Zookeeper

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Griffin Keyes (Kevin James) sets up a plan to propose to the love of his life, Stephanie (Leslie Bibb), but she rejects him and claims that his career as a zookeeper is what is keeping her away, therefore breaking Griffin’s heart.

Five years later, Griffin is shown to be the lead zookeeper at the Franklin Park Zoo who cares deeply for the zoo animals. That night, Griffin holds a party at the zoo for his brother Dave (Nat Faxon) who is getting married, but freaks out when he discovers that Stephanie was invited. Dave offers Griffin to come and work with him at the car dealership, explaining that it is the best way to win Stephanie. Griffin thinks that he should quit his job at the zoo and join his brother.

Later, the animals hold a meeting saying that they think Griffin is the best zookeeper at the zoo and don’t want him to leave, so they decide to find some way to help him win Stephanie’s heart. Jerome the bear (Jon Favreau) suggests that they teach Griffin their animal mating techniques, but Joe the lion (Sylvester Stallone) protests, reminding them that it’s against the animal code to talk to humans. Donald the monkey (Adam Sandler) says that Stephanie will be at the zoo tomorrow and all the animals have to do is make Griffin look like a hero in front of her.

The next day, Donald unlocks the door to the lion enclosure and lets Joe out, who confronts Stephanie and Dave’s fiancee Robin (Steffiana De La Cruz). Kate (Rosario Dawson), the zoo vet manages to get them away from Joe, but Griffin fails to jump into the lion enclosure, ruining the animals’ plan. The night afterwards, the animals break their code of silence and tell Griffin that they will teach him what to do to win Stephanie. Griffin learns their different mating rituals, but ends up humiliating himself in front of the other zookeepers and the guests.

Griffin then has a talk with Bernie (Nick Nolte), a forlorn gorilla who was moved into a deep enclosure after allegedly attacking Shane (Donnie Wahlberg), another zookeeper. Bernie explains to Griffin that Shane abuses the animals and he fell when he was abusing Bernie. He lied and said that Bernie attacked him, causing Bernie to lose his trust in anyone.

Griffin discovers that Stephanie is dating her other ex-boyfriend, a bullying alpha-male named Gale (Joe Rogan). Janet (Cher), Joe’s wife, tells Griffin that the best way to attract a female is to be seen with another female, so Griffin asks Kate to go on a date with him at Dave and Robin’s wedding. Griffin then takes Bernie to T.G.I. Fridays and the two form a friendly bond.

Griffin and Kate go on their date and have a great time together. Griffin becomes brave enough to stand up to Gale and this grabs Stephanie’s attention. After Kate tells Griffin she had a great time with him, Stephanie asks Griffin out to dinner. Griffin accepts and they both go to dinner and then go to a fashion show. Stephanie tells Griffin that his job at the zoo is holding him from the outside world, so Griffin decides to quit his job and accepts Dave’s offer, which makes Kate upset. Bernie also becomes upset and tells Griffin that he thought he could trust somebody again, but was proved wrong when Griffin quits his job. Kate decides to leave the zoo and go work at a zoo in Africa.

Griffin becomes the best employee at the car dealership, but misses working at the zoo. Stephanie proposes to Griffin, but Griffin refuses and dumps her. He then goes back to the zoo and apologizes to Bernie, who accepts Griffin’s friendship. The animals then tell Griffin that Kate is heading to the airport. With the help of Bernie, Griffin manages to catch up with Kate and confesses his love for her. Six months later, Griffin and Kate are back working at the zoo and Bernie is back living in his old enclosure where he gets a great view of the city.

REVIEW:

This is another one of those pictures that turned out to be better than anticipated. I say this because the premise and trailer are about as cheesy as one film can get…and then some, but somehow this turned out to be a pretty decent flick.

Zookeeper is a film about a head zookeeper who has no luck with the woman he loves. His luck is so bad that when he is set to propose, she decides to tell him she has never been interested and basically turns all mega-bitch on him. Fast forward a few years and he’s moved on with his life, until she comes back to town, thus causing him to become a bumbling idiot again. This leads to the animals making the decision to talk to Griffin and offer their help so that he doesn’t lose her. Little do they know this may end up being a huge mistake!

I know what you’re about to say…”talking animals…how juvenile”, right? Well, these animals are voiced by the likes of Sylvester Stallone, Nick Nolte, and Cher, and, truth be told, you wouldn’t even notice they were animals if they weren’t animals. So, if you have any preconceived notion based on some random hatred for talking animals this isn’t the film for you.

Now, with that point aside, it should be noted that the story is not half bad. As a matter of fact, it is quite sweet. The whole lovable loser falls for the wrong girl and then realizes the perfect one was right under his nose all along was a bit too predictable, though.

The secondary plot involving Bernie was a nice fork from the main plot and added a nice change of pace. Also, it helped to really show how much Griffin truly cares for the animals.

Zookeeper isn’t one of those films that is going to make anyone’s top 10 lists. As a matter of fact, if it does, I’m sure it’ll be on the top 10 worst. However, I actually liked it and think that if you give it a chance and watch it for what is, without expecting sweeping cinematography, a deep story, and whatnot, you’re sure to enjoy it as well. So, why not give it a shot?

4 out of 5 stars

Burlesque

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Alice (Ali) Rose (Christina Aguilera) is a young, hard-done-by girl who works in a bar in a small town in Iowa. Her boss hasn’t paid her for two months and she has finally had enough. She takes what he owes her from the till and decides to leave for Los Angeles to follow her dream of singing. After a fruitless day of searching for jobs in her new home, she winds up at a burlesque bar and becomes enthralled with the whole concept. She tries to persuade Tess (Cher) to let her go on stage but Tess won’t hear her out. Ali meets the friendly bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet) and starts to waitress for him because she knows this is where she belongs.

Later, Tess auditions Ali and hires her as a dancer to replace a newly pregnant dancer named Georgia (Julianne Hough). One night, Nikki (Kristen Bell), the most famous dancer in this bar, gets drunk and is not allowed to perform by Tess, so Ali takes her place. Nikki cuts the music out of jealousy, but Ali impresses everyone with her own voice. She becomes the new star of this bar and earns it a reputation.

Ali had some dates with a successful businessman named Marcus (Eric Dane) before she realizes that her true love is Jack, whom she has to share an apartment with after her hotel room is robbed. Meanwhile, running out of money, Tess is worried that she has to sell the bar to Marcus, who intends to tear down the club and build a skyscraper. Finally, Ali helps Tess solve the problem by selling the air right of this place to another businessman. Tess has financial resources and Ali stays at the bar as its most valuable star.

REVIEW:

 The best way I can describe Burlesque is that it is a mixture of Showgirls, Chicago, and Moulin Rouge. If you liked any of those films, then this is right up your alley.

The film is your typical tale about a small town girl heads to the big city. Nothing fancy there, except for the fact this girl has some real talent…and looks to go with it. She stops into a burlesque club one day and through some playful flirting ends up working there (as a waitress) against the wishes of the owner. Eventually, she manages to maker her way on the stage, and thanks to her rival’s attempt to sabotage her, becomes a huge star. There is also this subplot about the club being sold in the next few days if they don’t raise enough money.

I’m sure there are more than a few guys out there (and perhaps even some women) who though this was going to be nothing more than a bunch of half-naked women parading around the stage. Well, if that’s what you’re looking for, then you’ll be severely disappointed. Of course, has you actually looked up the definition to burlesque, it might have prevented said disappointment.

This film has both good and bad parts. First off, the acting isn’t very good, yet Christina Aguilera (in her acting debut) shines and Stanley Tucci does what he does best.

Peter Gallagher seemed to be just another slime ball ex-husband. At least that’s how he was portrayed. His character didn’t really get fleshed out enough to tell, though.

Kristen Bell made for a good rival for Aguilera, but I couldn’t help but thinking there should have been a dance-off between the two. Maybe they could have also made her a brunette. Rivals always seem to have different color hats. It’s like back in the old days, the one in the white hat was the good guy and the black hat was the bad guy.

Cam Gigandet was a decent enough character, though I felt like he was there just to be a love interest and some (straight) male presence that wasn’t involved in the finances of the club.

Eric Dane plays the typical sleaze ball real estate financier guy we see in every film/TV show that involves someplace being bought by a certain time. There really wasn’t anything to brag about with his character. To me, he was very expendable.

Cher, as wonderful as she is, came off as a bit wooden in her performance. Although, the scenes between her and Aguilera seem very heartfelt. It really was like a mother/daughter vibe going between the two. Couple that with the great chemistry she seemed to have with Tucci, and it really saved her from being one of this film’s detriments.

The music in this picture was ok, but I was expecting more. That being said, these songs are well written. A couple that stood out to me were “Express” (you’ve probably heard the radio version of this one) and “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”. The latter stuck in my head not because it was catchy or anything, but because it was sung by Cher. Yes, Cher actually sings in a film. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time she’s done that in her career.

The costumes are great. They really capture the essence of burlesque, without going too over the top or trying to be too “modern”, the way so many other things seem to try to do these days.

If you’ve ever seen a musical before, then you may know that the pacing is the key to whether the audience sticks with it or loses interest, especially in these modern musicals that don’t have nearly as much singing. With this in mind, it should be noted that Burlesque moves at a steady enough pace that you can get invested in most of the characters, enjoy the performances, and not be totally lost (or bored) by film’s end.

For some reason, critics didn’t really care for this film, but they were crazy about Aguilera’s performance. Personally, I loved this film, but I think it should have been set in the time when burlesque clubs were all the rage. It works in modern-day, though. Should you check this out? Most definitely! You won’t be disappointed!

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Witches of Eastwick

PLOT:

Alexandra Medford (Cher), Jane Spofford (Susan Sarandon) and Sukie Ridgemont (Michelle Pfeiffer) are three dissatisfied women living in the small town of Eastwick, Rhode Island. Alexandra is a sculptress and single mother, music teacher Jane is a spinster, and journalist Sukie is an extraordinarily fertile woman with numerous small children. Having left or been abandoned by men, they unwittingly form a coven of sorts, which consists of weekly meetings during which they drink, play cards and share their fantasies about ideal men.

The day after one such coven meeting, an enigmatic man arrives in Eastwick and buys the Lennox mansion, a sprawling estate that was previously uninhabited. The riveting and charismatic stranger causes fascination among the townfolk, but angers local townswoman Felicia Alden (Veronica Cartwright), a conservative busybody who is married to newspaper editor Clyde Alden (Richard Jenkins). The stranger eventually makes his introduction to the whole town at a music recital; making a rather eccentric spectacle of himself, he is revealed to be Daryl Van Horne (Jack Nicholson). At the moment of Sukie remembering his name from her research, her beaded necklace inexplicably breaks and falls to the floor, causing Felicia to trip and fall down a large staircase, breaking her leg in the process.

Daryl sets about seducing the women one by one, beginning with self-assured Alexandra, who is at first appalled by his arrogance and bravado, before moving on to shy and reserved Jane, whom he encourages to be passionate and reckless. Inviting all three women over to the mansion, he turns his attentions finally to Sukie, creating a network of jealous rivalry between the women that leads to a supernatural game of tennis and reveals the first signs of their witchcraft abilities. They are later seen levitating above Daryl’s swimming pool, enjoying their newfound powers.

As time goes on, the witches’ continued presence at Daryl’s mansion leads to gossip and consternation from the local townswomen who publicly snub Jane in a supermarket. Felicia in particular is incensed at the perceived immorality of their behaviour, but is dispatched in a particularly graphic scene by Daryl’s casting of a spell that causes her to vomit the witches’ discarded cherry stones; seeing her possessed, her husband kills her with a poker.

Suddenly horrified by the dangerous effects of their relationship with Daryl, the witches attempt to break all ties, but end up facing the horrific consequences of Daryl’s hurt pride. Having previously recorded a conversation in which the three women confessed to their innermost fears, Daryl sets about making them come true supernaturally: Alexandra wakes up to find her bed full of snakes, Jane looks in a mirror and sees herself horrifically aged, and Sukie is subjected to unbearable pain that leaves her hospitalised. While recovering, it becomes clear that all three of the women are pregnant with Daryl’s children.

Realising that the only way to get rid of Daryl is to use against him the powers he taught them, the witches cast a final spell that involves the manipulation of a Daryl-shaped voodoo doll, and the very trick that he used, through them, on Felicia, involving cherry stones. Having damaged the doll beyond repair, they break it and throw it into fire, and Daryl is depicted as disintegrating into flame.

An epilogue scene shows Alexandra, Jane, Sukie and their families all living in Daryl’s mansion with the newborn male children fathered by Daryl. While the witches are otherwise occupied, Daryl appears on a television screen and tries to communicate with the three babies, but before he can accomplish anything, he is interrupted by the three women who point the remote control at him and switch him off.

REVIEW:

It sure looks like this has been a witch weekend for me. Not really sure how that happened, but it did. First, I watch Teen Witch, then follow it up with The Witches of Eastwick.

Our story involves 3 (relativley) new single women living in a small town. One dar and stormy night (is there any other kind?), they sit around drinking wine and are talking about the kind of man they want and wish for. No sooner do they do so, then into town comes Jack Nicholson, who turns out to be the devil and, well, you can guess that a series of events transpires that lead us to the climactic ending.

Jack Nicholson steals the show with his over-the-top performance as the devil. Of course, Nicholson has a reputation as a ladies’ man, so the fact that he gets to have 3 women fawning over him and his every will like this, is right up his alley. During the voodoo scene, we get to see what Nicholson can do as a comedic actor, what with his turn at some physical comedy stuff.

Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, and Cher all have their individual faults and traits that make them somewhat interesting characters, but I just couldn’t really feel anything for them. Before Sarandon became the sexed up version of herself, as opposed to the spinster music teacher, I did feel for her, but the others were just characters to me. For a film, in which these ladies are the subject, I expect more.

I did like that they chose a blonde, brunette, and redhead. Having not read the book, I’m not sure if this was done randomly, or if that’s how they are described in the source material.

Witches in a small town, add in the devil, and you’re sure to have some rampant paranoia fueled by some crazy townsperson. Surprisingly, there isn’t much here, but then again, the witches don’t do much witching. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think they know they’re witches. The town seems more concerned with their “unwholesome ways” more than anything else. In other words, Conservatives rule the place.

During the climactic fight scene, Jack Nicholson turns into the giant CGI creature, but the girls throw the voodoo doll into the fire and he disappears. Seemed to be kind of a waste, if you ask me, especially since it looked like there really about to be something interesting happen.

Personally, I don’t belive 3 novice witches could beat the devil with a voodoo doll, but apparently, the author and filmmakers believed that could happen, so it’s what we got. Does that make the film any less interesting? No, just a little disappointing in my book. I’m sure there are more than a few people who will watch this and say that he gets what he deserves. to them, I say, “whatever!” Unfortunately, the legacy of this film is set to be tarnished. No, not by a remake (as far as I know), but by a TV show. I wish they’d just leave things alone. All that aside, this is really a good film. A lighthearted, dark comedy (if that’s even possible).

4 out of 5 stars