there that make it worthwhile, it never really made me want to keep watching, or watch again, except for the gratuitous Helen Mirren nipple shot a little past halfway through the flick. I’m sure there are those of you out there who will eat this kind of film up, and that’s great. My recommendation, though, is to not waste your time with this below average snorefest.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Bank Job

PLOT:

Petty-criminal-gone-straight Terry Leather (Jason Statham) owns a failing car-sales garage and is being harassed by two debt-collectors. His friend, the photographer Kevin Swain’s (Stephen Campbell Moore) ex-girlfriend, a former model named Martine Love (Saffron Burrows) offers Terry a chance to earn enough money to never worry about debt again: a bank robbery in Baker Street, London. Leather gathers his petty-criminal friends, including Swain, a pornographic actor Dave Shilling (Daniel Mays), a mechanic named Bambos (Alki David), and an elegant con-man “Major” Guy Singer (James Faulkner). While scouting out the bank, Leather and Love enter and inspect the vault while Shilling poses for photographs by Swain. The gangster Lew Vogel (David Suchet), who keeps records of his pay-offs to police at Lloyd’s bank, happens upon Shilling and Swain.

They lease a shop named Le Sac two lots away from the bank and dig a tunnel under The Chicken Inn fast-food restaurant to reach the underground bank vault. Terry employs Eddie Burton (Michael Jibson), one of his garage workers, as a “watchman” with a walkie-talkie to sit on a roof to keep look-out. Martine, once caught smuggling heroin into Britain and wanting to avoid jail, set them up for this job on behalf of MI5, which desires the contents of a certain safe deposit box, No. 118. This box contains sensual and compromising photos of a member of the British Royal Family (in the film, Princess Margaret). The photos and box belong to a black militant gangster who calls himself Michael X (Peter de Jersey); he uses the photos to avoid trouble with the Metropolitan Police, and MI5 is charged with keeping the photos out of circulation.

As Terry’s crew digs, the radio chatter draws the attention of a local amateur radio operator, who overhears the conversation and realizes a robbery is in progress. He calls the police, who begin to search their ten-mile radius and listen for concrete details to pin the robbery down. Terry’s crew breaks through and loot the vault, as Martine goes for the photo deposit-box. A suspicious Terry opens it with her and, upon seeing the pictures, realizes Martine’s hidden agenda. Among the photos are many of high-ranking government officials, including a senior MP, in compromising positions in a local S&M brothel. The robbers take these with money and other valuables. Terry arranges for alternate transportation “to be safe”, throwing off MI5 who had intended to intercept them. Guy and Bambas escape with their share and Terry confronts Martine over the photos, who explains the unfolding predicament. The robbery discovered, the police — corrupt ones receiving payoffs and honest ones — began an investigation while MI5 continues their search. Also joining the search for Terry’s crew is Lew Vogel, an organized crime figure worried about the contents of his ledger, which lists payoffs he made to police, which was stolen in the robbery. He informs Michael X that the royal ‘portraits’ had gone missing and Michael X becomes suspicious of Gale Benson (Hattie Morahan), a British spy who loves his American colleague Black Power militant, Hakim Jamal (Colin Salmon), and has traveled with him and Jamal to Trinidad.

Remembering the encounter with Shilling outside of the bank before the robbery, Vogel has him tortured for information with a sandblaster. Shilling breaks and Vogel goes to Terry’s garage and kidnaps Eddie, the lookout. Meanwhile, a senior minister in the government, Lord Drysdale, is shown photos of himself in the brothel run by Sonia Bern (Sharon Maughan) and agrees to help absolve the robbers and secure them safe passage. Meanwhile, MI5 issues a D-Notice forbidding press reports. Police simultaneously release recordings of the walkie-talkie conversations in the hope that someone will recognize the voices. These recordings are heard on the radio by Terry’s family. Vogel’s accomplice, corrupt Detective Gerald Pyke (Don Gallagher), shoots Dave and threatens to shoot Eddie unless Vogel gets his ledger back. Vogel agrees with Terry to meet him at Paddington Station in London. During this time, Guy and Bambas are murdered by persons unknown, and Michael X has Benson killed in Trinidad by an associates. Terry has Kev give the same instruction to Detective Sergeant Roy Given (Gerard Horan), the officer in charge of the investigation, citing knowledge of corrupt officers under Vogel’s control. He convinces Vogel to go to Paddington Station at the same time, offering him the ledger in return for Eddie’s safe return.

