Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

PLOT:

The pop culture phenomenon SHARKNADO blows into town this summer… and this time, the shark-infested storms pick up wind as the world braces for the inevitable – a global shark takeover. Will our chainsaw-wielding hero Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and partner in crime April Wexler (Tara Reid) save the world from this jaw snapping-nado…again?

What people are saying:

“The basic premise has remained resolutely the same: scenes of C-grade actors getting chomped to bits by D-grade CGI sharks mixed together with enough jokey references to other, generally better movies to allow film buffs to distract themselves.” 1 1/2 stars

“Somehow, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming pulls the franchise back from the brink and returns it to what it’s supposed to be: fun to watch.” 4 stars

“Long time Sharknado fan. Give to Ian for committing to his character. But each one gets worse than the last. Robot April is beyond silly, right wing leaning comments, the utter lack of chemistry between the family members, and cringe worthy one liners. One saving grace are the landmarks becoming weapons. At least that was well done. Loved Sharknado 1-2. Somebody should’ve suggested stopping after Sharknado 3-4.” 1 1/2 stars

“A welcome surprise after the previous 2; It manages to be much better paced, and, similarly to the second one, it embraces total constant absurdity and manages to be one of the more entertaining of the series.” 3 stars

“This movie continues further into be so horrible, ridiculous, and stupid that is entertaining, enjoyable, creative, and glorious. Not the best, but great. Sharknado was originally a cheesy shark movie with a tornado, but this franchise has gone berserk. All hell breaks lose in this movie, but I love how this ends and cant wait for Sharknado 6, this movie honestly seems like a set up for sharknado the final chapter or something. This movie was hilarious and great with all it’s bad movie elements, but it is obvious they acknowledge that and go for it. I still like the story somewhat and the characters even though it is mostly ridiculous.” 3 stars

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens

PLOT:

Five years have passed since the East Coast felt the deadly fury of sharknadoes, and America has become complacent about the possibility of another assault. But they’re back — and badder than ever — and Fin Shepard must again take them on.

What people are saying:

“Sharknado: The 4th Awakens loses the ridiculous charm of its predecessors, leaving only clumsy social commentary and monotonous schtick that’s lost its bite” 1 1/2 stars

“With little to no comedic value whatsoever but the amount of cameos by not just out of work actors but politicians and other controversial figures, and abundance of easy-grab pop culture references make this the worst ‘Nado yet.” 1 star

“Sure the others are bad but in a good cheesey sci-fi way this was too much sure it was ok -maybe a little good i did laugh a little but it was like a bad parody movie that used to many parodies, and what was with the ending it was honestly the cheesiest and possibly worst part of this movie of course i know some people will like it anyway this is just my opinion and honestly that;s what a review is for, so if you loved sharknado and bad parodies with to many cheesy references in it then this movie is for you, i equate this with scary movie 5 to far but you know there will probably be more” 3 stars

“The 4th Awakens gives off the impression that the Sharknado franchise has locked into groove where it can give its fans more to talk about on social media while staying true to its B-movie creature feature/disaster film roots.” 4 stars

“By no means the best of the franchise it is still a fun ride. I didn’t recognize most of the cameos so that could be why I didn’t enjoy it as much as the first three. The story however was entertaining enough if you enjoy the Sharknado movies. More worked then didn’t and the cheesy entertainment and bad punchlines are all still abundant so I would be more then happy to see a fifth Sharknado movie. This is pure camp and cheese. Don’t expect anything else and you will enjoy yourself” 3 stars

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

While sharknado fighter Fin Shepard is in Washington, D.C. to receive a medal of honor from the president, another sharknado strikes, devastating the nation’s capital. Fin and the president work together to defeat the sharks, and the storm unexpectedly subsides. Fearing that April, who is at Universal Orlando with their daughter Claudia and her mother May, is in danger, Fin heads for Florida. On his way there, he encounters a “fognado”, which is stopped by Nova Clarke, his former employee from the first film who has become a hardened sharknado storm tracker, and her partner Lucas Stevens. They stop at a military airport where they get clearance to use a fighter jet to bomb other forming sharknados. Lucas sacrifices himself to blow up a sharknado so Nova and Fin can escape. They detonate a bomb in a sharknado over the Daytona 500 race. After crash landing in Orlando they reunite with April, Claudia and May who have survived the sharknado that has hit the theme park. Realizing that the numerous storms will soon combine into a massive “sharkicane” that will destroy the entire East Coast, Fin calls in a favor from his estranged father, former NASA colonel Gil Shepard, for a risky plan to destroy the storm from space.

Gil, Fin, April, and Nova reach Cape Canaveral and where they plan to use a top-secret Space Shuttle to blow up tanks of rocket fuel into the storm. While Nova clears a path, Gil, Fin and April launch into space where they detonate the external tank, but it fails to stop the wall of sharknados. Gil deploys “Plan B”, activating a Reagan-era Strategic Defense Initiative satellite laser weapon. This time, the sharknados are destroyed, but the beam causes the sharks to propel into space, attacking the shuttle. Fin fights them off using an energy-beam chainsaw; he and April are eaten by two separate sharks which fall back down to Earth. Though the sharks are charred from atmospheric entry, Fin emerges from his shark and discovers that April has too along with their newborn. As the family and Nova reunite, Fin names his newborn son after his father, who has landed on the moon. April is about to recover Fin’s father’s badge when a Shuttle fragment is about to hit her.

REVIEW:

Am I the only one who is a little surprised that these Sharknado movies have made it all the way into a trilogy? Here we are with Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, and one must wonder if this is the end for this franchise, will it keep going, or are we in for a reboot/remake in the next few years. Only time will tell, but for now, let’s see what this is lik, shall we?

What is this about?

Toothy terror bursts from the ocean once more in this third installment of the epic Sharknado story. After devastating Washington, D.C., the airborne shark vortex heads for Orlando, Fla., and its jam-packed theme parks

What did I like?

10. In a rather small part, Bo Derek plays Tara Reid’s mother. This is going to sound a bit mean, but there are some scenes where it looks as if they are sisters or Reid is the mother. Isn’t it amazing what plastic surgery can do, for better or worse? Seriously, though, Derek still looks great and I can mostly buy her as Reid’s mother, so kudos for getting that bit of casting correct.

Better effects. I’ll admit it, these sharks are starting to look a little bit more realistic, as opposed to the Dollar store toys they obviously had been using as models before. Syfy gets some heavy flack for the quality of effects in its films, so perhaps this is them turning the corner…or maybe it is just a few extra $$$ to afford better effects. Whatever the case, I am glad to see them working to improve the product, rather than leaving is stagnant.

Only one place left to go. First, these sharknadoes hit Los Angeles, then they hit New York. Just like with alien invasions, you know once you take out those mega cities, there isn’t much else to do, unless you want to hit Washington, overseas, or just rum amok is space. It appears that if this franchise is going to continue, it will be doing so in space, because that is where the sharks are now. I can’t see a problem with that, actually. This is a franchise that has never taken itself seriously, and by going out in space, the absurdity can continue at an even larger scale!

What didn’t I like?

Too much of a hero. I noticed something going with this film, it tries to have some depth. For instance, on more than one occasion, it is brought up that Fin, Ian Ziering’s character, always has to be the hero. It also is mentioned that the sharks seems to follow him and that only he and his family escape alive. Something that probably should be explored at some point. There was also mention of the sharks being a sign of the apocalypse, but I think that was just a passing mention, rather than a subplot that never went anywhere. Judging by the trailer I just watched for the next film, yes there is going to be a Sharknado 4, it looks like someone else might just get to be the hero.

Out of the water. After crashing a plane, Ian Ziering and Cassie Scerbo (returning from Sharknado) emerge from the water in their swimsuits. Don’t ask me how it is that they managed to not have a scratch on them, and yet their clothes were torn to reveal conveniently hidden swimsuits. Obviously, this was an homage to those James Bond movies where our hero or the girl emerges from the water, but it does make one scratch their head. It just seems so out of place, even for this film!

President. Basketball fans, and the 2 or 3 people out there that are somehow keeping Shark Tank on the air, will know who Mark Cuban is. To me, I can’t see him as the president (yet, I’d pay to have him over the two that are running right now). He just doesn’t seem to fit the bill. I know this is only a movie, but if you look at everyone else that played the president of the US on film, be it fact or fictional character, they look the part. Cuban doesn’t and on top of that, he doesn’t portray leadership to me. I suppose his passion is what won him the vote.

Final verdict on Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Well, I can see that there was some effort put into this, but that is about it. For the life od me, I couldn’t figure out what the biggest draw here is. Other than David Hasslehoff, no one is a household name. The next biggest star is Chris Jericho! All of this is to say that people still wish to see this flick. Do I recommend it? No, but if it pops up in a Saturday afternoon when you’re flipping through channels, it won’t be the worst thing to cross the airwaves.

3 out of 5 stars

Sharknado 2: The Second One

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

Fin Shepard and his ex-wife April Wexler are flying to New York City to promote How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters, a book April has written about the Los Angeles sharknado. As the plane comes in for a landing through a storm, it is battered by airborne sharks, losing an engine. Sharks enter the plane, killing passengers and crew, including both pilots. While Fin successfully lands the plane, April’s hand is bitten off by a shark while she attempts to shoot it with an air marshal’s handgun.

Fin’s sister, Ellen Brody, is sightseeing in New York with her family. Her husband, Martin, a childhood friend of Fin’s, takes their son, Vaughn, to a Mets game at Citi Field along with Martin’s and Fin’s friends Skye (who is also Fin’s ex-girlfriend) and Brian. Ellen takes their daughter, Mora, to the Statue of Liberty where she meets with her friends, Polly and Chrissie, who tell her about Fin’s flight.

At the airport, Fin warns the crowd of the impending storm, but no one takes it seriously. After accompanying April to the hospital where she undergoes surgery, Fin receives a call from Ellen and tells her to get back from Liberty Island as soon as possible. He agrees to retrieve Martin and Vaughn from the ball game, hiring a cabbie, Ben, to take him there. At Citi Field, Fin first encounters Skye. She kisses him, but he explains that he and April are back together. Fin gets them all to leave with him just as the storm arrives at the park. The sharks kill people as Fin and his group use various improvised weapons and make their way to the subway.

Ellen’s group takes the ferry to Manhattan, but a shark jumps onto the deck and kills Chrissie en route. The three remaining women escape into the city but must flee from the Statue of Liberty’s severed, rolling head, which crushes a businessman and two garbage men.

The subway floods, imperiling Fin’s group as their train is chased by sharks. Brian is killed, but the others manage to escape onto a platform. Fin calls Ben to pick them up, and they go in search of weapons and explosives. They arm themselves, but the taxi is then caught in a flood. Fin rigs a rope swing that takes Skye, Vaughn, and Martin to safety, but Ben is killed in his attempt. Fin then jumps across the sharks, using them as stepping stones to reach the others.

Two sharknadoes are converging into a more powerful storm directly above the hotel where Fin and April were planning to stay. Arriving at the hotel, Fin and Skye go to the roof to destroy the sharknadoes with their makeshift bombs. Polly is killed when a whale shark lands on her, but Ellen and Mora successfully reach the hotel, reuniting with Martin and Vaughn. Fin and Skye launch their bombs into the tornadoes, but the storm system is too cold for this to be effective; the bombs only force them to flee downstairs, away from the flaming sharks that are now falling on them. They meet the Brodys, who are fleeing upstairs due to a rising flood of sharks. They break down a door to escape the stairwell and are able to get out of the building.

Meanwhile, April rescues a young girl at the hospital and sets out to find Fin. She arrives at the hotel in a fire truck and takes the group to the Empire State Building where a third tornado is merging with the other two. The mayor is there with a task force, and they welcome Fin’s help. He plans to detonate a tank of Freon at the top of the building by connecting it to the structure’s lightning rod, freezing the storm. Fin tells a crowd of New Yorkers to prepare to fight the sharks that will fall from the sky after he destroys the tornadoes. He and Skye implement the plan, while April, who has affixed a circular saw to her stump, saves Fin from a falling shark. They successfully destroy the storm system, which sends both Fin and Skye in the air, where Skye is ripped in half by 2 sharks while still alive. Fin grabs his chainsaw and uses it to kill any sharks coming to him. He grabs on to a great white shark using chains and gets the shark impaled on the antenna of the Empire State Building. Fin retrieves April’s hand from a shark’s mouth and uses the gun to defend them against the falling sharks. The New Yorkers in the streets below arm themselves and charge into battle against the sharks, killing them all. Fin takes the ring from April’s severed hand and uses it to propose remarriage, and she accepts.

In a post-credits scene, Fin goes to a pizzeria he and the group went to earlier and eats a piece of pizza.

REVIEW:

Look out everyone, the sharks are back!!! Last week was apparently shark week and that totally slipped by me. Sharknado 2: The Second One had been collecting dust on my list specifically to be unleashed during shark week. Oh well, a week late is acceptable, right? No one is going to lower my grade or anything, I hope. Can the same be said for this sequel, though?

What is this about?

A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished, iconic sites – and only Fin and April can save the Big Apple.

What did I like?

Fox-y mama. There are certain actors and actresses that have done so many roles that I can’t stand them in that I just have become completely turned off by them. Vivica A. Fox is one of these people mainly because of her sassy, borderline ghetto attitude in every…single…role. If it calls for this, fine, but she’s been in some stuff that didn’t and it just made no sense. Having said this, I must say that I was impressed with her ability to not be sassy and be an actual intelligent human being for once in this role as Fin (Ian Ziering)’s old flame from high school. If she could do roles like this more often, maybe I’d actually like her.

Today. When I was growing up, my parents would always have the Today show on. Back then it was only 2 hours, maybe 3, and was hosted by Bryant Gumbel and Jane Pauley, with Matt Lauer at the news desk and Al Roker occasionally filling in for Willard Scott. Now, Lauer is the host and Roker is the weatherman. What does this have to do with anything? As with any kind of weather event, you want to constantly check the news, so the film switches to them delivering weather. What I like is how the film used the actual Today show and brought in Lauer and Roker to do this, rather than come up with a poor imitation such as Hal Poker and Pat Bauer or something similar.

Opening action. Action movies are notorious for starting off so slow that the audience is literally awakened by the loud action that comes later on. Not so much with this picture, as it begins with a plane crash caused by a sharknado. I, for one, can appreciate how they started off with a bang, rather than a whimper, then brought it down to develop the “story” a bit, and then kicked into high gear for the rest of the film. It is a formula that works for this kind of picture. One where you can just turn your brain off and enjoy the ride.

What didn’t I like?

Sharks. Taking into account that this is a Syfy channel movie and they don’t have the biggest of budgets, I have to mention the horrible job done on the CG sharks. They look about as fake as fake can be. One person on a message board mentioned that it might have been better to just use rubber sharks. I actually think that might have been the better option. Most sequels get more money and better special effects but, judging by these sharks, this one seems to have gotten worse. I will say that no matter how bad the effects are, seeing a flying shark devour a man never gets old!

Tara, is that you? I’ve been watching episodes of Scrubs lately and I just happened to have reached the few episodes Tara Reid guest starred in, you know, back when she was super hot. Go from that to seeing her in this and it is a true testament to not getting plastic surgery. Her face appears to still be young, but you can also see the stretch marks as it tries to be natural. She also has some weird thing with her eyes. It is like they’re watery the whole time, it may have just been the light, though.

Cameos. I’m really starting to think this franchise exists just to give people a quick acting job. There are so many cameos in this film that I’m not going to even count. I will say that some of them are clever, such as Jared eating a Subway sandwich under a Subway ad and telling a guy he should have ordered the meal, but he’s playing a character, not Jared. Going one further, the pilot of the plane is none other than Robert Hays from Airplane! While those cameos work, there are many others that don’t. For instance, TNA wrestler Kurt Angle is the fire chief. If he wasn’t so huge, I think I would believe him. Basically, I’m saying this film needs to cut down on the cameos or find a way to make them clever, rather than just throw someone in a costume.

When Sharknado aired, no one was thinking it would become the mega-hit that it did. Sharknado 2: The Second One tries to recreate that magical formula but doesn’t quite get there. I believe that this has the better story of the two, but the film is too busy being nonsensical and throwing out cameos for anyone to notice. As I said, the effects are horrible and may be worse than the first one. Ziering is believable enough as an action hero, but the bad one-liners he throws out as he goes off to do something heroic, if you will, need to stop. All that said, I can’t say that I hated this picture. As a matter of fact, I somewhat enjoyed it. Do I recommend it? Not highly, but a viewing or two won’t hurt. Be warned, though…there is a third film set to air next week! –screams in terror–

3 out of 5 stars

Sharknado

PLOT (spoiler alert!!!):

A freak hurricane hits Los Angeles causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in water spouts and flooding the city with shark-infested seawater. Surfer and bar-owner Fin (Ziering) sets out with his friends Baz (Jaason Simmons) and Nova (Scerbo) to rescue his estranged wife April (Reid) and teenage daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples). He succeeds but April’s boyfriend is eaten by the sharks. The group meets up with Matt (Chuck Hittinger), the adult son of Fin and April, who is in flying school. They decide to try to stop the threat of the incoming “sharknadoes” by tossing bombs into them from helicopters.

As Nova prepares to throw one of the bombs, she falls out of the helicopter and directly into a shark’s mouth. Matt is heartbroken. Baz is also lost in the storm. After Matt lands on the ground, a flying shark plummets toward the remaining members of the group. Fin jumps into its mouth with a chainsaw and cuts his way out. He emerges carrying an unconscious but miraculously unharmed Nova. Matt is reunited with Nova and Fin gets back together with April

REVIEW:

I’m not used to being home on Tuesday night, and as it turns out, there is nothing on after Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., unless you count some crappy, worthless reality show. With this in mind, I decided to finally give Sharknado a shot, for better, or worse. What am I thinking?!?

What is this about?

When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, thousands of sharks are swept up in tornadoes and deposited all over the city, where they terrorize the shocked residents. Among them is bar owner Fin, who must rescue his estranged wife and daughter.

What did I like?

Action. Say what you will about this film, good or bad, the one thing you can’t say is that the action isn’t something to be seen. Yes, it is bloody, ludicrous, and all but expels disbelief (rather than suspending it). When push comes to shove, Ian Ziering and his friend, Jaason Simmons, and to a lesser extent the supporting cast, excluding Tara Reid, are swimming, jumping, shooting, and slicing their way through these sharks, making sure that they survive.

Idea. Who comes with this stuff? For the past 10 years or so, sharks have been very popular. Why else do we have Shark week, right? This film was released around that time. Syfy has plenty of films using sharks in a sci-fi manner, but mixing them with a tornado/hurricane? I won’t say that’s a stroke of brilliance, but in today’s climate of remakes, reboots, and whatnot, it is something original and should be noted as such.

Hero. I wasn’t really a fan of Beverly Hills, 90210 back in the 90s when it was on. The few episodes I watched were to impress some girl I was chasing after. From what I recall, though, Ian Ziering was a good guy jock. Fast forward 20 yrs and it seems as if this character shares some of the same characteristics. He even goes out of his to save a busload of kids trapped under a bridge, despite his wife’s pleading that he should put his family first.

What didn’t I like?

Effects. Whenever I see subpar effects in a theater released film, the first thing I usually do I compare it to Syfy flicks. Well, there is a reason for that and watching the sharks, funnel clouds, and even some of the water reminds me that this is a cheaply made movie with little to no effort put into the special effects. Sure, they could have been better, but it doesn’t seem as if the filmmakers, or Syfy, give a damn.

Tara. Remember when American Pie came out and Tara Reid was said to be the next big thing in Hollywood. I know I was drooling over her. Fast forward to this film and the years have not been kind to her. That isn’t what I don’t like, though. My issue is with her character. While her children and husband are trying to protect people and get to safety, she just stands there. When she’s not just standing around, all she does is be a bitch toward her ex-husband. It all makes you wonder, what is the point of even having her in this film? She must have really needed the paycheck!

Is this really the time? So, as our heroic crew and his family are stocking up on weapons and making a plan to stop the sharknado before it does anymore damage, Ziering’s daughter chimes in that he’s never there for her. Having no children of my own, I can’t say anything about this other than it seemed like a rather odd time to start that conversation, especially when they are in such great peril, but there she was insisting that they talk about why he was never there for her. WTF?!?

My guess is that if you have heard anything about Sharknado, it is how bad it is. Let’s not beat around the bush here, this is not a good film, but it doesn’t take itself serious to the point that it think it is on the level of more serious action horror flicks. If you go by that, then this isn’t half bad…not half good, but not half bad. Do I recommend it? Sure, it is so ridiculous and over the top, you’re sure to have a good time watching, just be sure to leave your brain and suspension of disbelief turned off, otherwise you’re likely to explode!

3 out of 5 stars