Ted

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

In 1985, in a suburb south of Boston, John Bennett is a lonely child who wishes for his new Christmas gift, a teddy bear he names Teddy (“Ted”), to come to life to be his best friend. The wish succeeds with a falling star one night and Ted becomes fully alive. The newly sentient toy briefly becomes a minor celebrity, but never loses sight of his friendship with John.

Twenty-seven years later in 2012, John (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane), now living in the South End neighborhood of Boston, are still staunch, if immature, friends enjoying a hedonistic life, even while John is pursuing a relationship with an office worker named Lori Collins (Mila Kunis). Lori hopes to marry John, but she feels that he cannot move ahead with his life with Ted around, who is now a complete wastrel. John is resistant to kicking Ted out, but he is finally persuaded one night to act when he and Lori discover Ted at home with four prostitutes.

Soon, John finds Ted his own apartment and a job at a grocery store, where his irresponsible behavior on the job somehow manages to get him both promoted and acquainted with his co-worker Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). Ted and John still spend most of their time together, which irritates Lori when she discovers John has been skipping work to do so while using her for his excuses. Meanwhile, an obsessed stalker named Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), who idolized Ted as a kid, shows interest in possessing him for his destructive son Robert (Aedin Mincks). Things start to come to a head when Lori and John are invited to a party put on by Lori’s manager Rex (Joel McHale), who has a lust for her. They attend, but Ted lures John away to a party at his apartment with the offer to meet Sam Jones, the star of their favorite movie Flash Gordon. Although John arrives with the intention of spending only a few minutes, he gets caught up in the occasion which gets completely out of control, with Sam persuading John and Ted to snort cocaine with him. Eventually, Lori discovers John there and breaks up with him in tears. At that, John blames Ted for ruining his life and tells him to stay away.

Eventually, Ted and John confront each other about their ruined friendship in John’s hotel room and have a brawl after John provokes Ted, but soon manage to reconcile after the TV falls on John’s crotch. To repair John’s relationship with Lori, Ted arranges through Norah Jones (played by herself) for John to express his love for Lori with a song during a concert, being held at the Hatch Shell. Although John’s performance proves an embarrassment, Lori is touched by the attempt while repelled by Rex’s sneering. Later, Ted goes to visit Lori and explains that he was responsible for John’s lapse: however, he offers to leave them alone forever if she goes to speak with him. Lori is persuaded, but moments after she leaves, Ted is kidnapped by Donny and taken to his house as Robert’s unfortunate playmate.

Ted manages to distract Robert and reach a phone to contact John (but not before his ear is ripped off by Robert), but is soon recaptured. Realizing that Ted is in danger, John and Lori find Donny’s residence and chase him and Robert to rescue Ted. The chase leads to Fenway Park, where Robert tries to stop John and Lori from getting to Ted first, only to have John knock him out. During the chase, Ted gets himself damaged and just when Donny grabs him on the tower, Ted falls onto the field, torn completely in half. Donny is forced to flee when a police car shows up. As John and Lori gather his stuffing, Ted relays his wish that John be happy with Lori, as his life fades away.

Unable to accept Ted’s death, John and Lori return to her apartment to try to repair him, but it proves useless. That night, Lori makes a wish on a falling star. The next morning, Ted is magically restored and the couple reconcile with Ted, who encourages John and Lori to resume their relationship. With that resolution, John and Lori get married (with Sam Jones as their priest) and Ted accepts having his own life.

REVIEW:

Seth McFarlane’s shows account for a good chunk of Fox’s highest rated programs. Some have said that he has done all he can on television and needs to branch out to film. Well, he hasn’t left television, but did make a film, Ted, that his theaters this summer, going on to become one of the biggest hits of the year.

What is this about?

John Bennett’s constant companion, Ted — a hard-partying, foul-mouthed teddy bear who came to life when John was a kid — threatens to derail his belated attempts to enter adulthood and marry his girlfriend.

What did I like?

Ted. As a military brat, I moved around a lot. One of the most consistent things in my life during that time was my teddy bear. I can’t tell you how often I would wish that he would become real. So, you can guess that I have a soft spot, and harbor some jealousy that Ted came to life and was such a good friend for this guy. On top of that, he became a celebrity, had a sense of humor, and somehow attracted the hot girls. What’s not to like about the guy, other than the fact he sounds like Peter Griffin (McFarlane should have come up with another voice)?

Swing. If you’ve watched Family Guy, and who hasn’t, then you know that Seth McFarlane has a thing for musicals and big band. The score to this film is very much influenced by tat crooner era jazz, just without the vocalist. Have no fear, though, the gorgeous Norah Jones makes an appearance singing “Come Away With Me”, I think (sort of forgot which song it was), so that evened thing up. Not to mention she sings the opening theme.

Grounded. One thing that really impressed me was how this film seemed to be grounded in reality. Other than Ted, everything else was just like a romantic comedy. Yes, it could have been a good film without Ted, but he really spices things up, and makes this a much more interesting film. Having said that, I wouldn’t have objected to seeing a rival teddy bear that just happened to have the same circumstances as Ted, just without the fame. Maybe that’s the sequel?

What didn’t I like?

Marky Mark. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I have anything against Mark Wahlberg, because I don’t. I find him to be a very competent actor, but for some reason he seemed to be miscast. The whole pothead loser with no ambition role didn’t quite suit him. Maybe they should have switched him and Joel McHale, or brought it someone who is more believable as a loser. Also, I may be wrong, but didn’t he have some musical talent in the late 80s/early 90s? Where did it all go? Maybe he was just faking not being able to sing, but good grief was that painful!

Flash. The only thing I know about Flash Gordon is a couple of comics I read and the fact that there was a TV show and a few movies made at one time. So, you can imagine that the references did nothing for me, as I’m sure many of the audiences that saw this felt the same way, especially since they all but beat it past the point of death. I get that this a show McFarlane love, but there comes a point where enough is enough.

Get a life. Mila Kunis is one of the hottest women on the planet, which is ironic when you think about the fact that she voices Meg. As much as I love her, I was not really a fan of this character. Here we go with another female in a film that turns into a total bitch just because her boyfriend won’t give up something from his childhood and she listened to her “wise” (note the sarcasm) friends. Is it so wrong for a guy to just be a guy and girl just be a girl in films? As we see, she not only caused her and John much grief, but also nearly cost Ted his life! Yeah, you can argue the point that she made up for it at the end, but she wouldn’t have had to if she wouldn’t have pushed for things that obviously weren’t in the cards.

Ted has been a film that won critics and movie-goers over. The main criticism about it is that it resembles a live-action Family Guy, which I can see, but have no issue with. While crude at times, there is a real heart and soul in this film that is the reason it is worth checking out. These days it is so rare to get a great comedy, you should really check this one out. I guarantee you’ll keel over laughing!

5 out of 5 stars