Terry heads to the rendezvous while Martine meets up with Tim Everett (Richard Lintern), her original contact in MI5, on a bridge overlooking the scene. Vogel and his corrupt police arrive with the mechanic, but recognize the MI5 agents and run. The deputy head of MI5 (with Lord Mountbatten) hands over the passports Terry bargained for, in return for the photos of the princess. Terry then chases Vogel and in a fight knocks out Vogel and his thugs, including corrupt Detective Nick Barton (Craig Fairbrass). Detective Given, officer in charge of the investigation, arrives to see the robbers arrested. He speaks with the MI5 officers present, who direct police to let the robbers go. Terry gives the ledger to the police officer before he, Kevin, and Eddie leave the scene. Vogel and the corrupt officers are arrested instead. Everett personally supervises Michael X’s arrest in Trinidad and Tobago and has Benson’s remains exhumed for reburial in Britain. The final scenes have Terry and Martine saying good-bye, and Terry and his family enjoying a relaxed and carefree life on a small motor yacht of their own, off a sunny beach.

The epilogue states that the revelations about the brothel forced many government officials to resign. Scotland Yard begins investigating the corrupt officers named in the ledger. Michael X was hanged in 1975 for Benson’s murder and his personal files are kept hidden in the British National Archives until 2054. Vogel is imprisoned for eight years for crimes that were unrelated to the robbery. The murderers of Guy and Bambas have never been found. About ₤4 million worth of materials and money were stolen from the robbery. At least 100 safety-deposit box owners did not claim insurance nor identify the items in the boxes.

REVIEW:

 Action, drama, murder, a bank heist, deceit, and a bit of comedy are what you are in for when watching The Bank Job. I did not know until the film’s conclusion that it was a true story, but that turns out to be the case. Quite intriguing if you ask me, especially considering what happens to these people.

So, we start off the film with a lengthy introduction to our major characters. For some people this works, but for me, I don’t have the patience or attention span for such things. I just want the film to get going and get to the meat and potatoes. Introduce the characters and let’s move this thing along.

The way this film is made is pretty good, but then as the ending nears, it starts to get confusing with all the shoved in stuff with all the characters. Maybe its just me, but I just think they could have found a better way to do that. Hell, cut some of the character intros out and use that time to flesh out the ending more.

The chemistry with all the bank gang is pretty awesome. That is where the comedy comes in, especially since they came off as Keystone coppers at times, but it works. In a film that has such a serious tone, these bits of lighthearted camaraderie really made a difference.

There are about 3 or 4 different character stories going on here that all come together after the bank job. While that sounds like it could be a bit much, you can see how they all fit.

Jason Statham shows he can actually do some real acting here. Something I haven’t seen from him since some of his earlier films like Chaos and Snatch. He actually does a pretty good job, but I was hoping to get more action. Sadly, that doesn’t happen until the end, and even then, it was barely worth the wait.

Saffron Burrows, as beautiful as she is, comes off as nothing more than a girl who got away, who happens to be hot, so they’ll do what she wants. The way her character is written, the audience wants to feel something for her, but it just doesn’t happen.

The character of Michael X is actually quite interesting, though I didn’t quite understand the similarities to Malcolm X. That may be because of my lack of knowledge of Malcolm, but I just didn’t get it.

So, The Bank Job is pretty good. It is a surprise that a true story like this doesn’t come off as some kind of dull drivel. Having said that, this isn’t the most interesting flick in the world, but it is decent enough. I recommend it to anyone into this kind of flick.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars